The road in front of a famous high-class restaurant was crowded with people dressed up nicely. The lights from the restaurant were more beautiful than the smell of food.
People who had finished eating were laughing happily. I thought I could never laugh like that.
I just walked past them. I was proud of how vicious and mean I was. That was the only thing I believed in, the only thing that kept me alive, but even that had its limits.
I hated people thinking of my mother as a prostitute. I swear it wasn’t because of the humiliation I felt.
I had heard that kind of thing more than once or twice when I was young. That kind of humiliation was always attached to a woman who gave birth to a child without a father.
But that was different from this. There was no comparison between words that were said to provoke me and words that spread under the assumption that they were true.
I couldn’t let my mother suffer such humiliation. If I was going to continue to hate my mother for leaving me so irresponsibly and cruelly, I couldn’t do anything that would make her feel sorry.
The Count was also a problem. The misconduct of the nobles was not a topic of conversation, but if the person in question was Count Loire, it was different. He was a clean and upright person, respected by the nobles.
If rumors spread that he had a child with a cheap prostitute, it could even break the trust of His Majesty the Emperor.
Even if I turned a blind eye to all of that and graduated from the Academy, the Countess was waiting for me. I never doubted the Countess’s words that she would do everything she could to block my path.
In the end, my efforts were nothing from the beginning.
When on earth did the Countess start thinking like that? She quietly watched me study for months without being able to sleep well and waited until the very end...
“Damn it. I’ll get struck by lightning and fall over...”
“What did you just say?”
Suddenly, I heard a man’s low, sharp voice.
I lifted the end of my hood slightly and looked ahead, and it was a nobleman my age.
Only then did I take in the sight unfolding across from me.
Black hair and tall stature. When I looked again, I saw a perfectly fine man, an overly handsome man, holding onto the wrist of a commoner woman. The woman was terrified.
Of all people, I had to step in between and swear at him.
I don’t know why such a nobleman was wandering around alone, but I was tired of explaining that I didn’t swear at him.
Besides, looking at him, I felt like I could keep swearing.
God had sent a villain before my eyes, giving me a chance to vent my anger and helplessness that was eating away at my bones.
The woman who had her wrist grabbed said sobbing,
“I don’t know why you’re doing this all of a sudden. Please let me go, nobleman. I’m begging you!”
“...What?”
The man’s eyes grew as big as a lamp.
“Do your parents know that you is acting like this on the street?”
“Right now...”
When I opened my mouth to give him a big hug for the first time in a long time, the woman shook off his wrist and ran away. She was truly as fast as the wind.
The man yelled at me.
“You missed it!”
“...!”
I flinched in surprise at the man’s shout, which seemed to be filled with some kind of spirit, and my hood fell off. I immediately put it back on, but then a knight appeared on the street the woman had run away from and stopped her. The woman bumped into him and his arm was grabbed, and a purse fell out of her arms. It was clearly a nobleman’s purse.
“Huh...!”
I swear that moment, my jaw dropped for a moment and then snapped back together. All the curses I had been holding back inside me burst out at once, but I couldn’t say a single word.
So this nobleman had caught a pickpocket, and the pickpocket had tried to use my sympathy to get out of the situation.
Since I treated him like a thief, my life had already fallen into the abyss and was now ruined...
The man turned to me with an arrogant smile as if he had seen it.
I had no choice. I had to get out.
As I started running, the man’s urgent shouts quickly faded away.
“Stay there!”
The man who appeared after the knight was hiding behind the cloak hood. When the knight tried to drag the woman away, he said,
“Let her go.”
“But...”
The black-haired man who had first caught her, Locard Kydel, approached and said,
“I found the money, so let her go.”
“Consider yourself lucky.”
When the knight let go of her hand, the woman ran away into the crowd without even saying thank you.
Locard said to the cloaked man,
“Let’s go now, Your Highness.”
“I’m feeling offended.”
“But the meal was delicious, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it, Sir Falcon?”
The knight replied with a smile.
“Your legs are so fast that I barely managed to catch up, Prince Kydel.”
