Episode 72 - Stopped By While Passing By
The stormy night had passed, and morning had arrived. Serena washed her face and stood before the mirror. Her eyes were swollen. The extent of how much she had cried last night was clearly visible on her face.
In her eighty years of life, she had never cried this much for such an emotion. When she lived as the Head Housekeeper, there was no reason to cry. No, there was no time to cry. She always had to do something and always had to look after someone. Yet, last night, she had slumped onto the study floor and sobbed uncontrollably.
Serena looked in the mirror and wondered. Was it because she was nineteen? Was she just overly sensitive? Or was it because this was her second life and she was experiencing so many things for the first time?
It must be the latter. The hurt she felt last night was a feeling she hadn't known until now.
Lucy stood beside her holding a towel. She must have known that Serena had cried. She had likely gone to the front of the study but turned back without opening the door. Yet, Lucy said nothing. She simply handed her the towel from the side. Serena took the towel, wiped her face, and examined it closely in the mirror.
"I'm doomed to meet no one today."
"Would you like a cold compress?"
"No thanks. I don't have any plans anyway."
"You look quite swollen."
"I said no."
Lucy said as she took the towel
"You look like a goldfish, just like that."
Serena looked out the window. The morning sunlight had settled on the garden. She could see the lavender flowerbeds. It was a peaceful scene. It was the same morning as yesterday. Yet, it didn't feel the same as yesterday. Was it because her mindset was different?
Serena thought to herself. I need to pull myself together; there is so much to do. Serena straightened her clothes and said,
"I should eat breakfast."
Lucy nodded and led the way. Serena followed behind Lucy, thinking, "Let's just eat breakfast. Something will make me feel better."
As they sat at the table eating, Maxim entered.
"Princess."
Serena said, picking up her spoon.
"What is it?"
"Lady Bianca and Lady Lily have arrived."
Serena stopped. She looked at Maxim while still holding her spoon.
"The two of them together?"
"Yes. They have come together."
"Why?"
"... You shouldn't ask me that..."
Serena fell into thought for a moment. She had heard last night, via a letter from Edward, that rumors of the marriage had spread throughout society. It likely hadn't even taken half a day for the rumors to spread. Bianca had rushed over upon hearing them. Lily had followed Bianca as well.
Serena put down her spoon and said.
"Show them to the drawing room."
Maxim left. Lucy looked at Serena.
"My lady, your eyes..."
"I know."
Serena said as she stood up.
"It can't be helped."
Serena opened the drawing room door. Bianca and Lily were standing by the window. They had been looking out at the garden side by side, but turned around upon hearing Serena enter. Bianca looked at Serena's face. The look in her eyes, which had been welcoming, changed immediately upon seeing Serena. She hadn't said a word. It had been a look that scanned her up and down, but this time, it was different. It wasn't a questioning look.
Lily looked at Serena as well. Lily's eyes began to well up with tears. Serena sat down naturally and said.
"What big event happened that you came here this early in the morning? You stopped eating breakfast to come here."
Bianca said.
"What is going on?"
"What?"
"Your eyes."
Serena said as she poured tea.
"It's always like this in the morning."
"You're not usually like this."
"Maybe you've changed a bit lately. Just wait until you get old!"
Bianca sat down, looking at Serena. Lily sat right beside Serena and took her hand. Without a word. She just held it. It was a small hand, and with that fern-like hand, she gripped Serena's hand with all her might. Serena looked at Lily.
"Princess, your eyes are very swollen."
"A little."
"Very much. You look like an ugly fish..."
Serena tried to pull her hand away, but Lily squeezed even tighter. It was a hand that refused to let go. Bianca crossed her arms and spoke.
"The news of the marriage between His Royal Highness the Crown Prince and the Princess has spread throughout society. That is why I came. I thought about rushing over right away after hearing it last night, but I felt it wouldn't be polite, so I barely slept and hurried here this morning. I was dying of curiosity."
"I guess you're dying of curiosity, Bianca."
Serena and Bianca's eyes met. Bianca's gaze was different from usual. It was devoid of playfulness. It wasn't a questioning look. It was simply a questioning look. A sincere one. Serena took a sip of tea and said.
"Nothing unusual. I haven't been able to sleep much lately. The Empress summons me day in and day out. People get tired, so their eyes get puffy."
