(66) I wanted to live. (2)
Ariana calmly replied, thinking that Cyrus was sharp as always.
“Do I really have to be hit to know?”
“The Princess is too young to notice before it happens. The Princess’s tactics from the West didn’t seem like they were developed in a day or two.”
“And didn’t the Northern Duke make a splendid comeback at only 14?”
“I had many people by my side to help me. But the Princess is alone.”
“I had the Northern Duke's help.”
“No, even without my help, the Princess could have escaped that situation on her own.”
Cyrus gently squeezed Ariana’s chin between his thumb and index finger. Ariana lifted her head at his touch. His red eyes pierced through her, searching her with a piercing gaze. His intense gaze seemed to roam every inch of Ariana’s body with a material quality.
His hand was cold, but for some reason, the area he touched felt warm. She tried to take a step back, avoiding his hand, but he lowered his hand first.
“When news reached the Northern Territory that my parents had died in the war, I was reading a book in my room in the castle, unaware of anything. Do you know who was the first to enter my room?”
“...Who was it?”
“My father’s younger brother. The one I call my uncle tried to kill me by covering my face with a pillow so he could take the throne of the Northern Lords.”
It was the first time Cyrus had told his story.
“Our relationship was usually good. No, very good. When my parents were away at war, I followed him as if he were my father. My parents trusted him enough to tell me to rely on him if anything happened.”
Cyrus’ expression remained calm even as he spoke of his betrayal.
“Those I trusted were trying to kill me. My father’s loyalists were actually after my father’s throne. I was lucky to escape, but I couldn’t trust anyone. I received help, but I had no choice but to reject them all. Duke Hern and Lord Perren sought me out and tried to help, but I didn’t trust them, and in the process, Lord Perren died.”
“Lord Perren...”
“Isaac’s father.”
“...”
“It was only then that I realized my mistake. It’s natural to harbor hatred and vigilance in a precarious situation, but I learned that there must be a distinction in the direction of that hatred.”
Cyrus, who had been talking to Ariana, turned his gaze to the river. Ariana stood beside him, gazing at the waters sparkling like the night sky.
“Fleeting hatred and vigilance will hinder the Princess’s purpose. You will become weary, and one day, that wearyness will catch up with you.”
“Have you forgiven him?”
“Who?”
“Those who tried to kill the Northern Duke.”
“No. I killed them all.”
“...”
“I killed those who betrayed me. But I trusted those who showed loyalty to me.”
“And what if they betray the Northern Duke?”
“Then I must kill them. I must behead them without wavering.”
“And what if the Northern Duke suffers before that?”
“Then I will die lamenting my foolishness.”
“...I don’t want to do that anymore now.”
Cyrus looked at Ariana strangely at the word “now,” but Ariana didn’t notice his gaze.
She kept her gaze fixed on the quietly flowing river and continued.
“I don’t want to die after trusting, nor do I want to be betrayed after trusting.”
Her tone sounded as if she had been betrayed and died countless times before, but Cyrus didn’t point it out.
Ariana stood upright, her hands clasped together in front of her, looking both elegant and precarious. She seemed uneasy, as if she could scatter even in the gentle spring breeze, yet at the same time, she seemed unshaken by the storm.
Her blue eyes, facing the river, were filled with sadness, regret, and loneliness. Those pitiful eyes gripped Cyrus's heart.
He couldn't understand why Ariana's emotions, unrelated to Cyrus, ached within him. He simply wanted to sweep away all the dull emotions that filled those blue eyes.
He felt he would do anything to look into those clear, clear eyes.
He wanted to tell Ariana, but Cyrus, who had lived his entire life defending his position and avenging his parents, didn't know how to express his feelings.
"There are those who brought dishonorable deaths to my parents. I intend to erase them from this world."
When Cyrus revealed his purpose, Ariana turned to him in surprise.
"I thought the Eastern Duke had something to do with my parents' deaths, but I found evidence that proves otherwise."
Cyrus remembered the warmth of the Eastern Duke before his parents' deaths. He believed that the kindness of the White family could erase the cold pain etched in Ariana's eyes.
But Cyrus didn't know how to speak so sweetly.
"I need the power of the East. So, Ariana, if you want to repay my debt, establish yourself properly in the East Realm. Thoroughly capture their hearts and become their beloved Princess. Only then will you repay my debt."
He didn't realize his own words were freezing Ariana's heart.
Only when a picturesque smile appeared on Ariana's lips did he realize he'd said something wrong.
"Of course, Northern Duke. Of course, I must repay. The Northern Duke has much to worry about, so let's stop worrying about myself and focus on what the Northern Duke needs to do. I will also do what I need to do to repay my debt."
