Callius nodded absentmindedly.
“Of course. I led the situation in that way.”
“I knew it.”
Because shortly after discussing marriage with him, Kavala suddenly changed my marriage partner.
"However..."
I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to speak or not.
'How honest can I be with him? How much can I trust him?'
I remembered the oath I made while holding the sword.
"Karl, now I only trust you and myself. I won't trust anyone else. I won't live so foolishly again."
I believed in Andrea and Kavala and was betrayed painfully.
The only thing that never betrayed me until the moment of my death was Karl.
'How long has it been since I made that promise before I try trusting someone else again?'
The anxiety lurking inside me laughed at me.
"Even those you've known your whole life have deceived and cheated you, and you've only known that man for a short time. Do you plan to repeat your foolish actions just because he treated you kindly for a few days?"
I clenched my fist.
"I can't trust anyone. I don't want to go through the same pain again."
Haven't I realized throughout my life that I have a remarkably poor ability to distinguish between those I can trust and those I can't?
If you can't see, the safest thing to do is to stay huddled up in your room.
By the same token, trusting no one but my sword felt like the best way to protect myself.
It's extreme, but isn't it certain?
I was still losing sleep at night and trembling with fear from the pain of being murdered by those I trusted the most.
Now, the only thing I desperately wanted was to not be in pain at all.
But why do I remember what Lhasa said at this time?
“You have to believe in yourself.”
At this moment, believing in myself felt like the hardest thing to do.
My heart told me to trust Callius and tell him my secrets so I could get some support and help, but my experience was signaling that that was too risky.
When she asks me to trust myself, does she mean trust my experience? Or trust my heart?
“Don’t hesitate to do what you think is right.”
Lhasa's determined gaze overlapped with Callius' gaze as he looked at me.
There was nothing out of place in his warm gaze, kind demeanor, and friendly jokes.
It felt completely different than when Andrea or Kavala was kind to me.
I was grateful to be with Callius.
On the other hand, I would often apologize to Andrea as if it were a habit.
"Can't you do this yourself? Sigh, just don't do anything. Staying still is helping. I'll take care of it."
“I’m sorry, brother... I’m so pathetic.”
"You know what? You should be truly grateful to me. What a blessing it is to have an older brother like me."
I felt helpless and helpless in front of Andrea. And I resented myself for that.
But since I've been with Callius, I've been brave enough to try things again.
He encouraged me to challenge myself by eating unfamiliar meals with my bare hands and allowed me to sleep comfortably in unfamiliar and uncomfortable beds.
It was all thanks to Callius that I didn't abandon this journey to Ronheim halfway through.
His kind explanations made me feel more curious than afraid about new things, and thanks to his careful observation of my physical condition, I was able to get here without getting too tired.
'Yeah, it's definitely different.'
The reason I want to open my heart to Callius is not just because he looks like Karl.
I came to that conclusion.
I hesitated for a while, then thought about it for a while, and finally said:
“Do you also know that the Empress does not trust me?”
“I guessed it. She was the reason you wanted to leave the palace.”
“So, do you also know that I have to pretend to cooperate with Kavala for the time being?”
I wasn't sure he'd believe me if I pretended to cooperate when I had no intention of doing so.
I still don't know how Kavala will pressure me or how it will respond to my betrayal.
But I certainly don't think she would have sent me to Ronheim without making any plans.
'She won't be satisfied with simply ordering her maids around. She'll have devised a way to force me to do what she wants.'
I'll have to pretend to cooperate with her to some extent until I figure out what trap she's set and remove it.
I didn't know if Callius would understand, or if he'd think I was lying to him to act as a double agent.
I was wondering how I could explain it to him so that he would trust me.
I was busy thinking of ways to make him understand how much I hated Kavala and Andrea without mentioning the death of my past life.
But contrary to my expectations, Callius didn't ask me 'Why?'
“Are the maids you brought here watching you?”
“You believe what I say.”
“If I don’t believe my wife, who will I believe?”
And then he smiles.
I was speechless.
It was because the complicated worries I had been having about how to make people believe what I said suddenly became meaningless.
You believe what your wife says?
In my past life, during our marriage of about ten years, Viscount Pelsus never trusted me for a single moment.
Far from believing me, he treated me like I was crazy and dismissed everything I said as nonsense.
He never listened to anything I said, and even hearing my own voice was frustrating.
But Callius was listening to everything I said.
Even though I haven't presented any clear evidence to support my claims.
For some reason, I felt like crying, so I looked away from him and stared at the firewood burning in the brazier.
“What if I’m deceiving you...”
“People who are trying to deceive don’t say things like that.”
He chuckled softly.
“Besides, Chloe’s expression didn’t look comfortable when you were dealing with the maids.”
When did you even notice my expression?
Callius looked into my face.
“Are you crying?”
“It’s because my eyes hurt from looking at the fire for too long.”
I shook my head and wiped away the tears from my eyes.
He gave a faint smile to indicate that it was okay, took a deep breath, and continued talking.