“I’m a bit like that.”
The cloaked man, Second Prince Grayon, found it strange that Locard was staring at the opposite street instead of the one where the pickpocket had disappeared.
Locard, noticing Grayon’s surprise, smiled playfully and turned around.
“Then, let’s go.”
I hurried back to the Count’s residence. Then I collapsed on the bed and laughed vainly.
An illegitimate child is not even allowed time to be sad. Even on the day when the future is gone, I have to cause an absurd accident and run away.
Naturally, I had no contact with the nobles. Even on the night, Misha threw a splendid debutante with a lot of money, I was in my room.
The Count said it was okay for me to attend, but I declined. It wasn’t just because of the Countess who seemed ready to eat me if I even cast a shadow over her. It was because I didn’t want to go into a room full of real nobles who didn’t know how to dance and were arrogant.
So my only chance of meeting nobles was when I entered the academy, but since that had fallen through, I would never meet that tall, dark-haired man again.
The possibility of graduating from the academy and becoming a tutor for a noble family was slim, so the possibility of meeting that tall, dark-haired man by chance was slim.
My life was just slim.
I tossed and turned until dawn, wondering how I should tell the Count that I was giving up the exam, and then fell asleep.
As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, the first thought that came to my mind was, 'Let's not say anything!' I could go to the exam room and pretend to take the exam, and then go somewhere else.
Then the Count would think that I failed the exam, and after some time had passed, I could just tell him that I was having a hard time and wouldn't be taking the exam next year.
I was still young, and it was hard to solve everything in the world on my own. It wasn't even possible.
When I made up my mind like that, it became a little more bearable. I loitered around in my room, occasionally hearing Misha's hysterical screams.
The Imperial Law notebook that I hadn't memorized yet was getting on my nerves, but I tried to ignore it.
Finally, the night before the exam, the Count came to my room. He looked at me with pity as he saw me jump out of bed. He believed that I was taking a break from studying.
For some reason, I couldn't make eye contact with him.
"Are you sick?"
"No, no!"
I quickly got up, tidying up my hair.
“Just do as you normally would tomorrow. Don’t worry about the results.”
“Yes. Of course, Count.”
“...”
The Count stared at me as if he had something to say.
He was not the type to hesitate, so I felt a little strange. I was suddenly scared, wondering if he had realized that I was lying.
“You will soon be an adult.”
“Ah...”
“You should hold a debutante before the academy entrance ceremony. It’s better late than never. It’s a fiercely competitive social scene.”
As expected, the Count took my acceptance as a given.
I lowered my eyes involuntarily. I clenched my teeth for a moment, afraid that I would blurt out an unspeakable curse.
“...If I get in. But I’m not confident. If a kid like me could get in, wouldn’t the academy be called an academy?”
The Count smiled and patted my head.
“Go to sleep. You’ll have to wake up early tomorrow. I’ll take you to the exam room.”
I slowly got back into bed. The Count left only after seeing me lie down.
My conscience ached. My conscience and my heart ached.
People who had finished eating were laughing happily. I thought I could never laugh like that.
I just walked past them. I was proud of how vicious and mean I was. That was the only thing I believed in, the only thing that kept me alive, but even that had its limits.
I hated people thinking of my mother as a prostitute. I swear it wasn’t because of the humiliation I felt.
I had heard that kind of thing more than once or twice when I was young. That kind of humiliation was always attached to a woman who gave birth to a child without a father.
But that was different from this. There was no comparison between words that were said to provoke me and words that spread under the assumption that they were true.
I couldn’t let my mother suffer such humiliation. If I was going to continue to hate my mother for leaving me so irresponsibly and cruelly, I couldn’t do anything that would make her feel sorry.
The Count was also a problem. The misconduct of the nobles was not a topic of conversation, but if the person in question was Count Loire, it was different. He was a clean and upright person, respected by the nobles.
If rumors spread that he had a child with a cheap prostitute, it could even break the trust of His Majesty the Emperor.
Even if I turned a blind eye to all of that and graduated from the Academy, the Countess was waiting for me. I never doubted the Countess’s words that she would do everything she could to block my path.