The next day, Cyrus and Ariana's party parted ways in the city.
Ariana's smile remained perfect throughout their farewells.
Ariana's party boarded the carriage and set off first. Isaac, watching the carriage depart, asked,
"Excuse me, Cyrus. I have something to ask you."
Cyrus ignored Isaac and mounted his horse. Isaac hurriedly mounted his horse and followed Cyrus, saying,
“Did something bad happen between you and the Princess yesterday while you were out for a walk?”
“Why would you think so?”
“You don’t know that? The Princess's smile is icy!”
“Hmm.”
“What on earth did you do? Surely... you didn’t do something terrible, did you?”
“There’s no way I would do something terrible to such a valuable talent.”
“Again, again, again!”
Cyrus narrowed his eyes.
“That’s useless advice. I haven’t regretted it yet.”
“Cyrus, you didn’t say anything to the Princess last night about her being worth using, did you?”
“...”
“You did!”
Cyrus ignored him and kicked his horse’s side. The horse picked up speed.
“Let’s go together!”
Isaac screamed, but he pretended not to hear.
‘I’ll regret it?’
Ariana displayed a variety of expressions in front of Cyrus: frowning, surprise, and confusion. But ever since she'd flashed that perfect smile last night, she'd always had that same smile on her face. It was unpleasant and irritating, but not enough to warrant regret. What could there be to regret? He'd simply given her sound advice.
Cyrus's eyes grew cold.
'If she can't take that advice, then that's where Ariana White ends up.'
A chill wind blew through her chest.
Ariana sat upright in the carriage, staring out the window.
The carriage sofa was large enough to lie down on, plush, and smelled good, but her frozen heart wouldn't soften.
'What a fool I am.'
Ariana calmly replied, thinking that Cyrus was sharp as always.
“Do I really have to be hit to know?”
“The Princess is too young to notice before it happens. The Princess’s tactics from the West didn’t seem like they were developed in a day or two.”
“And didn’t the Northern Duke make a splendid comeback at only 14?”
“I had many people by my side to help me. But the Princess is alone.”
“I had the Northern Duke's help.”
“No, even without my help, the Princess could have escaped that situation on her own.”
Cyrus gently squeezed Ariana’s chin between his thumb and index finger. Ariana lifted her head at his touch. His red eyes pierced through her, searching her with a piercing gaze. His intense gaze seemed to roam every inch of Ariana’s body with a material quality.
His hand was cold, but for some reason, the area he touched felt warm. She tried to take a step back, avoiding his hand, but he lowered his hand first.
“When news reached the Northern Territory that my parents had died in the war, I was reading a book in my room in the castle, unaware of anything. Do you know who was the first to enter my room?”
“...Who was it?”
“My father’s younger brother. The one I call my uncle tried to kill me by covering my face with a pillow so he could take the throne of the Northern Lords.”
It was the first time Cyrus had told his story.
“Our relationship was usually good. No, very good. When my parents were away at war, I followed him as if he were my father. My parents trusted him enough to tell me to rely on him if anything happened.”
Cyrus’ expression remained calm even as he spoke of his betrayal.
“Those I trusted were trying to kill me. My father’s loyalists were actually after my father’s throne. I was lucky to escape, but I couldn’t trust anyone. I received help, but I had no choice but to reject them all. Duke Hern and Lord Perren sought me out and tried to help, but I didn’t trust them, and in the process, Lord Perren died.”
“Lord Perren...”
“Isaac’s father.”
“...”
“It was only then that I realized my mistake. It’s natural to harbor hatred and vigilance in a precarious situation, but I learned that there must be a distinction in the direction of that hatred.”
Cyrus, who had been talking to Ariana, turned his gaze to the river. Ariana stood beside him, gazing at the waters sparkling like the night sky.
“Fleeting hatred and vigilance will hinder the Princess’s purpose. You will become weary, and one day, that wearyness will catch up with you.”
“Have you forgiven him?”
“Who?”
“Those who tried to kill the Northern Duke.”
“No. I killed them all.”
“...”
“I killed those who betrayed me. But I trusted those who showed loyalty to me.”
“And what if they betray the Northern Duke?”
“Then I must kill them. I must behead them without wavering.”
“And what if the Northern Duke suffers before that?”
“Then I will die lamenting my foolishness.”
“...I don’t want to do that anymore now.”
Cyrus looked at Ariana strangely at the word “now,” but Ariana didn’t notice his gaze.
She kept her gaze fixed on the quietly flowing river and continued.
