(65) I wanted to live. (1)
From April to June, it was the social season, so many nobles gathered in the imperial capital, Sterion.
The streets lined with villas and luxurious inns where nobles from other countries and regions stayed were bustling, and the salons were fully booked.
Recently, whenever the nobles gathered, they would talk about Ariana's custody case and the Northern Duke. The rumors of an affair with a certain Count's daughter were amusing, but they couldn't surpass the conflict between the Western Duke and the Eastern Duke, and the Northern Duke's intervention.
The nobles constantly sent party invitations to the Northern Duke and the Eastern Duke, but neither responded and left the empire.
The story of the Northern Duke, who appeared like a knight on a white horse and saved Ariana just before she was bound by her evil mother's shackles, became the lyrics of a bard's song, and a theater company prepared to make it into a play.
Having caused a storm in the imperial capital, Ariana and Northern Duke Cyrus were enjoying a leisurely feast in the small city of Ovang.
Ariana, completely unaware of the feelings of a father with a daughter, listened to their conversation with a puzzled expression, but Theodore nodded and watched Russell’s defense with satisfaction.
Carradine, unable to stand by and watch the two White men try to interrupt Ariana and Cyrus’ walk, spoke.
“The Northern Duke is a gentleman, so he’ll escort Ariana well. Ariana might want to get some fresh air, too.”
“Mother.”
“Ariana, don’t go far and be careful.”
Russell and Theodore glared at Carradine disapprovingly, but Carradine didn’t budge.
Ariana, pushed out for a walk, was holding ten gold coins in her hand. Carradine had given her allowance, telling her to buy something she needed. It was her first time receiving an allowance, so she was embarrassed. A wry smile came to her face as she remembered the days when she secretly sold Victoria and Helena’s trinkets for a future need.
“Since the Princess has ten gold coins, you can at least buy a snack for yourself. Or are you going to save it too?”
“If ten gold coins can repay the favor I’ve received from the Northern Count, would you like me buy you one snack? I’ll buy you a hundred.”
“I can’t eat that much, so I’ll decline.”
“Before leaving the West, I had to risk my life to earn about 20 gold, but now that I’m in the East, I can get 10 gold on a walk.”
“So you feel resentful?”
Ariana turned to Cyrus at the poignant question. Cyrus continued, walking slowly, staring straight ahead.
“The Princess suffered terribly in the West, while the East lived peacefully and happily during that time. It’s natural to feel resentful.”
She was embarrassed that Cyrus had seen through her hidden feelings. She felt a pang of shame, wondering if she had acted so revealingly.
“Your resentment is pointless, Princess. Even if you come now and blame the Eastern lord’s family, it won’t change what happened to the Princess.”
It was a valid point. Ariana knew it well.
But it wasn’t easy.
“I’m a human too, Northern lord. I’m not a puppet, so I can’t help but feel this way.”
“Well, we can’t get rid of it, but we can try to. But the Princess doesn’t seem to have any intention of making any effort to do so.”
“...”
“The Eastern Duke is a good person. The previous Eastern Duke and his wife were the same. But the East is also a place where people live, so not everyone can be good. There will be those who are jealous of the Princess, and there will be those who want to eliminate the Princess for their own purposes.”
“I know.”
“Is that what you mean by ‘knowing’?”
Cyrus stopped walking and turned to Ariana. Starlight that fell on the small river flowing behind him surrounded him.
“Failed resentment and caution tire a person. Doubting those you should trust can lead to failing to properly respond to enemy attacks. Sometimes, you become so sensitive to useless things that you fail to direct that sensitivity in the right direction.”
“So, you’re saying the Whites are good people, so I should trust them with all my heart? And what if things go wrong? What if I accepted them as my family, only to discover they were only planning to use me and then abandon me? What if that happens?”
Ariana didn’t realize her voice had become sharp.
Cyrus stared blankly at Ariana and then asked,
“Did you ever trust the Brontes, Princess?”
Yes. She did, until the very last moment, right up until the moment she was strangled to death.
