“Are you saying... He's going to war now?”
I asked, like a dying candle. Maria quickly intervened, trying to reassure me.
“Don’t worry too much, he's not going to the front lines, so he’ll be safe.”
“Did he leave a letter?”
“He didn’t leave any behind.”
My thoughts were spinning in circles, and before I knew it, my vision had gone blank. Lost in thought by the sudden onslaught, I panicked and headed straight for the Queen's office. I walked down the long hallway, my mind a blur of thoughts. The only thing that filled my mind was the clack-clack of shoes. As soon as I entered the Queen's office, she, who had been sitting on the sofa reading a newspaper, took off her glasses, raised her chin proudly, and looked at me.
“My princess. What brings you here?”
"Your Majesty."
“When will you call me mother? Tell me.”
“Did you really have to send my husband to death?”
"Yes, I know you're resentful. I just hope you don't repeat the same misfortune that resulted from my foolish judgment."
"I'm not some pitiful person who lived an unhappy life, sacrificed to a lust for power and a twisted love. I was simply unlucky, and this was a deeply personal misfortune."
“I’m sorry about that.”
"If you really want to apologize to me, feel free to do so. When it was revealed I was a Princess—perhaps even the moment I became Your Majesty's daughter—I was once again miserable. I will simply consider this an apology for Your Majesty's greed."
"It was a choice I made for you, my beloved daughter. If you keep him by your side, you too will be burdened with the burden of sin and will be unable to avoid blame."
"I don't believe in love just because we're family. Your Majesty and I were strangers until recently."
A line was drawn on the Queen's lips.
“Is it because of Admiral Claire that you say that?”
"No, your circumstances have absolutely nothing to do with my current misfortune. I am me, and the Queen is the Queen."
"But we're still one family. What can we do about that?"
"I hope we don't share in our misfortunes just because we're family. My wish is for us to live our own lives, each within our own boundaries."
You don't exist in my world. I never even wanted parents in the first place.
"I hope you make a good choice. I don't want you to live your life being blamed for a man who killed countless people."
"Blame? Didn't Medea sacrifice the blood and tears of the people? Innocent lives and sacrifices must have been buried under the name of 'colonial empire.' Is there any country that hasn't done so among the countries that have risen to power?"
Regardless of the justification, can you really say you're innocent of killing countless people? Noah and Erita, what's the difference between you? I continued, squeezing my swollen eyes.
"I know that killing brings glory and honor, and that if you don't kill first, you'll die. This is war, and it's inevitable. I don't want to be a monarch. I don't want to force people to make sacrifices for the sake of the nation or my own values."
Only when inferior nations are eliminated can superior nations emerge. This fierce war was fought to prove the value of a nation and the superiority of its people. What was taken in war was not only territory, but also human lives and the very essence of existence.
This is something that has been repeated over and over again throughout history, from the distant past to the present, but I didn't intend to elaborate. The conclusion was simple: I don't want to. I'm sick and tired of this value-based modern world.
The Queen tapped her fingers on the papers. She seemed to be in agony, but her response was surprisingly cliché.
“You don’t want to be King? You’re the heir to the Spencer dynasty.”
"Even if it's not me, someone else will have to fill the void. Just as Erita took my place as daughter. What she and I have in common is that neither of us is fit to be Queen."
"You have so much potential. And the fact that you're my daughter qualifies you."
“You probably thought the same thing when Erita was a Princess. She was Your Majesty’s daughter and a member of the royal family, so she was enough.”
“Do you think so?”
"Yes. I don't want to. Do you really think I, an illegitimate child with no love for this country or sense of responsibility, am qualified to be a leader?"
The Queen's lips twisted slightly at the word "illegitimate child," but she still spoke to me in a dignified tone.
“You know a lot, and you know how to threaten, but you don’t know how to persuade people.”
She rose from her seat and approached me gently. It was a beautiful gesture, but the pressure was so overwhelming that it took my breath away.
Her eyes, staring straight at me, were like green jade, rounded and polished by the waves over many years.
"If you do not succeed to the throne, the long-standing Spencer dynasty will be extinguished, and a descendant of the Winters royal family, the highest in the line of succession, will become the King of Medea. Therefore, divorce Count Noah Rotsilt and do your best as Medea's sole heir. Then, I command them to place him in a safe place."
