Perhaps because of the shock, Amelia was sick for a whole week after that night. She suddenly developed a fever and was barely conscious, confined to her bed.
“My lady...!”
In the meantime, it was Louis who stayed by Amelia's side. Perhaps her actions were not motivated by any particular good intentions, but seeing Louis' face every time she regained consciousness gave Amelia a sense of relief.
“Are you okay?”
When she finally opened her eyes, Louis was still by her side. Perhaps it was because she was worried that she would talk nonsense while unconscious, but in any case, Amelia was so weak-hearted that she was grateful for even that.
“Why are you suddenly so sick? I was so surprised to hear that you couldn’t even open your eyes because of the pain.”
Louis spoke rapidly, touching Amelia's forehead. Perhaps she was worried that the Priestess's presence would disappear without a plan. However, she could tell that the faint worry mixed in between was genuine.
"Thank you."
Louis paused at Amelia's expression of gratitude.
“...”
There was a mysterious confusion in her gaze as she looked down at Amelia. She had received a thank you, so she should have responded in kind, but she seemed unable to judge whether this was a true thank you or not.
“I have no other intentions.”
At Amelia's words, Louis blinked with a blank expression. Then, with a fresh face, she raised her eyebrows and helped Amelia up.
“You haven’t eaten properly all week. You need to eat something.”
“...Ian?”
Louis frowned. It seemed strange and disgusting that Amelia, who had been sick to the point of almost losing her breath, would open her eyes and look for her child.
“The child is fine. First, you should wash up and eat some soup.”
The blunt voice scolded Amelia as if to tell her to worry about her aching body.
Amelia obediently followed Louis' suggestion. She soaked in the hot water and rested, then ate the thin soup while her body was still relaxed.
“Wasn’t there anyone who came?”
But it was also burdensome to suddenly eat so much food on an empty stomach. Amelia handed the half-eaten bowl of soup to the maid and asked Louis.
“Is there a visitor?”
That was the last remaining hope. But it was difficult to find any hope in Louis's face and voice as she asked back.
“No. I asked a pointless question.”
Ivan never came. And he never would. Amelia knew that for sure.
“...The Emperor?”
“Emperor?”
“I sent you a marriage proposal.”
“My lady...!”
In the meantime, it was Louis who stayed by Amelia's side. Perhaps her actions were not motivated by any particular good intentions, but seeing Louis' face every time she regained consciousness gave Amelia a sense of relief.
“Are you okay?”
When she finally opened her eyes, Louis was still by her side. Perhaps it was because she was worried that she would talk nonsense while unconscious, but in any case, Amelia was so weak-hearted that she was grateful for even that.
“Why are you suddenly so sick? I was so surprised to hear that you couldn’t even open your eyes because of the pain.”
Louis spoke rapidly, touching Amelia's forehead. Perhaps she was worried that the Priestess's presence would disappear without a plan. However, she could tell that the faint worry mixed in between was genuine.
"Thank you."
Louis paused at Amelia's expression of gratitude.
“...”
There was a mysterious confusion in her gaze as she looked down at Amelia. She had received a thank you, so she should have responded in kind, but she seemed unable to judge whether this was a true thank you or not.
“I have no other intentions.”
At Amelia's words, Louis blinked with a blank expression. Then, with a fresh face, she raised her eyebrows and helped Amelia up.
“You haven’t eaten properly all week. You need to eat something.”
“...Ian?”
Louis frowned. It seemed strange and disgusting that Amelia, who had been sick to the point of almost losing her breath, would open her eyes and look for her child.
“The child is fine. First, you should wash up and eat some soup.”
The blunt voice scolded Amelia as if to tell her to worry about her aching body.
Amelia obediently followed Louis' suggestion. She soaked in the hot water and rested, then ate the thin soup while her body was still relaxed.
“Wasn’t there anyone who came?”
But it was also burdensome to suddenly eat so much food on an empty stomach. Amelia handed the half-eaten bowl of soup to the maid and asked Louis.
“Is there a visitor?”
That was the last remaining hope. But it was difficult to find any hope in Louis's face and voice as she asked back.
“No. I asked a pointless question.”
Ivan never came. And he never would. Amelia knew that for sure.
“...The Emperor?”
“Emperor?”
“I sent you a marriage proposal.”
Louis let out a short exclamation at Amelia's explanation. It seemed that her mind was not working properly because she had suddenly been asked about the Emperor.
“Well, there’s no word yet on a proposal. I don’t think he’ll decide on the position of Empress easily.”
He said that once a decision is made, things will proceed smoothly, but there is no sign of that happening yet. Amelia nodded quietly.
“Get some rest. I’ll go back and get some rest, too.”
"Great job."
Louis nodded without denying, then opened the bedroom door and went out. Amelia stared blankly as the sunset began to fade and the red light poured into the bedroom.
“...”
She remembers the fight with Ivan at the end clearly, but it didn't feel real. Maybe it was because she cried so much that night that she almost fainted, but she couldn't shed any more tears.
