Rustle-.
I stopped walking, realizing that there was a subtle overlap of other sounds besides our two footsteps.
My keen senses and intuition give me a silent warning. I have a foreboding that there might be more hiding than the captain and soldiers I met yesterday. There must be a considerable number of people waiting to deal with the Princess. Noah, currently unable to hear well, doesn't sense any presence.
I slowly turned my head toward the sound. Pure white light began to filter down through the withered winter branches. A chill ran down my spine as I spotted a human-shaped shadow stretching behind a tree trunk, deep in the dark forest.
A familiar female voice was heard from behind.
“Duke Noah Rotsilt.”
I turned to the source of the voice. Standing in the distance was the Marchioness of Wales, her face half bandaged. Bandages also covered both wrists where she held her rifle. Her gaunt appearance, covered in scars, and her gleaming yellow eyes were eerie. She smiled, kindly yet somehow strangely twisted. I thought she'd died in the air raid, but she's alive.
"I've come to get you. Let's go back to the Frogen Empire now, Duke Rotsilt. Otherwise, we'll both die."
Behind her, men in Medea uniforms aimed their rifles in my direction. Their hair was dyed black, but they looked like Belfordians. They all had a look of resignation in their eyes. Noah, blocking my path, raised his pistol with one hand and aimed it at the Marchioness. He said nothing. His back obscured my view of the Marchioness's expression.
"Do you think the Queen would leave you, a former officer of the War Crimes Nation and a collateral relative of the Frogen Imperial Family, alone? That's why Mastiff came to your rescue. However, to justify returning to Frogen, I must kill that Princess."
Noah muttered in a disinterested voice.
“I don’t understand a single word you’re saying.”
I had to look over Noah's shoulder to see the Marchioness's face. She was still smiling, but her eyes were so dead that she looked like a statue, broken to pieces, with a smile.
"You've abandoned your cause for a childish prank like love. Everyone who expected you to be disappointed. Oh, there's a wonderful saying: death is the consummation of love. If you want, I'll do it. We'll die together."
I pulled Noah's sleeve.
"Noah, come back to Frogen. I'm not dead, so leave me alone."
Despite my earnest request, he turned his head towards me, looked down, and whispered playfully.
“I don’t like it. A husband who leaves his wife behind to live his own life deserves to be shot.”
Noah pulled something out of his pocket. It was a grenade. The soldiers were visibly shaken, but the Marchioness showed no reaction. Noah slowly shook the hand holding the grenade.
“You must be prepared to die, too. And so must your precious things.”
“Are you talking about my son?”
The Marchioness laughed loudly, her lips parted, her mouth uncovered. She arched her upper body, her laughter escaping her lips, and rubbed her eyes. A note of resentment began to rise in her voice.
"Are you threatening me with a child who's already dead? You've used that child as a hostage to manipulate me. I've lived my entire life at the mercy of others, trying to protect that child."
After the Marchioness was imprisoned, I only heard that the Marquis of Wales had taken his son and fled to a distant countryside, but I heard nothing more about him. Her son had died. Her face was grotesque, unsure whether she was crying or laughing. Her delicate shoulders trembled and shook violently. Her amber eyes were seething with undeniable rage.
Those eyes are the eyes of a mother who lost her child and went mad.
“Now I have nothing left, no life, no future, no regrets.”
This must be how I looked when I lost Noah. I looked at her with a sense of desolation and smiled faintly. The Marchioness looked at me with a reproachful look.
"Princess Diana. I was on your side, and I understood your heart. Why didn't you open your heart to me? If you had, we could have defeated Medea together and found our own happiness! Everything I did was for your sake!"
“I already knew the outcome. We, the black-haired ones, would have no place in the world.”
If only personal desires had been fulfilled, Medea would have followed in the footsteps of the Esat people. The throbbing pain dimmed her vision, but her mind remained clear. The Marchioness's face was distorted. Tears welled up in her large, amber eyes and began to flow incessantly.
“Do you know why that cruel man has allowed me to have an affair with Frogen’s illegitimate son?”
I just looked at her without answering. The Marchioness smiled, her lips twisting strangely.
"The possibility that you would choose to eliminate the Queen. I waited patiently for the day you would kill Grace II, usurp the throne, and become King. And yet, you pathetically think of nothing but running away. Your cowardice ruined everything."
