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Heiner looked down at her with sunken eyes. The petals were crushed in his hands. When he relaxed his grip, they fell to the floor.
“Why is that?”
Heiner asked softly.
“You could be happier.”
It sounded like it had to be that way. It was almost like she was saying it to herself. Annette muttered with a faint smile.
"...Well."
In fact, for quite some time, she hadn't felt happy. She felt a sense of peace and security at Katrine's house, but it was difficult to define it as "happiness."
Strictly speaking, the time she lived at the Rosenberg mansion and the year she spent with him as a newlywed were the peak of her happiness.
But now she couldn't go back to that time, and she didn't want to.
Annette had thought everything was ruined after the revolution. But it wasn't. Long before the revolution, the world surrounding her life had been in shambles.
It was happiness built on top of that.
“If there is a set amount of happiness for a person, I think I have already enjoyed it all in the past.”
Annette spoke calmly, walking away from the end of the path.
"At least I won't be unhappy anymore. I think so. And... that's all that matters."
A calm voice slowly drifted under the sunlight.
"How about you?"
At the returned question, his eyes slightly shook for a moment.
“What are you going to do when the war is over?”
When the war is over...
The shadows of the leaves stained his face. Heiner pondered the question.
He spent his whole life chasing her.
Even everything he'd held so tightly in his hands was all for the purpose of chasing her. And now it was all for naught. There was nothing left in his life to do.
Nevertheless, Heiner opened his mouth and answered.
“I will continue to live... just like before.”
Under your shadow that obscures my life.
He couldn't be happy. Misfortune was inevitable. Perhaps... perhaps this misfortune was innate, something he could never escape.
But now it was okay. It really was okay.
He had passed through a long, lonely, dark tunnel. Outside, it was night, and his world was still pitch-black, but now, though unhappy, he was no longer in pain.
His life was completely consumed on that beautiful moonlit night.
He would be fine even if he died right away.
Sunlight shone across the ground. The path sparkled like a scattering of tiny shards of glass. A sudden gust of wind sent a few petals swirling through the air.
Annette stared blankly at him from the middle of the room. Her expression seemed to indicate that she hadn't heard the answer she wanted.
But she didn't ask any more.
She just walked down the street with him, stepping alongside him.
Heiner, who was about to head to her hospital room, stopped dead in his tracks. His gray eyes were fixed on one spot. Annette and a young child were sitting on a long chair in the hallway.
It was the child she had saved from the church.
Annette sat close to the child, reading to him. Her gentle, soothing voice filtered into his ears.
"After crossing the river and over the hill, William finally reached a deep cave. But he encountered another obstacle. Large rocks blocked the cave entrance..."
The child was so absorbed in the book that he seemed to have forgotten to breathe. Annette glanced down at the child as she read, and smiled faintly.
Heiner stared at them for a long time, frozen in place. For some reason, he couldn't approach them.
“No, I don’t need it. It’s better this way.”
A dry, parched voice overlapped in his head.
“It would have been better if he had never been born.”
The pale face that turned away from him, and the fingertips that briefly twitched on the sheet...
"It's pointless anyway. I've already had a miscarriage, and I can't have children anymore... Please leave. I want to be alone."
Heiner's eyes trembled faintly as he recalled what he had said to her back then. Adoption. He had talked about adoption.
He never intended to mock her. But now, looking back, he realizes his words were incredibly foolish and selfish.
Why do I always choose the wrong answer?
Is it because my life was born with wrong answers?
Heiner slowly closed his eyes and opened them. Annette's voice gradually rose in pitch. The child's eyes widened, covering her mouth.
“Just then, a huge lion burst out of the cave! It was a terrifying lion with a huge mouth and very long claws.”
He thought of a family without realizing it.
Annette did not miscarry, but gave birth to a child, and the child grew up between them... However, the family soon fell apart.
Annette wasn't wrong when she said it was better not to be born. Still, Heiner felt a pang of pain in his chest.
He remained motionless until they reached the end. Annette read the final sentence in a calm voice.
“...And they lived happily ever after.”
Only then did the child let out the breath he had been holding. Annette laughed heartily and patted the child's cheek.
“Just take a breath and watch.”
It was a sight so comforting and warm, it was almost too much to even dare approach. Heiner unconsciously took a step back.
Annette, sensing a presence, raised her head. Her face lit up with joy at the sight. Heiner paused at this reaction.
“Heiner.”
Annette called out to him, her eyes narrowing slightly. The call left a dull resonance in his heart.
Heiner couldn't remember the faces of the parents who had given him his name. He felt no particular longing or emotion. The same was true for the name his parents had left him.
But whenever she called him, he felt as if his name had become incredibly special.
“What are you doing standing there?”
Heiner took a hesitant step. As he carefully sat down beside them, Annette brought her hand to her lips and whispered softly.
"I've read this book over ten times now. I think I'm hooked."
Heiner's lips parted. He gazed at her with gentle eyes.
