IHMEB - Chapter 160 < Unmeasurable Sorrow >




“...Kaian.”

As soon as I mentioned his name, my empty heart which seemed unfillable was soon filled with sorrow. The emotions that filled the empty space felt like they would burst at any moment.

‘Is he doing well?’

Is he perhaps looking for .e?

I was a little curious.

However, negative thoughts soon took over my mind.

‘He’ll think it’s a good thing since he avoided a headache.’

Perhaps Kaian would have known right away that I was pregnant.

The resident doctor of the castle, who had been telling me that ‘Your Highness should know,’ was a man of few words.

He liked to talk so much that during the past few months while drinking tea with the doctor under the pretext of treating the aftereffects of Herzol, I learned where he was from, why he became a doctor, his job satisfaction, and the weekly salary he received from the castle.

It was a good thing that he had accepted my request to not tell Kaian until I stabilized.

‘Because Hannah knew too.’

When I was young, my mother often told her,

“When two people know each other, it’s not a secret.” 

A real secret was something that was kept to myself and not told to anyone else. So the baby’s story couldn’t have been a secret from the beginning. Even I heard about it with Hannah through the doctor.

“I wondered what he would say if I told him I was pregnant.”

Surprised or happy.

The day he happened to bring flowers and gifts was the day I found out I was pregnant, so I felt like I was being congratulated for nothing.

However, I also heard that a child with dirty blood shouldn’t be born.

It hurt.

As soon as I thought about that, it was as if I had been stabbed in the chest with something sharp.

At the same time, tears rolled down my cheeks.

“I’m crying.”

I had thought I didn’t know when I would cry again.

The incalculable sadness was enough to make me cry just thinking about it again.

I quickly wiped away the tear stains with the napkin I had been holding in my hand, feeling the maids coming back to the room.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Lady Claudel.”

“There is no one in the castle who knows how to cook Valmonde, so I asked around and brought them.”

“It’s my fault for not telling you in advance. Thank you for your consideration.”

In the place where delicate dishes had been placed as if there had been a splendid feast earlier, a thick stew of dull color and buttered bread was placed.

Valmonde’s cuisine was specialized for filling the stomach with light food. I had never cooked it myself, but I knew the food I had grown up eating just by looking at it. When I suddenly looked for Valmonde’s cuisine, it seemed that I had brought the chunks of beef that had been left over for other dishes, but only with northern spices. I couldn’t eat royal cuisine because of Kaian.

But Rowen’s cuisine seemed even more difficult to eat. Then the only dishes I could eat were those made in the north.

When I sighed softly and picked up my spoon, I felt as if the maids were looking at me with anxious eyes.

“It’s delicious.”

Fortunately, the taste I had tasted myself wasn’t bad, so I divided the bread and slowly emptied my plate. Only after seeing me did the maids relax.

After finishing the meal, I felt much better.

“Just think good thoughts.”

For some reason, the baby seemed to be more active after having eaten nothing properly for a while.

I gently rubbed my lower abdomen with my hand and spoke to the baby.

“Do you like the food of Valmonde?”

Maybe it was because I was eating something nutritious after eating only light soups for a while. When I thought of the baby being excited, I somehow felt even cuter.

“You don’t have a father, but you do have a mother.”

I had to raise the baby well.

I was just an adopted daughter raised by the Duke of Vermont. If I had been educated and raised properly and had the dignity to save face, I would have married off to wherever my uncle told me to go without complaint.

Still, since I had grown up as a Duke’s daughter, I had some wealth. The Duke of Vermont would not be able to accept me because he was not kind, but if I asked my aunt and Irena for help, they would not have completely ignored me.

“You really are worse than others.”

The Duchess of Vermont was the one with whom I had no blood relations. It was really awkward that I thought I could rely on my aunt rather than my uncle at such a time.

Knock knock.

While I was lost in thought, someone knocked on the door.

“May I come in?”

“Your Majesty.”

I was startled and sat up from the sofa where I had been lazily leaning.

“You’re calling me that again.”

Valquiterre frowned in discontent.

“I lied to Kaian to grant your request. My mother’s only sister’s second cousin.”

“...”

