According to Miss Julia, my history and math grades were excellent. Law was a bit difficult. There was too much to memorize.
Music and piano didn't suit my personality. If I failed the exam, it would probably be because of music.
Misha was good at three instruments, including the piano.
That's why the Countess would say that we should increase the bonus points for music in the Academy entrance exam whenever we ate together. She said that the artistic talent revealed in music was only for the chosen ones.
She meant that the reason I wasn't good at playing instruments was because I was an illegitimate child.
Then I would nod in agreement while putting a small piece of meat in my mouth. I thought to myself, 'You're funny.'
Even the Count couldn't have predicted that that clueless country girl would transform into such a sophisticated girl in just seven years.
I don't intend to deny that the Count was the one who started this miracle.
But I also feel like I’ve paid a high price for coming here, so I try not to feel too sentimental.
Because I’ll have to leave the Count’s side someday, if possible, as soon as possible.
***
The Academy entrance exams are a week away. The Count was extremely nervous. It wasn’t because of me, but because Misha was hysterical.
Misha fought and cried with the tutors who were trying to give her intensive lessons before the exam. She even yelled at the tutors for asking her questions they had never taught her, so it was clear that the tutors were the ones who were being wronged.
I ignored Misha’s hysteria and the Countess’s nervousness and focused on my studies.
My face was greasy and messy because I hadn’t washed my hair or face, but cleanliness wasn’t even on my priority list.
Since the Countess was taking care of Misha all day and neglecting to keep an eye on me, Miss Julia also took advantage of the opportunity to stay at the mansion for a few more hours.
Miss Julia didn’t say anything that would make me feel safe. She said that I would pass or that I was still lacking nothing.
She just told me to do my best until the end. When did I ever not do my best?
When she was leaving after finishing her late class, I told her.
“Teacher, the Count asked if there was anything you wanted.”
“Yes?”
“He said he wanted to show his sincerity after the exam.”
“I’ve already received enough compensation. But how long are you going to call him Count? Don’t you think it’s past time to change his title?”
She said that and left with a smile.
“...Tsk.”
Count... Father.
If I thought about that now, my head would explode. I buried my head in the Imperial Law book again.
And a little while later. I was so sleepy after lunch that I took a short nap, but when I woke up, the notebook I had left on my desk was gone. It was the notebook where I had organized what I had studied.
“Misha!”
The culprit was so obvious. But when I thought about it, I realized that I had almost memorized the contents of the missing notebook.
“Oh, you idiot. Do whatever you want.”
I grumbled like that and continued to look at the book I had been reading.
If I hadn’t been such a crazy bitch, studying like that, I might have been able to think.
Then I might not have regretted not finding that notebook right away.
***
The Countess appeared in my room around sunset that day.
I raised my head from my desk at the chilling air that seemed to be a ghost. Since Teria had already left, I was left alone with the Countess.
‘Damn it... ’
The Countess sat down on the sofa with an elegant gesture. I sat in front of her, pretending to roughly straighten my messy hair.
“You’ve had a hard time.”
“No. It’s not enough.”
“Do you really think so?”
What kind of new nonsense is this?
When I saw the Countess’ lips smiling, a part of my heart felt cold.
“Misha cried for a long time.”
I chose my words as carefully as possible.
“It’s a time of great pressure.”
“Did you know that kid stole your notebook? She said she was going to copy it for the tutors’ exams?”
“...”
What the heck, why is this happening?
My heart started pounding.
“I didn’t know. But stealing? It could help Misha with her studies, but a notebook is nothing, Countess.”
I answered like a good child who had switched my soul.
A faint smile appeared on the Countess’s lips.
It’s amazing how people can hate each other while laughing.
The Countess said,
“The tutors were impressed by your notebooks. They wondered which teacher organized them, and they thought I had hired more tutors.”
“...”
I broke out in a cold sweat.
“Did Miss Julia organize them?”
