Be more desperate than anyone else to get a chance (1)
A sigh escaped me.
I'm sick and tired of my life force being more tenacious than a leech.
I wish I would die quickly. I was hoping so, but something felt strange.
I didn't feel any heat. There was no pain, which had been tormenting me until my last breath.
When I opened my eyes out of habit, I saw something white.
'See?'
This is really weird.
Why am I seeing something like that when I've lost my eyesight for a long time?
I was about to rub my eyes absentmindedly when I felt lace.
It was an eye patch that had never been taken off since the age of sixteen to hide my unfocused eyes.
I lifted it and blinked.
Every time my eyelids closed and opened, the blurry, blurred shape became clearer.
"Ah...!"
A thousand colors and lights poured into my retina. It was so bright and vivid that it was dizzying.
Unable to bear it any longer, I closed my eyes tightly.
Is this the afterlife?
It couldn't be. I would have been in hell, but this place was so peaceful.
And it's a visible service.
If there is a God, He wouldn't do this to me.
I carefully raised my upper body and leaned back on the bed. Then I slowly opened my eyes and looked out the window.
The clear blue sky, the white fluffy clouds, the birds flying in a row, the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of summer.
“Is this real?”
Little by little, I began to think that maybe this situation wasn't a dream or a fantasy before I died.
Gulp.
I looked down at my stomach without realizing it. I was a little dumbfounded and stopped thinking.
Again, my stomach started making a strange noise.
A sigh escaped me.
I'm sick and tired of my life force being more tenacious than a leech.
I wish I would die quickly. I was hoping so, but something felt strange.
I didn't feel any heat. There was no pain, which had been tormenting me until my last breath.
When I opened my eyes out of habit, I saw something white.
'See?'
This is really weird.
Why am I seeing something like that when I've lost my eyesight for a long time?
I was about to rub my eyes absentmindedly when I felt lace.
It was an eye patch that had never been taken off since the age of sixteen to hide my unfocused eyes.
I lifted it and blinked.
Every time my eyelids closed and opened, the blurry, blurred shape became clearer.
"Ah...!"
A thousand colors and lights poured into my retina. It was so bright and vivid that it was dizzying.
Unable to bear it any longer, I closed my eyes tightly.
Is this the afterlife?
It couldn't be. I would have been in hell, but this place was so peaceful.
And it's a visible service.
If there is a God, He wouldn't do this to me.
I carefully raised my upper body and leaned back on the bed. Then I slowly opened my eyes and looked out the window.
The clear blue sky, the white fluffy clouds, the birds flying in a row, the wind blowing through my hair, the smell of summer.
“Is this real?”
Little by little, I began to think that maybe this situation wasn't a dream or a fantasy before I died.
Gulp.
I looked down at my stomach without realizing it. I was a little dumbfounded and stopped thinking.
Again, my stomach started making a strange noise.
Growl.
I came to my senses and thought about this strange phenomenon.
"Hungry."
Corpses don't feel hungry. Funny enough, it was only then that I realized I was alive.
"How..."
Is that it?
Did God really say that this kid is no good, that the fires of hell cannot wash away her sins, so He spared her life so that she could atone for what she had done?
Gulp!
Have I been fasting for a few days? Why am I so hungry?
I have to eat first.
I don't know where this is, but there must be something to eat.
As I was getting up hesitantly, I heard a knock on the door.
The moment I quickly covered my eyes with lace and turned around, the bedroom door opened carefully.
"Who..."
“Gyaaaah! Miss!”
A woman ran outside screaming at the top of her lungs.
I froze in bed with one leg out.
Miss?
Miss was a title I was only called when I was at home, that is, at the Astrod mansion.
When was the last time I heard it? Was it a year ago?
What the hell happened?
At that moment, a commotion was heard outside.
“Father! Please hold her still! The youngest is still sick. She’s only just coming to his senses.”
“Okay, I get it, so let go.”
“The youngest probably didn’t mean it with bad intentions. I’ll talk to her later once she recovers her health.”
“I told you to let go! Now even you guys are making fun of your father!”
“That’s not it... Father!”
Bang!
The door burst open as if it was going to burst open, and someone could be seen striding towards me through the lace.
Suddenly, I felt like a rock was pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Although he had more wrinkles than I remembered, I couldn't help but recognize that stern-looking middle-aged man.
A sigh came out of my mouth.
"Father..."
Slam!
For a moment, his face turned around. Then his cheeks turned hot.
“You idiot!”
“...”
“You refuse to eat until you faint because your father is against your marriage? How did I raise you! Why would that man harm your body!”