Well, that's how it ended. Amelia only had a vague guess.
Amelia roughly ran her hand over her tired face. Her mind was a mess. Her body, which had just finally come out of unconsciousness, was in a state that needed no explanation.
“The child is fine.”
She should go see Ian. Louis said she had been sick in bed for a week, so she thought Ian might have been throwing tantrums and giving a hard time to those around him.
But it was strange. Even while thinking that, her body did not move. Amelia looked down at her legs, which were motionless on the bed as if they were nailed. Her sharp gaze struck her legs several times as if she were whipping them. But she did not move.
"Ha..."
Amelia squeezed her eyes shut. It wasn't just a gesture of turning away. It was a self-reproach. No matter what, she had slept with Ivan and had children because she liked it. Ian was just born because of Amelia's choice.
But. Nevertheless. An instinctive aversion arose. Ian resembled Ivan a lot, except for the color of his eyes. She was afraid of Ivan's face that would be visible in Ian's face. She was not sure if she could love a child who had the face of a man who had never loved her as he had before.
“Move, Amelia Escliffe.”
Amelia scolded herself again, sobbing.
“He’s your child. You wanted him to be born.”
Even though no one blamed Amelia, she felt guilty. She couldn't abandon her own child, who had been abandoned by his own father. But her strong sense of betrayal toward Ivan was not a lie, either.
Tears welled up in her eyes. Amelia quietly chewed on her lower lip. It was a time when she wished someone had chained her feet and dragged her away by force.
“...”
She heard a baby crying. Ian was the only young living being in the palace, so it had to be Ian's crying. At that thought, her body reacted before her feelings of rejection or sadness.
“Ian.”
Amelia immediately threw off the blanket covering her body, put her feet under the bed, and hurriedly left the bedroom, forgetting to put on her indoor slippers.
“Priestess?”
Amelia didn't care that the surprised servants were looking at her. She hurried up the stairs.
“Why is Ian crying like this again? Huh?”
And then she opened the door to the bedroom where Ian was. Mrs. Howard, who had been holding Ian in her arms and comforting him, turned her gaze to the door that had been opened without any manners.
“Priestess?”
“I heard a baby crying.”
Mrs. Howard blinked in confusion. Of course, Amelia and Ian's bedrooms were on the same floor, but that didn't mean they were so soundproof that they would freak out at the sound of crying. It was so quiet in the early morning that it could be, but it was still only early evening.
“Oh, he whined a little. Was it noisy? I’ll be more careful.”
Mrs. Howard quickly apologized. After all, if she had offended the guest, it was wrong. But instead of accepting the apology gracefully, Amelia approached him barefoot without hesitation.
“Oh my god, what about the slippers...”
Mrs. Howard pointed out Amelia's bare feet. But instead of hiding her feet in surprise, Amelia came closer and stared at Ian, who had been crying hard until just before, but had calmed down a little.
“...”
Ian squirmed in Mrs. Howard's arms and opened his eyes. He looked down at her with eyes that were similar to hers, but a little lighter in color. As if he recognized his mother, Ian blinked his wet eyes.
“Can I hold the baby?”
"Sure."
Mrs. Howard hurriedly placed Ian in Amelia's arms. Amelia held the child, who was used to leaning against her chest, securely. Then, she began to pace around the bedroom naturally.
“I will tell the maid to bring you the slippers.”
Mrs. Howard, who was watching this, hurriedly left Ian's room. It seemed that it was difficult to watch him walk around barefoot. In the meantime, Ian blinked his pitch-black eyes as if he were looking at his mother, whom he had not seen for several days.
...the universe flickered in the child’s eyes.
“It’s pretty.”
A surge of emotion welled up in her. Her throat was choked up, and the words of praise shook as if someone was grabbing her vocal cords.
“Ian. My baby.”
Amelia pulled Ian closer to her arms and rested her forehead against his warm, round forehead as if sharing body heat with the child.
I don't hate you. Even at this very moment, when I see your father's face, I can't stand how much I love you.
The worries she had in the bedroom were for nothing. She didn't resent or hate Ian when she saw Ivan in his face. She just felt love and pity.
“...”
How could Ivan not love this child, who was so beautiful and lovely? How could he?
The corners of her eyes were wet again with tears that she thought had dried. Amelia neatly arranged the cloth wrapped around the child's body with trembling hands.
“Ian.”
Amelia cautiously called Ian's name. Ian's small lips moved as if he were answering.
She couldn't stand the way he made her feel, because his actions were so touching and lovely.
"It's okay."
Amelia whispered in a tearful voice. Even as she struggled with her grief, she did not turn away from the obvious. In fact, she could not.
“I’ll do it. Whatever it is...”
Now there's only you and me in this world.
It was a voice that was either comforting or wanting to be comforted, Amelia thought.
She has to cry just for today, just for today. She can't keep crying so weakly like this.
As if he sensed it, Ian burst into tears again after he had finally stopped crying. But perhaps because they were together, the sound of his crying was comforting.
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