“That’s...”
She cut me off, saying that my awkward excuses were unnecessary. Nevertheless, her voice was so soft that it almost sounded unreal.
“Give up on the academy entrance exam. If you say you can’t do it, the Count won’t say anything.”
“...!”
My breathing was already ragged. She didn’t give me a chance.
“This is no longer my personal problem. I have no choice but to step forward.”
“...”
“If an illegitimate child were to take first place at the Imperial Academy... You can’t imagine how the children of prestigious families would feel insulted. They would think that we, the Loire family, were responsible.”
She spoke elegantly and firmly.
“It’s a matter of order, Lorisha.”
Insult. Insult. Insult...
My head felt like it was going to explode. The shock she gave me, combined with the fatigue from staying up all night studying, made me dizzy.
I fumbled and pulled out the last card I had.
“I’ll talk it over with the Count.”
But she shook her head slightly.
“You’d rather not. I want to handle this matter as quietly as possible.”
“Countess!”
“If you insist on taking the exam, then so be it. But even if you pass, you won’t be able to continue attending the Academy. Who would want to study with the daughter of a street prostitute? You’ll be expelled for whatever reason.”
It was a threat that she would spread rumors at the Academy that my mother was a street prostitute and that I was the daughter of such a woman.
I sprang to my feet. My fists were shaking, but I was afraid that my legs would collapse without being able to support me.
“My, my mother... isn’t that kind of person. You know that!”
“But the rumor will spread like that, and there’s no way you can deny it, Lorisha.”
I managed to calmly say, catching my breath.
“But then, what about the honor of the House of Loire and the Count? You know better than anyone that the Count is not that kind of person. You can’t tell such a lie.”
“There is... I...”
She slowly got up and faced me. Her beauty was creepy.
“If it means ruining the honor of my husband, the third messenger of His Majesty, to prevent my daughter from being hurt, I will do it. Think about it.”
My heavy breathing reached my ears.
“You will be known as a whore’s daughter for the rest of your life. Even if you show your wickedness and hold out until the end, no noble will take you as a tutor. And if that happens, I will stop it.”
“...”
That was all my legs could do. I slowly sat down, and the Countess walked away from the door with the soft rustle of her clothes.
She spoke softly before closing the door.
“If I can’t have my husband’s love, shouldn’t I have something else?”
***
It was strange. My life was shattered into pieces, but I didn’t even cry. I was just a little sleepy.
I remembered the imperial law notebook that I hadn’t memorized yet, but I shook it off and went outside.
It was already night when I arrived downtown. The lights streaming in from the stores made the shopping street look even more enchanting today. The street I had passed countless times suddenly felt terribly unfamiliar.
I went to Tolman’s herbal medicine shop at the end of the street wearing my ordinary clothes and a cloak hood. The old man who owned Tolman’s herbal medicine shop didn’t know that I was Loire.
He was amazed that a young girl knew so much about herbs, and he even offered me tea. Then I would entertain customers as if I were a salesperson, increasing sales and paying for the tea.
He told me several times that he would give me a job at his shop.
“What’s going on? I thought you wouldn’t be coming for a while.”
“Oh... I was just passing by. How are your knees?”
“It’s the same every day, you know.”
“Then I’ll go.”
“Huh? Already? Why are you coming here?”
I turned around awkwardly. Suddenly, I didn’t know anything. What should I say if someone spoke to me? What was Grandpa’s knee? What was the herb?
I just walked down the night road.
I tried to think that not getting into the academy wasn’t the end of the world, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like there was no end to the world for me.
Just as my mother suddenly disappeared, the opportunity of the Academy also disappeared suddenly. Now, I was afraid to go forward, wondering what else lay ahead of me.
I didn't know if I should have come out to this street earlier. A half-aristocrat is not an aristocrat. Since such a child was attached to the Count's residence, I didn't know that things might have gone wrong from there.
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