“...So you ended up taking him hostage.”
"He can't be officially recognized as the King's son-in-law. Or, as I suggested, are you planning to keep him as your government and meet him secretly as you've been doing? He's someone who'll be condemned as a war criminal anyway, so it's possible."
The corners of the Queen's red lips curved upwards as she openly revealed her displeasure.
“That’s also your way of forcing things.”
“What do you want to say, Your Majesty?”
She saw through my duplicity without a doubt.
"You said everyone was a sinner and a murderer. Don't you think that's a narrow-minded and fanatic generalization meant to protect Noah?"
Even as I faced the Queen's contemptuous gaze, I had no choice but to admit it. She was right.
"There's no gain without sacrifice, they say. The nation doesn't need to risk its own misfortune because of you. Don't assume the majority will understand just because you're expressing your personal feelings."
The Queen, who saw me finally lowering my gaze, covered her mouth and laughed.
"Everyone who knows or speaks of your illegitimate birth will disappear. You are not officially Winston Clare's daughter. Even if you reveal it yourself, it will be useless. It's not difficult to reverse lies and truth. Unlike you, I can do anything, even force things."
The words implied that Noah could be faked as a war dead man or executed under false pretenses. I slowly shook my head.
“I don’t understand.”
"You probably don't want to understand. You don't do things you don't want to do. This is absurd and unfair, like blackmail."
The Queen's white fingers trailed up my shoulder and caressed my pale cheek. The chill that lingered at her fingertips felt eerie, like a snake crawling up my spine.
“Listen carefully. You are a smart kid.”
The Queen entered the stage of cajoling and persuasion. I remained silent, staring at her feet. Born into royalty, her language possessed a noble power that governed her subjects. She continued, her tongue flowing smoothly.
"I understand your feelings well. I, too, have made irrational mistakes, blinded by love. This is the basis for the argument that personal judgment and emotional appeals cannot persuade the majority. Only through visible evidence can we establish objectivity and gain trust."
Now, is there any concrete evidence to declare that Noah Rotsilt is different? The Queen's cold gaze posed a silent question.
"He is..."
Unlike the Admiral. What he seeks isn't power or fame. He risked his life to save me. But what if suspicions arise that all of this was part of a plan to take down Medea? I trailed off, refusing to utter the obvious. Because, as she said, it wasn't convincing. The Queen's face softened.
"I respect your humanistic perspective and plausible ideas. However, this is a matter of justification, occasion, social perception, and prejudice. A former Frogen officer who committed inhumane massacres. His past outstanding performance, achievements, and competence are poisonous, a double-edged sword. Unlike you, society seeks to eliminate risk factors and pursue stability. Therefore, he must personally prove himself harmless and demonstrate that he is the man this country needs."
"Is that a method of covering up a sin by making them commit another sin? By breaking our promise not to send them to war?"
"I didn't break my promise. I didn't threaten or coerce him like you did. He left of his own free will. To save a flawed Princess."
It was only then, with a feeling of being hit in the head, that I was able to snap out of my irrational state. I was consumed by agony, practically begging the Queen to kill me. She, who showed me a tangible glimpse of the truth, dismissed my feelings as unconvincing arguments and refuted them all, overwhelming me.
"I have a story that only applies to modern times, where awareness of human rights and the pursuit of individual rights are valued. I cannot persuade the majority," the Queen continued.
"The world always puts us to the test. The more you try to ignore problems and move on, the more he'll try to become an effective soldier in your place, even though you're incompetent. If you make a significant contribution, he might even become worthy of your presence."
"I understand that Frogen requested protection in exchange for information about his top-secret military weapons development. Is that not enough?"
"Do you think that can change people's perceptions and prejudices? While it would be a great help to the country, it's a far cry from directly risking one's life. This is the promise he made to me in the first place: 'Medea's Victory.'"
“You are asking too much of one person.”
I was still emotional, and she talked about a very practical solution.
"I bear the weighty responsibility of representing a community comprised of nations. This is the unavoidable fate of leaders, whether dictators or sage monarchs. It's the most legitimate position, the one that allows you to get what you want, by any means necessary. You have the talent."