“Joseph, have you seen this man? He’s the Commander-in-Chief.”
Annette introduced him, but the child was stiff with nervousness and could hardly make eye contact with him.
“I think he's scared.”
"...I?"
“You did look scary.”
Heiner put his hand to his cheek, looking slightly embarrassed. He'd never thought of himself as scary.
“Didn’t you say... that you liked my face?”
“When are you talking about the enemy?”
“Until six years ago...”
“Being handsome and being scary are two different things.”
Heiner was torn between liking it and not liking it. Scary or not, if it was handsome in her eyes, then it had to be okay.
“Anyway, say hello to Joseph.”
"...Hi."
“It’s stiff.”
Suddenly, the child's shoulders began to shake slightly. Heiner tried to rethink his greeting, wondering if something was amiss, but there was no way something like that could have been in a two-letter word.
After a few more tremors, the child suddenly sneezed loudly.
Echwi!
A sneeze sent a spray of saliva flying near his chest. The child froze, as if he was shocked by what he had done.
As Heiner narrowed his eyes, the child began to gasp in fear. Annette quickly grabbed the child's shoulder and spoke.
"It's okay. You won't be mad, right? You won't be mad, right?"
Then Annette mouthed something to him. It seemed to imply something along the lines of, "Quickly say it's okay." Her upturned gaze was quite sharp.
Heiner nodded without any intention.
“...It’s okay.”
"It's okay. He's not a scary old man. He really likes Joseph. He's a good man."
He never said anything like that, but just kept quiet.
Annette took out a handkerchief and wiped the child's mouth, soothing him. Heiner absentmindedly glanced at his wet clothes.
This seemed more urgent, but Annette just wiped the child's mouth and put the handkerchief away.
“What should we do now?”
Heiner wondered if he was included in that "we." It seemed unlikely.
Joseph hesitated and pointed to the book again. It seemed as if he was asking her to read the same book. She wondered if he was getting bored.
“Then should I ask you to read a book this time?”
Annette smiled brightly and raised her head. Joseph looked at her hesitantly. His eyes were filled with a strange anticipation.
Heiner broke out in a cold sweat.
Time flowed like water. About ten days had passed since that night. It seemed like an eternity too short for them.
All the flower buds hanging on the branches had opened. Every time a strong wind blew, the petals fell like a shower of dew.
They met again on the battlefield of a cold and harsh winter and welcomed the middle of spring together.
It was the season when flowers bloomed all over the world.
And by the time the Axis forces arrived at Cheshire Field, Annette was ready for discharge.
“Why is that?”
Heiner asked softly.
“You could be happier.”
It sounded like it had to be that way. It was almost like she was saying it to herself. Annette muttered with a faint smile.
"...Well."
In fact, for quite some time, she hadn't felt happy. She felt a sense of peace and security at Katrine's house, but it was difficult to define it as "happiness."
Strictly speaking, the time she lived at the Rosenberg mansion and the year she spent with him as a newlywed were the peak of her happiness.
But now she couldn't go back to that time, and she didn't want to.
Annette had thought everything was ruined after the revolution. But it wasn't. Long before the revolution, the world surrounding her life had been in shambles.
It was happiness built on top of that.
“If there is a set amount of happiness for a person, I think I have already enjoyed it all in the past.”
Annette spoke calmly, walking away from the end of the path.
"At least I won't be unhappy anymore. I think so. And... that's all that matters."
A calm voice slowly drifted under the sunlight.
"How about you?"
At the returned question, his eyes slightly shook for a moment.
“What are you going to do when the war is over?”
When the war is over...
The shadows of the leaves stained his face. Heiner pondered the question.
He spent his whole life chasing her.
Even everything he'd held so tightly in his hands was all for the purpose of chasing her. And now it was all for naught. There was nothing left in his life to do.
Nevertheless, Heiner opened his mouth and answered.
“I will continue to live... just like before.”
Under your shadow that obscures my life.
He couldn't be happy. Misfortune was inevitable. Perhaps... perhaps this misfortune was innate, something he could never escape.
But now it was okay. It really was okay.
He had passed through a long, lonely, dark tunnel. Outside, it was night, and his world was still pitch-black, but now, though unhappy, he was no longer in pain.
His life was completely consumed on that beautiful moonlit night.
He would be fine even if he died right away.
Sunlight shone across the ground. The path sparkled like a scattering of tiny shards of glass. A sudden gust of wind sent a few petals swirling through the air.
Annette stared blankly at him from the middle of the room. Her expression seemed to indicate that she hadn't heard the answer she wanted.
But she didn't ask any more.
She just walked down the street with him, stepping alongside him.
***
Heiner, who was about to head to her hospital room, stopped dead in his tracks. His gray eyes were fixed on one spot. Annette and a young child were sitting on a long chair in the hallway.
It was the child she had saved from the church.
Annette sat close to the child, reading to him. Her gentle, soothing voice filtered into his ears.