"My maids are watching over Callius, not me. The Empress doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm naive."
I looked up and looked at Callius.
"They're searching Ronheim for a pretext to banish you. Be careful."
But he had a more amused expression than a serious one.
"Don't worry. I know better than anyone what she wants. She won't be able to do anything to me until she gets it. She won't give it up easily."
I knew that what Kavala and Andrea wanted was Callius' life.
Because Andrea had wanted to kill Callius all along.
But Callius was speaking as if what they wanted was not his life, but something else.
'Is it my imagination? Or is it his imagination?'
Anyway, he seemed to be sufficiently wary of Kavala, so I didn't think I needed to pay any more attention to him.
I hugged my knees and muttered softly.
“Thank you. For believing in me.”
Perhaps he didn't hear me. There was no answer from him.
It didn't matter if he didn't hear. I just wanted to get my feelings out there.
But then, after a long silence, he muttered softly, just like I had done.
“I’m sorry. I left you alone, knowing my knights were suspicious of you.”
I looked up at him with my face on my knees.
“It’s no wonder the people of Ronheim hate me.”
"If I knew you wanted to break away from the Idelian royal family, I wouldn't have done it. Knowing that, I didn't explain it to my subordinates, so I owe you an apology."
“Why don’t you tell them?”
I couldn't help but ask. Callius's eyes looked sad as he spoke about his subordinates.
“It’s because I still lack the qualities to encompass the whole as a leader.”
It was an ambiguous statement that was difficult to understand.
I didn't bother to ask deeply.
“It seems like there’s something wrong with Callius, too.”
Just as I can't tell him that I've regressed, he can't tell me everything.
That was a separate issue from the issue of trust.
'I guess I'll never be able to tell anyone about what I experienced in my past life.'
Not only is it a story too painful to bring up, but it is also a shameful past that I want to erase from my memory.
It is something that no amount of pride will allow.
I understood that he might have one too, because I, too, had secrets I wanted to keep hidden.
“Everyone has things they can’t tell others.”
I looked at him.
I wanted to tell you that it was okay.
Just like when I panicked, Lamia whispered to me and comforted me.
I felt an indescribable sense of relief at that moment, as if under a spell.
I wanted to convey that feeling to Callius, too.
But I wasn't confident.
'Can I comfort this person like Lamia did?'
I began to doubt whether someone like me could truly provide such great comfort to someone.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I just looked at Callius, hoping that he would connect with me.
For some reason, he also looked at me for a long time.
“Of course. I led the situation in that way.”
“I knew it.”
Because shortly after discussing marriage with him, Kavala suddenly changed my marriage partner.
"However..."
I hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to speak or not.
'How honest can I be with him? How much can I trust him?'
I remembered the oath I made while holding the sword.
"Karl, now I only trust you and myself. I won't trust anyone else. I won't live so foolishly again."
I believed in Andrea and Kavala and was betrayed painfully.
The only thing that never betrayed me until the moment of my death was Karl.
'How long has it been since I made that promise before I try trusting someone else again?'
The anxiety lurking inside me laughed at me.
"Even those you've known your whole life have deceived and cheated you, and you've only known that man for a short time. Do you plan to repeat your foolish actions just because he treated you kindly for a few days?"
I clenched my fist.
"I can't trust anyone. I don't want to go through the same pain again."
Haven't I realized throughout my life that I have a remarkably poor ability to distinguish between those I can trust and those I can't?
If you can't see, the safest thing to do is to stay huddled up in your room.
By the same token, trusting no one but my sword felt like the best way to protect myself.
It's extreme, but isn't it certain?
I was still losing sleep at night and trembling with fear from the pain of being murdered by those I trusted the most.
Now, the only thing I desperately wanted was to not be in pain at all.
But why do I remember what Lhasa said at this time?
“You have to believe in yourself.”
At this moment, believing in myself felt like the hardest thing to do.
My heart told me to trust Callius and tell him my secrets so I could get some support and help, but my experience was signaling that that was too risky.
When she asks me to trust myself, does she mean trust my experience? Or trust my heart?
“Don’t hesitate to do what you think is right.”
Lhasa's determined gaze overlapped with Callius' gaze as he looked at me.
There was nothing out of place in his warm gaze, kind demeanor, and friendly jokes.
It felt completely different than when Andrea or Kavala was kind to me.
I was grateful to be with Callius.
On the other hand, I would often apologize to Andrea as if it were a habit.
"Can't you do this yourself? Sigh, just don't do anything. Staying still is helping. I'll take care of it."
“I’m sorry, brother... I’m so pathetic.”
"You know what? You should be truly grateful to me. What a blessing it is to have an older brother like me."
I felt helpless and helpless in front of Andrea. And I resented myself for that.
But since I've been with Callius, I've been brave enough to try things again.
He encouraged me to challenge myself by eating unfamiliar meals with my bare hands and allowed me to sleep comfortably in unfamiliar and uncomfortable beds.
