Now, it was a vulgar and rude suggestion, as we couldn't be considered a normal couple anymore. But what caught me off guard was his languid yet restrained tone.
I hesitated, my shoulders hunched, unable to hide my embarrassment. He, who had been calmly observing me, smiled. Perhaps because of his all-black suit, he looked like a seductive, alluring devil, or perhaps like a slender jaguar approaching with elegance.
“Yeah. Just like before.”
He rolled up his shirt sleeves slightly, looked at his wristwatch, and nodded as if he understood.
"Well, it's almost time to sleep. I think it would be nice to stay with you until morning."
The breath caught in his throat at the end of his words became hushed, a scratching sound forming in his throat. It was rough, like a low growl, yet soft and gentle, like a sigh. My eyes and thoughts were captivated by an irresistible sensuality. I barely managed to keep my sanity from slipping away. Yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his smile. The atmosphere could be so racy.
“If that happens, my plan will be...”
"Plan."
He covered his mouth and let out a low laugh.
“That may be true, but still, I...”
Why can't I speak? I feel like a herbivore trembling in the face of a beast. No, perhaps I'm more like a guest possessed by a bizarre spirit in the middle of the night. This man was so kind that he would sometimes calmly wait for my words, which stuttered like a broken record. Right now, I must look stupid. No, maybe I just feel stupid.
“I, that is.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you want to sleep with me but are worried about what will happen later?”
Please stop.
I wish you'd stop confusing me with that kind of voice and direct language. I couldn't even think of how to explain it, as if the communication center in my brain had been paralyzed, so I just kept my mouth shut.
"You'd better choose one of two things. Either you turn your back on each other and pretend nothing happened, or you just do whatever you want. I can't choose between the two."
If I choose the former, you're saying you'll go get that woman some wine and follow her? You're so handsome, aren't you? My thoughts wandered off to strange places. Along with the error-like words.
“I’ll give you that limited edition wine, so don’t go after other women.”
"Yes."
“Go to my room.”
“You chose well.”
The man, finally successful in getting the words he wanted out, grinned. Is this a matter of choice? There's only one. I don't know. I'll think about the rest later, I guess. I grabbed his hand, gripping it tightly. I was utterly captivated by an irresistible temptation.
Of course, I wasn't trying to have a secret rendezvous. It was easier to just tell them in advance than to be startled and knocked out when they came into my room in the morning. I pushed Noah into the bedroom and called Eileen and Maria separately to give them a heads-up.
“Cancel all plans for tomorrow and don’t let anyone come to my room.”
Maria bowed silently, and Eileen, who had heard me, whispered softly with a serious face.
“Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to stop it, so have a good time.”
What are you trying to stop me from doing? Eileen smiled affectionately at me, a hint of sadness crossing her features.
Noah emerged from the bathroom, shaking his wet hair, and smiled loosely at me. It had been a long time since I'd seen that soft, fluffy face, and I was filled with happiness. The fresh heat and body scent of a fresh shower, the flushed eyes and nose.
Why was that man so neatly buttoning up his gown? He was quite attractive, and my sinister gaze doggedly dug into the slightly gaping slit in his broad chest. He snorted softly, noticing my blatant stare.
“You don’t peek anymore.”
"Yes."
Noah's lips curled up in delight as he tasted the finest wine produced by the exclusive winery of the Medea royal family.
“I get to drink things like this because I have a Princess as my wife.”
"Now I can buy you anything you want. Just tell me anything. I don't care if it's a waste of money or not. I should buy some art and embezzle some of it for the future."
"This is enough for the gift. Don't worry about the money, I'll make it."
The soft light from the night light seeped into Noah's beautiful features as he held a glass of red wine. Dark shadows fell on the corners of his mouth and dimples.
We shared a glass of wine, lay in bed, and talked about things we hadn't heard before. Noah told me about Boaz, who didn't eat much, how he had painted and renovated the exterior walls of the mansion a different color, and how the evening primroses bloomed yellow near the reservoir at night. As I listened quietly, he asked me a question.
“Diana, were you happy while you were with me?”
“Yes. It’s still like that now.”
"Thank god."
Noah, who had been using my arm as a pillow, raised his upper body and brought his face closer to mine. He closed his eyes slightly and pressed our foreheads together, gently rubbing them.
“I’ll make you happier later.”
“Yes, I’m waiting. The day I can go to the island in the new world you mentioned.”
There's a cobalt blue lagoon there, the sea sparkles emerald, and there's also a pristine, soft white sand beach.
Building a beautiful home in the bountiful natural landscape of year-round summer, taking advantage of it, and walking along the beach together every day, watching the sunset paint the sea golden. The road to that promise was arduous and long, but the moment I dreamed of a peaceful life together was a dream. I knew that unless nuclear weapons were perfected, the war would not end until we died. I subconsciously realized that it was impossible to achieve that now, and that I could never escape the war. Still, dreaming was freedom.
