Stella's face was streaked with tears. She couldn't understand how she had made such a mistake. She wanted to go back to her past self and slap her cheek, telling her not to do it.
"Get out. Get out now!"
"Never again, never again. Father! Mother! I was wrong."
The Duke and Duchess of Lanedict chased Stella away as if she were a bug, as she followed them around sadly.
"What are you looking at? Kick this bitch out right now. Don't let her into the mansion ever again. EVER!"
"Please look at me just once, Mother! Father!"
Stella seemed to be having a nightmare.
The cold dirt floor, the knights' backs as they left her behind, Skyle watching Stella cling miserably, the servants' pitiful or pitiful gazes. And the Duke and Duchess's disgusted gaze was unforgettable.
"Hah."
She wept for hours on the dirt floor. Perhaps because of the Duke's orders, no one approached Stella.
"If you were going to cheat, you should have said so even if you got caught."
She was lying face down on the ground when she heard Skyle's voice. She didn't look up. Skyle would probably get good grades this time. Stella couldn't beat him, no matter what. Whether she tried her best, through legitimate methods, or resorted to cowardly tactics, she was beneath Skyle. Even though she tried not to imagine Skyle looking down on her, the thought came to mind.
'Please... don't pity me.'
She wished he'd laughed; she wished he'd just been expressionless; she hoped his gaze wasn't just pity. Stella closed her eyes, covered her ears, and sobbed. Skyle's voice muffled, but it didn't reach her. After a while, the sound faded.
“Ugh, Mother... Father.”
She remembered the Duke and Duchess's worried gaze when she'd fallen into the sea and been sick. She wished she could meet those eyes just one more time. Perhaps it was too much to ask. Stella didn't want to live anymore. Death was better than being abandoned by her parents. Even when she'd fallen into the southern sea, teetering on the brink of death, she'd worried about disappointing them. Now, those worries had become reality. Stella had disappointed her parents, and ultimately, she was abandoned.
Twinkle.
As she raised her head, she saw the scissors the gardener had left behind.
'I don't like it anymore.'
And then she cut her wrist. Bright red blood dripped, soaking the dirt. Her vision blurred, and the world faded away.
Stella opened her eyes. The once fiery Duke of Lanedict had become gentle. The Duchess was no different.
"I don't expect anything from you anymore."
Stella thought this was a dream.
"I won't get angry or scold you."
Thinking this was the last time, she took in their faces. Duke Lanedict, with a displeased expression, gently soothed her; the Duchess, with her eyes drooping, her expression visibly concerned. And Skyle, watching her with an unreadable expression.
"So don't do anything that will cost you your life, Stella."
It didn't take long for her to realize this wasn't a dream. The warmth of her mother's hand and the sound of her voice were vivid.
“Father, Mother. Do you... Love me?”
She asked a question she'd never uttered before. It was the question she'd wanted to ask more than anything in her life.
"Then."
"Of course."
She couldn't tell if their eyes held sincerity. Her mind was in a state of flux. Stella was happy with even empty words. Their declaration of love brought her some reassurance.
'Yes, that's fine.'
Stella smiled faintly. At first glance, the case seemed to have been resolved successfully. However, this was the beginning of Stella's complete breakdown. A thought took hold in her subconscious.
'I have to be sick so Father and Mother can love me.'
Thus began Stella's journey as a shepherd boy. The beginning of her foolish feigning illness and self-harming. Blinded by her parents' affection, she lost all sense of reason and was starved for love. At this time, Stella was only eleven years old.
After the cheating incident, the Duke and Duchess stopped pressuring Stella to get good grades. No, they didn't have any expectations of her. Their expectations were entirely directed at Skyle.
"Skyle, you know? We only have you to trust."
"You are now the pillar and pride of Lanedict. You must not fall, too, Skyle."
The Duke and Duchess simply wanted Stella to behave properly. But Stella didn't want the Duke and Duchess to have even the slightest expectations of her. What she wanted was love and affection. All she needed was to instill in them the confidence that, as parents, they wouldn't easily abandon her.
"Stella, we don't expect anything from you. Just stay quiet and live. Do you understand?"
Stella collapsed. Self-loathing grew within her. She opened a book she hadn't been able to read for a while, but it didn't work.
'I can't become a protagonist like this anyway.'
She compared her own life to that of the protagonists in novels, who lived independently and overcame crises. They were usually brimming with courage and resilience. It was a stark contrast to her own, who, desperate for the affection of those around her, resorted to foolish pursuits. Stella closed the book again.