Advice to become a monarch to get what you want. She's powerful and a recognized Queen, so she can do anything. Perhaps Noah had the same idea. I was halfway to resignation. The Queen's gentle, soft hand stroked mine. I couldn't help but be speechless, overwhelmed by the sense of helplessness that I couldn't possibly defeat her.
"The generosity and self-interest of those in power are excellent foundations for development. Your qualifications are also a way to gain recognition for your choices. I respect you and am persuading you in a very gentlemanly manner. If there hadn't been even a glimmer of possibility of becoming a monarch, you wouldn't have been able to meet me alone right now."
My mother is here. An elegant and noble figure of authority. Her smile, with its dignified intimidation, betrayed authority. She was more of a cold ruler than a mother. I can understand why Erita was so twisted. She must have felt helpless, helpless, and hopeless. That snobby Queen Grace would never once agree with her feelings, only argue with them.
I'm in that situation too. I gave up and shut my mouth. I wanted to end this endless, unfavorable debate, and I was tired. I felt defeated and wanted to run away.
“I will now step aside.”
“Diana, I tell you once again, it’s all for your benefit.”
“I know, Your Majesty.”
My reason whispered that the Queen and Noah's choices were realistic. But my emotions refused to accept it.
She must have made that offer to Noah by taking me hostage.
With every step I took toward my room, a sense of loss gripped me. As I returned to my room, I asked Millia.
“When did Noah say he would return?”
“I’m not sure, but I think it will take a few months.”
"Is it so?"
“You don’t look well. Would you like some medicine or tea?”
“No, just go out.”
Noah left because he agreed with the Queen. To earn the right to be with me, to save me. Because I was incompetent. It seems I was the only unrealistic idealist among all these realistic and rational people.
Now that I've convinced myself with my head, what should I do about my emotional distress? My heart aches so much.
Why didn't you consider my feelings about being left alone? Yes, Noah was always like that. And so am I. We simply had different values and perspectives.
Milia, Maria, and Eileen, who had been silent, quietly left the room. The sun was rising outside the window. The sky was blue and clear. I lay in bed and slept for a long time.
I woke up, but nothing had changed. The moon was out, and everything was dark.
I closed my eyes again and fell asleep.
I asked, like a dying candle. Maria quickly intervened, trying to reassure me.
“Don’t worry too much, he's not going to the front lines, so he’ll be safe.”
“Did he leave a letter?”
“He didn’t leave any behind.”
My thoughts were spinning in circles, and before I knew it, my vision had gone blank. Lost in thought by the sudden onslaught, I panicked and headed straight for the Queen's office. I walked down the long hallway, my mind a blur of thoughts. The only thing that filled my mind was the clack-clack of shoes. As soon as I entered the Queen's office, she, who had been sitting on the sofa reading a newspaper, took off her glasses, raised her chin proudly, and looked at me.
“My princess. What brings you here?”
"Your Majesty."
“When will you call me mother? Tell me.”
“Did you really have to send my husband to death?”
"Yes, I know you're resentful. I just hope you don't repeat the same misfortune that resulted from my foolish judgment."
"I'm not some pitiful person who lived an unhappy life, sacrificed to a lust for power and a twisted love. I was simply unlucky, and this was a deeply personal misfortune."
“I’m sorry about that.”
"If you really want to apologize to me, feel free to do so. When it was revealed I was a Princess—perhaps even the moment I became Your Majesty's daughter—I was once again miserable. I will simply consider this an apology for Your Majesty's greed."
"It was a choice I made for you, my beloved daughter. If you keep him by your side, you too will be burdened with the burden of sin and will be unable to avoid blame."
"I don't believe in love just because we're family. Your Majesty and I were strangers until recently."
A line was drawn on the Queen's lips.
“Is it because of Admiral Claire that you say that?”
"No, your circumstances have absolutely nothing to do with my current misfortune. I am me, and the Queen is the Queen."
"But we're still one family. What can we do about that?"
"I hope we don't share in our misfortunes just because we're family. My wish is for us to live our own lives, each within our own boundaries."
You don't exist in my world. I never even wanted parents in the first place.
"I hope you make a good choice. I don't want you to live your life being blamed for a man who killed countless people."
