Every time he returned, reeking of alcohol, she felt uneasy. Was it really just the ministers at the drinking party? Or was there another woman there? She lay in bed, gazing out the window. When Kendrick's back disappeared, she turned her gaze to the starry night sky.
'I'm lonely.'
When she was young, the stars floating high in the sky seemed so beautiful, but at some point, the stars started to look lonely.
'Kendrick.'
What really unsettled Stella was his personality. He didn't express his displeasure with everything, but instead, he mercilessly dismissed anyone who crossed his boundaries. It seemed unlikely that a married couple would be so forgiving. Kendrick never told Stella he had lost interest or that he was tired of her. But Stella was plagued by the anxiety that Kendrick might one day dismiss her.
"Did you have a good trip?"
"Why didn't you sleep and wait?"
Stella ran to the door to greet Kendrick, but he passed her by with a weary expression. It was a normal scene, but she found meaning in even the smallest of Kendrick's actions and felt hurt.
"I'm tired. I should go to bed early, Sia."
“...Sia?”
A moment of silence passed at her demanding voice.
"Ah. Stella."
It took him a few seconds to realize his mistake.
"How could you pronounce my name wrong?"
"It's a mistake."
Tears welled up in Stella's eyes. He exhaled with difficulty.
"I've been with Sia all day. It's just that her name is on my lips."
She remained silent in response to Kendrick's excuses. Stella already considered Sia dangerous. Kendrick knew this, yet he still made a mistake. Disappointed in him, Stella became increasingly quiet.
'Me too.'
Stella, too, longed to be with him all day. No, being left alone in the room was too painful. Kendrick, who had hoped to calm Stella's anxious eyes like a pet dog, failed to understand her heart. She gradually withered away.
And the next day, Stella slit her wrists for the first time since her marriage.
"I thought she was quiet after getting married, but she's slitting her wrists again? How pathetic. Tsk tsk."
"I don't know why the child grew up like that. It's not like I can show her anywhere. Duke Adrian, you must be having a hard time."
Her parents came to her house for the first time after she got married.
"Don't worry, I'll take good care of it, so go back."
He returned before she could open her eyes. Stella curled up even more. She could still vividly hear her parents closing the door and leaving. Kendrick stroked her shoulder.
"Stella. Wake up."
His eyes flashed. He seemed very angry.
"Kendrick?"
"Why on earth did you cut your wrist?"
She didn't say anything. Even she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she'd cut her wrists. She simply lost the will to live. She felt the same way she'd felt when she'd been abandoned by Duke Lanedict.
"I wonder about that?"
"What?"
And every time she felt this way, she just did the same thing she habitually did. Even if she told him exactly what she was feeling, Kendrick wouldn't understand anyway. Instead of responding, Stella said something else.
"Cut it."
"What?"
"Your secretary."
Something she wanted to say to Kendrick for a long time. Kendrick's eyes wavered.
"Stella, Sia is capable. I can't just cut people to make yourself feel good."
Of course.
'I'm lonely.'
When she was young, the stars floating high in the sky seemed so beautiful, but at some point, the stars started to look lonely.
'Kendrick.'
What really unsettled Stella was his personality. He didn't express his displeasure with everything, but instead, he mercilessly dismissed anyone who crossed his boundaries. It seemed unlikely that a married couple would be so forgiving. Kendrick never told Stella he had lost interest or that he was tired of her. But Stella was plagued by the anxiety that Kendrick might one day dismiss her.
***
"Did you have a good trip?"
"Why didn't you sleep and wait?"
Stella ran to the door to greet Kendrick, but he passed her by with a weary expression. It was a normal scene, but she found meaning in even the smallest of Kendrick's actions and felt hurt.
"I'm tired. I should go to bed early, Sia."
“...Sia?”
A moment of silence passed at her demanding voice.
"Ah. Stella."
It took him a few seconds to realize his mistake.
"How could you pronounce my name wrong?"
"It's a mistake."
Tears welled up in Stella's eyes. He exhaled with difficulty.
"I've been with Sia all day. It's just that her name is on my lips."
She remained silent in response to Kendrick's excuses. Stella already considered Sia dangerous. Kendrick knew this, yet he still made a mistake. Disappointed in him, Stella became increasingly quiet.
'Me too.'
Stella, too, longed to be with him all day. No, being left alone in the room was too painful. Kendrick, who had hoped to calm Stella's anxious eyes like a pet dog, failed to understand her heart. She gradually withered away.
And the next day, Stella slit her wrists for the first time since her marriage.
"I thought she was quiet after getting married, but she's slitting her wrists again? How pathetic. Tsk tsk."
"I don't know why the child grew up like that. It's not like I can show her anywhere. Duke Adrian, you must be having a hard time."
Her parents came to her house for the first time after she got married.
"Don't worry, I'll take good care of it, so go back."
He returned before she could open her eyes. Stella curled up even more. She could still vividly hear her parents closing the door and leaving. Kendrick stroked her shoulder.
"Stella. Wake up."
His eyes flashed. He seemed very angry.
"Kendrick?"
"Why on earth did you cut your wrist?"
She didn't say anything. Even she couldn't pinpoint the exact reason she'd cut her wrists. She simply lost the will to live. She felt the same way she'd felt when she'd been abandoned by Duke Lanedict.
"I wonder about that?"
"What?"
And every time she felt this way, she just did the same thing she habitually did. Even if she told him exactly what she was feeling, Kendrick wouldn't understand anyway. Instead of responding, Stella said something else.