'How should I live from now on?'
While wandering, agonizing over these concerns, Stella experienced secondary sexual characteristics. As her baby fat faded and her beauty blossomed, men approached her one by one. Among them, Anton Geron, Skyle's friend, was particularly active.
Everyone showed Stella a little kindness and showed their feelings, but Geron was different.
"I liked Lady Stella from the first time I saw you."
"?"
"When I came to Skyle's room. How cute you were."
Stella had only one feeling for him.
'This man, like me, lived as Skyle's attendant.'
Just looking at his eyes, she could sense what kind of life he must have lived under Skyle's shadow. Margrave Anton was renowned for his swordsmanship. The first Marquis had become a war hero through his swordsmanship and had become a margrave, so it was obvious how much Geron would have been expected of him growing up. But now that Skyle had taken his place, Geron must have suffered greatly.
"So?"
Stella had absolutely no desire to date a man in her situation. Furthermore, she really didn't like Geron's eyes. The shadows were dark, and the corners were droopy, and some young ladies might find this sexy, but Stella didn't. She thought he looked dark and brooding.
"We have a nice villa at home. How about taking a trip together?"
So she wasn't happy with his approach.
"I hate people like you."
"What?"
"I don't want to get close to someone who lives in the shadows like you."
He had a bug-bitten expression.
"I won't tell anyone about this today. So, Marquis Anton, please stop doing this, too."
Stella dismissed him as cold as a shard of ice. She only gave him a nod and turned away from him.
Even on the clearest days, the air felt stale. The warm sunlight was irritating, and the blowing wind was a nuisance.
'It's all trivial.'
She no longer tried to keep up with Skyle. But that didn't mean she didn't try. She tried to do what Skyle couldn't. Skyle was a person who couldn't stand to lose. That's why there was so much gossip. Stella tried to win Skyle over with thoughtfulness and kindness.
<Thank you so much for attending this banquet. - Stella ->
When a banquet was held, she prepared food to suit the tastes of each and every guest, and even after the banquet, she showed her sincerity by giving each guest a thank-you card.
"Duke Lanedict's food is excellent, and his wife is very meticulous."
"They are really good-looking siblings."
Stella's actions bolstered the reputation of the Lanedict family. The Duke and Duchess, who initially disapproved of Stella's behavior as un-noble, gradually grew to appreciate it. However, the Duke and Duchess remained largely indifferent to their children.
Whenever Stella felt like a stranger in the family of Duke Lanedict, she feigned illness.
"I have a high fever, Father."
"I went to the hospital. They said that if the cough persists, it could develop into pneumonia."
The Duke and Duchess of Lanedict pretended to be concerned about Stella, even though they knew it was a lie, fearing that Stella would act more drastically.
"Oh, what should I do? Let's have some warm tea together."
"Did you take the medicine?"
Stella adapted to the Duke's household in this way. Whenever she felt a strong fear of being abandoned by her parents, she found comfort in receiving their attention in this way.
"How long are you going to live like that?"
The only person who directly touched Stella was Skyle. He always looked at her with a pitiful gaze. Every time she met his eyes, she felt as if her own shortcomings had been exposed.
"What do you mean?"
"You lied when you said you were sick. Do you think there's anyone in this house who doesn't know you?"
"What?"
"Everyone is pretending not to know. They feel bad for you."
Skyle was Stella's weakness and the embodiment of her trauma.
'Damn it. Skyle.'
Stella ran away from him as if she'd heard something she shouldn't have. After Skye pointed out Stella's faking, she couldn't lie like before. She wasn't unaware of her shame. After that, she openly avoided Skyle.
"Ha."
She was heartbroken. The experience of being cruelly abandoned by the Duke remained a trauma for Stella. Whenever she felt this way, she would feign illness, but after Skyle pointed it out, she stopped doing it.
'Yeah. It's okay if it really hurts.'
Then it's not a lie, so Skyle can't laugh at me.
Stella fell down the stairs. She hurt her leg and got a scar on her arm, but she was fine. It was worth it.
"Lady Stella, you said you were hurt!"
Many people came to visit Stella.
"Stella, be careful next time. You don't want to get a scar on your face."
Her parents also seemed more worried than ever. Stella spent her teenage years repeatedly feigning illness and self-harming. Both she and her parents grew increasingly exhausted.
A golden opportunity presented itself to Stella, who had been feeling limited. A chance to gain her parents' approval, something better than physically abusing them to gain their attention. It was a marriage.