"No, I simply held onto my reason until the very end. The Queen is the ruler our times require. If she had intended to kill me, I would have stopped her. And you, too, waited for others to change you. You and I are both cowards, unable to change ourselves."
At my words, the Marchioness's eyes widened, then narrowed gently. She let out a hollow laugh, her breath thick with smoke, and muttered ominously.
"Useless humans are simply disposed of. The last Princess of the Spencer Dynasty, and Duke Noah Rotsilt."
Noah probably couldn't hear that woman's words. He probably didn't hear her intention to shoot us.
I snatched the grenade from Noah's hand and bit the pin with my teeth to pull it out.
“You are the one who feels useless.”
No matter how miserable her life had been before she became a villain, it was of no use now that she was on the brink of a life-or-death struggle. Hesitating would only result in Noah's injury or death. A grenade, arcing down the ground, rolled past the Marchioness's feet. The soldiers behind her shouted and fled frantically. Noah jumped to his feet, grabbed my hand, and began to run.
“Cover your ears, Diana.”
He covered one of my ears. I covered my ear and looked back for a fleeting moment. The Marchioness stood motionless, her long hair fluttering, like a ghost.
She looked at her feet, then smiled palely at me. She looked like she had given up and given up. Her lips twitched silently as she aimed her gun at me.
'Freedom.'
In an instant, countless thoughts passed through my mind.
Was our being together too greedy? Was it a grave sin, a betrayal of fate, a violation of causality, a tangled web of world history? Or was it the sin of indulging in the misfortune and death of others?
“Diana.”
Noah called my name in a lowered voice.
That's not my true name. I've forgotten it. Perhaps it's the result of abandoning and denying the world. Was it a mistake for me to come here in the first place? Perhaps it's the price I paid for my greed, for not giving up on him. Am I, the nameless me, destined to return to the colorless world as a result of my foolishness?
I grabbed his arm and pulled. His eyes, the color of the deep night sea, trembled as he looked down at me. I threw myself forward and pushed him away. Noah instinctively wrapped his arms around me, our bodies tucked together as if in a hug.
“Noah, I must save you. No matter what the cost.”
Suddenly, amidst the loud explosions, a sharp gunshot cut through us.
All I could think was that I wanted him to live. That's why I didn't even notice the piercing pain in my chest.
The sound of birds flapping their wings, startled by the gunfire, can be heard. A flock of birds flies through the silent vegetation, flying into the dawn sky. Blood-soaked dirt, rocks, and debris splashed here. Fortunately, we were outside the blast radius. The Belford soldiers, who looked like they'd been dragged to a slaughterhouse, were either caught in the explosion or took this chance to flee. They probably intended to pin the Princess's murder on them.
I stopped walking, realizing that there was a subtle overlap of other sounds besides our two footsteps.
My keen senses and intuition give me a silent warning. I have a foreboding that there might be more hiding than the captain and soldiers I met yesterday. There must be a considerable number of people waiting to deal with the Princess. Noah, currently unable to hear well, doesn't sense any presence.
I slowly turned my head toward the sound. Pure white light began to filter down through the withered winter branches. A chill ran down my spine as I spotted a human-shaped shadow stretching behind a tree trunk, deep in the dark forest.
A familiar female voice was heard from behind.
“Duke Noah Rotsilt.”
I turned to the source of the voice. Standing in the distance was the Marchioness of Wales, her face half bandaged. Bandages also covered both wrists where she held her rifle. Her gaunt appearance, covered in scars, and her gleaming yellow eyes were eerie. She smiled, kindly yet somehow strangely twisted. I thought she'd died in the air raid, but she's alive.
"I've come to get you. Let's go back to the Frogen Empire now, Duke Rotsilt. Otherwise, we'll both die."
Behind her, men in Medea uniforms aimed their rifles in my direction. Their hair was dyed black, but they looked like Belfordians. They all had a look of resignation in their eyes. Noah, blocking my path, raised his pistol with one hand and aimed it at the Marchioness. He said nothing. His back obscured my view of the Marchioness's expression.
"Do you think the Queen would leave you, a former officer of the War Crimes Nation and a collateral relative of the Frogen Imperial Family, alone? That's why Mastiff came to your rescue. However, to justify returning to Frogen, I must kill that Princess."
Noah muttered in a disinterested voice.
“I don’t understand a single word you’re saying.”
I had to look over Noah's shoulder to see the Marchioness's face. She was still smiling, but her eyes were so dead that she looked like a statue, broken to pieces, with a smile.