"Cut it."
"What?"
"Your secretary."
Something she wanted to say to Kendrick for a long time. Kendrick's eyes wavered.
"Stella, Sia is capable. I can't just cut people to make yourself feel good."
Of course.
'I knew it.'
Stella smiled faintly. She knew how Kendrick felt about Sia. He even confused his wife, Stella, by her name. Unlike Stella, who shut herself away in her room and did nothing, Sia was a helpful person to Kendrick, and it seemed Kendrick relied on her a lot.
‘As expected, better than me...’
So, she guessed he would also refuse Stella's request after she came back from the dead.
'I guess he needs Sia more.'
Her reluctance to see Sia's face remained. At some point, encounters with her in the mansion became rare enough to count on one hand, but the occasional glimpse of her face left her feeling sick. On those days, she carved a scar on the inside of her arm or drank and told Kendrick.
"I hate your secretary so much. I hate the sight of her. I wish she would just disappear from my sight."
"It's not like you to hate people for no reason."
But the situation didn't change. In fact, it worsened. Stella's reputation among the Duke's servants was not good. Rumors spread that Kendrick had chosen Stella over Sia, and this was twisted into the idea that Kendrick had been exploited by Stella and forced into marriage.
"Lady Stella, the Duke is very busy."
There was no one on Stella's side within the Adrian Dukedom.
"Uh?"
"I'm sorry to say this, but the Duke is having a hard time because of Stella."
On the other hand, Sia, who was good at taking care of herself and was competent, had a good reputation.
"So, how about you wait for the Duke a little more quietly, like a pretty cat? If the Duke truly loves Stella, he wouldn't do anything to disappoint you."
Sia openly pitied her.
'Disappointing?'
Her words were clearly thorny. There must have been a reason for those thorns.
'How could a secretary say something like that?'
It wasn't a question of social status. It was a remark made out of genuine absurdity. Sia was smart. She knew what she had said was too much for a secretary to address to the Duchess.
'It's strange. Every time I see that woman, I feel uneasy.'
- Stella costs a fortune, too. I should have adopted that girl back then instead.
Stella noticed. Blonde hair, green eyes.
'Ah.'
A strange feeling she had every time she saw Sia.
After investigating Sia's background, she discovered a previously unknown fact: she was adopted. Yes, this wasn't her first encounter with Sia. The child Duke Lanedict had tried to adopt, but Stella showed up and annulled the adoption. That was Sia. Thinking about it this way, all the puzzle pieces fell into place. It was Sia's initial hostility toward her, and Stella's strange feeling whenever she saw her. And the fact that Sia had become his secretary just before she married Kendrick.
'If I tell Kendrick this...'
Will his attitude change even a little?
"Honey, listen. Your secretary, Sia, was probably when I was younger..."
Stella mustered up the courage to speak. Kendrick seemed to get annoyed whenever Stella brought up Sia.
"Stella, please stop."
"Kendrick..."
"Why do you keep badmouthing Sia, who is doing a good job?"
She regretted having finally summoned up the courage. She hadn't wanted to see Kendrick so angry.
'Badmouthing?'
Kendrick saw Stella as nothing more than a spoiled brat. This wasn't the marriage she wanted.
"Stella. How many times have I told you I love you? Stop killing innocent people."
Kendrick's confession didn't bring any life back to Stella's eyes.
'I don't feel sincerity in the words 'I love you.'
Even by Kendrick's side, Stella was lonely and had to adapt to that lonely life.
"There are so many rumors about you these days!"
Kendrick used to say unintelligible things.
“...My rumor?”
After marrying Kendrick, Stella rarely attended social gatherings. After overhearing the Duke's servants gossiping about her, she became reluctant to meet people. Furthermore, Kendrick preferred Stella to stay home and remain quiet.
"What are you talking about? You heard some rumors about me?"
So she had no way of knowing how her rumors would spread outside.
"It's okay."
Stella desperately wanted to hear the story behind it. She tried to find out the social gossip by sending someone to investigate, but it proved difficult. Every single servant she had was Kendrick's. Stella, feeling helpless and dispirited, was, ironically, the one who revealed the truth to her.
"Please. What on earth are you talking about me?"
Sia pretended not to win and said everything.
"Duchess Adrian enjoys having sex with men."
"What?"
"There are rumors that you are so promiscuous that you have several men."
Stella's hands trembled. Images of Kendrick's appearance and behavior in the bedroom flashed through her mind. He had become more detached and colder than before their marriage. So, that's all...?
'Are you really going to believe that rumor?'
Stella buried her face in her knees and rubbed them. A hot lump formed in her chest. She said nothing. Even when Kendrick mistakenly called her by her secretary's name, she dismissed it as a mistake. Even when he came home drunk at dawn, even when her husband spent more time with his secretary than with her, it all felt like her fault.
'Because I'm incompetent and don't know how to do anything.'
Even as she lived each day, her lips puckered and her heart torn, she tried to believe Kendrick instead of questioning him. But he wasn't. The thought of being swayed by such trivial rumors and being reduced to the status of a backroom mistress made Stella groan from the inside.
Ugh, huff. She exhaled sharply and wiped away her tears.
Even looking at Kendrick's face, she couldn't say anything. She knew he'd get angry if she brought up the rumors she had been secretly looking into.
But Stella still had feelings for him...
"Did you fall in the flower bed again?"
Occasionally, she would get bruises on jer body.
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