"Yes?"
Carcel asked me with a somewhat dazed look on his face.
I pulled him instead of answering.
"I once stayed at my grandmother's house, and since I was sleeping in an unfamiliar place, I couldn't sleep for several days."
During a time when my parents' relationship had deteriorated significantly, my dad took me to my grandmother's house in the countryside and left.
The time I spent with my grandmother throughout the vacation remained a better memory for me.
I used to sleep soundly without a care in the world when I was held in my grandmother's arms, listening to her heartbeat.
"Just trust me this once."
"...If I sleep in Asha’s arms. No."
"Hurry."
I pulled Carcel's head and held it to my heart.
“Ah. Asha?”
"Listening to the heartbeat like this naturally leads to a deep sleep. It makes you feel safe and comfortable, doesn't it?"
Holding Carcel in my arms, I patted his back.
And I hummed a lullaby.
"Sleep well, my baby."
"Don't I look too crumpled to be a baby?"
Carcel smiled as if in a difficult situation.
"It is a bit tough. This isn't what I had in mind."
It did feel heavy.
I was thinking of myself being held tightly in my grandmother's arms, but now Carcel was crumpled up in my arms.
However, knowing that he suffered from insomnia and hadn't been able to sleep properly for several days due to work, I felt even more sorry for him.
"Just try to get used to it for now."
At my urging, Carcel finally shut his mouth and even closed his eyes.
"Has about 10 minutes passed?"
Just as Carcel was breathing steadily, I quietly asked.
"You're sleeping, right?" It was just as I was confirming and trying to pull him away.
"...Just tell me to die instead."
That answer came back from Carcel belatedly.
***
And Carcel was now experiencing the longest ten minutes of his life.
To think he was being held so tightly against Asha's chest, his cheek and ear pressed against hers.
'Just kill me instead.'
Even if he tried not to be conscious of it, he couldn't help it.
Asha's skin was as soft as foxtail grass, the touch of thin pajamas, and even her unique scent like real flowers.
Everything was fascinating, but having to listen to her heartbeat with his cheek pressed down felt like death.
Asha even seemed convinced that he would sleep soundly.
'I am trash. Big trash.'
For Carcel, it was simply a time of self-reflection that made him realize once again just how much of a piece of trash he was.
Carcel knew that Asha was someone who didn't know much about romance or men.
She probably can't even begin to guess just how provocative and stimulating this situation is for him.
So he endured a long period of hardship, trying his best not to make inappropriate contact with Asha.
Then, suddenly, a sound was heard.
“You’re sleeping, right?”
It was Asha's voice, convinced that he had fallen into a deep sleep by now.
Carcel answered with difficulty, shedding tears of blood inwardly.
"...Tell me to die rather."
Asha seemed like she really didn't realize how lovable she was.
Every time they kissed, he could see Asha's white cheeks, earlobes, and the corners of her eyes turning pale pink.
Even that gesture of pulling him in and embracing him.
To think that while floundering, lost in everything about Asha that one cannot help but love, she purely wants to put him to sleep and hug him.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
"Asha, I know I'm trash, but... if I can reach the person I like."
Carcel finished speaking, even while worrying about how sinister his words might sound.
"A physical reaction is bound to occur. I mean... even if it is just a sign of intimacy from Asha's perspective, to me..."
He wanted her to understand without him having to explain further.
It was a story too raw to say out loud.
"Uh... ah."
As soon as Carcel heard Asha sigh, he also noticed that she had realized something.
"Ah. Ow! I'm sorry!"
Asha slapped Carcel's cheek hard.
Her eyes were shaking completely.
Carcel felt somehow exhausted and kept his distance from her.
As Asha's face came into his sight, it was flushed red as if it were about to explode even in the darkness.
"I, I'm sorry! I really didn't even think of that; I was just being thoughtless!"
"I know. It hurts my pride a little to think that I might not be seen as a man, though."
“It’s not like that!”
Asha shook her head vigorously, but eventually, unable to bear the shame, she buried her face in the pillow.
Carcel finally smiled bitterly when he saw Asha's face, which was flushed red as if rose juice would ooze out if touched.
"Excuse me for a moment."
Asha squirmed under the covers, too distracted to even have the presence of mind to answer him.
After he opened the door and left, Asha intensely recalled only one thought from her chaotic mind.
'I was so clueless, wasn't I?!'
She was someone who had never been told she was clueless, no matter where she went.
Having lived on mere social maneuvering for so long, reading the room was a habit of Asha's.
But why!
Asha clenched her fist tightly and slammed the pillow down.
“Ugh!”
She also screamed to her heart's content against the pillow.
After quite a while, Asha sat up, hugging her pillow tightly, and thought she should apologize to Carcel first.
And when Carcel returned a little later, he was somewhat disheveled.
Asha could not hide her guilt at his haggard appearance, his hair a mess from being pulled out so much.
"Are you okay...?"
"Of course I'm fine."
Carcel answered in a somewhat awkward tone and tucked himself back into bed.
Asha also lay on the edge of the bed in a proper posture, blowing as hard as possible, without disturbing him.
Asha, who had been feeling awkward, cautiously struck up a conversation.
"Um... are you going to the fireworks tomorrow, Carcel, too?"
"Yes. I think so."
Asha was lost in thought for a moment.
Then, as if something had suddenly occurred to her, she sprang to her feet.
As Carcel turned to look at Asha, she shouted angrily.
"Gasp, that day... surely not!"
***
Until just a moment ago, I had no thoughts because of the incident with Carcel.
But it just occurred to me.
'Hearing the word "fireworks" reminded me of something.'
Numerous more attempted assassinations will occur over the next 10 years.
However, there are roughly three things among them that I remember clearly.
Even if there were attempted assassinations, Linea didn't stop every single one.
Linea saved Lucian a total of 3 times by using her wits.
However, since the story takes place over 10 years, I vaguely thought there was still plenty of time left.
So, I might have let my guard down for a moment.
'Linea and Lucian meeting, and me meeting Carcel. The timing of both was different.'
It was pulled for a long time.
The timeline might have already changed.
And in the original work, there was only one incident where fireworks were given significant attention.
An attempted assassination that occurred at the time when the two's romance began to unfold in earnest.
'That day was when the two of them turned 14 and started to become a little conscious of each other.'
Two children entering puberty gradually begin to feel indescribable, subtle emotions.
Lucian started liking Linea first, so he invited her to watch fireworks together.
However, that incident, which might have been a proper first date, quickly turns into a survival story.
First of all, while the fireworks were in full swing, the Emperor was at a ball to which he had invited all the nobles.
'Only Linea, Lucian, and the guards protecting Lucian were at the inner palace's lookout.'
The reason they thought it was safe was, naturally, the observation deck near the Crown Prince's Palace.
Because the Imperial Palace was not an easy place to sneak into, even the inner palace.
However, the assassins were determined to take advantage of that time when the noise from the fireworks would be difficult to hear.
In any case, the Emperor and the nobles were in the outer palace, so the security personnel were dispersed accordingly.
That time when fireworks beautifully adorned the evening sky.
Linea and Lucian could not treat each other as comfortably as before; they would blush and flinch at the slightest touch of each other's fingertips.
In the heat of that early summer, fresh and innocent, like taking a bite of first love.
With a loud explosion, a large fire breaks out from below.
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