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Heiner never thought about what would happen after she left him. He consciously avoided even thinking about it.
For Heiner, who always anticipated and prepared for the future, this was unusual. She was always different. He always felt immature and foolish in front of her.
A colleague once said, "Love makes me a better person." Heiner thought that was wrong.
Because she always made him a worse person.
“I heard that Annette also wanted a divorce.”
At those words, a cloudy light appeared in Heiner's eyes.
"I'll help Annette with her divorce proceedings. Since you drove her to suicide, you have sufficient grounds for guilt. Even if she goes into exile in Frances, you won't be able to exercise your rights."
“...It won’t go as planned.”
"Why do you want to wield the power of the Commander-in-Chief? Doing something you so detested?"
Ansgar scoffed, as if it were absurd. Heiner Valdemar, renowned for his righteousness and integrity, seemed to believe that he would do something like that for a woman.
But Ansgar was wrong from the very beginning. Heiner's participation in the revolution was due to Annette alone.
She was his cause.
It was also a result.
"...Well."
Heiner muttered an ambiguous answer and laughed bitterly.
"Just try something like that. I'll embarrass you internationally for your abuse of power. In case you've forgotten, I'm here as Frances's ambassador."
It was a paltry threat, but Heiner didn't react. Ansgar, who had been glaring at Heiner with a grin, turned halfway and spoke.
"Anyway, the negotiations have broken down. See you at court."
“If you go to Frances.”
Ansgar stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of his dry voice.
“Are you going to marry Annette?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Do you still love her?”
Ansgar frowned, as if trying to gauge whether he was serious about what he was asking.
The clouds that had been blocking the sun dispersed, and the sky suddenly brightened. Sunlight poured into the living room. Heiner's face, with his back to the window, was shrouded in shadow, obscuring his view.
Ansgar, who had been thinking for a long time, asked again as if he couldn't come up with an answer.
"...What do you mean?"
“It’s literally true.”
“Why are you curious about that?”
“If she goes with you to Frances...”
Even though Annette is infertile and cannot produce children.
“Because I thought I would be happier.”
The edge of his voice was rough, as if it had been scraped with sandpaper. Ansgar couldn't understand why he was asking such a question.
A moment of silence passed. Thin, broad clouds drifted slowly by. The light that had filled the room faded slightly.
Only then did Ansgar see his opponent's face. His eyes widened slightly. Ah. A small moan escaped his lips.
Ansgar gave an honest answer without realizing it.
“...At least she won’t be so unhappy that she’ll die.”
“Your Excellency, the Commander-in-Chief.”
Major Eugen, carrying a thick folder, knocked on the open door. Heiner, who was gathering his belongings, turned toward the door. The major nodded.
"I apologize. I know you're on vacation, but I have to come see you urgently to get some documents approved."
Heiner nodded, signaling for them to come in. Major Eugen entered with a touch of overly polite manners and handed over the documents.
Heiner stood by the desk, read the documents, asked the major a few questions, and signed. Major Eugen bowed again, thanking him.
Heiner, who had been looking at him for a moment, said bluntly.
"You don't have to go that far, Major. This is your proper job."
“Still, I feel bad for bothering you since you’re on vacation. You look tired...”
Heiner listened to the major's words with a slight squint, then, realizing it belatedly, he rubbed his eyes with one hand. His eyes, which had become droopy and sunken, were now hollow.
He now looked like a ghost. Heiner knew it. Lately, he'd been barely surviving on minimal sleep and food.
Looking at his superior, who was in a state beyond words, Major Eugen sighed as if he was frustrated.
“What is going on because of Madam?”
"Because." That word was terribly jarring. Perhaps taking Heiner's silence as a sign of approval, Major Eugen began to speak with a little more enthusiasm.
"Some reporters even published speculative articles, suggesting His Excellency had driven his wife to suicide. Of course, no one agreed with that."
“...”