She swallowed the words that were lingering in her throat.
Cyrus observed Ariana with sharp eyes.
“Why does it sound to me like you trusted them and were completely betrayed? The Princess I saw in the West never seemed to trust her family for a single moment.”
From April to June, it was the social season, so many nobles gathered in the imperial capital, Sterion.
The streets lined with villas and luxurious inns where nobles from other countries and regions stayed were bustling, and the salons were fully booked.
Recently, whenever the nobles gathered, they would talk about Ariana's custody case and the Northern Duke. The rumors of an affair with a certain Count's daughter were amusing, but they couldn't surpass the conflict between the Western Duke and the Eastern Duke, and the Northern Duke's intervention.
The nobles constantly sent party invitations to the Northern Duke and the Eastern Duke, but neither responded and left the empire.
The story of the Northern Duke, who appeared like a knight on a white horse and saved Ariana just before she was bound by her evil mother's shackles, became the lyrics of a bard's song, and a theater company prepared to make it into a play.
Having caused a storm in the imperial capital, Ariana and Northern Duke Cyrus were enjoying a leisurely feast in the small city of Ovang.
Duke Russell rented an entire large inn in Ovang, offering Cyrus and Isaac rooms. That evening, he invited them to a banquet.
“I’m sorry I can only offer you such humble hospitality in a place like this, my benefactor,”
Russell said. Cyrus replied calmly.
“It’s just right. The capital city is so crowded that it’s inconvenient to visit.”
“If you visit the East again, I’ll treat you with honor.”
“Yes, I’ll gladly accept your invitation.”
Russell cast a gaze filled with mixed emotions at Cyrus, who was eating serenely.
In the past, Eastern Duke and Northern Duke had enjoyed a rather close relationship.
This was due to the great city of Paganus, Hedran, located in the Hinan region in the northeastern part of the continent.
Paganus occasionally crossed the borders of the Northern and Eastern territories, kidnapping and pillaging people. Cooperation between the Northern and Eastern territories to keep them in check was a given.
The former Eastern Duke and the former Northern Duke territories were friendly, visiting each other's countries as if they were their own. That was until the war broke out a dozen years ago.
After the former Northern Duke and his wife were killed in battle, the Northern territories became a lawless zone. This was because Cyrus, the Northern lord at the time, was too young.
Russell wanted to help Cyrus, but having been stripped of military command by the Emperor and under imperial orders to remain in seclusion, he couldn't act openly.
He secretly sent men to search for Cyrus, but he was nowhere to be found. No matter how many times he sent, there was no word, so he was assumed dead. However, he survived and even reclaimed his position as Northern lord with flying colors.
Russell received no response to letters of congratulations or invitations to Cyrus.
But he understood.
Since he hadn't been there for him during his most difficult moments, he could easily imagine how he felt.
And then Cyrus helped Ariana.
Feelings of gratitude, regret, and longing for his old friend filled Russell's heart.
Unlike Cyrus, who ate quietly, Isaac's table was bustling.
"Of course, Grandma. If you apply this ointment every day, the Princess's scar will completely disappear. It might take some time for an old scar, but I think it will disappear in about three months."
"Thank you for caring for our child like this."
"I was just doing what I was good at, so there's no need to thank me. Father always said there should be no discrimination in treating others."
"Yes, Lord Perren was very generous and kind."
Carradine spoke with a wistful expression, and Isaac's green eyes were also filled with longing. But it was only for a moment, and Isaac soon smiled brightly and began to talk about something else.
Ariana, who was eating next to Russell, glanced up and glanced at Isaac and the previous Duke and Duchess.
'The Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory were closer than I expected.'
“I’m sorry I can only offer you such humble hospitality in a place like this, my benefactor,”
Russell said. Cyrus replied calmly.
“It’s just right. The capital city is so crowded that it’s inconvenient to visit.”
“If you visit the East again, I’ll treat you with honor.”
“Yes, I’ll gladly accept your invitation.”
Russell cast a gaze filled with mixed emotions at Cyrus, who was eating serenely.