“Yeah, I’ll do that, so don’t hate me.”
“There’s nothing to hate.”
“In the future as well.”
Noah's words felt somewhat sad.
“Are you afraid that I will be shunned because I am a former Frogen officer?”
“There is something like that.”
I believe he didn't commit civilian massacres. But killing someone, no matter who they are, is a sin in itself. Those who commit massacres, who easily destroy nations, burn villages, and pillage, are easily treated with leniency and made heroes simply because they won, perhaps even because they were the main players in that victory. Noah, who was treated as a hero, will be despised and will one day become a sinner who will be labeled "historical." I, who had been silent, spoke.
"I won't hate you just because you're a Frogen and you committed a crime. Noah, you don't feel guilty. I can't understand that."
He tilted his head with an innocent smile, as if he knew nothing. Who could possibly accept a man with blood on his hands and no sense of guilt? He'd probably be judged and abandoned by the world. But I don't want the Conquering Alliance, to which Frogen belongs, to win. If that happens, I plan to use all my modern knowledge to stop it, even if it means interfering with other worlds.
"I have no intention of handing this country over to Frogen. I don't want to become the puppet leader of Medea, who has been reduced to a puppet state. The conquering alliance can't win the war. The war will continue endlessly, in the form of three or four wars, and countless people will die..."
I thought of those who had already left me, and those who still remained, and I was overcome with emotion, and I clenched my jaw. They had brought about profound inner change in me, and ultimately taught me the truth of cause and effect and the consequences of sin. I was guilty of turning away from Ayla, averse to responsibility, and of ignoring the desperate help of Janet, who had been my lifesaver.
“But I will be by your side, and I think that someday you will realize it.”
So, I, too, intend to accept the truth and be abandoned with him. I'll abandon everything I have, become a sinner, and run away from the world cowardly and shamefully. It's my last conscience, my last act of atonement. Preventing him from committing any more sins is the best I can do. Noah nodded with a bright smile.
“Yeah, I understand.”
I held his large hand. I wanted to protect him with those small, rough hands. We were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, because we had only each other. Even if he were to be remembered forever as a villain in history, and I as his wife, even if we were to die together after this world war ended. This was our happiness and our unhappiness.
“Stay by my side. If you become unhappy, I will become unhappy with you.”
Noah didn't answer for a long moment. The faint moonlight shone on his delicately woven, muscular torso. Every inch of the man who had been sent to the front lines at a young age bore the marks of a fierce life. I touched the scar that had missed his heart with a pitying hand. He took my hand, cupped it against his cheek, and looked down at me. Beneath his thick eyelashes, his dark blue eyes seemed to gleam.
"I'm not perfect. Besides, having been in multiple near-death situations, I've learned the hard way what loss and fear are. And the same goes for preciousness."
He, who seemed to have lived his entire life without fear, faced me with extreme vulnerability. He caressed my cheek, kissed me, and whispered softly.
"Diana, I love you very much. That has always been true, from the beginning until now, and will never change."
I didn't want to let go of his hand for even a moment. I wanted him to always be there, within arm's reach. We held hands all night, never letting go. We repeatedly squeezed and released our hands, panting heavily. The familiar kiss, the slow, caressing touch of our fingertips, felt incredibly good. As it quenched, the thirst returned. It was a silent yearning for each other, a blissful escape without a destination. Noah's occasional bittersweet smile at me ached. I wanted to cry, but only the ecstasy of joy filled my eyes. All my emotions and thoughts were so tangled and confused that I couldn't even tell if it was pleasure or sorrow. I simply surrendered to the fleeting pleasure of pleasure.
When I opened my eyes in the morning, the spacious room was dark and utterly empty. I could hear the rain tapping against the window. Had he woken up early and left first? It seemed I fallen into a deep sleep, the first time in a long while, and hadn't even noticed him leaving.
There was a knock on the door, and Milia came in with the maid who was to take me morning bath and handed me the newspaper and report for the day.
After my bath, Maria recited the day's schedule, and another maid brought me morning coffee. It was the same morning as yesterday.
Eileen's face, which had always been a smile, looked as if it were about to burst into tears. Milia and Maria were still smiling, but the atmosphere was somehow gloomy, depressed, and subdued. Feeling a chill run through their bodies, I turned to Eileen and asked.
“What’s going on?”
"Princess."
Eileen's voice trembled slightly, her face dark. I waited quietly for her to speak.
“Count Noah Rotsilt has left.”
Did it mean he was leaving this room, or the palace? Before I could even hear the answer, I closed my eyes tightly, feeling as if every object and person before me was distorted into an unrealistic distortion. Everything remained the same. That would be the case. I hoped so.
"Where?"
“This morning, as an officer of the Allied Forces, he departed for the occupied territory at the command of Her Majesty the Queen.”