"Get out. Get out now!"
"Never again, never again. Father! Mother! I was wrong."
The Duke and Duchess of Lanedict chased Stella away as if she were a bug, as she followed them around sadly.
"What are you looking at? Kick this bitch out right now. Don't let her into the mansion ever again. EVER!"
"Please look at me just once, Mother! Father!"
Stella seemed to be having a nightmare.
The cold dirt floor, the knights' backs as they left her behind, Skyle watching Stella cling miserably, the servants' pitiful or pitiful gazes. And the Duke and Duchess's disgusted gaze was unforgettable.
"Hah."
She wept for hours on the dirt floor. Perhaps because of the Duke's orders, no one approached Stella.
"If you were going to cheat, you should have said so even if you got caught."
She was lying face down on the ground when she heard Skyle's voice. She didn't look up. Skyle would probably get good grades this time. Stella couldn't beat him, no matter what. Whether she tried her best, through legitimate methods, or resorted to cowardly tactics, she was beneath Skyle. Even though she tried not to imagine Skyle looking down on her, the thought came to mind.
'Please... don't pity me.'
She wished he'd laughed; she wished he'd just been expressionless; she hoped his gaze wasn't just pity. Stella closed her eyes, covered her ears, and sobbed. Skyle's voice muffled, but it didn't reach her. After a while, the sound faded.
“Ugh, Mother... Father.”
She remembered the Duke and Duchess's worried gaze when she'd fallen into the sea and been sick. She wished she could meet those eyes just one more time. Perhaps it was too much to ask. Stella didn't want to live anymore. Death was better than being abandoned by her parents. Even when she'd fallen into the southern sea, teetering on the brink of death, she'd worried about disappointing them. Now, those worries had become reality. Stella had disappointed her parents, and ultimately, she was abandoned.
Twinkle.
As she raised her head, she saw the scissors the gardener had left behind.
'I don't like it anymore.'
And then she cut her wrist. Bright red blood dripped, soaking the dirt. Her vision blurred, and the world faded away.
***
Stella opened her eyes. The once fiery Duke of Lanedict had become gentle. The Duchess was no different.
"I don't expect anything from you anymore."
Stella thought this was a dream.
"I won't get angry or scold you."
Thinking this was the last time, she took in their faces. Duke Lanedict, with a displeased expression, gently soothed her; the Duchess, with her eyes drooping, her expression visibly concerned. And Skyle, watching her with an unreadable expression.
"So don't do anything that will cost you your life, Stella."
It didn't take long for her to realize this wasn't a dream. The warmth of her mother's hand and the sound of her voice were vivid.
“Father, Mother. Do you... Love me?”
She asked a question she'd never uttered before. It was the question she'd wanted to ask more than anything in her life.
"Then."
"Of course."
She couldn't tell if their eyes held sincerity. Her mind was in a state of flux. Stella was happy with even empty words. Their declaration of love brought her some reassurance.
'Yes, that's fine.'
Stella smiled faintly. At first glance, the case seemed to have been resolved successfully. However, this was the beginning of Stella's complete breakdown. A thought took hold in her subconscious.
'I have to be sick so Father and Mother can love me.'
Thus began Stella's journey as a shepherd boy. The beginning of her foolish feigning illness and self-harming. Blinded by her parents' affection, she lost all sense of reason and was starved for love. At this time, Stella was only eleven years old.
***
After the cheating incident, the Duke and Duchess stopped pressuring Stella to get good grades. No, they didn't have any expectations of her. Their expectations were entirely directed at Skyle.
"Skyle, you know? We only have you to trust."
"You are now the pillar and pride of Lanedict. You must not fall, too, Skyle."
The Duke and Duchess simply wanted Stella to behave properly. But Stella didn't want the Duke and Duchess to have even the slightest expectations of her. What she wanted was love and affection. All she needed was to instill in them the confidence that, as parents, they wouldn't easily abandon her.
"Stella, we don't expect anything from you. Just stay quiet and live. Do you understand?"
Stella collapsed. Self-loathing grew within her. She opened a book she hadn't been able to read for a while, but it didn't work.
'I can't become a protagonist like this anyway.'
She compared her own life to that of the protagonists in novels, who lived independently and overcame crises. They were usually brimming with courage and resilience. It was a stark contrast to her own, who, desperate for the affection of those around her, resorted to foolish pursuits. Stella closed the book again.