In the past, Eastern Duke and Northern Duke had enjoyed a rather close relationship.
This was due to the great city of Paganus, Hedran, located in the Hinan region in the northeastern part of the continent.
Paganus occasionally crossed the borders of the Northern and Eastern territories, kidnapping and pillaging people. Cooperation between the Northern and Eastern territories to keep them in check was a given.
The former Eastern Duke and the former Northern Duke territories were friendly, visiting each other's countries as if they were their own. That was until the war broke out a dozen years ago.
After the former Northern Duke and his wife were killed in battle, the Northern territories became a lawless zone. This was because Cyrus, the Northern lord at the time, was too young.
Russell wanted to help Cyrus, but having been stripped of military command by the Emperor and under imperial orders to remain in seclusion, he couldn't act openly.
He secretly sent men to search for Cyrus, but he was nowhere to be found. No matter how many times he sent, there was no word, so he was assumed dead. However, he survived and even reclaimed his position as Northern lord with flying colors.
Russell received no response to letters of congratulations or invitations to Cyrus.
But he understood.
Since he hadn't been there for him during his most difficult moments, he could easily imagine how he felt.
And then Cyrus helped Ariana.
Feelings of gratitude, regret, and longing for his old friend filled Russell's heart.
Unlike Cyrus, who ate quietly, Isaac's table was bustling.
"Of course, Grandma. If you apply this ointment every day, the Princess's scar will completely disappear. It might take some time for an old scar, but I think it will disappear in about three months."
"Thank you for caring for our child like this."
"I was just doing what I was good at, so there's no need to thank me. Father always said there should be no discrimination in treating others."
"Yes, Lord Perren was very generous and kind."
Carradine spoke with a wistful expression, and Isaac's green eyes were also filled with longing. But it was only for a moment, and Isaac soon smiled brightly and began to talk about something else.
Ariana, who was eating next to Russell, glanced up and glanced at Isaac and the previous Duke and Duchess.
'The Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory were closer than I expected.'
She knew that the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory had been friendly before Cyrus's parents died in the war. However, she had not realized that their relationship was so close that they even had ties to the Perren family, a bourgeois class rather than the aristocracy.
'When the Third Prince investigated before, he said their relationship was extremely bad.'
The Third Prince, who craved the throne, was most concerned about the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory, which possessed strong military power. Third Prince Harold wanted to bring the two countries to his side, but the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory would not budge.
If the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory joined forces and sided with the Crown Prince, no matter what the Third Prince did, he would not be able to ascend to the throne. Therefore, the Third Prince paid great attention to the movements of both countries.
Until Ariana's death, the relationship between the Northern and Eastern Dukes never mended. Even when the Eastern Duke fell, the Northern Duke didn't offer a helping hand.
So she assumed their relationship was merely that, but this dinner seemed more like a family reunion after a long time. Cyrus and Isaac seemed more like family to the Whites than Ariana.
'The Northern Duke must be planning to use me someday, so he's probably trying to establish a friendly relationship with the Eastern Duke. That way, it'll be easier to work with me.'
At this point, she couldn't tell if the improved relationship between the Northern Duke and the Eastern Duke was a good thing.
'The Third Prince has been eyeing the throne since before this time. He's probably still receiving reports on the movements of the Northern and Eastern Dukes. If he learns of any exchanges between the Northern and Eastern Dukes, he'll prepare a proper countermeasure."
Ariana didn't yet have the strength to deal with the imperial family, so she didn't know how to respond if the Third Prince attacked.
"Why are you, Princess, eating sherbet with a fork?"
Cyrus's voice snapped Ariana out of her thoughts.
The meal was over, and sherbet was served for dessert, but Ariana was still holding a fork. Everyone present looked at the fork in her hand, causing Ariana's cheeks to flush pink.
"I was just thinking about my days in the West."
Ariana's excuse made the White family's faces harden, Isaac furrowed his eyebrows in pity, and Cyrus's lips slightly lifted in amusement.
"Oh."
