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Consciousness slid diagonally across the surface of the water. In the still darkness, Annette slowly tapped her fingers on the bed.
It seemed as if the world was entirely composed of C minor. Annette hummed silently the first movement of Lobanov's Symphony No. 2 in C minor silently.
Her fingers moved along the chords in her head. A gloomy piano prelude blossomed from her fingertips. The once silent world was soon filled with piano music.
Adagio (heavy and slow) introduction in C major, Piu andante (slightly slower) transition, Piu allegro (faster)...
Her hands, which had been moving ceaselessly, suddenly stopped just before the Picardy cadence. The world fell silent for a moment. Annette stared into the black void and blinked once.
'Why did I live?'
In the silence that had returned, she wondered.
She stabbed herself to death. But she didn't die. Perhaps it was because she had lived a life of nothingness, leaving even the opening of a single bottle cap to a servant.
But if I had just left it, it would have died.
Why did I survive?
Who the hell saved me?
The same questions kept repeating themselves in her mouth, like a madwoman. She asked herself again and again: Why was she alive? What was the problem? How on earth could she die?
Rustle.
There was a sound of movement at the foot of the stairs. It was the caregiver who had remained in the room. The caregiver's face was slightly dazed, as if she had just woken from a nap.
"Hey."
Annette's call startled the nurse, who stood up. She asked, flustered.
“Madam, is there anything you need?”
“Could you please... step out for a moment?”
"Yes?"
Annette spoke again with a slight smile on her lips.
“Can you please come out?”
“Madam, I...”
“I want to be alone.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but the doctor has a word to tell me not to leave you alone...”
The nurse smiled as kindly as she could, despite her troubled face. Annette smiled back.
“But shouldn’t my will come first?”
"Madam is mentally unstable. I'll be there for you. If you need anything, just let me know."
“I’m fine.”
“But the doctor...”
“Please leave.”
Annette dismissed it firmly. The nurse muttered, "Hmm, hmm," then sighed.
“First, I’ll call your guardian.”
“There’s no need to call.”
“But I think I need to discuss it with your guardian... Oh my.”
The nurse who was opening the hospital room door took a step back. Annette frowned and stared at the door. But her eyes, accustomed to the darkness, couldn't see clearly.
The caregiver muttered in a surprised voice.
“Commander, why are you here...”
“What’s going on?”
A familiar, low voice came from outside the room. Annette felt a headache she'd forgotten creeping up on her.
“...No... Madam...”
The caregiver relayed the situation to Heiner. Heiner responded briefly and then stepped into the room. The caregiver glanced at Annette with concern, then nodded.
The door closed behind Heiner. The faint light that had been streaming in was completely blocked out. The room was plunged into darkness and silence once again.
Heiner, who seemed to hesitate for a moment, walked slowly toward her. As he approached, her world of swirling notes was gradually pushed away.
Heiner brought the chair the caregiver had been sitting in closer to the bedside. He sat down on it and gazed at her warily. Annette remained silent, her eyes downcast.
“Annette.”
Annette thought her name sounded strange when pronounced in his voice.
“Are you feeling a little... better?”
“...”
“You’re in a precarious situation right now. You need someone by your side.”
“...”
“So... alone... I don’t know what will happen to you.”
Heiner hesitated, as if he didn't know what to say. Annette ignored him and asked abruptly.
“Did you find me?”
“...Yes.”
“So you saved me?”
“Yes.”
"Why?"
Annette's voice wasn't particularly sharp or aggressive. It was a tone that sounded almost innocent.
Likewise, with her usual face, Annette met Heiner's eyes and asked again.
“Why did you save me?”
Heiner stared at her blankly, speechless.
“Heiner, I’m already so unhappy I could die.”
“...”
"I'm truly 'deadly' unhappy. It's just what you wanted. I have nothing more to give you."
“...”
“This was the end you wanted, and the end I wanted for myself. But you ruined it all.”
A slightly higher-pitched, clearer voice concluded that way. Annette repeated in a whisper.
“You ruined everything.”
"...I."
Heiner's lips moved with a smile that seemed to be half-smiling and half-crying, and then he spoke as if vomiting.
"I messed up? What the hell? So you're saying I should have just left you to die?"
“That should have been it.”
“I never wanted this ending.”
“Then what on earth did you hope for?”
Annette struggled to get up. Heiner gently grabbed her shoulder to stop her.
“Don’t get up.”
Annette, shaking off his hand, forced herself to sit up. A throbbing pain spread through her entire left arm, but she ignored it.
“So, Heiner, what did you want?”
Annette continued speaking calmly.
"Repeating the past three years until I die? What's the point? You and I are both in pain."
“At least I didn’t think of that.”
“Honestly, I never once thought of such a conclusion.”
That was really... a strange sound.
To wish for the bottomless misfortune of a human being without assuming that she will choose death.
“You didn’t see me as a proper human being.”
Heiner completely overlooked the fact that Annette also had a choice between life and death. Annette smiled bitterly.