'How should I live from now on?'
While wandering, agonizing over these concerns, Stella experienced secondary sexual characteristics. As her baby fat faded and her beauty blossomed, men approached her one by one. Among them, Anton Geron, Skyle's friend, was particularly active.
Everyone showed Stella a little kindness and showed their feelings, but Geron was different.
"I liked Lady Stella from the first time I saw you."
"?"
"When I came to Skyle's room. How cute you were."
Stella had only one feeling for him.
'This man, like me, lived as Skyle's attendant.'
Just looking at his eyes, she could sense what kind of life he must have lived under Skyle's shadow. Margrave Anton was renowned for his swordsmanship. The first Marquis had become a war hero through his swordsmanship and had become a margrave, so it was obvious how much Geron would have been expected of him growing up. But now that Skyle had taken his place, Geron must have suffered greatly.
"So?"
Stella had absolutely no desire to date a man in her situation. Furthermore, she really didn't like Geron's eyes. The shadows were dark, and the corners were droopy, and some young ladies might find this sexy, but Stella didn't. She thought he looked dark and brooding.
"We have a nice villa at home. How about taking a trip together?"
So she wasn't happy with his approach.
"I hate people like you."
"What?"
"I don't want to get close to someone who lives in the shadows like you."
He had a bug-bitten expression.
"I won't tell anyone about this today. So, Marquis Anton, please stop doing this, too."
Stella dismissed him as cold as a shard of ice. She only gave him a nod and turned away from him.
Even on the clearest days, the air felt stale. The warm sunlight was irritating, and the blowing wind was a nuisance.
'It's all trivial.'
She no longer tried to keep up with Skyle. But that didn't mean she didn't try. She tried to do what Skyle couldn't. Skyle was a person who couldn't stand to lose. That's why there was so much gossip. Stella tried to win Skyle over with thoughtfulness and kindness.
<Thank you so much for attending this banquet. - Stella ->
When a banquet was held, she prepared food to suit the tastes of each and every guest, and even after the banquet, she showed her sincerity by giving each guest a thank-you card.
"Duke Lanedict's food is excellent, and his wife is very meticulous."
"They are really good-looking siblings."
Stella's actions bolstered the reputation of the Lanedict family. The Duke and Duchess, who initially disapproved of Stella's behavior as un-noble, gradually grew to appreciate it. However, the Duke and Duchess remained largely indifferent to their children.
Whenever Stella felt like a stranger in the family of Duke Lanedict, she feigned illness.
"I have a high fever, Father."
"I went to the hospital. They said that if the cough persists, it could develop into pneumonia."
The Duke and Duchess of Lanedict pretended to be concerned about Stella, even though they knew it was a lie, fearing that Stella would act more drastically.
"Oh, what should I do? Let's have some warm tea together."
"Did you take the medicine?"
Stella adapted to the Duke's household in this way. Whenever she felt a strong fear of being abandoned by her parents, she found comfort in receiving their attention in this way.
"How long are you going to live like that?"
The only person who directly touched Stella was Skyle. He always looked at her with a pitiful gaze. Every time she met his eyes, she felt as if her own shortcomings had been exposed.
"What do you mean?"
"You lied when you said you were sick. Do you think there's anyone in this house who doesn't know you?"
"What?"
"Everyone is pretending not to know. They feel bad for you."
Skyle was Stella's weakness and the embodiment of her trauma.
'Damn it. Skyle.'
Stella ran away from him as if she'd heard something she shouldn't have. After Skye pointed out Stella's faking, she couldn't lie like before. She wasn't unaware of her shame. After that, she openly avoided Skyle.
"Ha."
She was heartbroken. The experience of being cruelly abandoned by the Duke remained a trauma for Stella. Whenever she felt this way, she would feign illness, but after Skyle pointed it out, she stopped doing it.
'Yeah. It's okay if it really hurts.'
Then it's not a lie, so Skyle can't laugh at me.
Stella fell down the stairs. She hurt her leg and got a scar on her arm, but she was fine. It was worth it.
"Lady Stella, you said you were hurt!"
Many people came to visit Stella.
"Stella, be careful next time. You don't want to get a scar on your face."
Her parents also seemed more worried than ever. Stella spent her teenage years repeatedly feigning illness and self-harming. Both she and her parents grew increasingly exhausted.
A golden opportunity presented itself to Stella, who had been feeling limited. A chance to gain her parents' approval, something better than physically abusing them to gain their attention. It was a marriage.
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