"I'm so uneducated that I didn't even know how to eat dessert. I'm sorry if I offended you, Lord of the North."
Suddenly, Cyrus became the bad guy.
The White family had received so much help from Cyrus that they didn't show it, but Isaac was different. He immediately glared and gave Cyrus a reproachful look.
Cyrus slightly lowered his head.
"I was very rude to the Princess. I didn't think about the Princess's painful days. To ask for forgiveness, I'd like to escort you on a walk after dinner. May I?"
"Lord of the North, the Princess is still not feeling well, so I don't think it would be a good idea to go for a walk."
Even after a dozen years apart, a father was still a father. When Russell, sensing the subtle tension between Cyrus and Ariana, intervened, Isaac didn't back down.
“The Princess has fully recovered now, Your Excellency, the Duke. Although her old scars remain, she has been taking the stamina restoratives I gave her, so she should be in good health. And a short walk after meals is also very beneficial for her health.”
“However, I am worried that the Princess might be afraid since this city is unfamiliar to her.”
“Oh, Your Excellency. Do you doubt the strength of our Northern Duke? How strong is he? If an attacker appears, we can just freeze him solid.”
“I wonder if he will stumble at night.”
“Your Excellency will escort her safely.”
Ariana couldn’t understand the war of nerves between the Northern Duke, Russell, and Isaac.
‘Why does the Eastern Duke try to stop me from walking with the Northern Duke? Did he find something suspicious about him?’
'When the Third Prince investigated before, he said their relationship was extremely bad.'
The Third Prince, who craved the throne, was most concerned about the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory, which possessed strong military power. Third Prince Harold wanted to bring the two countries to his side, but the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory would not budge.
If the Northern Territory and the Eastern Territory joined forces and sided with the Crown Prince, no matter what the Third Prince did, he would not be able to ascend to the throne. Therefore, the Third Prince paid great attention to the movements of both countries.
Until Ariana's death, the relationship between the Northern and Eastern Dukes never mended. Even when the Eastern Duke fell, the Northern Duke didn't offer a helping hand.
So she assumed their relationship was merely that, but this dinner seemed more like a family reunion after a long time. Cyrus and Isaac seemed more like family to the Whites than Ariana.
'The Northern Duke must be planning to use me someday, so he's probably trying to establish a friendly relationship with the Eastern Duke. That way, it'll be easier to work with me.'
At this point, she couldn't tell if the improved relationship between the Northern Duke and the Eastern Duke was a good thing.
'The Third Prince has been eyeing the throne since before this time. He's probably still receiving reports on the movements of the Northern and Eastern Dukes. If he learns of any exchanges between the Northern and Eastern Dukes, he'll prepare a proper countermeasure."
Ariana didn't yet have the strength to deal with the imperial family, so she didn't know how to respond if the Third Prince attacked.
"Why are you, Princess, eating sherbet with a fork?"
Cyrus's voice snapped Ariana out of her thoughts.
The meal was over, and sherbet was served for dessert, but Ariana was still holding a fork. Everyone present looked at the fork in her hand, causing Ariana's cheeks to flush pink.
"I was just thinking about my days in the West."
Ariana's excuse made the White family's faces harden, Isaac furrowed his eyebrows in pity, and Cyrus's lips slightly lifted in amusement.
"Oh."
"I'm so uneducated that I didn't even know how to eat dessert. I'm sorry if I offended you, Lord of the North."
Suddenly, Cyrus became the bad guy.
The White family had received so much help from Cyrus that they didn't show it, but Isaac was different. He immediately glared and gave Cyrus a reproachful look.
Cyrus slightly lowered his head.
"I was very rude to the Princess. I didn't think about the Princess's painful days. To ask for forgiveness, I'd like to escort you on a walk after dinner. May I?"
"Lord of the North, the Princess is still not feeling well, so I don't think it would be a good idea to go for a walk."
Even after a dozen years apart, a father was still a father. When Russell, sensing the subtle tension between Cyrus and Ariana, intervened, Isaac didn't back down.