“That’s worse than wishing I were dead, Heiner.”
His eyes widened slightly. Heiner opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again after letting out an unsteady breath.
Silence flowed. Heiner's clasped hand twitched intermittently. After several attempts, he managed to spit out a single word.
"I am..."
His voice came out terribly shaky.
“I don’t want you to die.”
Annette felt as if his words were coming from a great distance. Heiner repeated them in a mumbling tone.
“I don’t want that.”
Two days later, in the afternoon, Ansgar Stetter came to see Annette.
He had originally come to the official residence the very day he heard the news of Annette's awakening. However, he had to leave after leaving only a brief note, citing her well-being as a reason.
Heiner sent Ansgar away the next day, not even informing Annette of his visit.
Annette was only able to receive the note Ansgar had left on the first day, two days later.
I heard that you are currently unavailable.
I'll come back tomorrow afternoon.
I wish I could greet you as usual.
―Ansgar Stetter
Annette stared at the note with a dry expression. She didn't dislike Ansgar. Rather, he was an old friend with whom she held only fond memories.
But some relationships are better left in the past. For Annette, that was Ansgar.
The reason they were able to maintain a good relationship was that they were in 'that' situation and 'that' background at the time.
Now everything was different. Annette knew she could never go back to the way things were with him.
The reason why she accepted Ansgar's request for an interview was that, after all, Annette liked him as a person.
She felt a certain amount of remorse for Ansgar. Of course, Annette felt she had no obligation to confide in him, as a "friend." So, she didn't feel remorseful about this.
Annette looked in the hand mirror and quickly straightened her messy hair. Since she wasn't in a good enough condition to go down to the reception room, she had no choice but to greet him inside.
A gaunt woman was reflected in the palm-sized mirror. Annette brushed away a strand of hair clinging to her forehead.
It felt like it had been a long time since she last looked in a mirror. She was staring blankly into the mirror when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
“Annette, I’m going in.”
Ansgar's voice rang out from outside the door. Annette answered, placing the mirror on the nightstand.
“Come in.”
The door opened with a click. Ansgar, his ears red from the cold, came in. He took off his fedora and raised one hand.
“Annette.”
“Welcome, Ansgar. Is it very cold outside?”
Ansgar nodded and sat down across from her.
“It’s gotten quite cold. The wind is incredibly chilly.”
“Would you like some warm tea?”
“No, I’m fine... How are you feeling?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
The conversation drifted off topic. Annette smiled at him as if nothing had happened. Ansgar did the same.
It seemed as if the world was entirely composed of C minor. Annette hummed silently the first movement of Lobanov's Symphony No. 2 in C minor silently.
Her fingers moved along the chords in her head. A gloomy piano prelude blossomed from her fingertips. The once silent world was soon filled with piano music.
Adagio (heavy and slow) introduction in C major, Piu andante (slightly slower) transition, Piu allegro (faster)...
Her hands, which had been moving ceaselessly, suddenly stopped just before the Picardy cadence. The world fell silent for a moment. Annette stared into the black void and blinked once.
'Why did I live?'
In the silence that had returned, she wondered.
She stabbed herself to death. But she didn't die. Perhaps it was because she had lived a life of nothingness, leaving even the opening of a single bottle cap to a servant.
But if I had just left it, it would have died.
Why did I survive?
Who the hell saved me?
The same questions kept repeating themselves in her mouth, like a madwoman. She asked herself again and again: Why was she alive? What was the problem? How on earth could she die?
Rustle.
There was a sound of movement at the foot of the stairs. It was the caregiver who had remained in the room. The caregiver's face was slightly dazed, as if she had just woken from a nap.
"Hey."
Annette's call startled the nurse, who stood up. She asked, flustered.
“Madam, is there anything you need?”
“Could you please... step out for a moment?”
"Yes?"
Annette spoke again with a slight smile on her lips.
“Can you please come out?”
“Madam, I...”
“I want to be alone.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but the doctor has a word to tell me not to leave you alone...”
The nurse smiled as kindly as she could, despite her troubled face. Annette smiled back.
“But shouldn’t my will come first?”
"Madam is mentally unstable. I'll be there for you. If you need anything, just let me know."
“I’m fine.”
“But the doctor...”
“Please leave.”
Annette dismissed it firmly. The nurse muttered, "Hmm, hmm," then sighed.
“First, I’ll call your guardian.”
“There’s no need to call.”
“But I think I need to discuss it with your guardian... Oh my.”
The nurse who was opening the hospital room door took a step back. Annette frowned and stared at the door. But her eyes, accustomed to the darkness, couldn't see clearly.
The caregiver muttered in a surprised voice.
“Commander, why are you here...”
“What’s going on?”
A familiar, low voice came from outside the room. Annette felt a headache she'd forgotten creeping up on her.
“...No... Madam...”
The caregiver relayed the situation to Heiner. Heiner responded briefly and then stepped into the room. The caregiver glanced at Annette with concern, then nodded.