Am I starving?
I was feeling unusually hungry. Then why did I fast?
"Ah..."
My father vehemently opposed my marriage to the third Prince.
I couldn't accept it, so I fought, pleaded, pressured, and threatened.
Anyway, after doing all sorts of crazy things, I decided to refuse all food as a last resort.
As if taking revenge on my father.
'And.'
I was amazed again. I was really trash.
But that was quite a long time ago?
“Do you think your father opposes the Third Prince without any reason? Do you think I oppose you because I am a cunning and ambitious man?”
“...”
“I’m against it because he doesn’t love you! Why don’t you know that!”
“...”
“Even if you are a rascal! Even if you are a slave! If you love him as much as your own life, your father will not object!”
Even my father knew that the Third Prince didn't love me.
That's why you were so opposed to it, but I didn't know.
Just me.
Rather, I thought my father hated me. I was convinced that he was blocking my love to protect his honor and power.
When I finally left home after fighting with my father, I felt relieved.
I swore I would never see my father again. I had no family anymore.
I haven't seen my family since then. I never even thought about missing them.
Until I was abandoned by the Third Prince and thrown into prison.
“Father said, ‘I will definitely save you. Then our whole family will survive.’”
“So, all our youngest has to do is survive. Your brother and I will take care of the rest.”
My father never abandoned me until the end.
He collapsed and died while trying to save me from prison, and my older brothers were caught while trying to break me out of prison and were hanged on the gallows.
Because of me abandoning them.
"Ah..."
Tears burst out.
Even when I was abandoned by my lover or betrayed by my friend, tears that never came out flowed without time to be stopped.
"Sorry."
“You still haven’t come to your senses... What? What did you just say?”
I knelt down and laid my face down with my forehead on the floor.
“I was wrong, Father. I was foolish. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Who... Who told you to kneel down! Get up.”
“I won’t do it again. Just once, please just once...”
“Get up right now!”
My father roughly picked me up.
I held onto my father's hand and cried like a child.
It's my father's hand. No matter what mistake I made, he would always reach out and correct me.
I held his hand like a rope and buried my face in my father's chest.
Only then did I say the words I had been too shameless to say until the moment of my death.
“Forgive me, please. Please, forgive me, please.”
“...What did you do well enough to make you cry? I don’t even want to see you, so just stop crying!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was wrong...”
“Then why did you do something like that and drive a nail into your father’s heart! You unfilial brat!”
My father gave me a stern scolding and shook my hand away. Then he turned around and left the bedroom.
“Hoo, Shevio, stay with the youngest.”
“I’ll take care of this, you go see father.”
My eldest brother, Kjer, followed my father, and my second brother, Chevio, put his arm around my shoulder.
“Don’t worry too much. Your father is upset right now, but he will feel better soon.”
The crying in his large, callused hands did not stop but rather became louder.
“I’m sorry, brother. I’m really sorry.”
“You went too far this time. Do you know how surprised I was?”
“...”
“Oh, oh my, no, I’m not surprised, so stop crying. You’re a patient right now, so you shouldn’t cry.”
He, who had been fidgeting, let out a deep sigh and slowly rubbed my back.
“Your father may be strict, but he really loves you. Do you know that?”
"... I know."
I know it so well that it makes my heart ache.
“You’re not going to fast anymore, are you? Should I ask Nadia to prepare a meal for you?”
“No, I won’t. I’m hungry.”
“Our youngest, you’re finally smiling. Lie down. I’ll come back and talk to you.”
Shevio picked me up and laid me on the bed.
Tears flowed through the damp lace.
Alive.
The whole family was alive.
If it was a dream, I never wanted to wake up.
I came to my senses and thought about this strange phenomenon.
"Hungry."
Corpses don't feel hungry. Funny enough, it was only then that I realized I was alive.
"How..."
Is that it?
Did God really say that this kid is no good, that the fires of hell cannot wash away her sins, so He spared her life so that she could atone for what she had done?
Gulp!
Have I been fasting for a few days? Why am I so hungry?
I have to eat first.
I don't know where this is, but there must be something to eat.
As I was getting up hesitantly, I heard a knock on the door.
The moment I quickly covered my eyes with lace and turned around, the bedroom door opened carefully.
"Who..."
“Gyaaaah! Miss!”
A woman ran outside screaming at the top of her lungs.
I froze in bed with one leg out.
Miss?
Miss was a title I was only called when I was at home, that is, at the Astrod mansion.
When was the last time I heard it? Was it a year ago?