I hesitated, my shoulders hunched, unable to hide my embarrassment. He, who had been calmly observing me, smiled. Perhaps because of his all-black suit, he looked like a seductive, alluring devil, or perhaps like a slender jaguar approaching with elegance.
“Going to bed? Shall we go?”
He rolled up his shirt sleeves slightly, looked at his wristwatch, and nodded as if he understood.
"Well, it's almost time to sleep. I think it would be nice to stay with you until morning."
The breath caught in his throat at the end of his words became hushed, a scratching sound forming in his throat. It was rough, like a low growl, yet soft and gentle, like a sigh. My eyes and thoughts were captivated by an irresistible sensuality. I barely managed to keep my sanity from slipping away. Yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his smile. The atmosphere could be so racy.
“If that happens, my plan will be...”
"Plan."
He covered his mouth and let out a low laugh.
“I know everything you're thinking anyway, my Queen.”
Why can't I speak? I feel like a herbivore trembling in the face of a beast. No, perhaps I'm more like a guest possessed by a bizarre spirit in the middle of the night. This man was so kind that he would sometimes calmly wait for my words, which stuttered like a broken record. Right now, I must look stupid. No, maybe I just feel stupid.
“I, that is.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you want to sleep with me but are worried about what will happen later?”
Please stop.
I wish you'd stop confusing me with that kind of voice and direct language. I couldn't even think of how to explain it, as if the communication center in my brain had been paralyzed, so I just kept my mouth shut.
"You'd better choose one of two things. Either you turn your back on each other and pretend nothing happened, or you just do whatever you want. I can't choose between the two."
If I choose the former, you're saying you'll go get that woman some wine and follow her? You're so handsome, aren't you? My thoughts wandered off to strange places. Along with the error-like words.
“I’ll give you that limited edition wine, so don’t go after other women.”
"Yes."
“Go to my room.”
“You chose well.”
The man, finally successful in getting the words he wanted out, grinned. Is this a matter of choice? There's only one. I don't know. I'll think about the rest later, I guess. I grabbed his hand, gripping it tightly. I was utterly captivated by an irresistible temptation.
Of course, I wasn't trying to have a secret rendezvous. It was easier to just tell them in advance than to be startled and knocked out when they came into my room in the morning. I pushed Noah into the bedroom and called Eileen and Maria separately to give them a heads-up.
“Cancel all plans for tomorrow and don’t let anyone come to my room.”
Maria bowed silently, and Eileen, who had heard me, whispered softly with a serious face.
“Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to stop it, so have a good time.”
What are you trying to stop me from doing? Eileen smiled affectionately at me, a hint of sadness crossing her features.
***
Noah emerged from the bathroom, shaking his wet hair, and smiled loosely at me. It had been a long time since I'd seen that soft, fluffy face, and I was filled with happiness. The fresh heat and body scent of a fresh shower, the flushed eyes and nose.
Why was that man so neatly buttoning up his gown? He was quite attractive, and my sinister gaze doggedly dug into the slightly gaping slit in his broad chest. He snorted softly, noticing my blatant stare.
“You don’t peek anymore.”
"Yes."
Noah's lips curled up in delight as he tasted the finest wine produced by the exclusive winery of the Medea royal family.
“I get to drink things like this because I have a Princess as my wife.”
"Now I can buy you anything you want. Just tell me anything. I don't care if it's a waste of money or not. I should buy some art and embezzle some of it for the future."
"This is enough for the gift. Don't worry about the money, I'll make it."
The soft light from the night light seeped into Noah's beautiful features as he held a glass of red wine. Dark shadows fell on the corners of his mouth and dimples.
We shared a glass of wine, lay in bed, and talked about things we hadn't heard before. Noah told me about Boaz, who didn't eat much, how he had painted and renovated the exterior walls of the mansion a different color, and how the evening primroses bloomed yellow near the reservoir at night. As I listened quietly, he asked me a question.
“Diana, were you happy while you were with me?”
“Yes. It’s still like that now.”
"Thank god."
Noah, who had been using my arm as a pillow, raised his upper body and brought his face closer to mine. He closed his eyes slightly and pressed our foreheads together, gently rubbing them.
“I’ll make you happier later.”
“Yes, I’m waiting. The day I can go to the island in the new world you mentioned.”
There's a cobalt blue lagoon there, the sea sparkles emerald, and there's also a pristine, soft white sand beach.
Building a beautiful home in the bountiful natural landscape of year-round summer, taking advantage of it, and walking along the beach together every day, watching the sunset paint the sea golden. The road to that promise was arduous and long, but the moment I dreamed of a peaceful life together was a dream. I knew that unless nuclear weapons were perfected, the war would not end until we died. I subconsciously realized that it was impossible to achieve that now, and that I could never escape the war. Still, dreaming was freedom.