"You've abandoned your cause for a childish prank like love. Everyone who expected you to be disappointed. Oh, there's a wonderful saying: death is the consummation of love. If you want, I'll do it. We'll die together."
I pulled Noah's sleeve.
"Noah, come back to Frogen. I'm not dead, so leave me alone."
Despite my earnest request, he turned his head towards me, looked down, and whispered playfully.
“I don’t like it. A husband who leaves his wife behind to live his own life deserves to be shot.”
Noah pulled something out of his pocket. It was a grenade. The soldiers were visibly shaken, but the Marchioness showed no reaction. Noah slowly shook the hand holding the grenade.
“You must be prepared to die, too. And so must your precious things.”
“Are you talking about my son?”
The Marchioness laughed loudly, her lips parted, her mouth uncovered. She arched her upper body, her laughter escaping her lips, and rubbed her eyes. A note of resentment began to rise in her voice.
"Are you threatening me with a child who's already dead? You've used that child as a hostage to manipulate me. I've lived my entire life at the mercy of others, trying to protect that child."
After the Marchioness was imprisoned, I only heard that the Marquis of Wales had taken his son and fled to a distant countryside, but I heard nothing more about him. Her son had died. Her face was grotesque, unsure whether she was crying or laughing. Her delicate shoulders trembled and shook violently. Her amber eyes were seething with undeniable rage.
Those eyes are the eyes of a mother who lost her child and went mad.
“Now I have nothing left, no life, no future, no regrets.”
This must be how I looked when I lost Noah. I looked at her with a sense of desolation and smiled faintly. The Marchioness looked at me with a reproachful look.
"Princess Diana. I was on your side, and I understood your heart. Why didn't you open your heart to me? If you had, we could have defeated Medea together and found our own happiness! Everything I did was for your sake!"
“I already knew the outcome. We, the black-haired ones, would have no place in the world.”
If only personal desires had been fulfilled, Medea would have followed in the footsteps of the Esat people. The throbbing pain dimmed her vision, but her mind remained clear. The Marchioness's face was distorted. Tears welled up in her large, amber eyes and began to flow incessantly.
“Do you know why that cruel man has allowed me to have an affair with Frogen’s illegitimate son?”
I just looked at her without answering. The Marchioness smiled, her lips twisting strangely.
"The possibility that you would choose to eliminate the Queen. I waited patiently for the day you would kill Grace II, usurp the throne, and become King. And yet, you pathetically think of nothing but running away. Your cowardice ruined everything."
"No, I simply held onto my reason until the very end. The Queen is the ruler our times require. If she had intended to kill me, I would have stopped her. And you, too, waited for others to change you. You and I are both cowards, unable to change ourselves."
At my words, the Marchioness's eyes widened, then narrowed gently. She let out a hollow laugh, her breath thick with smoke, and muttered ominously.
"Useless humans are simply disposed of. The last Princess of the Spencer Dynasty, and Duke Noah Rotsilt."
Noah probably couldn't hear that woman's words. He probably didn't hear her intention to shoot us.
I snatched the grenade from Noah's hand and bit the pin with my teeth to pull it out.
“You are the one who feels useless.”
No matter how miserable her life had been before she became a villain, it was of no use now that she was on the brink of a life-or-death struggle. Hesitating would only result in Noah's injury or death. A grenade, arcing down the ground, rolled past the Marchioness's feet. The soldiers behind her shouted and fled frantically. Noah jumped to his feet, grabbed my hand, and began to run.
“Cover your ears, Diana.”
He covered one of my ears. I covered my ear and looked back for a fleeting moment. The Marchioness stood motionless, her long hair fluttering, like a ghost.
She looked at her feet, then smiled palely at me. She looked like she had given up and given up. Her lips twitched silently as she aimed her gun at me.
'Freedom.'
In an instant, countless thoughts passed through my mind.
Was our being together too greedy? Was it a grave sin, a betrayal of fate, a violation of causality, a tangled web of world history? Or was it the sin of indulging in the misfortune and death of others?
“Diana.”
Noah called my name in a lowered voice.
That's not my true name. I've forgotten it. Perhaps it's the result of abandoning and denying the world. Was it a mistake for me to come here in the first place? Perhaps it's the price I paid for my greed, for not giving up on him. Am I, the nameless me, destined to return to the colorless world as a result of my foolishness?