What the hell happened?
At that moment, a commotion was heard outside.
“Father! Please hold her still! The youngest is still sick. She’s only just coming to his senses.”
“Okay, I get it, so let go.”
“The youngest probably didn’t mean it with bad intentions. I’ll talk to her later once she recovers her health.”
“I told you to let go! Now even you guys are making fun of your father!”
“That’s not it... Father!”
Bang!
The door burst open as if it was going to burst open, and someone could be seen striding towards me through the lace.
Suddenly, I felt like a rock was pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Although he had more wrinkles than I remembered, I couldn't help but recognize that stern-looking middle-aged man.
A sigh came out of my mouth.
"Father..."
Slam!
For a moment, his face turned around. Then his cheeks turned hot.
“You idiot!”
“...”
“You refuse to eat until you faint because your father is against your marriage? How did I raise you! Why would that man harm your body!”
Am I starving?
I was feeling unusually hungry. Then why did I fast?
"Ah..."
My father vehemently opposed my marriage to the third Prince.
I couldn't accept it, so I fought, pleaded, pressured, and threatened.
Anyway, after doing all sorts of crazy things, I decided to refuse all food as a last resort.
As if taking revenge on my father.
'And.'
I was amazed again. I was really trash.
But that was quite a long time ago?
“Do you think your father opposes the Third Prince without any reason? Do you think I oppose you because I am a cunning and ambitious man?”
“...”
“I’m against it because he doesn’t love you! Why don’t you know that!”
“...”
“Even if you are a rascal! Even if you are a slave! If you love him as much as your own life, your father will not object!”
Even my father knew that the Third Prince didn't love me.
That's why you were so opposed to it, but I didn't know.
Just me.
Rather, I thought my father hated me. I was convinced that he was blocking my love to protect his honor and power.
When I finally left home after fighting with my father, I felt relieved.
I swore I would never see my father again. I had no family anymore.
I haven't seen my family since then. I never even thought about missing them.
Until I was abandoned by the Third Prince and thrown into prison.
“Father said, ‘I will definitely save you. Then our whole family will survive.’”
“So, all our youngest has to do is survive. Your brother and I will take care of the rest.”
My father never abandoned me until the end.
He collapsed and died while trying to save me from prison, and my older brothers were caught while trying to break me out of prison and were hanged on the gallows.
Because of me abandoning them.
"Ah..."
Tears burst out.
Even when I was abandoned by my lover or betrayed by my friend, tears that never came out flowed without time to be stopped.
"Sorry."
“You still haven’t come to your senses... What? What did you just say?”
I knelt down and laid my face down with my forehead on the floor.
“I was wrong, Father. I was foolish. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Who... Who told you to kneel down! Get up.”
“I won’t do it again. Just once, please just once...”
“Get up right now!”
My father roughly picked me up.
I held onto my father's hand and cried like a child.
It's my father's hand. No matter what mistake I made, he would always reach out and correct me.
I held his hand like a rope and buried my face in my father's chest.
Only then did I say the words I had been too shameless to say until the moment of my death.
“Forgive me, please. Please, forgive me, please.”
“...What did you do well enough to make you cry? I don’t even want to see you, so just stop crying!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was wrong...”
“Then why did you do something like that and drive a nail into your father’s heart! You unfilial brat!”
My father gave me a stern scolding and shook my hand away. Then he turned around and left the bedroom.
“Hoo, Shevio, stay with the youngest.”
“I’ll take care of this, you go see father.”
My eldest brother, Kjer, followed my father, and my second brother, Chevio, put his arm around my shoulder.
“Don’t worry too much. Your father is upset right now, but he will feel better soon.”
The crying in his large, callused hands did not stop but rather became louder.
“I’m sorry, brother. I’m really sorry.”
“You went too far this time. Do you know how surprised I was?”
“...”
“Oh, oh my, no, I’m not surprised, so stop crying. You’re a patient right now, so you shouldn’t cry.”
He, who had been fidgeting, let out a deep sigh and slowly rubbed my back.
“Your father may be strict, but he really loves you. Do you know that?”
"... I know."
I know it so well that it makes my heart ache.
“You’re not going to fast anymore, are you? Should I ask Nadia to prepare a meal for you?”
“No, I won’t. I’m hungry.”
“Our youngest, you’re finally smiling. Lie down. I’ll come back and talk to you.”
Shevio picked me up and laid me on the bed.
Tears flowed through the damp lace.
Alive.
The whole family was alive.
If it was a dream, I never wanted to wake up.
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