“Why are there so many comments about something that was just a show to get attention anyway...”
Had Heiner been his usual self, he wouldn't have bothered to stop Major Eugen, who hated the nobility to the core. Given his nature, he would have simply agreed in silence, even if he didn't say anything further.
But now he couldn't just sit back and let it go like he usually did.
“Major Eugen.”
Heiner quietly interrupted the major. The inexplicable weight in his flat voice made Major Eugen flinch involuntarily.
“That woman... really tried to die.”
As he spoke, Heiner realized something new. This wasn't a show. This wasn't simple self-harm. He tried to say it out loud again.
“Annette really tried to die.”
The words came back to him like a hammer. For some reason, his throat felt terribly congested.
Suddenly, Heiner realized he'd been keeping the nib on the paper the entire time. He belatedly lifted the pen, but the ink had already spread, black as mold.
Since her suicide attempt, Heiner has never once thought to look back on Annette's trail.
It was partly because he didn't want to enter the room where Annette had attempted suicide, and partly because he didn't want to admit that she had 'really prepared to die'.
Heiner walked to her room, half-conscious. Annette had been moved to an annex with restricted access.
As he opened the door, the warm, familiar smell of her room drifted in. This was the smell that always filled places Annette stayed for long periods of time.
Not the smell of blood, sweat, iron, or decay—just a soft, fresh scent.
Heiner, who had been hesitating for a long time, finally took a tentative step forward. The room was, as usual, as if nothing terrible had ever happened.
The bed where she lay, covered in blood, had been completely changed, with sheets and blankets. Heiner swept the bed once. The surface of the blanket was cold, devoid of warmth.
Heiner paced the room like an anxious dog. He glanced at the books on the shelf, checked to see if the chair creaked, and examined the cosmetics on the dresser one by one.
He opened the drawer under his desk, but there wasn't anything particularly special inside. When he opened the last drawer, a rattling sound came from inside.
It was a sound coming from a small cloth pouch tied with a string. Heiner took it out.
When he opened the pocket, something blue sparkled inside.
'Jewel...?'
Just as he thought that, a seashell caught his eye. Heiner narrowed his eyes and shook them out on his palm.
Here and there, they were broken seashells, conch shells, and pieces of glass with worn surfaces. They weren't even worth a penny, let alone jewels.
Heiner knew these things.
These were the things she had picked up on the beach in Glenford.
'I'm sure... I threw it in the hotel trash can.'
In the past three years, that was the only time Annette had been to the sea. After the revolution, when she moved into the official residence, he personally inspected Annette's luggage, but back then, there was no such thing.
So, these were definitely things that he had thrown away in the trash.
'Why on earth?'
Just as Heiner first discovered these in her cardigan pocket, he began to feel uneasy.
Why on earth would you pick up useless things, even from the trash can?
Heiner held them in his palm for a moment, then put them back in the pocket. He then put them back in their place and closed the drawer.
The image of the woman's back as she walked toward the horizon floated in his mind like a haze. A figure so small and precarious in front of the vast ocean.
“Well, maybe that person... wouldn’t mind if I died.”
A lonely voice scattered inside the rattling train.
Heiner squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them, then jumped up from his seat. He then began to search the rest of her room.
As soon as he opened the closet, he saw a safe sticking out unnaturally from underneath. It looked like something inside had been removed.
Heiner knelt on one knee and examined it. The safe door was unlocked. He pulled it open and tried to open it.
Inside the safe were a file folder and a jewelry box. Heiner took out the file folder and handed it over. It was the accounting for donations and sponsorships for a civic group she had been in charge of since her marriage.
After the revolution, Annette's name was officially removed from this work. Even Heiner didn't know she continued to be involved.
The ledgers were transparent and meticulous, and even the handover documents for the successor were neatly organized.
He read and reread them, forgetting how to breathe. He couldn't understand. Why did she keep doing something no one would understand?
