Episode 166. Grandmother's Cradle
As Margot grabbed his shoulder with trembling hands, Noah, who had been staring blankly into the void, slowly looked down at her.
“W-what on earth is going on...?”
At Margot's question, Noah narrowed his eyes. Through his narrowed gaze, his pupils wandered, unable to find a place to go. His parched lips merely twitched, unable to find the words to speak, and he could not even breathe properly, as if something were stuck in his throat.
Margot hugged him without a moment to think.
“Oh... Noah... Noah...”
The grown-up nephew did not fit entirely in her embrace, but nevertheless, Margot hugged Noah with all her might.
He smelled of damp earth. He smelled of cold wind, and he smelled of burnt ash.
Margot wickedly thought of a grave. Her eyes flickered with sudden fear, and a heavy, cracked voice flowed from above her head.
"Aunt."
Margot, startled, suddenly lifted her head and took a step back. Noah was staring blankly somewhere. Her gaze slowly turned to follow his.
There was a photograph of the royal family there. On the landing where a portrait of the royal family had once hung, a wedding photo of Olivia and Noah now hung.
Noah gazed endlessly at Olivia in her wedding dress. Though it was a black-and-white photograph, all colors seemed layered onto it through his eyes.
That day, the day Olivia finally became his wife.
Noah remembered every trace of that day.
"Let's get a divorce."
A lovely yet cruel voice struck his entire body.
Olivia hugged the cold grave and wept endlessly.
His promise to ensure she would enjoy only a peaceful life in the paradise he had created ended up being as brittle as dry grass at a grave.
Noah knelt before Olivia's parents' graves and could do nothing but wait for Olivia's crying to stop.
He gazed at the tombstone, becoming soaked with Olivia's tears, and asked hollowly, yet truly, as if seeking an answer.
"What should I do?"
Noah looked at Olivia in the photo and managed to open his mouth to speak.
“That is what you said to me at that time.”
“What are you talking about?”
"The words you said to be with her, not to look after her..."
Noah slowly lowered his gaze to look at Margot. His eyes were trembling uncontrollably. As Margot stared at him blankly, Noah asked in a voice damp with sweat.
“What did that mean?”
And a few hours later.
Noah stood before a road he had considered long and desolate. An old, worn-out path where wildflowers grew haphazardly and protruded unpaved stones.
And... the path Olivia always walked, carrying a big bag.
“When I first met Olivia, she was walking through the campus clutching a bag almost as big as herself, her face pale with fear. Were her fellow students the only ones who looked upon her admission unfavorably? Many professors, among them, were also unhappy about Olivia’s acceptance.”
“...”
“Think about it, Noah. A life where you must rise alone in a world where everyone rejects you.”
Noah recalled Olivia on the day he proposed.
Olivia, who seemed to be cutting through a storm all alone under the bright sunshine. Even now, his heart aches when he thinks of Olivia from that day.
Noah walked slowly along the rocky path.
“In a world where everyone denied you, if you had stood firm and endured without breaking... yes. How shattered her heart must have been.”
The morning sunlight stretched out and swept across Noah's cheek.
“But, Noah, did you love your wife out of pity?”
Margot's question struck deep into Noah's heart.
The word, which once felt so grandiose, had somehow seeped into Olivia and become something taken for granted.
The reason he loved Olivia? Is such a thing necessary? He loved her simply because she was Olivia...
Noah, who was lost in thought, suddenly recalled their first meeting at the autumn banquet.
A person who shone alone among the glamorous aristocrats despite being dressed simply.
The eyes he met were black and smooth, and... looked solid, filled with something.
"Olivia is the child who eventually made a lotus bloom from the swamp that dragged her ankles. Didn't you, too, discover her pride in those beautiful, deep eyes?"
Noah walked Olivia's path. He walked the long road where her time and life were interwoven.
Then, when he stopped, a wave of wildflowers bathed in golden sunlight was rippling before his eyes. The colorful, delicate flowers, resembling a pointillist painting, lay down as the wind caressed them, sending off a fragrant scent.
Suddenly, Noah saw a girl walking among the wildflowers and picking them. Holding a bag as big as herself in one hand, the girl picked flowers with the other, buried her head in the bouquet, and inhaled the scent.
And when he lifted his head again, the face bathed in sunlight was shining even more brilliantly than the sunlight itself.
Noah gazed at the lovely afterimage and recalled what she had said at the Royal School founding ceremony.
"Looking back now, I wonder how a mere ten-year-old managed to do that. Still, since that school was the closest to my home, even if I went back in time, I would still travel that distance back and forth."
