“Did you plan on doing this from the beginning?”
It was a question so small that it was almost a whisper. But Ivan didn’t miss even that sound. To be exact, it was more like Amelia was still leaning against Ivan’s body, so it wasn’t hard for her to hear the sound.
"No."
Ivan answered. Without a detailed explanation, it was hard to know exactly what was wrong. However, she just wanted to interpret it as she wanted. She didn't have the confidence to endure any more suffering.
Amelia slowly closed her eyes. She felt like falling asleep and ignoring everything. Following her tired mind, her brain was slowly shutting off her consciousness. One thing she hadn't figured out hit Amelia's head. Her eyes opened wide.
Ian, my son.
“Ian.”
“...”
“What does your plan to do to him?”
But she couldn't neglect her child. Amelia herself was the mother who gave birth to the child. She carried the child for nearly ten months and raised the child without letting go for three months.
“That kid...”
Ivan hesitated for a moment, unable to continue speaking. It was clear that he had never thought deeply about children.
“If you pretend not to know, Ian will die.”
“I won’t let him die.”
But he was quick to deny the idea that Ian might die if he turned away.
“I won’t let that kid die. He’s the kid you worked so hard to protect.”
Ivan mentioned Ian's disposal once more. Amelia looked down at her hand, which was trapped in his.
“How? By acknowledging him as your child?”
"No."
“...”
“But even if the temple falls, the child will grow up in the palace.”
But the words that followed immediately made her unable to help but rise. Amelia pulled her hand out of Ivan's grasp and sat down away from him.
“You won’t acknowledge him as your child?”
“...”
“Surely not forever?”
A look of bewilderment was evident on her face as she asked questions. But Ivan did not change his decision.
“Since it has come to this, I might as well be honest.”
He was just going to tell the truth that he had been putting off telling for so long.
“Amelia, if it is revealed that Ian is your child, and what you have been doing at the temple is revealed.”
“...”
“You will become a traitor, and the child will become the child of a traitor. Even if he is my blood, he will not be protected.”
The only kindness he could give was to free himself from slavery. That would hurt Ian, too. Ivan said. It would only give him memories of being abandoned by his father and being ridiculed by others.
“For your own honor and for the sake of the child’s peace, it is better to say that he is a stranger’s child.”
She couldn't believe it. She didn't know Ivan would say something like that. It's just that time has changed. No matter how much he acknowledges Ian as his son, it's difficult right now, so he asked her to wait a little.
“But Ian is your child. How could you...”
It was hard to accept Ivan's explanation. No matter how plausible Ivan's explanation sounded, it didn't seem like a reason for a child with parents to grow up thinking that he was abandoned on the street.
“Amelia.”
“I, yes. Even if I were treated like the government...”
No, actually, she doesn't like that either. But still.
Amelia buried her face in her hands as she continued to ramble on. Her mind was in a state of confusion, and she couldn't organize her thoughts.
“I’ll do whatever you say. It doesn’t matter if you get married and I become the government.”
“...”
“But after all the problems are resolved, can you accept Ian? I won’t tell him that I’m his mother.”
The tears that had barely stopped falling before she realized it began to fall again. Amelia held onto Ivan's sleeve and pleaded.
“If my existence is problematic, I won’t step forward. Then there won’t be a problem, right?”
“Imperial succession is not that simple. Besides, who knows what kind of person a child who was married off before becoming a husband will be in the future?”
“...”
“If he gets married and has a child, that child will become the greatest enemy of the Empress and the Crown Prince.”
Ivan asked Amelia with a blank expression if that was what she wanted. So that their children would live their whole lives in fear for their lives. And if he lived that way, he wouldn't feel like he was living.
But Amelia could tell that that wasn't what he really thought. He didn't want to create something that would threaten the 'real' child he would have with the Empress. Ian wasn't a child who meant anything to him.
“Are you really going to make Ian your servant someday, to the child you will have?”
It was a voice that had sunk deep into the depths of despair. Ivan, who had been piercing Amelia's heart with his sharp words the whole time, was silent for a moment.
“He doesn’t even know that you're his father, and you want to make him serve his half-brother as his master? Are you serious?”
It's strange. Her vision is blurry, and she can't see anything, but she can see his sincerity. The true nature of the anxiety that she has been ignoring all this time is revealed, and she can look straight into his eyes as he looks at her.
"You."
Amelia called Ivan with a trembling voice. But she didn't call him Ivan, as she always did, affectionately. It was a mixture of the pain and suffering brought on by the truth, and the desperate despair of the moment when she faced it, barely able to form words.
“From the beginning, when you brought me here, you had no intention of acknowledging Ian as your child, did you?”
Amelia asked. Even as she did so, tears fell and stained the dark green blanket. She shouldn't cry, but she should bite him hard. Even though she knew it, her body wouldn't listen.
“Is my guess correct?”
Ivan didn't answer, but it wasn't hard to guess that he meant yes.
"Ah..."
Amelia let out a groan mixed with grief. Her hands, not knowing where to put them, trembled near her face. The mixture of sadness and anger was enough to drive people crazy.