Why did she keep such useless beach trash?
For Heiner, who always anticipated and prepared for the future, this was unusual. She was always different. He always felt immature and foolish in front of her.
A colleague once said, "Love makes me a better person." Heiner thought that was wrong.
Because she always made him a worse person.
“I heard that Annette also wanted a divorce.”
At those words, a cloudy light appeared in Heiner's eyes.
"I'll help Annette with her divorce proceedings. Since you drove her to suicide, you have sufficient grounds for guilt. Even if she goes into exile in Frances, you won't be able to exercise your rights."
“...It won’t go as planned.”
"Why do you want to wield the power of the Commander-in-Chief? Doing something you so detested?"
Ansgar scoffed, as if it were absurd. Heiner Valdemar, renowned for his righteousness and integrity, seemed to believe that he would do something like that for a woman.
But Ansgar was wrong from the very beginning. Heiner's participation in the revolution was due to Annette alone.
She was his cause.
It was also a result.
"...Well."
Heiner muttered an ambiguous answer and laughed bitterly.
"Just try something like that. I'll embarrass you internationally for your abuse of power. In case you've forgotten, I'm here as Frances's ambassador."
It was a paltry threat, but Heiner didn't react. Ansgar, who had been glaring at Heiner with a grin, turned halfway and spoke.
"Anyway, the negotiations have broken down. See you at court."
“If you go to Frances.”
Ansgar stopped dead in his tracks at the sound of his dry voice.
“Are you going to marry Annette?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Do you still love her?”
Ansgar frowned, as if trying to gauge whether he was serious about what he was asking.
The clouds that had been blocking the sun dispersed, and the sky suddenly brightened. Sunlight poured into the living room. Heiner's face, with his back to the window, was shrouded in shadow, obscuring his view.
Ansgar, who had been thinking for a long time, asked again as if he couldn't come up with an answer.
"...What do you mean?"
“It’s literally true.”
“Why are you curious about that?”
“If she goes with you to Frances...”
Even though Annette is infertile and cannot produce children.
“Because I thought I would be happier.”
The edge of his voice was rough, as if it had been scraped with sandpaper. Ansgar couldn't understand why he was asking such a question.
A moment of silence passed. Thin, broad clouds drifted slowly by. The light that had filled the room faded slightly.
Only then did Ansgar see his opponent's face. His eyes widened slightly. Ah. A small moan escaped his lips.
Ansgar gave an honest answer without realizing it.
“...At least she won’t be so unhappy that she’ll die.”
***
“Your Excellency, the Commander-in-Chief.”
Major Eugen, carrying a thick folder, knocked on the open door. Heiner, who was gathering his belongings, turned toward the door. The major nodded.
"I apologize. I know you're on vacation, but I have to come see you urgently to get some documents approved."
Heiner nodded, signaling for them to come in. Major Eugen entered with a touch of overly polite manners and handed over the documents.
Heiner stood by the desk, read the documents, asked the major a few questions, and signed. Major Eugen bowed again, thanking him.
Heiner, who had been looking at him for a moment, said bluntly.
"You don't have to go that far, Major. This is your proper job."
“Still, I feel bad for bothering you since you’re on vacation. You look tired...”
Heiner listened to the major's words with a slight squint, then, realizing it belatedly, he rubbed his eyes with one hand. His eyes, which had become droopy and sunken, were now hollow.
He now looked like a ghost. Heiner knew it. Lately, he'd been barely surviving on minimal sleep and food.
Looking at his superior, who was in a state beyond words, Major Eugen sighed as if he was frustrated.
“What is going on because of Madam?”
"Because." That word was terribly jarring. Perhaps taking Heiner's silence as a sign of approval, Major Eugen began to speak with a little more enthusiasm.
"Some reporters even published speculative articles, suggesting His Excellency had driven his wife to suicide. Of course, no one agreed with that."
“...”
“Why are there so many comments about something that was just a show to get attention anyway...”
