“No, it’s okay.”
At my answer that it was fine, the nanny immediately thrust the dress at me. It was a lime-colored dress with flower embroidery in silver thread.
"I don't have time to do my hair and makeup. Try it on quickly. Hurry up!"
She urged me on, saying she was busy. The ladies-in-waiting dressed me, and my face and hair were touched. The nanny coiled my hair, which was braided into two pigtails, into a bun. A lime-colored silk ribbon, the same color as the dress, was tied around my flat hair, hanging down.
"Oh my, you are so pretty."
"There is no one in this empire as beautiful as the young lady."
The lime-colored dress and hair tie suited my golden-brown hair quite well. The ladies-in-waiting made a fuss as they looked at me. They kept showering me with flowery language, saying I was pretty and beautiful.
I wore an indifferent expression at their exclamations of admiration.
There was a time when I, too, thought I was the prettiest in the world. Everyone around me praised my beauty.
No people were doing that. It was only natural that I was mistaken.
Of course, I don't mean that I am ugly. Objectively speaking, I think I fall into the pretty category. However, I wasn't the best in the Empire, as they claimed. I knew a woman who was called the most beautiful woman in the Empire.
'Yeah, that...'
I mean her, the beautiful and lovely treasure of the Empire with bright, clear sky-blue hair.
***
The official reason I received an invitation from the Imperial Palace was the Emperor's consolation for the Marquis's daughter who had lost her mother. However, everyone in capital the know was aware that the real reason lay elsewhere.
The Emperor had a total of six sons. Including daughters, the number of the Emperor's children exceeded single digits. The Emperor was a man of great stamina. He had one Empress, two Imperial Consorts, and numerous concubines as wives. Among the six Princes, the most likely candidates for the next throne were the First Prince, born to the First Imperial Consort, and the Sixth Prince, born to the former Empress who passed away long ago.
As soon as the Sixth Prince, born to the Empress, was born, the Emperor appointed him Crown Prince. Some nobles pleaded with him to reconsider, citing the Prince's young age, but the Emperor did not heed their request.
Unfortunately for the Crown Prince, he lost his mother, the Empress, shortly after his birth. Although his support base, the Duke of Garfield, remained intact, the absence of the Empress was a significant blow. The fact that the newly ascended Empress's family belonged to the aristocratic faction also worked against him.
The new Empress came from a Viscount family and was just 19 years old when she married the Emperor and ascended to the throne. The Emperor already had several grown children, and the nobility was divided into two factions locked in a tense power struggle. They did not want the power structure to change due to the new Empress.
Due to an implicit agreement between the Imperial faction and the Noble faction, the position of Empress was taken by a young lady from a humble Viscount family. Her family was elevated to the status of a Count family upon her ascension to the throne. It was a choice that satisfied both the Imperial faction, which supported the Crown Prince, and the Noble faction, which supported the First Prince.
The Empress was of sufficient age to have children, but the Emperor was too old. Even if, miraculously, the Empress became pregnant with the Emperor's child, there was no guarantee that the child would be a Prince. The Empress and her family, who originally belonged to the aristocratic faction, began to wholeheartedly support the First Prince born to the First Consort.
The First Prince was 16 years older than the Crown Prince. In many ways, the situation was disadvantageous to the Crown Prince. The Emperor began to lend his support to the Crown Prince.
That first beginning was me.
The Elliot Marquisate had maintained neutrality for generations. Even after the current Marquis became Chancellor, that stance remained unchanged. There were quite a few neutral families, including the Marquisate. Among the families that advocated neutrality, the Elliot Marquisate was by far the foremost.
To both the Imperial faction and the Noble faction, the Marquisate of Elliot was a desirable fruit in itself. The Noble faction eyed the seat next to the Marquis. The awkward relationship between the Marquis and the Marchioness must have appeared to them as an opportunity.
Many women from the aristocratic faction approached the Marquis. Their advances became even more blatant after the Marchioness's death. Some even came all the way to the mansion. Most of the women, however, could not even cross the main gate of the Marquis's estate. The Marquis was ruthless toward the other women as well. He did not allow them to approach him, as if they were not even worth dealing with. Such an attitude of the Marquis gave me a subtle sense of euphoria.
I know that the Emperor also put quite a bit of effort into winning the Marquis over. It seems the Marquis treated the Emperor no differently than usual. Eventually, the Emperor gave up and changed his target to me.
The Emperor's choice was excellent. I had not only the Marquisate of Elliot but also the Count of Pison, renowned as great merchants, on my mother's side. I lacked nothing in terms of wealth and power. The Emperor intended to solidify his son's support base by marrying me to the Crown Prince.
'That first beginning was my entry into the palace.'
The Emperor needed an excuse to bring me into the palace. The death of the Marchioness provided a timely and suitable justification. As soon as the funeral was over, the Emperor summoned me to the palace.