Margot's resolute voice overlapped.
“She is a child who has paved her own path her entire life. Is a soul of high spirit created overnight?”
“...”
"Did you perhaps intend to destroy her pride in the name of love?"
Transparent tears flowed silently from Noah's eyes, wetting his cheeks.
The lovely afterimage was already racing toward somewhere. At the end of it stood an old woman with her arms outstretched and a small house covered in blooming wisteria.
Olivia fell asleep hugging the tombstone. No, she closed her eyes for a moment.
"Liv!"
"Olivia!"
It feels as though a gentle voice, imbued with love in every syllable, can be heard vividly. And in all those moments, she was always small and in a cradle. A longed-for dream always hovered around that periphery.
Then, the grandmother's wrinkled voice was heard.
"Olivia, Liv."
At some point, she thought her grandmother's voice lacked strength and was so permeated with depression that it was suffocating. Sometimes, even the sound of her breathing seemed that way, which was distressing.
"Come here, my puppy."
Olivia slowly blinked her eyes.
"Olivia, Liv."
The moment Grandmother's voice once again held her name.
Olivia realized it as if she were soaring up from beneath the surface of the water.
Even then, there was love in Grandmother's voice, and firm faith in the gaze that looked at her.
"It is only after you admit that something is unfair that you can see your freedom."
How can one not call it love when she concealed her tears of pain and the immense weight of her worries as personal matters, and always comforted her young granddaughter, telling her she could do well?
How is that any different from the smile I saw in the cradle?
If there is one difference, it is only one.
Olivia, it was just her own perspective.
Olivia opened her eyes while crying.
She was sure she had been lying face down on a tombstone, but when she opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed covered with a blanket. Tears trickled down the corners of her eyes, seeped into her ears, and overflowed, constantly wetting her hair.
Even so, Olivia couldn't even think of wiping away her tears. She simply stared silently at the ceiling, where the wood grain was clearly visible.
Olivia slowly rose and looked around the room, bathed in faint light. None of the furniture was expensive.
No. Even the combined price of everything that makes up this house would not amount to half the value of the mother-of-pearl wind chime hanging on the balcony of the Upper River mansion.
At that moment, Olivia simply burst into hollow laughter. Then, the laughter turned into tears, and Olivia raised her knees, buried her face in them, and wept.
“...I’m sorry, Grandma...”
Sorry.
Olivia sincerely repented.
As Margot grabbed his shoulder with trembling hands, Noah, who had been staring blankly into the void, slowly looked down at her.
“W-what on earth is going on...?”
At Margot's question, Noah narrowed his eyes. Through his narrowed gaze, his pupils wandered, unable to find a place to go. His parched lips merely twitched, unable to find the words to speak, and he could not even breathe properly, as if something were stuck in his throat.
Margot hugged him without a moment to think.
“Oh... Noah... Noah...”
The grown-up nephew did not fit entirely in her embrace, but nevertheless, Margot hugged Noah with all her might.
He smelled of damp earth. He smelled of cold wind, and he smelled of burnt ash.
Margot wickedly thought of a grave. Her eyes flickered with sudden fear, and a heavy, cracked voice flowed from above her head.
"Aunt."
Margot, startled, suddenly lifted her head and took a step back. Noah was staring blankly somewhere. Her gaze slowly turned to follow his.
There was a photograph of the royal family there. On the landing where a portrait of the royal family had once hung, a wedding photo of Olivia and Noah now hung.
Noah gazed endlessly at Olivia in her wedding dress. Though it was a black-and-white photograph, all colors seemed layered onto it through his eyes.
That day, the day Olivia finally became his wife.
Noah remembered every trace of that day.
"Let's get a divorce."
A lovely yet cruel voice struck his entire body.
Olivia hugged the cold grave and wept endlessly.
His promise to ensure she would enjoy only a peaceful life in the paradise he had created ended up being as brittle as dry grass at a grave.
Noah knelt before Olivia's parents' graves and could do nothing but wait for Olivia's crying to stop.
He gazed at the tombstone, becoming soaked with Olivia's tears, and asked hollowly, yet truly, as if seeking an answer.
"What should I do?"
Noah looked at Olivia in the photo and managed to open his mouth to speak.
“That is what you said to me at that time.”
“What are you talking about?”
"The words you said to be with her, not to look after her..."
Noah slowly lowered his gaze to look at Margot. His eyes were trembling uncontrollably. As Margot stared at him blankly, Noah asked in a voice damp with sweat.