It was all thanks to Callius that I didn't abandon this journey to Ronheim halfway through.
His kind explanations made me feel more curious than afraid about new things, and thanks to his careful observation of my physical condition, I was able to get here without getting too tired.
'Yeah, it's definitely different.'
The reason I want to open my heart to Callius is not just because he looks like Karl.
I came to that conclusion.
I hesitated for a while, then thought about it for a while, and finally said:
“Do you also know that the Empress does not trust me?”
“I guessed it. She was the reason you wanted to leave the palace.”
“So, do you also know that I have to pretend to cooperate with Kavala for the time being?”
I wasn't sure he'd believe me if I pretended to cooperate when I had no intention of doing so.
I still don't know how Kavala will pressure me or how it will respond to my betrayal.
But I certainly don't think she would have sent me to Ronheim without making any plans.
'She won't be satisfied with simply ordering her maids around. She'll have devised a way to force me to do what she wants.'
I'll have to pretend to cooperate with her to some extent until I figure out what trap she's set and remove it.
I didn't know if Callius would understand, or if he'd think I was lying to him to act as a double agent.
I was wondering how I could explain it to him so that he would trust me.
I was busy thinking of ways to make him understand how much I hated Kavala and Andrea without mentioning the death of my past life.
But contrary to my expectations, Callius didn't ask me 'Why?'
“Are the maids you brought here watching you?”
“You believe what I say.”
“If I don’t believe my wife, who will I believe?”
And then he smiles.
I was speechless.
It was because the complicated worries I had been having about how to make people believe what I said suddenly became meaningless.
You believe what your wife says?
In my past life, during our marriage of about ten years, Viscount Pelsus never trusted me for a single moment.
Far from believing me, he treated me like I was crazy and dismissed everything I said as nonsense.
He never listened to anything I said, and even hearing my own voice was frustrating.
But Callius was listening to everything I said.
Even though I haven't presented any clear evidence to support my claims.
For some reason, I felt like crying, so I looked away from him and stared at the firewood burning in the brazier.
“What if I’m deceiving you...”
“People who are trying to deceive don’t say things like that.”
He chuckled softly.
“Besides, Chloe’s expression didn’t look comfortable when you were dealing with the maids.”
When did you even notice my expression?
Callius looked into my face.
“Are you crying?”
“It’s because my eyes hurt from looking at the fire for too long.”
I shook my head and wiped away the tears from my eyes.
He gave a faint smile to indicate that it was okay, took a deep breath, and continued talking.
"My maids are watching over Callius, not me. The Empress doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm naive."
I looked up and looked at Callius.
"They're searching Ronheim for a pretext to banish you. Be careful."
But he had a more amused expression than a serious one.
"Don't worry. I know better than anyone what she wants. She won't be able to do anything to me until she gets it. She won't give it up easily."
I knew that what Kavala and Andrea wanted was Callius' life.
Because Andrea had wanted to kill Callius all along.
But Callius was speaking as if what they wanted was not his life, but something else.
'Is it my imagination? Or is it his imagination?'
Anyway, he seemed to be sufficiently wary of Kavala, so I didn't think I needed to pay any more attention to him.
I hugged my knees and muttered softly.
“Thank you. For believing in me.”
Perhaps he didn't hear me. There was no answer from him.
It didn't matter if he didn't hear. I just wanted to get my feelings out there.
But then, after a long silence, he muttered softly, just like I had done.
“I’m sorry. I left you alone, knowing my knights were suspicious of you.”
I looked up at him with my face on my knees.
“It’s no wonder the people of Ronheim hate me.”
"If I knew you wanted to break away from the Idelian royal family, I wouldn't have done it. Knowing that, I didn't explain it to my subordinates, so I owe you an apology."
“Why don’t you tell them?”
I couldn't help but ask. Callius's eyes looked sad as he spoke about his subordinates.
“It’s because I still lack the qualities to encompass the whole as a leader.”
It was an ambiguous statement that was difficult to understand.
I didn't bother to ask deeply.
“It seems like there’s something wrong with Callius, too.”
Just as I can't tell him that I've regressed, he can't tell me everything.
That was a separate issue from the issue of trust.
'I guess I'll never be able to tell anyone about what I experienced in my past life.'
Not only is it a story too painful to bring up, but it is also a shameful past that I want to erase from my memory.
It is something that no amount of pride will allow.
I understood that he might have one too, because I, too, had secrets I wanted to keep hidden.
“Everyone has things they can’t tell others.”
I looked at him.
I wanted to tell you that it was okay.
Just like when I panicked, Lamia whispered to me and comforted me.
I felt an indescribable sense of relief at that moment, as if under a spell.
I wanted to convey that feeling to Callius, too.
But I wasn't confident.
'Can I comfort this person like Lamia did?'
I began to doubt whether someone like me could truly provide such great comfort to someone.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I just looked at Callius, hoping that he would connect with me.
For some reason, he also looked at me for a long time.
Only the sound of burning firewood filled our silence with warmth.
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