“Yeah, I’ll do that, so don’t hate me.”
“There’s nothing to hate.”
“In the future as well.”
Noah's words felt somewhat sad.
“Are you afraid that I will be shunned because I am a former Frogen officer?”
“There is something like that.”
I believe he didn't commit civilian massacres. But killing someone, no matter who they are, is a sin in itself. Those who commit massacres, who easily destroy nations, burn villages, and pillage, are easily treated with leniency and made heroes simply because they won, perhaps even because they were the main players in that victory. Noah, who was treated as a hero, will be despised and will one day become a sinner who will be labeled "historical." I, who had been silent, spoke.
"I won't hate you just because you're a Frogen and you committed a crime. Noah, you don't feel guilty. I can't understand that."
He tilted his head with an innocent smile, as if he knew nothing. Who could possibly accept a man with blood on his hands and no sense of guilt? He'd probably be judged and abandoned by the world. But I don't want the Conquering Alliance, to which Frogen belongs, to win. If that happens, I plan to use all my modern knowledge to stop it, even if it means interfering with other worlds.
"I have no intention of handing this country over to Frogen. I don't want to become the puppet leader of Medea, who has been reduced to a puppet state. The conquering alliance can't win the war. The war will continue endlessly, in the form of three or four wars, and countless people will die..."
I thought of those who had already left me, and those who still remained, and I was overcome with emotion, and I clenched my jaw. They had brought about profound inner change in me, and ultimately taught me the truth of cause and effect and the consequences of sin. I was guilty of turning away from Ayla, averse to responsibility, and of ignoring the desperate help of Janet, who had been my lifesaver.
“But I will be by your side, and I think that someday you will realize it.”
So, I, too, intend to accept the truth and be abandoned with him. I'll abandon everything I have, become a sinner, and run away from the world cowardly and shamefully. It's my last conscience, my last act of atonement. Preventing him from committing any more sins is the best I can do. Noah nodded with a bright smile.
“Yeah, I understand.”
I held his large hand. I wanted to protect him with those small, rough hands. We were meant to be together for the rest of our lives, because we had only each other. Even if he were to be remembered forever as a villain in history, and I as his wife, even if we were to die together after this world war ended. This was our happiness and our unhappiness.
“Stay by my side. If you become unhappy, I will become unhappy with you.”
Noah didn't answer for a long moment. The faint moonlight shone on his delicately woven, muscular torso. Every inch of the man who had been sent to the front lines at a young age bore the marks of a fierce life. I touched the scar that had missed his heart with a pitying hand. He took my hand, cupped it against his cheek, and looked down at me. Beneath his thick eyelashes, his dark blue eyes seemed to gleam.
"I'm not perfect. Besides, having been in multiple near-death situations, I've learned the hard way what loss and fear are. And the same goes for preciousness."
He, who seemed to have lived his entire life without fear, faced me with extreme vulnerability. He caressed my cheek, kissed me, and whispered softly.
"Diana, I love you very much. That has always been true, from the beginning until now, and will never change."
I didn't want to let go of his hand for even a moment. I wanted him to always be there, within arm's reach. We held hands all night, never letting go. We repeatedly squeezed and released our hands, panting heavily. The familiar kiss, the slow, caressing touch of our fingertips, felt incredibly good. As it quenched, the thirst returned. It was a silent yearning for each other, a blissful escape without a destination. Noah's occasional bittersweet smile at me ached. I wanted to cry, but only the ecstasy of joy filled my eyes. All my emotions and thoughts were so tangled and confused that I couldn't even tell if it was pleasure or sorrow. I simply surrendered to the fleeting pleasure of pleasure.
***
When I opened my eyes in the morning, the spacious room was dark and utterly empty. I could hear the rain tapping against the window. Had he woken up early and left first? It seemed I fallen into a deep sleep, the first time in a long while, and hadn't even noticed him leaving.
There was a knock on the door, and Milia came in with the maid who was to take me morning bath and handed me the newspaper and report for the day.
After my bath, Maria recited the day's schedule, and another maid brought me morning coffee. It was the same morning as yesterday.
Eileen's face, which had always been a smile, looked as if it were about to burst into tears. Milia and Maria were still smiling, but the atmosphere was somehow gloomy, depressed, and subdued. Feeling a chill run through their bodies, I turned to Eileen and asked.
“What’s going on?”
"Princess."
Eileen's voice trembled slightly, her face dark. I waited quietly for her to speak.
“Count Noah Rotsilt has left.”
Did it mean he was leaving this room, or the palace? Before I could even hear the answer, I closed my eyes tightly, feeling as if every object and person before me was distorted into an unrealistic distortion. Everything remained the same. That would be the case. I hoped so.
"Where?"
“This morning, as an officer of the Allied Forces, he departed for the occupied territory at the command of Her Majesty the Queen.”
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