“What did that mean?”
And a few hours later.
Noah stood before a road he had considered long and desolate. An old, worn-out path where wildflowers grew haphazardly and protruded unpaved stones.
And... the path Olivia always walked, carrying a big bag.
“When I first met Olivia, she was walking through the campus clutching a bag almost as big as herself, her face pale with fear. Were her fellow students the only ones who looked upon her admission unfavorably? Many professors, among them, were also unhappy about Olivia’s acceptance.”
“...”
“Think about it, Noah. A life where you must rise alone in a world where everyone rejects you.”
Noah recalled Olivia on the day he proposed.
Olivia, who seemed to be cutting through a storm all alone under the bright sunshine. Even now, his heart aches when he thinks of Olivia from that day.
Noah walked slowly along the rocky path.
“In a world where everyone denied you, if you had stood firm and endured without breaking... yes. How shattered her heart must have been.”
The morning sunlight stretched out and swept across Noah's cheek.
“But, Noah, did you love your wife out of pity?”
Margot's question struck deep into Noah's heart.
The word, which once felt so grandiose, had somehow seeped into Olivia and become something taken for granted.
The reason he loved Olivia? Is such a thing necessary? He loved her simply because she was Olivia...
Noah, who was lost in thought, suddenly recalled their first meeting at the autumn banquet.
A person who shone alone among the glamorous aristocrats despite being dressed simply.
The eyes he met were black and smooth, and... looked solid, filled with something.
"Olivia is the child who eventually made a lotus bloom from the swamp that dragged her ankles. Didn't you, too, discover her pride in those beautiful, deep eyes?"
Noah walked Olivia's path. He walked the long road where her time and life were interwoven.
Then, when he stopped, a wave of wildflowers bathed in golden sunlight was rippling before his eyes. The colorful, delicate flowers, resembling a pointillist painting, lay down as the wind caressed them, sending off a fragrant scent.
Suddenly, Noah saw a girl walking among the wildflowers and picking them. Holding a bag as big as herself in one hand, the girl picked flowers with the other, buried her head in the bouquet, and inhaled the scent.
And when he lifted his head again, the face bathed in sunlight was shining even more brilliantly than the sunlight itself.
Noah gazed at the lovely afterimage and recalled what she had said at the Royal School founding ceremony.
"Looking back now, I wonder how a mere ten-year-old managed to do that. Still, since that school was the closest to my home, even if I went back in time, I would still travel that distance back and forth."
Margot's resolute voice overlapped.
“She is a child who has paved her own path her entire life. Is a soul of high spirit created overnight?”
“...”
"Did you perhaps intend to destroy her pride in the name of love?"
Transparent tears flowed silently from Noah's eyes, wetting his cheeks.
The lovely afterimage was already racing toward somewhere. At the end of it stood an old woman with her arms outstretched and a small house covered in blooming wisteria.
***
Olivia fell asleep hugging the tombstone. No, she closed her eyes for a moment.
"Liv!"
"Olivia!"
It feels as though a gentle voice, imbued with love in every syllable, can be heard vividly. And in all those moments, she was always small and in a cradle. A longed-for dream always hovered around that periphery.
Then, the grandmother's wrinkled voice was heard.
"Olivia, Liv."
At some point, she thought her grandmother's voice lacked strength and was so permeated with depression that it was suffocating. Sometimes, even the sound of her breathing seemed that way, which was distressing.
"Come here, my puppy."
Olivia slowly blinked her eyes.
"Olivia, Liv."
The moment Grandmother's voice once again held her name.
Olivia realized it as if she were soaring up from beneath the surface of the water.
Even then, there was love in Grandmother's voice, and firm faith in the gaze that looked at her.
"It is only after you admit that something is unfair that you can see your freedom."
How can one not call it love when she concealed her tears of pain and the immense weight of her worries as personal matters, and always comforted her young granddaughter, telling her she could do well?
How is that any different from the smile I saw in the cradle?
If there is one difference, it is only one.
Olivia, it was just her own perspective.
Olivia opened her eyes while crying.
She was sure she had been lying face down on a tombstone, but when she opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed covered with a blanket. Tears trickled down the corners of her eyes, seeped into her ears, and overflowed, constantly wetting her hair.
Even so, Olivia couldn't even think of wiping away her tears. She simply stared silently at the ceiling, where the wood grain was clearly visible.
Olivia slowly rose and looked around the room, bathed in faint light. None of the furniture was expensive.