The Emperor sent a carriage from the imperial palace for me. It was a large white carriage engraved with a roaring golden lion, the symbol of the imperial family. Few people were allowed to ride in a carriage bearing the golden lion symbolizing the imperial family. Only members of the royal family or those recognized by the Emperor were permitted to do so. The Emperor's intention was clear.
I boarded the carriage. Befitting a carriage of the Imperial Palace, the interior was spacious and comfortable. As I took my seat, the Marquis followed suit. It was the Emperor's consideration for me, as it was my first time entering the palace. He took a seat opposite me. As usual, he was silent.
"..."
"..."
It was exactly the same then as it is now. The Marquis and I did not exchange a single word the entire way to the Imperial Palace. I hoped for his attention, but he did not even give me a glance until we finally arrived.
Looking back now, there was no need to wait for him to speak to me. If I wanted to talk to him, I just needed to strike up a conversation.
'Whether he will answer or not is another matter.'
In any case, there was no need to wait for him to speak to me first.
'Back then, I couldn't even imagine speaking to him first.'
He was as scary and difficult to deal with as I wanted to get his attention and make a good impression on him. It was also the first time I had been alone with the Marquis in such a confined space for such a long time. The fact that I was alone with the Marquis in a small space made me even more nervous than the fact that I was entering the palace.
The door closed, and the carriage began to move. The ride was as comfortable as a car. However, unlike the comfortable ride, I felt unwell. My stomach discomfort worsened as we drew closer to the Imperial Palace.
It wasn't the tension of being alone with the Marquis in a confined space like back then. The me now is the me from back then
I was not a real child like that, nor did I want the Marquis's attention.
The reason I was so nervous was the fact that 'he' was in the Imperial Palace.
I was afraid to meet him.
'To be precise, the me who will change after meeting him.'
I was able to maintain my objectivity at that moment. However, I was not sure if I would be able to maintain my current self even after meeting him.
My love for him was so deep and intense. At times, that intensity was even terrifying. My love harmed not only him and those around him, but ultimately myself as well. I did not have the confidence to handle such terrible emotions while remaining sane.
'Perhaps...'
These thoughts of mine might have been unnecessary worries. Even if I met him, things might not be the same as before. Just as he is different from the person I was back then, there were many possibilities.
As long as I lived here, I could not avoid meeting him. If I couldn't avoid it, I had to confront it. Whether I broke or remained unharmed after the collision was a matter for after meeting him. It was something I could not know until I met him.
Even though I knew it couldn't be helped, I couldn't help the burning sensation in my mouth. I swallowed hard and clenched and unclenched my cold hands.
"Do you wish to become Empress like the others?"
I was truly startled by the Marquis's unexpected question. I looked up at him; he was looking at me with a serious expression. My reflection was clearly visible in his eyes.
It was strange. Back then, he didn't even look at me, let alone speak to me. I had absolutely no idea why he was acting this way.
"Is my opinion important?"
I gave the same answer I had given in the office.
The Marquis let out a low sigh. He looked a little weary. Even for someone who seemed like steel, the funeral that dragged on until he went mad seemed quite exhausting. Having lost weight in the meantime, he looked sharper than usual.
"If I had intended to ignore your wishes, I wouldn't have asked."
I was more surprised than when he spoke to me. I had never even imagined that he would ask for my thoughts. In fact, he had never once asked for my thoughts back then.
"Why are you suddenly asking for my opinion? You've never asked me before."
“Because it’s your job.”
He answered with a look that seemed to say, 'Isn't that obvious?' I could understand him even less. Even back then, it was my business. Even when I became the Crown Princess and then the Empress, the Marquis never asked me the same question as he does now.
Did he have a change of heart? Or was there something I didn't know?
It was something I couldn't know at the moment.
"What if I don't want to be?"
"Don't you want to become the Empress?"
"If I say I don't want to become it, does that mean it might not work out?"
In the Emperor's mind, I had already been designated as the Crown Princess. Barring any major disqualifying factors, I would become the Crown Princess. It was a fact I did not know back then, but now I knew it.
Being immature, I was so busy following the Crown Prince around that I was unaware of the surrounding circumstances. Because I wanted to.
I thought I had managed to secure a seat by his side. It was a natural thought, as I could have anything I wanted up until that time. It was only later that I realized there were tangled interests involved in our marriage. He married me not because he loved me, but because of the backing I possessed.
I only found out after I got married.
Everything was my delusion. I felt a deep sense of betrayal. The heart-wrenching pain was indescribable. Nevertheless, I could not let him go.
Even if I did not want to marry him, the Emperor would make the marriage between the Crown Prince and me happen by any means necessary.
'There would be no better match for the current Crown Prince than me.'
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