I grabbed his arm and pulled. His eyes, the color of the deep night sea, trembled as he looked down at me. I threw myself forward and pushed him away. Noah instinctively wrapped his arms around me, our bodies tucked together as if in a hug.
“Noah, I must save you. No matter what the cost.”
Suddenly, amidst the loud explosions, a sharp gunshot cut through us.
All I could think was that I wanted him to live. That's why I didn't even notice the piercing pain in my chest.
***
The sound of birds flapping their wings, startled by the gunfire, can be heard. A flock of birds flies through the silent vegetation, flying into the dawn sky. Blood-soaked dirt, rocks, and debris splashed here. Fortunately, we were outside the blast radius. The Belford soldiers, who looked like they'd been dragged to a slaughterhouse, were either caught in the explosion or took this chance to flee. They probably intended to pin the Princess's murder on them.
“Diana, are you okay?”
A voice calling me rang in my ears. The impact of my head hitting the ground as I rolled sent my vision spinning. Noah's arms loosened. I lifted myself up with one arm and looked down at him. Our murky breaths mingled and vanished. Noah's silvery hair was disheveled as he was pushed over by me. His eyes widened, revealing his blue irises. Droplets of blood, glistening in the air, fell onto my shirt, spreading wider and wider. An endless stream of crimson flowed from my head, from my body. The moment I saw the bullet graze my arm, a surge of pain and sorrow welled up in me. I closed my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth.
“Ugh...”
Finally, unable to hold on, I collapsed. "It hurts, it hurts so much." I clutched my right arm in suffocating pain. I was dying of pain, but I should consider myself lucky I didn't die instantly. I felt dizzy and nauseous, perhaps because I'd hit my head wrong. He stared at me in a state of stillness, without a single groan.
“Diana. Don’t move.”
Noah, who had embraced me, stroked my head. His faded eyes trembled as he gazed at me. His breathing was ragged and his face pale. I'd never seen him, usually calm, so agitated. I moved to examine him closely, but a surge of pain struck me, forcing me to curl back up again. The pain I'd forgotten under the tension suddenly surged back, piercing me with a sharp, stabbing pain. I clenched my teeth.
“Ugh... why does it hurt so much?”
I see the sleeve of Noah's military coat draped over my shoulder, soaking red. The blood is flowing so profusely it's frightening. A chilling, vivid pain, like a blunt knife slicing through my veins, makes me nauseous and my vision spins.
“Say no more.”
Noah's voice was chilling. It was a forceful tone I'd never heard before. He ripped off the coat from my lap, lay me down, and grabbed my shirt, pulling it up. There was a rough squeak, and my bare skin and underwear were exposed, but I didn't even feel the cold.
“What’s wrong? It hurts!”
“Stay still.”
“Ah, ahh!”
He began to apply firm pressure, as if trying to block the source of the pain with a handkerchief. The wound was crushed, and my vision went white. I screamed and thrashed in agony, feeling the pain of near-passing, but he wouldn't let go.
"Stop..."
He took a morphine syringe from the inside pocket of his stripped-off military coat and inserted it into my arm. I didn't even feel the needle go in. He held my hand in his mouth, then wrapped his entire body around me, restraining me from struggling. The pain was unbearable. I bit his hand hard, and a pungent blood pooled in my mouth.
“Please, Diana.”
His cheek was bloodied with claw marks, but his expression remained unchanged. It felt like he was dealing with a wounded soldier on the battlefield. Noah's breath escaped through his teeth. He was irritatingly expressionless, and his words remained cold and unfeeling.
His blue eyes were still confused. As the struggle subsided, he removed his hand from my mouth.
“Stop pressing.”
“Don’t move. You’re bleeding so badly you could die.”
“I’m dying from pain...”
I tried to roughly push his chest with my right arm, but my fingertips felt a blank space where nothing could touch them.
"Uh?"
My arms, trying to push him away, remained on the floor. My body stiffened, unable to move as I commanded. I felt a sense of discomfort bordering on fear. Feeling something was off, I raised my head. Only then did I look down at my throbbing chest. The world seemed to stop flowing, and I held my breath. It was only after a brief silence that I finally let out my words.
“Is this a fatal wound?”
He didn't answer my agonizing question. High waves crashed into his blue eyes. They crashed over the cliff, crashing white. I felt myself being swept away by them and dragged into the abyss.
“Diana. I’m sorry I left you alone for so long.”