“I don’t want to die after trusting, nor do I want to be betrayed after trusting.”
Her tone sounded as if she had been betrayed and died countless times before, but Cyrus didn’t point it out.
Ariana stood upright, her hands clasped together in front of her, looking both elegant and precarious. She seemed uneasy, as if she could scatter even in the gentle spring breeze, yet at the same time, she seemed unshaken by the storm.
Her blue eyes, facing the river, were filled with sadness, regret, and loneliness. Those pitiful eyes gripped Cyrus's heart.
He couldn't understand why Ariana's emotions, unrelated to Cyrus, ached within him. He simply wanted to sweep away all the dull emotions that filled those blue eyes.
He felt he would do anything to look into those clear, clear eyes.
He wanted to tell Ariana, but Cyrus, who had lived his entire life defending his position and avenging his parents, didn't know how to express his feelings.
"There are those who brought dishonorable deaths to my parents. I intend to erase them from this world."
When Cyrus revealed his purpose, Ariana turned to him in surprise.
"I thought the Eastern Duke had something to do with my parents' deaths, but I found evidence that proves otherwise."
Cyrus remembered the warmth of the Eastern Duke before his parents' deaths. He believed that the kindness of the White family could erase the cold pain etched in Ariana's eyes.
But Cyrus didn't know how to speak so sweetly.
"I need the power of the East. So, Ariana, if you want to repay my debt, establish yourself properly in the East Realm. Thoroughly capture their hearts and become their beloved Princess. Only then will you repay my debt."
He didn't realize his own words were freezing Ariana's heart.
Only when a picturesque smile appeared on Ariana's lips did he realize he'd said something wrong.
"Of course, Northern Duke. Of course, I must repay. The Northern Duke has much to worry about, so let's stop worrying about myself and focus on what the Northern Duke needs to do. I will also do what I need to do to repay my debt."
***
The next day, Cyrus and Ariana's party parted ways in the city.
Ariana's smile remained perfect throughout their farewells.
Ariana's party boarded the carriage and set off first. Isaac, watching the carriage depart, asked,
"Excuse me, Cyrus. I have something to ask you."
Cyrus ignored Isaac and mounted his horse. Isaac hurriedly mounted his horse and followed Cyrus, saying,
“Did something bad happen between you and the Princess yesterday while you were out for a walk?”
“Why would you think so?”
“You don’t know that? The Princess's smile is icy!”
“Hmm.”
“What on earth did you do? Surely... you didn’t do something terrible, did you?”
“There’s no way I would do something terrible to such a valuable talent.”
“Again, again, again!”
Cyrus narrowed his eyes.
“I told you that if you keep saying things like ‘use it’ or ‘don't use it,’ you'll regret it.”
“Cyrus, you didn’t say anything to the Princess last night about her being worth using, did you?”
“...”
“You did!”
Cyrus ignored him and kicked his horse’s side. The horse picked up speed.
“Let’s go together!”
Isaac screamed, but he pretended not to hear.
‘I’ll regret it?’
Ariana displayed a variety of expressions in front of Cyrus: frowning, surprise, and confusion. But ever since she'd flashed that perfect smile last night, she'd always had that same smile on her face. It was unpleasant and irritating, but not enough to warrant regret. What could there be to regret? He'd simply given her sound advice.
Cyrus's eyes grew cold.
'If she can't take that advice, then that's where Ariana White ends up.'
***
A chill wind blew through her chest.
Ariana sat upright in the carriage, staring out the window.
The carriage sofa was large enough to lie down on, plush, and smelled good, but her frozen heart wouldn't soften.
'What a fool I am.'
She knew Cyrus had approached her with a purpose. She knew his kindness and consideration were all for his own sake.
She knew it, yet she didn't.
Even though she pretended to know, she had in fact found herself warming to him.
She trusted him enough to not hesitate to reveal her true feelings, enough to unconsciously show her true self in front of him.
She forgot that everyone was kind to her because they had a purpose.
"It was the same when I was with the Third Prince."
Harold was sweet.
To Ariana, who was left out at the royal party, feeling gloomy and wary, he was incomparably kind and affectionate.
He greeted Ariana, who no one else spoke to, and asked her to dance. After the party, he sent flowers and a letter to the mansion, making Ariana's heart flutter.
Ariana, who had a wealthy husband but couldn't have anything of her own, Harold showered her with gifts. Earrings that seemed to suit her, a necklace that would make her shine...
There was always one condition attached to them: "If you work hard for me."
That was all.
Everyone was like him.