In the end, my efforts were nothing from the beginning.
When on earth did the Countess start thinking like that? She quietly watched me study for months without being able to sleep well and waited until the very end...
“Damn it. I’ll get struck by lightning and fall over...”
“What did you just say?”
Suddenly, I heard a man’s low, sharp voice.
I lifted the end of my hood slightly and looked ahead, and it was a nobleman my age.
Only then did I take in the sight unfolding across from me.
Black hair and tall stature. When I looked again, I saw a perfectly fine man, an overly handsome man, holding onto the wrist of a commoner woman. The woman was terrified.
Of all people, I had to step in between and swear at him.
I don’t know why such a nobleman was wandering around alone, but I was tired of explaining that I didn’t swear at him.
Besides, looking at him, I felt like I could keep swearing.
God had sent a villain before my eyes, giving me a chance to vent my anger and helplessness that was eating away at my bones.
The woman who had her wrist grabbed said sobbing,
“I don’t know why you’re doing this all of a sudden. Please let me go, nobleman. I’m begging you!”
Those who look so fine harass strangers on the street.
Those kinds of people will enter the academy and ruin the future of the empire. It wasn’t my business anymore.
It wasn’t my business, but I couldn’t help feeling like my insides were about to explode.
I was going so hard that I thought the Count would do something if I caused an accident. If you look at who has the bigger nose, there aren't many people in the empire who can beat the Count.
I spoke crookedly in a state of mental breakdown.
"Do you want to know what I just said?"
The man's handsome, thick eyebrows were creased on one side.
The moment I saw him, I thought that I had made it. The village chief's son who had bullied me when I was young was like a sack of shit, but the villain in front of me now looked on a different level.
His speech was also extremely unlucky.
"Don't get involved in other people's business and go your own way."
"I love my neighbors as much as I love myself. I hardly think of them as other people's business. Hey, are you okay?"
The woman answered tearfully.
"I was just passing by...!"
"Let go of her hand and talk?"
"I know what you're thinking, and I admire your courage. I'll forgive the harsh words you just said, so just go away."
Those kinds of people will enter the academy and ruin the future of the empire. It wasn’t my business anymore.
It wasn’t my business, but I couldn’t help feeling like my insides were about to explode.
I was going so hard that I thought the Count would do something if I caused an accident. If you look at who has the bigger nose, there aren't many people in the empire who can beat the Count.
I spoke crookedly in a state of mental breakdown.
"Do you want to know what I just said?"
The man's handsome, thick eyebrows were creased on one side.
The moment I saw him, I thought that I had made it. The village chief's son who had bullied me when I was young was like a sack of shit, but the villain in front of me now looked on a different level.
His speech was also extremely unlucky.
"Don't get involved in other people's business and go your own way."
"I love my neighbors as much as I love myself. I hardly think of them as other people's business. Hey, are you okay?"
The woman answered tearfully.
"I was just passing by...!"
"Let go of her hand and talk?"
"I know what you're thinking, and I admire your courage. I'll forgive the harsh words you just said, so just go away."
The reason I exploded was because of the words 'go away'.
You damn nobles!
The density of noble bastards around me was too high. How could a person breathe like this!
“That bastard’s hand...”
You damn nobles!
The density of noble bastards around me was too high. How could a person breathe like this!
“That bastard’s hand...”
“...What?”
The man’s eyes grew as big as a lamp.
“Do your parents know that you is acting like this on the street?”
“Right now...”
When I opened my mouth to give him a big hug for the first time in a long time, the woman shook off his wrist and ran away. She was truly as fast as the wind.
The man yelled at me.
“You missed it!”
“...!”
I flinched in surprise at the man’s shout, which seemed to be filled with some kind of spirit, and my hood fell off. I immediately put it back on, but then a knight appeared on the street the woman had run away from and stopped her. The woman bumped into him and his arm was grabbed, and a purse fell out of her arms. It was clearly a nobleman’s purse.
“Huh...!”