“If you’re going to stay in the palace as my friend, I hope you know how to address me.”

“Yes, Bark. I’m sorry.”

I awkwardly tucked my hair behind my ear.

“I didn’t know you’d come so suddenly.”

“I heard you didn’t like the food.”

“No. I ate well.”

Valquiterre crossed his arms as if he were displeased.

“You didn’t eat properly even when you came to the palace and just slept the whole time.”

“There was nothing I could do about it...”

“I came to see you since you were awake for the first time in a while. But I heard you found some Valmonde cuisine.”

“Yes. I guess it’s because I didn’t eat it when I was in Rowen.”

The Rowen food was obviously much tastier.

Sometimes Hannah would bring tea or sweets from the North, saying she got them from the maids, but I swore that I had never once thought of eating Valmonde food since arriving at Rowen Castle.

Didn’t I realize how great the power of fresh ingredients was?

However, whenever I talked to Valquiterre, I often felt like I was being swayed by his way of speaking.

“Well, he wouldn’t let them make food from Vermont, his enemy, at Rowen Castle.”

He nodded with a calm face, as if my excuses were plausible, as he tried not to interrupt Valquiterre, who was trying to be too friendly with me.

“Don’t you feel stuffy just staying in your room?”

“A little.”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

My eyes widened at the word 'walk'.

“A walk?”

“What’s so surprising?”

“Is it okay for me to go out of my room?”

Valquiterre laughed out loud at my words as if he had heard some really funny joke.

“Haha. What would I become if you asked me that? It sounds like I’m the villain who locked you in this room.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Come out here.”

Valquiterre opened the door to the room I was staying in with his own hands. When I followed him into the hallway, there was no one in the long hallway.

“Weren’t there servants standing there?”

The room I was staying in now was on the same floor as the one I had stayed in when I had come to the palace before.

I clearly remembered that guards and servants took turns guarding the hallway at regular intervals.

“I’ve disciplined the people working on the entire floor.”

“Yes?”

“The maids who serve you are very tight-lipped. They are specially selected.”

Valquiterre carefully selected only those maids and servants who had siblings to keep my secret while serving me. I would never have imagined that he sent their children to boarding schools under the guise of “sponsorship.”

If they followed the King’s orders well, a member of the family would graduate from a prestigious school, but if they didn’t, they were practically hostages.

However, those who received such an offer were not in a position to refuse it in the first place, and they did not think that they would be foolish and make a mistake, so they all watched my face and served me who had been lying down.

“You can come out whenever you want. You can’t go to another floor, though.”

“I thought I shouldn’t come out of the room.”

I was truly grateful for Valquiterre's considerate treatment. When I thought about how long I would have to live like this, the time when I would have a child seemed far away.

Valquiterre walked slowly so that I could follow. Eventually, he stopped at the hanging gardens that we had been to before.

“Wow. It’s still beautiful even when I see it again.”

Valquiterre took out a fancy golden key, opened the door, and let me in.

Although it was winter, the capital city was much warmer than Valmonde, so the evergreen trees were green and the trees were bearing primary-colored fruits that looked like flowers, so it was not shabby but rather charming.

“Ha.”

Valquiterre smiled as she watched me take a deep breath and exhale.

“Thank you very much.”

I felt I had to greet him properly.

“You helped me so much, but I didn’t even get to thank you properly.”

“No need to. I was just trying to help my friend.” 

But in a way, it was surprising that he had betrayed Kaian to help me.

I had no choice but to ask Valquiterre for help, but I never thought he would really help me this much. I was literally grasping at straws.

I decided to focus only on saving the baby.

Valquiterre was me and the baby’s benefactor.

“You like books, right?”

“Yes.”

“There are few places in the kingdom better than the library in the palace. The library is located in the large door next to the hanging gardens, so I hope you won’t be bored.”

“Thank you.” 

Now that I had something to do during my time of despair, I felt like I could spend my time in the palace. I could go out of my room, take a walk in the hallway and garden, and even go to the library to look for books I liked.

As I was picturing my new life, Valquiterre opened his mouth.

“I have one thing I want to ask you.”

“Of course.”

He looked at me carefully as I readily answered.

“Did Kaian push you out of the boat?”


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