The door closed behind Heiner. The faint light that had been streaming in was completely blocked out. The room was plunged into darkness and silence once again.
Heiner, who seemed to hesitate for a moment, walked slowly toward her. As he approached, her world of swirling notes was gradually pushed away.
Heiner brought the chair the caregiver had been sitting in closer to the bedside. He sat down on it and gazed at her warily. Annette remained silent, her eyes downcast.
“Annette.”
Annette thought her name sounded strange when pronounced in his voice.
“Are you feeling a little... better?”
“...”
“You’re in a precarious situation right now. You need someone by your side.”
“...”
“So... alone... I don’t know what will happen to you.”
Heiner hesitated, as if he didn't know what to say. Annette ignored him and asked abruptly.
“Did you find me?”
“...Yes.”
“So you saved me?”
“Yes.”
"Why?"
Annette's voice wasn't particularly sharp or aggressive. It was a tone that sounded almost innocent.
Likewise, with her usual face, Annette met Heiner's eyes and asked again.
“Why did you save me?”
Heiner stared at her blankly, speechless.
“Heiner, I’m already so unhappy I could die.”
“...”
"I'm truly 'deadly' unhappy. It's just what you wanted. I have nothing more to give you."
“...”
“This was the end you wanted, and the end I wanted for myself. But you ruined it all.”
A slightly higher-pitched, clearer voice concluded that way. Annette repeated in a whisper.
“You ruined everything.”
"...I."
Heiner's lips moved with a smile that seemed to be half-smiling and half-crying, and then he spoke as if vomiting.
"I messed up? What the hell? So you're saying I should have just left you to die?"
“That should have been it.”
“I never wanted this ending.”
“Then what on earth did you hope for?”
Annette struggled to get up. Heiner gently grabbed her shoulder to stop her.
“Don’t get up.”
Annette, shaking off his hand, forced herself to sit up. A throbbing pain spread through her entire left arm, but she ignored it.
“So, Heiner, what did you want?”
Annette continued speaking calmly.
"Repeating the past three years until I die? What's the point? You and I are both in pain."
“At least I didn’t think of that.”
“Honestly, I never once thought of such a conclusion.”
That was really... a strange sound.
To wish for the bottomless misfortune of a human being without assuming that she will choose death.
“You didn’t see me as a proper human being.”
Heiner completely overlooked the fact that Annette also had a choice between life and death. Annette smiled bitterly.
“That’s worse than wishing I were dead, Heiner.”
His eyes widened slightly. Heiner opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again after letting out an unsteady breath.
Silence flowed. Heiner's clasped hand twitched intermittently. After several attempts, he managed to spit out a single word.
"I am..."
His voice came out terribly shaky.
“I don’t want you to die.”
Annette felt as if his words were coming from a great distance. Heiner repeated them in a mumbling tone.
“I don’t want that.”
***
Two days later, in the afternoon, Ansgar Stetter came to see Annette.
He had originally come to the official residence the very day he heard the news of Annette's awakening. However, he had to leave after leaving only a brief note, citing her well-being as a reason.
Heiner sent Ansgar away the next day, not even informing Annette of his visit.
Annette was only able to receive the note Ansgar had left on the first day, two days later.
I heard that you are currently unavailable.
I'll come back tomorrow afternoon.
I wish I could greet you as usual.
―Ansgar Stetter
Annette stared at the note with a dry expression. She didn't dislike Ansgar. Rather, he was an old friend with whom she held only fond memories.
But some relationships are better left in the past. For Annette, that was Ansgar.
The reason they were able to maintain a good relationship was that they were in 'that' situation and 'that' background at the time.
Now everything was different. Annette knew she could never go back to the way things were with him.
The reason why she accepted Ansgar's request for an interview was that, after all, Annette liked him as a person.
She felt a certain amount of remorse for Ansgar. Of course, Annette felt she had no obligation to confide in him, as a "friend." So, she didn't feel remorseful about this.
Annette looked in the hand mirror and quickly straightened her messy hair. Since she wasn't in a good enough condition to go down to the reception room, she had no choice but to greet him inside.
A gaunt woman was reflected in the palm-sized mirror. Annette brushed away a strand of hair clinging to her forehead.
It felt like it had been a long time since she last looked in a mirror. She was staring blankly into the mirror when suddenly there was a knock on the door.
“Annette, I’m going in.”
Ansgar's voice rang out from outside the door. Annette answered, placing the mirror on the nightstand.
“Come in.”
The door opened with a click. Ansgar, his ears red from the cold, came in. He took off his fedora and raised one hand.
“Annette.”
“Welcome, Ansgar. Is it very cold outside?”
Ansgar nodded and sat down across from her.
“It’s gotten quite cold. The wind is incredibly chilly.”
“Would you like some warm tea?”
“No, I’m fine... How are you feeling?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
The conversation drifted off topic. Annette smiled at him as if nothing had happened. Ansgar did the same.
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