"Blame? Didn't Medea sacrifice the blood and tears of the people? Innocent lives and sacrifices must have been buried under the name of 'colonial empire.' Is there any country that hasn't done so among the countries that have risen to power?"
Regardless of the justification, can you really say you're innocent of killing countless people? Noah and Erita, what's the difference between you? I continued, squeezing my swollen eyes.
"I know that killing brings glory and honor, and that if you don't kill first, you'll die. This is war, and it's inevitable. I don't want to be a monarch. I don't want to force people to make sacrifices for the sake of the nation or my own values."
Only when inferior nations are eliminated can superior nations emerge. This fierce war was fought to prove the value of a nation and the superiority of its people. What was taken in war was not only territory, but also human lives and the very essence of existence.
This is something that has been repeated over and over again throughout history, from the distant past to the present, but I didn't intend to elaborate. The conclusion was simple: I don't want to. I'm sick and tired of this value-based modern world.
The Queen tapped her fingers on the papers. She seemed to be in agony, but her response was surprisingly cliché.
“You don’t want to be King? You’re the heir to the Spencer dynasty.”
"Even if it's not me, someone else will have to fill the void. Just as Erita took my place as daughter. What she and I have in common is that neither of us is fit to be Queen."
"You have so much potential. And the fact that you're my daughter qualifies you."
“You probably thought the same thing when Erita was a Princess. She was Your Majesty’s daughter and a member of the royal family, so she was enough.”
“Do you think so?”
"Yes. I don't want to. Do you really think I, an illegitimate child with no love for this country or sense of responsibility, am qualified to be a leader?"
The Queen's lips twisted slightly at the word "illegitimate child," but she still spoke to me in a dignified tone.
“You know a lot, and you know how to threaten, but you don’t know how to persuade people.”
She rose from her seat and approached me gently. It was a beautiful gesture, but the pressure was so overwhelming that it took my breath away.
Her eyes, staring straight at me, were like green jade, rounded and polished by the waves over many years.
"If you do not succeed to the throne, the long-standing Spencer dynasty will be extinguished, and a descendant of the Winters royal family, the highest in the line of succession, will become the King of Medea. Therefore, divorce Count Noah Rotsilt and do your best as Medea's sole heir. Then, I command them to place him in a safe place."
“...So you ended up taking him hostage.”
"He can't be officially recognized as the King's son-in-law. Or, as I suggested, are you planning to keep him as your government and meet him secretly as you've been doing? He's someone who'll be condemned as a war criminal anyway, so it's possible."
The corners of the Queen's red lips curved upwards as she openly revealed her displeasure.
“That’s also your way of forcing things.”
“What do you want to say, Your Majesty?”
She saw through my duplicity without a doubt.
"You said everyone was a sinner and a murderer. Don't you think that's a narrow-minded and fanatic generalization meant to protect Noah?"
Even as I faced the Queen's contemptuous gaze, I had no choice but to admit it. She was right.
"There's no gain without sacrifice, they say. The nation doesn't need to risk its own misfortune because of you. Don't assume the majority will understand just because you're expressing your personal feelings."
The Queen, who saw me finally lowering my gaze, covered her mouth and laughed.
"Everyone who knows or speaks of your illegitimate birth will disappear. You are not officially Winston Clare's daughter. Even if you reveal it yourself, it will be useless. It's not difficult to reverse lies and truth. Unlike you, I can do anything, even force things."
The words implied that Noah could be faked as a war dead man or executed under false pretenses. I slowly shook my head.
“I don’t understand.”
"You probably don't want to understand. You don't do things you don't want to do. This is absurd and unfair, like blackmail."
The Queen's white fingers trailed up my shoulder and caressed my pale cheek. The chill that lingered at her fingertips felt eerie, like a snake crawling up my spine.
“Listen carefully. You are a smart kid.”
The Queen entered the stage of cajoling and persuasion. I remained silent, staring at her feet. Born into royalty, her language possessed a noble power that governed her subjects. She continued, her tongue flowing smoothly.
"I understand your feelings well. I, too, have made irrational mistakes, blinded by love. This is the basis for the argument that personal judgment and emotional appeals cannot persuade the majority. Only through visible evidence can we establish objectivity and gain trust."