I swear that moment, my jaw dropped for a moment and then snapped back together. All the curses I had been holding back inside me burst out at once, but I couldn’t say a single word.
So this nobleman had caught a pickpocket, and the pickpocket had tried to use my sympathy to get out of the situation.
Since I treated him like a thief, my life had already fallen into the abyss and was now ruined...
The man turned to me with an arrogant smile as if he had seen it.
I had no choice. I had to get out.
As I started running, the man’s urgent shouts quickly faded away.
“Stay there!”
***
The man who appeared after the knight was hiding behind the cloak hood. When the knight tried to drag the woman away, he said,
“Let her go.”
“But...”
The black-haired man who had first caught her, Locard Kydel, approached and said,
“I found the money, so let her go.”
“Consider yourself lucky.”
When the knight let go of her hand, the woman ran away into the crowd without even saying thank you.
Locard said to the cloaked man,
“Let’s go now, Your Highness.”
“I’m feeling offended.”
“But the meal was delicious, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it, Sir Falcon?”
The knight replied with a smile.
“Your legs are so fast that I barely managed to catch up, Prince Kydel.”
“I’m a bit like that.”
The cloaked man, Second Prince Grayon, found it strange that Locard was staring at the opposite street instead of the one where the pickpocket had disappeared.
Locard, noticing Grayon’s surprise, smiled playfully and turned around.
“Then, let’s go.”
***
I hurried back to the Count’s residence. Then I collapsed on the bed and laughed vainly.
An illegitimate child is not even allowed time to be sad. Even on the day when the future is gone, I have to cause an absurd accident and run away.
Naturally, I had no contact with the nobles. Even on the night, Misha threw a splendid debutante with a lot of money, I was in my room.
The Count said it was okay for me to attend, but I declined. It wasn’t just because of the Countess who seemed ready to eat me if I even cast a shadow over her. It was because I didn’t want to go into a room full of real nobles who didn’t know how to dance and were arrogant.
So my only chance of meeting nobles was when I entered the academy, but since that had fallen through, I would never meet that tall, dark-haired man again.
The possibility of graduating from the academy and becoming a tutor for a noble family was slim, so the possibility of meeting that tall, dark-haired man by chance was slim.
My life was just slim.
I tossed and turned until dawn, wondering how I should tell the Count that I was giving up the exam, and then fell asleep.
As soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, the first thought that came to my mind was, 'Let's not say anything!' I could go to the exam room and pretend to take the exam, and then go somewhere else.
Then the Count would think that I failed the exam, and after some time had passed, I could just tell him that I was having a hard time and wouldn't be taking the exam next year.
I was still young, and it was hard to solve everything in the world on my own. It wasn't even possible.
When I made up my mind like that, it became a little more bearable. I loitered around in my room, occasionally hearing Misha's hysterical screams.
The Imperial Law notebook that I hadn't memorized yet was getting on my nerves, but I tried to ignore it.
Finally, the night before the exam, the Count came to my room. He looked at me with pity as he saw me jump out of bed. He believed that I was taking a break from studying.
For some reason, I couldn't make eye contact with him.
"Are you sick?"
"No, no!"
I quickly got up, tidying up my hair.
“Just do as you normally would tomorrow. Don’t worry about the results.”
“Yes. Of course, Count.”
“...”
The Count stared at me as if he had something to say.
He was not the type to hesitate, so I felt a little strange. I was suddenly scared, wondering if he had realized that I was lying.
“You will soon be an adult.”
“Ah...”
“You should hold a debutante before the academy entrance ceremony. It’s better late than never. It’s a fiercely competitive social scene.”
As expected, the Count took my acceptance as a given.
I lowered my eyes involuntarily. I clenched my teeth for a moment, afraid that I would blurt out an unspeakable curse.
“...If I get in. But I’m not confident. If a kid like me could get in, wouldn’t the academy be called an academy?”
The Count smiled and patted my head.
“Go to sleep. You’ll have to wake up early tomorrow. I’ll take you to the exam room.”
I slowly got back into bed. The Count left only after seeing me lie down.
My conscience ached. My conscience and my heart ached.
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