She knew from the beginning that, like Harold, Cyrus was simply trying to exploit Ariana's worth by discovering it. What differentiated Cyrus from Harold was that he didn't hide this fact.
"Yes, the Northern Duke never hid the fact that he was going to use me."
But why does my heart feel so cold? Just realizing something I already knew once more makes me feel like I've lost so much.
"Ariana, are you feeling unwell?"
Carradine, sitting across from her, asked cautiously.
Lost in thought, she'd forgotten she was with her.
"No, I'm just a little tired."
“Yeah, even if you take the best medicine, you won’t recover right away, right?”
That wasn’t the case.
Isaac’s medicine was effective. She only been taking it consistently for the past few days, and already she gained a little weight, and her breathing, which had been rapid even after just a short walk, has stabilized.
Ariana felt bad for Isaac, who had given her such good medicine, but nodded.
“Yes, but it’s much better than before, so it’ll get better.”
“Yes, I’m sure it will.”
“We’ll arrive at the East in about ten days, right?”
She knew it, yet she didn't.
Even though she pretended to know, she had in fact found herself warming to him.
She trusted him enough to not hesitate to reveal her true feelings, enough to unconsciously show her true self in front of him.
She forgot that everyone was kind to her because they had a purpose.
"It was the same when I was with the Third Prince."
Harold was sweet.
To Ariana, who was left out at the royal party, feeling gloomy and wary, he was incomparably kind and affectionate.
He greeted Ariana, who no one else spoke to, and asked her to dance. After the party, he sent flowers and a letter to the mansion, making Ariana's heart flutter.
Ariana, who had a wealthy husband but couldn't have anything of her own, Harold showered her with gifts. Earrings that seemed to suit her, a necklace that would make her shine...
There was always one condition attached to them: "If you work hard for me."
That was all.
Everyone was like him.
She knew from the beginning that, like Harold, Cyrus was simply trying to exploit Ariana's worth by discovering it. What differentiated Cyrus from Harold was that he didn't hide this fact.
"Yes, the Northern Duke never hid the fact that he was going to use me."
But why does my heart feel so cold? Just realizing something I already knew once more makes me feel like I've lost so much.
"Ariana, are you feeling unwell?"
Carradine, sitting across from her, asked cautiously.
Lost in thought, she'd forgotten she was with her.
"No, I'm just a little tired."
“Yeah, even if you take the best medicine, you won’t recover right away, right?”
That wasn’t the case.
Isaac’s medicine was effective. She only been taking it consistently for the past few days, and already she gained a little weight, and her breathing, which had been rapid even after just a short walk, has stabilized.
Ariana felt bad for Isaac, who had given her such good medicine, but nodded.
“Yes, but it’s much better than before, so it’ll get better.”
“Yes, I’m sure it will.”
“We’ll arrive at the East in about ten days, right?”
“I suppose so. Since we're riding fast, we might arrive a little earlier than that. Is there anything you want to do once we get to the East?”
.
“I don’t know. Grandma, what should I do?”
Carradine’s eyes widened at the mention of “grandma.” She blinked and then asked cautiously,
“Ariana, I...”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I called you grandma without permission...”
“No, no. What are you talking about? Why do you need permission to call me grandma? Huh? Don’t say that. Don’t say that.”
Ariana's heart pounded as she noticed the old woman's voice trembling.
She hadn't called her "grandmother" because she had now accepted her as family, as Carradine had thought.
'Win their hearts thoroughly and make you the beloved Princess of the East.'
She was following Cyrus's advice.
Just as Cyrus was trying to use Ariana, Ariana was also trying to use him.
The Northern Duke was powerful and clever, and he believed Ariana was valuable. There was no better tactic to exploit. While she wouldn't mind being used and then dying, she was all for a mutually beneficial relationship.
To achieve that, she needed to become even more valuable than she already was.
Carradine’s eyes widened at the mention of “grandma.” She blinked and then asked cautiously,
“Ariana, I...”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I called you grandma without permission...”
“No, no. What are you talking about? Why do you need permission to call me grandma? Huh? Don’t say that. Don’t say that.”
Ariana's heart pounded as she noticed the old woman's voice trembling.
She hadn't called her "grandmother" because she had now accepted her as family, as Carradine had thought.
'Win their hearts thoroughly and make you the beloved Princess of the East.'
She was following Cyrus's advice.
Just as Cyrus was trying to use Ariana, Ariana was also trying to use him.
The Northern Duke was powerful and clever, and he believed Ariana was valuable. There was no better tactic to exploit. While she wouldn't mind being used and then dying, she was all for a mutually beneficial relationship.
To achieve that, she needed to become even more valuable than she already was.
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