“The Princess has fully recovered now, Your Excellency, the Duke. Although her old scars remain, she has been taking the stamina restoratives I gave her, so she should be in good health. And a short walk after meals is also very beneficial for her health.”
“However, I am worried that the Princess might be afraid since this city is unfamiliar to her.”
“Oh, Your Excellency. Do you doubt the strength of our Northern Duke? How strong is he? If an attacker appears, we can just freeze him solid.”
“I wonder if he will stumble at night.”
“Your Excellency will escort her safely.”
Ariana couldn’t understand the war of nerves between the Northern Duke, Russell, and Isaac.
‘Why does the Eastern Duke try to stop me from walking with the Northern Duke? Did he find something suspicious about him?’
Ariana, completely unaware of the feelings of a father with a daughter, listened to their conversation with a puzzled expression, but Theodore nodded and watched Russell’s defense with satisfaction.
Carradine, unable to stand by and watch the two White men try to interrupt Ariana and Cyrus’ walk, spoke.
“The Northern Duke is a gentleman, so he’ll escort Ariana well. Ariana might want to get some fresh air, too.”
“Mother.”
“Ariana, don’t go far and be careful.”
Russell and Theodore glared at Carradine disapprovingly, but Carradine didn’t budge.
Ariana, pushed out for a walk, was holding ten gold coins in her hand. Carradine had given her allowance, telling her to buy something she needed. It was her first time receiving an allowance, so she was embarrassed. A wry smile came to her face as she remembered the days when she secretly sold Victoria and Helena’s trinkets for a future need.
“Since the Princess has ten gold coins, you can at least buy a snack for yourself. Or are you going to save it too?”
“If ten gold coins can repay the favor I’ve received from the Northern Count, would you like me buy you one snack? I’ll buy you a hundred.”
“I can’t eat that much, so I’ll decline.”
“Before leaving the West, I had to risk my life to earn about 20 gold, but now that I’m in the East, I can get 10 gold on a walk.”
“So you feel resentful?”
Ariana turned to Cyrus at the poignant question. Cyrus continued, walking slowly, staring straight ahead.
“The Princess suffered terribly in the West, while the East lived peacefully and happily during that time. It’s natural to feel resentful.”
She was embarrassed that Cyrus had seen through her hidden feelings. She felt a pang of shame, wondering if she had acted so revealingly.
“Your resentment is pointless, Princess. Even if you come now and blame the Eastern lord’s family, it won’t change what happened to the Princess.”
It was a valid point. Ariana knew it well.
But it wasn’t easy.
“I’m a human too, Northern lord. I’m not a puppet, so I can’t help but feel this way.”
“Well, we can’t get rid of it, but we can try to. But the Princess doesn’t seem to have any intention of making any effort to do so.”
“...”
“The Eastern Duke is a good person. The previous Eastern Duke and his wife were the same. But the East is also a place where people live, so not everyone can be good. There will be those who are jealous of the Princess, and there will be those who want to eliminate the Princess for their own purposes.”
“I know.”
“Is that what you mean by ‘knowing’?”
Cyrus stopped walking and turned to Ariana. Starlight that fell on the small river flowing behind him surrounded him.
“Failed resentment and caution tire a person. Doubting those you should trust can lead to failing to properly respond to enemy attacks. Sometimes, you become so sensitive to useless things that you fail to direct that sensitivity in the right direction.”
“So, you’re saying the Whites are good people, so I should trust them with all my heart? And what if things go wrong? What if I accepted them as my family, only to discover they were only planning to use me and then abandon me? What if that happens?”
Ariana didn’t realize her voice had become sharp.
Cyrus stared blankly at Ariana and then asked,
“Did you ever trust the Brontes, Princess?”
Yes. She did, until the very last moment, right up until the moment she was strangled to death.
She swallowed the words that were lingering in her throat.
Cyrus observed Ariana with sharp eyes.
“Why does it sound to me like you trusted them and were completely betrayed? The Princess I saw in the West never seemed to trust her family for a single moment.”
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