Now, is there any concrete evidence to declare that Noah Rotsilt is different? The Queen's cold gaze posed a silent question.
"He is..."
Unlike the Admiral. What he seeks isn't power or fame. He risked his life to save me. But what if suspicions arise that all of this was part of a plan to take down Medea? I trailed off, refusing to utter the obvious. Because, as she said, it wasn't convincing. The Queen's face softened.
"I respect your humanistic perspective and plausible ideas. However, this is a matter of justification, occasion, social perception, and prejudice. A former Frogen officer who committed inhumane massacres. His past outstanding performance, achievements, and competence are poisonous, a double-edged sword. Unlike you, society seeks to eliminate risk factors and pursue stability. Therefore, he must personally prove himself harmless and demonstrate that he is the man this country needs."
"Is that a method of covering up a sin by making them commit another sin? By breaking our promise not to send them to war?"
"I didn't break my promise. I didn't threaten or coerce him like you did. He left of his own free will. To save a flawed Princess."
It was only then, with a feeling of being hit in the head, that I was able to snap out of my irrational state. I was consumed by agony, practically begging the Queen to kill me. She, who showed me a tangible glimpse of the truth, dismissed my feelings as unconvincing arguments and refuted them all, overwhelming me.
"I have a story that only applies to modern times, where awareness of human rights and the pursuit of individual rights are valued. I cannot persuade the majority," the Queen continued.
"The world always puts us to the test. The more you try to ignore problems and move on, the more he'll try to become an effective soldier in your place, even though you're incompetent. If you make a significant contribution, he might even become worthy of your presence."
"I understand that Frogen requested protection in exchange for information about his top-secret military weapons development. Is that not enough?"
"Do you think that can change people's perceptions and prejudices? While it would be a great help to the country, it's a far cry from directly risking one's life. This is the promise he made to me in the first place: 'Medea's Victory.'"
“You are asking too much of one person.”
I was still emotional, and she talked about a very practical solution.
"I bear the weighty responsibility of representing a community comprised of nations. This is the unavoidable fate of leaders, whether dictators or sage monarchs. It's the most legitimate position, the one that allows you to get what you want, by any means necessary. You have the talent."
Advice to become a monarch to get what you want. She's powerful and a recognized Queen, so she can do anything. Perhaps Noah had the same idea. I was halfway to resignation. The Queen's gentle, soft hand stroked mine. I couldn't help but be speechless, overwhelmed by the sense of helplessness that I couldn't possibly defeat her.
"The generosity and self-interest of those in power are excellent foundations for development. Your qualifications are also a way to gain recognition for your choices. I respect you and am persuading you in a very gentlemanly manner. If there hadn't been even a glimmer of possibility of becoming a monarch, you wouldn't have been able to meet me alone right now."
So choose me and take the hand I extend.
I'm in that situation too. I gave up and shut my mouth. I wanted to end this endless, unfavorable debate, and I was tired. I felt defeated and wanted to run away.
“I will now step aside.”
“Diana, I tell you once again, it’s all for your benefit.”
“I know, Your Majesty.”
My reason whispered that the Queen and Noah's choices were realistic. But my emotions refused to accept it.
She must have made that offer to Noah by taking me hostage.
With every step I took toward my room, a sense of loss gripped me. As I returned to my room, I asked Millia.
“When did Noah say he would return?”
“I’m not sure, but I think it will take a few months.”
"Is it so?"
“You don’t look well. Would you like some medicine or tea?”
“No, just go out.”
Noah left because he agreed with the Queen. To earn the right to be with me, to save me. Because I was incompetent. It seems I was the only unrealistic idealist among all these realistic and rational people.
Now that I've convinced myself with my head, what should I do about my emotional distress? My heart aches so much.
Why didn't you consider my feelings about being left alone? Yes, Noah was always like that. And so am I. We simply had different values and perspectives.
Milia, Maria, and Eileen, who had been silent, quietly left the room. The sun was rising outside the window. The sky was blue and clear. I lay in bed and slept for a long time.
I woke up, but nothing had changed. The moon was out, and everything was dark.
I closed my eyes again and fell asleep.
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