It was his belated reply.
I recalled my daily life with a helpless heart sinking into the dark sea.
The moment I secretly stroked Noah's hair while he was sleeping. The moment I held Noah's hand, past Dr. Rugen's at the wedding. The moment I tried to lift Daniel up, telling him to show him the winter snow. The moment I crossed the square arm in arm with Barbara. The moment I received a stuffed cat from Ayla. The moment I wrote a letter to Noah. The moment I held his hand, I made countless promises to start over. The moment I picked up a brush, determined to paint. Looking back, these rather flat events only make me angry.
Ah, all those moments I longed to be ordinary, that was just ordinary. I didn't recognize it even though it was right before my eyes. We might lose each other like this. It seems the price can't be paid just as you're prepared. Is that why everyone ends up so broken?
"Ha."
There were only groans of pain between the two.
Noah silently held me, trying to fill the unnatural void. The injection of the drug began to take effect, and the pain gradually subsided. As my panting breaths calmed and evened out, he slowly released his hold on me. I tilted my head and licked my chapped lips.
“...I tried to like this world.”
He remained silent. His still emotionless face, his blue eyes reflecting my miserable state, rippled with emotion. My consciousness began to blur. My vision went pitch black, then a multicolored splatter spread across my retinas. I'd lost so much blood that I was dizzy, blinking in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I asked him, who knew nothing about love, about love.
"Can you call this love? Paying the price, being prepared to die in your place. It's a beautiful ending, a sacrifice. An equivalent exchange."
Soon, Noah's words, which seemed to be all jumbled up, were heard.
"Love is what you get after sacrifice? My parents died that way, and I still don't fully understand. I don't want that. Diana, it's okay if you don't love me, so stay by my side."
“I didn’t want that.”
It's something I've muttered countless times. Nothing in this world is truly mine. I can't possess everything. It occurs to me that, through the providence of equivalent exchange, I'm not losing anything, but merely returning something borrowed. I lay helplessly, gazing up at the sky through the branches hanging down. Noah's rosy hair was dazzlingly beautiful. He possessed a pure color that easily faded. Compared to him, I, unable to accept any color, am a mere stray color, like my own unnatural existence.
I knew it would be difficult to save the broken one from the other. Even knowing this, I persisted. My voice, gradually fading, mixed with tears, flowed down my cheeks.
"I couldn't understand the reason, and I couldn't make you understand. That's why I couldn't tell you. I'd even forgotten my own name, so it felt a bit awkward for me to speak in someone else's name."
I can't say now whether I'll leave behind negative memories of love. I think I can do better next time. I wish I could meet you forever. In every world that exists. The cruel pain that pierced me from the inside out was met with an unbearable drowsiness. I smiled with all my might. It must have been a false, distorted smile.
"Live, as you will. I will try, too."
I hope your world and mine are safe. I didn't want to break up.
I just wanted to rest for a moment. So I let go of the soul I'd been holding onto so desperately. The world seemed to rise from below. My vision was plunged into darkness. I fell into a deep sleep, as if I were recovering from a long period of exhaustion.
***
“Diana.”
Noah called out to the person who didn't answer and spoke to her several times.
He called her name, repeating it over and over again as if he were broken. He had no idea what to say to hold onto her as she lost consciousness. The words he could no longer hear were helplessly scattered. His hazy eyes instantly dried and withered. Yet, he remained expressionless, as if he felt no emotion. His face was utterly emotionless. He felt nothing, and no image came to mind. Only one thing was etched into the pure white void.
Don't go back.
She wasn't dead yet. She seemed to be struggling to hold onto the world somehow. A faint breath touched his cheek. However, the realization dawned that she might never return, leaving behind only an empty shell. Loss of soul. He knew it was normal for her soul, a divine being, to resign itself to this turbulent world, to this reality, to abandon it all and return to its original world. He knew full well that he couldn't go there.
Even if someone identical to him existed on a parallel path, it wouldn't be him now. That being wouldn't know who she was, and wouldn't grieve if she were gone. They wouldn't know how precious she was to him. He realized what the "price" Diana had repeatedly spoken of was. It wasn't him, but someone precious to him getting hurt or dying. This, too, was the price he had to pay. Noah buried his head in her arms and murmured softly.
“I was wrong, Diana. So don’t leave me.”
If you leave like this, I will gain no meaning. I will have nothing. Even living, for me.
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