Lily said, holding Serena's hand tightly.
"Princess. You can be honest with us."
Her words were short and simple. They were unadorned. It was Lily's characteristic way of speaking. Bianca said, with her arms crossed.
"You don't look very cheerful right now, do you?"
Serena looked at Bianca, then at Lily. Both of them were looking at Serena. Their gazes were unhurried, yet they were eyes waiting for Serena's answer.
Serena looked out the window. The morning sunlight had settled upon the garden. The lavender was swaying quietly in the breeze.
"Actually, I didn't want to cry, but I did."
Bianca remained silent. Lily remained silent. Serena picked up her teacup and continued.
"I didn't cry because of the marriage. Nor did I cry because His Royal Highness the Crown Prince expressed his feelings."
"Then what?"
Bianca asked cautiously. Serena put down her teacup and said.
"His Royal Highness the Crown Prince came and went, and... young Master Leon came a little while later. Yesterday."
Bianca and Lily's eyes changed simultaneously. Martha could see them exchanging glances. Though no words were exchanged, much was conveyed. Serena looked out the window and said.
"I asked him directly. I asked if he had feelings for me."
Bianca leaned forward slightly and spoke.
"What did Young Master Leon say?"
"He said it was difficult."
The drawing room fell silent. Serena continued.
"He said he would sort out his thoughts and come back, and then just left. He didn't even say a proper goodbye."
Lily cupped Serena's hand with both of hers. Bianca remained silent for a moment before speaking.
"So, did you cry?"
Serena looked at Bianca. Averting her gaze, Serena said.
"I don't know. Maybe I was hurt because Young Master Leon said it was difficult. Or maybe it's just because so much has built up these past few days."
She paused briefly before continuing.
"Actually, I don't really know how to handle this..."
Bianca looked at Serena. Serena continued.
"It was the first time I'd ever developed feelings for someone. I don't know how to do it. Should I express it, wait, or just pretend not to notice?"
Lily leaned her head against Serena's shoulder. Silently. It was a silent comfort. Bianca uncrossed her arms, picked up her teacup, and was about to take a sip when she put it down the moment Serena finished speaking.
"You know, young lady, that when Young Master Leon said it was difficult, he didn't mean he disliked it. He said it was difficult and that he would sort things out and come back. That wasn't the end of it."
Serena looked at Bianca for a moment, then averted her gaze.
"I know."
There was a lingering sense of hurt in those words. There was something that hurt even though she knew it. Bianca looked at her and said.
"You're hurt even though you know it."
Serena looked at Bianca. Bianca picked up her teacup and said.
"That's only natural. There are things you feel hurt by even though you know them."
She added, looking out the window for a moment.
"I have things I feel hurt by even though I know they're wrong, too."
Serena could tell who Bianca was thinking of when she said this. Bianca was also someone who felt hurt by things she knew were wrong. Lily looked back and forth between the two and said.
"You're both similar."
Serena looked at Lily, then at Bianca. Bianca took a sip of tea while looking out the window. Her profile was a little softer than usual. It wasn't the Bianca known for her sharp, venomous remarks and flamboyant personality. Serena said.
"Bianca."
Bianca looked at Serena.
"Is it because of Edward, Bianca? That you feel hurt even though you know?"
Bianca said nothing. That silence was the answer. Lily said.
"Didn't you give me a book at the bookstore? Isn't that his way of expressing himself instead of saying it?"
Bianca looked at Lily, then looked out the window again.
"I know."
It was a response in agreement with Lily's words. The reason she felt hurt even though she knew was probably that Edward hadn't expressed his intentions directly. Serena thought as she looked at Bianca. We have something in common. There are things we both know but can't do.
Lily lifted her head from Serena's shoulder and said.
"Princess, what are you going to do about the marriage with His Royal Highness the Crown Prince?"
Serena said, holding her teacup.
"I don't know. Not yet."
Bianca said.
"I know His Royal Highness the Crown Prince is sincere."
"But where your heart lies is more important, Princess."
Serena responded by looking out the window. Bianca continued.
"You know best where your heart lies, and who it is directed toward."
Serena said, looking out the window.
"I feel like I know, yet I don't."