"After crossing the river and over the hill, William finally reached a deep cave. But he encountered another obstacle. Large rocks blocked the cave entrance..."
The child was so absorbed in the book that he seemed to have forgotten to breathe. Annette glanced down at the child as she read, and smiled faintly.
Heiner stared at them for a long time, frozen in place. For some reason, he couldn't approach them.
“No, I don’t need it. It’s better this way.”
A dry, parched voice overlapped in his head.
“It would have been better if he had never been born.”
The pale face that turned away from him, and the fingertips that briefly twitched on the sheet...
"It's pointless anyway. I've already had a miscarriage, and I can't have children anymore... Please leave. I want to be alone."
Heiner's eyes trembled faintly as he recalled what he had said to her back then. Adoption. He had talked about adoption.
He never intended to mock her. But now, looking back, he realizes his words were incredibly foolish and selfish.
Why do I always choose the wrong answer?
Is it because my life was born with wrong answers?
Heiner slowly closed his eyes and opened them. Annette's voice gradually rose in pitch. The child's eyes widened, covering her mouth.
“Just then, a huge lion burst out of the cave! It was a terrifying lion with a huge mouth and very long claws.”
He thought of a family without realizing it.
Annette did not miscarry, but gave birth to a child, and the child grew up between them... However, the family soon fell apart.
Annette wasn't wrong when she said it was better not to be born. Still, Heiner felt a pang of pain in his chest.
He remained motionless until they reached the end. Annette read the final sentence in a calm voice.
“...And they lived happily ever after.”
Only then did the child let out the breath he had been holding. Annette laughed heartily and patted the child's cheek.
“Just take a breath and watch.”
It was a sight so comforting and warm, it was almost too much to even dare approach. Heiner unconsciously took a step back.
Annette, sensing a presence, raised her head. Her face lit up with joy at the sight. Heiner paused at this reaction.
“Heiner.”
Annette called out to him, her eyes narrowing slightly. The call left a dull resonance in his heart.
Heiner couldn't remember the faces of the parents who had given him his name. He felt no particular longing or emotion. The same was true for the name his parents had left him.
But whenever she called him, he felt as if his name had become incredibly special.
“What are you doing standing there?”
Heiner took a hesitant step. As he carefully sat down beside them, Annette brought her hand to her lips and whispered softly.
"I've read this book over ten times now. I think I'm hooked."
Heiner's lips parted. He gazed at her with gentle eyes.
“Joseph, have you seen this man? He’s the Commander-in-Chief.”
Annette introduced him, but the child was stiff with nervousness and could hardly make eye contact with him.
“I think he's scared.”
"...I?"
“You did look scary.”
Heiner put his hand to his cheek, looking slightly embarrassed. He'd never thought of himself as scary.
“Didn’t you say... that you liked my face?”
“When are you talking about the enemy?”
“Until six years ago...”
“Being handsome and being scary are two different things.”
Heiner was torn between liking it and not liking it. Scary or not, if it was handsome in her eyes, then it had to be okay.
“Anyway, say hello to Joseph.”
"...Hi."
“It’s stiff.”
Suddenly, the child's shoulders began to shake slightly. Heiner tried to rethink his greeting, wondering if something was amiss, but there was no way something like that could have been in a two-letter word.
After a few more tremors, the child suddenly sneezed loudly.
Echwi!
A sneeze sent a spray of saliva flying near his chest. The child froze, as if he was shocked by what he had done.
As Heiner narrowed his eyes, the child began to gasp in fear. Annette quickly grabbed the child's shoulder and spoke.
"It's okay. You won't be mad, right? You won't be mad, right?"
Then Annette mouthed something to him. It seemed to imply something along the lines of, "Quickly say it's okay." Her upturned gaze was quite sharp.
Heiner nodded without any intention.
“...It’s okay.”
"It's okay. He's not a scary old man. He really likes Joseph. He's a good man."
He never said anything like that, but just kept quiet.
Annette took out a handkerchief and wiped the child's mouth, soothing him. Heiner absentmindedly glanced at his wet clothes.
This seemed more urgent, but Annette just wiped the child's mouth and put the handkerchief away.
“What should we do now?”
Heiner wondered if he was included in that "we." It seemed unlikely.
Joseph hesitated and pointed to the book again. It seemed as if he was asking her to read the same book. She wondered if he was getting bored.
“Then should I ask you to read a book this time?”
Annette smiled brightly and raised her head. Joseph looked at her hesitantly. His eyes were filled with a strange anticipation.
Heiner broke out in a cold sweat.
***
Time flowed like water. About ten days had passed since that night. It seemed like an eternity too short for them.
All the flower buds hanging on the branches had opened. Every time a strong wind blew, the petals fell like a shower of dew.
They met again on the battlefield of a cold and harsh winter and welcomed the middle of spring together.
It was the season when flowers bloomed all over the world.
And by the time the Axis forces arrived at Cheshire Field, Annette was ready for discharge.
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