No. Even the combined price of everything that makes up this house would not amount to half the value of the mother-of-pearl wind chime hanging on the balcony of the Upper River mansion.
At that moment, Olivia simply burst into hollow laughter. Then, the laughter turned into tears, and Olivia raised her knees, buried her face in them, and wept.
“...I’m sorry, Grandma...”
Sorry.
Olivia sincerely repented.
She lifted jer wet eyes and looked around again.
How could all of this be put in monetary value? What resided here was the grandmother, her time, and her love.
The mark of her height was still visible on the entrance wall, and the bookshelf, which had always kept from settling a single speck of dust, was packed with her books and awards.
This place was still a cradle for her.
It was a peaceful garden that her grandmother had desperately protected.
It was the last holy war that Susanna Liberty defended with all her might, as she would have already collapsed from exhaustion had it not been for Olivia.
If it weren't for this place, Olivia wouldn't have been able to grow up like this.
"Sorry..."
Olivia cried so hard she could barely breathe, and eventually sobbed out loud. Startled by the sound of her crying, Mrs. Betty and Jonan rushed in, but Olivia did not even notice them entering.
Mrs. Betty hugged Olivia, who was crying as if she were going to die.
Olivia cried and constantly repented and apologized to her grandmother, grandfather, and parents.
Life as a child was difficult.
Why am I a commoner? Why am I here? Why did my parents and grandfather pass away? How much longer must I endure this senseless discrimination?
All those futile questions burned her young heart and turned it pitch black.
There was nowhere to brush the ashes. So, young Olivia brushed all the ashes onto her grandmother. She brushed them to her parents and grandfather, who had left her behind.
And so, while loving them,
I hated them.
I loved the life they handed down to me, yet I also hated it.
How could I have dared to consider this place, which my grandmother defended with such desperate effort, as shameful?
The desire to flee, feeling ashamed of this house even in the face of a smooth, glossy handkerchief, was in fact not shame but hatred. Only now has she realized that it was the foolishness of not having fully loved her own life.
It was an enlightenment.
It was a realization about the heart that had been shrinking before Noah until now, and the agony of shattering the hard shell that enveloped her.
And the moment the egg broke, Olivia saw.
The scene where the soul of a girl, who had not grown even an inch since the night of loss when her parents passed away, finally grows.
The soul, which had been growing taller and growing longer hair, finally met her eye level.
The moment their eyes met, Olivia shook off her loss and whispered.
'You did a good job. Now, look at the world properly.'
How could all of this be put in monetary value? What resided here was the grandmother, her time, and her love.
The mark of her height was still visible on the entrance wall, and the bookshelf, which had always kept from settling a single speck of dust, was packed with her books and awards.
This place was still a cradle for her.
It was a peaceful garden that her grandmother had desperately protected.
It was the last holy war that Susanna Liberty defended with all her might, as she would have already collapsed from exhaustion had it not been for Olivia.
If it weren't for this place, Olivia wouldn't have been able to grow up like this.
"Sorry..."
Olivia cried so hard she could barely breathe, and eventually sobbed out loud. Startled by the sound of her crying, Mrs. Betty and Jonan rushed in, but Olivia did not even notice them entering.
Mrs. Betty hugged Olivia, who was crying as if she were going to die.
Olivia cried and constantly repented and apologized to her grandmother, grandfather, and parents.
Life as a child was difficult.
Why am I a commoner? Why am I here? Why did my parents and grandfather pass away? How much longer must I endure this senseless discrimination?
All those futile questions burned her young heart and turned it pitch black.
There was nowhere to brush the ashes. So, young Olivia brushed all the ashes onto her grandmother. She brushed them to her parents and grandfather, who had left her behind.
And so, while loving them,
I hated them.
I loved the life they handed down to me, yet I also hated it.
How could I have dared to consider this place, which my grandmother defended with such desperate effort, as shameful?
The desire to flee, feeling ashamed of this house even in the face of a smooth, glossy handkerchief, was in fact not shame but hatred. Only now has she realized that it was the foolishness of not having fully loved her own life.
It was an enlightenment.
It was a realization about the heart that had been shrinking before Noah until now, and the agony of shattering the hard shell that enveloped her.
And the moment the egg broke, Olivia saw.
The scene where the soul of a girl, who had not grown even an inch since the night of loss when her parents passed away, finally grows.
The soul, which had been growing taller and growing longer hair, finally met her eye level.
The moment their eyes met, Olivia shook off her loss and whispered.
'You did a good job. Now, look at the world properly.'
Comments
Post a Comment