Bianca remained silent. Lily looked at Serena and spoke.
"My Princess."
Serena looked at Lily.
"I want you to be happy."
The words were short and simple. They were unadorned. That is why they sounded even clearer. Serena looked at Lily. Something welled up inside her. It felt like tears were welling up, but they weren't tears. It was a lump in her throat. For some reason, the fact that this child spoke so simply touched the depths of her heart. Serena gently stroked Lily's head and said.
"Thank you, Lily."
Lily smiled as she received Serena's caress. Serena looked at Bianca.
"Thank you both. Thank you for rushing over like this because you were worried about me."
Bianca looked out the window as she held her teacup.
"I didn't run here. I was just passing by."
Serena looked at Bianca. Bianca said with a nonchalant expression.
"I stopped by while passing through, and since your eyes were all puffy, I'm having a cup of tea before I go."
Hearing that, Serena let out a soft chuckle. She felt like laughing. Crying on the study floor last night, stopping in front of the mirror this morning, trying to drink tea pretending nothing was wrong, only to reveal her true feelings. It was inexplicably funny that Bianca ended every conversation by saying she 'just stopped by while passing through.' Lily laughed along, leaning on Serena's shoulder.
Serena watched as the corners of Bianca's mouth curled up as she looked out the window. The drawing room was noticeably brighter. Serena stood up and said.
"Just a moment."
Serena went to the study and returned. She was holding two envelopes in her hands. She handed one to Bianca and one to Lily.
"Before... I bought these to give to the two of you. I intended to give them to you, but I kept being unable to. Every time I tried to schedule an appointment, the Empress would summon me. I am finally handing them to you now."
Lily tore open the envelope. A light pink silk ribbon came out. A small flower-shaped ornament was attached to the end. Lily's eyes widened.
"My Lady, this is something I wanted."
"I know. Whenever I see Lily, you always wear a dress or a ribbon in your hair."
Lily smiled brightly, holding a ribbon. Bianca also looked at the envelope she had received. It was a bit heavy. When she opened it, there were two books inside. She took out the first book and looked at the cover. Bianca's eyes changed.
"This..."
Serena looked at Bianca. Bianca said.
"This is a new book. I wanted to buy it, but I couldn't because it was sold out. The bookstore owner said a young lady bought the last remaining copy a while ago."
"I guess that was me."
Bianca looked at Serena while clutching the first book to her chest. Her eyes were filled with gratitude. True to Bianca's nature of not being able to express herself well in words, her gaze came first.
"...Thank you."
Serena nodded and said.
"Look at the second one, too."
Bianca took out the second book. She looked at the cover. And she froze. She flipped through a page or two. Her face turned bright red all the way to her ears. Lily saw Bianca like that.
"Bianca, what's wrong? Your face is all red."
Lily tried to snatch the book from Bianca's hand. Bianca hid the book behind her back and said.
"It's nothing."
Just as Lily was about to reach out further, Serena covered Lily's eyes with her palm.
"Lily, not yet."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
Serena said with a smile.
"Only sly ladies like Lady Bianca can look at that."
Bianca looked at Serena, her face still flushed. Serena smiled at Bianca and said.
"I thought you would like it."
Bianca said as she put the book back in the envelope.
"Thank you."
Her voice was slightly higher than usual. Lily pushed Serena's hand away and said.
"Tch, I want to see it too. I'm sixteen."
"Still no. Look at it when you're older. I'll give it to you then."
Lily pouted. Bianca looked out the window, clutching the envelope tightly, her earlobes still red. Yet, the corners of her mouth were turned up. The drawing room filled with laughter. Hearing that laughter, Serena thought. Some things came with a second life. Friends like these, who share both hardships and Joys.
[Lucy's Secret Shock Journal - Episode 72]
I saw the Princess this morning, and I thought she was a different person. So, even our Princess looks ugly when her eyes are puffy.
She had a counseling session with Bianca and Lady Lily; although she didn't find the answer, she looked as if she felt relieved after talking.
Come to think of it, I realized today that Lady Bianca is actually quite naive compared to her image.
Princess, please confide in me about your relationship problems from now on. Believe it or not, I am an expert at playing hard to get.
I heard the three of them laughing from outside the drawing room door. I liked the sound of that laughter.
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