“Then why on earth did you bring me here? Why, why did you bring me to the palace, why...”
What came out of her mouth were words that hadn't even been properly refined. Shd couldn't even finish the words.
“Please let me get out of there.”
“...”
“It was better than dying there. That’s what you wanted, too.”
But Ivan poured out his heart as if he knew what would happen next.
“You fucking bastard...”
Amelia couldn't hold it in and swore. The words that came out while sobbing didn't have much impact. Ivan's expression, which didn't seem too surprised or angry, said it all.
"This son of a bitch."
It was a question so small that it was almost a whisper. But Ivan didn’t miss even that sound. To be exact, it was more like Amelia was still leaning against Ivan’s body, so it wasn’t hard for her to hear the sound.
"No."
Ivan answered. Without a detailed explanation, it was hard to know exactly what was wrong. However, she just wanted to interpret it as she wanted. She didn't have the confidence to endure any more suffering.
Amelia slowly closed her eyes. She felt like falling asleep and ignoring everything. Following her tired mind, her brain was slowly shutting off her consciousness. One thing she hadn't figured out hit Amelia's head. Her eyes opened wide.
Ian, my son.
“Ian.”
“...”
“What does your plan to do to him?”
But she couldn't neglect her child. Amelia herself was the mother who gave birth to the child. She carried the child for nearly ten months and raised the child without letting go for three months.
“That kid...”
Ivan hesitated for a moment, unable to continue speaking. It was clear that he had never thought deeply about children.
“If you pretend not to know, Ian will die.”
“I won’t let him die.”
But he was quick to deny the idea that Ian might die if he turned away.
“I won’t let that kid die. He’s the kid you worked so hard to protect.”
Ivan mentioned Ian's disposal once more. Amelia looked down at her hand, which was trapped in his.
“How? By acknowledging him as your child?”
"No."
“...”
“But even if the temple falls, the child will grow up in the palace.”
But the words that followed immediately made her unable to help but rise. Amelia pulled her hand out of Ivan's grasp and sat down away from him.
“You won’t acknowledge him as your child?”
“...”
“Surely not forever?”
A look of bewilderment was evident on her face as she asked questions. But Ivan did not change his decision.
“Since it has come to this, I might as well be honest.”
He was just going to tell the truth that he had been putting off telling for so long.
“Amelia, if it is revealed that Ian is your child, and what you have been doing at the temple is revealed.”
“...”
“You will become a traitor, and the child will become the child of a traitor. Even if he is my blood, he will not be protected.”
The only kindness he could give was to free himself from slavery. That would hurt Ian, too. Ivan said. It would only give him memories of being abandoned by his father and being ridiculed by others.
“For your own honor and for the sake of the child’s peace, it is better to say that he is a stranger’s child.”
She couldn't believe it. She didn't know Ivan would say something like that. It's just that time has changed. No matter how much he acknowledges Ian as his son, it's difficult right now, so he asked her to wait a little.
“But Ian is your child. How could you...”
It was hard to accept Ivan's explanation. No matter how plausible Ivan's explanation sounded, it didn't seem like a reason for a child with parents to grow up thinking that he was abandoned on the street.
“Amelia.”
“I, yes. Even if I were treated like the government...”
No, actually, she doesn't like that either. But still.
Amelia buried her face in her hands as she continued to ramble on. Her mind was in a state of confusion, and she couldn't organize her thoughts.
“I’ll do whatever you say. It doesn’t matter if you get married and I become the government.”
“...”
“But after all the problems are resolved, can you accept Ian? I won’t tell him that I’m his mother.”
The tears that had barely stopped falling before she realized it began to fall again. Amelia held onto Ivan's sleeve and pleaded.
“If my existence is problematic, I won’t step forward. Then there won’t be a problem, right?”
“Imperial succession is not that simple. Besides, who knows what kind of person a child who was married off before becoming a husband will be in the future?”
“...”
“If he gets married and has a child, that child will become the greatest enemy of the Empress and the Crown Prince.”
Ivan asked Amelia with a blank expression if that was what she wanted. So that their children would live their whole lives in fear for their lives. And if he lived that way, he wouldn't feel like he was living.
But Amelia could tell that that wasn't what he really thought. He didn't want to create something that would threaten the 'real' child he would have with the Empress. Ian wasn't a child who meant anything to him.
“Are you really going to make Ian your servant someday, to the child you will have?”
It was a voice that had sunk deep into the depths of despair. Ivan, who had been piercing Amelia's heart with his sharp words the whole time, was silent for a moment.
“He doesn’t even know that you're his father, and you want to make him serve his half-brother as his master? Are you serious?”
It's strange. Her vision is blurry, and she can't see anything, but she can see his sincerity. The true nature of the anxiety that she has been ignoring all this time is revealed, and she can look straight into his eyes as he looks at her.
"You."
Amelia called Ivan with a trembling voice. But she didn't call him Ivan, as she always did, affectionately. It was a mixture of the pain and suffering brought on by the truth, and the desperate despair of the moment when she faced it, barely able to form words.
“From the beginning, when you brought me here, you had no intention of acknowledging Ian as your child, did you?”