Had Heiner been his usual self, he wouldn't have bothered to stop Major Eugen, who hated the nobility to the core. Given his nature, he would have simply agreed in silence, even if he didn't say anything further.
But now he couldn't just sit back and let it go like he usually did.
“Major Eugen.”
Heiner quietly interrupted the major. The inexplicable weight in his flat voice made Major Eugen flinch involuntarily.
“That woman... really tried to die.”
As he spoke, Heiner realized something new. This wasn't a show. This wasn't simple self-harm. He tried to say it out loud again.
“Annette really tried to die.”
The words came back to him like a hammer. For some reason, his throat felt terribly congested.
Suddenly, Heiner realized he'd been keeping the nib on the paper the entire time. He belatedly lifted the pen, but the ink had already spread, black as mold.
***
Since her suicide attempt, Heiner has never once thought to look back on Annette's trail.
It was partly because he didn't want to enter the room where Annette had attempted suicide, and partly because he didn't want to admit that she had 'really prepared to die'.
Heiner walked to her room, half-conscious. Annette had been moved to an annex with restricted access.
As he opened the door, the warm, familiar smell of her room drifted in. This was the smell that always filled places Annette stayed for long periods of time.
Not the smell of blood, sweat, iron, or decay—just a soft, fresh scent.
Heiner, who had been hesitating for a long time, finally took a tentative step forward. The room was, as usual, as if nothing terrible had ever happened.
The bed where she lay, covered in blood, had been completely changed, with sheets and blankets. Heiner swept the bed once. The surface of the blanket was cold, devoid of warmth.
Heiner paced the room like an anxious dog. He glanced at the books on the shelf, checked to see if the chair creaked, and examined the cosmetics on the dresser one by one.
He opened the drawer under his desk, but there wasn't anything particularly special inside. When he opened the last drawer, a rattling sound came from inside.
It was a sound coming from a small cloth pouch tied with a string. Heiner took it out.
When he opened the pocket, something blue sparkled inside.
'Jewel...?'
Just as he thought that, a seashell caught his eye. Heiner narrowed his eyes and shook them out on his palm.
Here and there, they were broken seashells, conch shells, and pieces of glass with worn surfaces. They weren't even worth a penny, let alone jewels.
Heiner knew these things.
These were the things she had picked up on the beach in Glenford.
'I'm sure... I threw it in the hotel trash can.'
In the past three years, that was the only time Annette had been to the sea. After the revolution, when she moved into the official residence, he personally inspected Annette's luggage, but back then, there was no such thing.
So, these were definitely things that he had thrown away in the trash.
'Why on earth?'
Just as Heiner first discovered these in her cardigan pocket, he began to feel uneasy.
Why on earth would you pick up useless things, even from the trash can?
Heiner held them in his palm for a moment, then put them back in the pocket. He then put them back in their place and closed the drawer.
The image of the woman's back as she walked toward the horizon floated in his mind like a haze. A figure so small and precarious in front of the vast ocean.
“Well, maybe that person... wouldn’t mind if I died.”
A lonely voice scattered inside the rattling train.
Heiner squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them, then jumped up from his seat. He then began to search the rest of her room.
As soon as he opened the closet, he saw a safe sticking out unnaturally from underneath. It looked like something inside had been removed.
Heiner knelt on one knee and examined it. The safe door was unlocked. He pulled it open and tried to open it.
Inside the safe were a file folder and a jewelry box. Heiner took out the file folder and handed it over. It was the accounting for donations and sponsorships for a civic group she had been in charge of since her marriage.
After the revolution, Annette's name was officially removed from this work. Even Heiner didn't know she continued to be involved.
The ledgers were transparent and meticulous, and even the handover documents for the successor were neatly organized.
He read and reread them, forgetting how to breathe. He couldn't understand. Why did she keep doing something no one would understand?
Why did she keep such useless beach trash?
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