Amelia asked. Even as she did so, tears fell and stained the dark green blanket. She shouldn't cry, but she should bite him hard. Even though she knew it, her body wouldn't listen.
“Is my guess correct?”
Ivan didn't answer, but it wasn't hard to guess that he meant yes.
"Ah..."
Amelia let out a groan mixed with grief. Her hands, not knowing where to put them, trembled near her face. The mixture of sadness and anger was enough to drive people crazy.
“Then why on earth did you bring me here? Why, why did you bring me to the palace, why...”
What came out of her mouth were words that hadn't even been properly refined. Shd couldn't even finish the words.
“Please let me get out of there.”
“...”
“It was better than dying there. That’s what you wanted, too.”
But Ivan poured out his heart as if he knew what would happen next.
“You fucking bastard...”
Amelia couldn't hold it in and swore. The words that came out while sobbing didn't have much impact. Ivan's expression, which didn't seem too surprised or angry, said it all.
"This son of a bitch."
If only she had known his heart like this before. What he was thinking, what he felt toward her. So that she wouldn't have been blinded by the shallow hope that he would save her and the overwhelming affection.
“Did you like me? Did you really think of Ian as your son?”
Tears streamed down her face. She knew how unattractive it must look, how pathetic it must look to be begging for affection. But she couldn't help but ask.
“I, I was the only one who liked you?”
I hope that even that isn't a mistake.
“I don’t need a woman enough to spend the night with a woman I don’t like.”
Ivan answered. It was true, but it was a lie. Ivan was not a man who needed women to that extent, but it was not like he spent the night with Amelia in mind. In the past, he had given meaning to words that did not contain any special intention, but now he could read his sincerity even in indirect words.
"Lie."
He wished he had never known. Amelia despaired.
“Rather, let’s just leave him there to die.”
She was serious. She thought it would have been better if Ivan had waged a full-scale war against the temple and won by stabbing her in the heart.
It was a very short time, but in that time, she gave everything she had. Her whole heart, including her regrets, her guilt, and her love. Her body and her children.
"Go away."
Suddenly, anger seethed. Amelia vented her emotions on Ivan, telling him to get out of the bedroom immediately.
“Amelia.”
“Get out of my sight. Please.”
Some might say it's foolish, but in Amelia's world, where even her contacts and relationships with others are controlled by others, Ivan was the only one. He was the only one who treated her no differently than anyone else, so she didn't hesitate to reveal her true feelings.
But if she had known it would turn out like this.
"Please."
“...”
“Please go. Ivan, please.”
Let's think about it, this time, an unbearable sadness weighed on her head. Amelia screamed and pleaded. Then she buried her face in the blanket. She was buried in the thick blanket, so she couldn't make a sound, but it wasn't hard to guess that Amelia was crying because her shoulders were shaking.
But Ivan left Amelia's bedroom just like that. Amelia thought as she listened for the man's footsteps that gradually got farther and farther away and then disappeared completely.
We were really nothing to you.
As long as he could be by her side, as long as Ian was okay, she would be okay, as the government, and it seemed funny how she had tried to suppress her feelings. Her muffled sobs secretly shook the bedroom.
“Did you like me? Did you really think of Ian as your son?”
Tears streamed down her face. She knew how unattractive it must look, how pathetic it must look to be begging for affection. But she couldn't help but ask.
“I, I was the only one who liked you?”
I hope that even that isn't a mistake.
“I don’t need a woman enough to spend the night with a woman I don’t like.”
Ivan answered. It was true, but it was a lie. Ivan was not a man who needed women to that extent, but it was not like he spent the night with Amelia in mind. In the past, he had given meaning to words that did not contain any special intention, but now he could read his sincerity even in indirect words.
"Lie."
He wished he had never known. Amelia despaired.
“Rather, let’s just leave him there to die.”
She was serious. She thought it would have been better if Ivan had waged a full-scale war against the temple and won by stabbing her in the heart.
It was a very short time, but in that time, she gave everything she had. Her whole heart, including her regrets, her guilt, and her love. Her body and her children.
"Go away."
Suddenly, anger seethed. Amelia vented her emotions on Ivan, telling him to get out of the bedroom immediately.
“Amelia.”
“Get out of my sight. Please.”
Some might say it's foolish, but in Amelia's world, where even her contacts and relationships with others are controlled by others, Ivan was the only one. He was the only one who treated her no differently than anyone else, so she didn't hesitate to reveal her true feelings.
But if she had known it would turn out like this.
"Please."
“...”
“Please go. Ivan, please.”
Let's think about it, this time, an unbearable sadness weighed on her head. Amelia screamed and pleaded. Then she buried her face in the blanket. She was buried in the thick blanket, so she couldn't make a sound, but it wasn't hard to guess that Amelia was crying because her shoulders were shaking.
But Ivan left Amelia's bedroom just like that. Amelia thought as she listened for the man's footsteps that gradually got farther and farther away and then disappeared completely.
We were really nothing to you.
As long as he could be by her side, as long as Ian was okay, she would be okay, as the government, and it seemed funny how she had tried to suppress her feelings. Her muffled sobs secretly shook the bedroom.
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