"I, I don't know the details either..."
The maid, who had been trailing off with a flustered expression, continued her explanation awkwardly.
"I heard that hr will be stationed near the border for a while due to the conflict."
"For a while...? How long...?"
Malia, who had been stammering, paused and bit her lip. I was the one who said I never wanted to see him face-to-face again. What right did I have to ask such a thing?
As I looked down at the flowers on the bedside table with a blank expression, the maid, who had been observing me, mumbled an answer to a question she had not yet finished.
"His Highness didn't have an exact date, but he said he didn't plan on leaving the castle for long... He said he would be moving between the castle and the garrison as circumstances permitted..."
I, who had been sighing in relief without realizing it, realized it and let out a hollow laugh. I felt disgusted with myself.
Looking down at the rain-soaked flower buds, I let out a dry, wry laugh. I covered my frozen eyes with the back of my hand. The insides of my eyes stung, as if they were burning.
I knew intuitively that he had left because of me. Instead of kicking me out, Barcas chose to leave on his own.
'Why on earth...'
Only one question kept spinning in my head.
Why do you do this?
Even if he accepted the Emperor's offer and divorced me, no one would blame him. It was a marriage that was practically forced from the start.
I knew it too. Barcas had no reason to blame me. It was all my fault for the limp and the loss of my child.
I also knew that I should have told Barcas that.
You did nothing wrong. I'm the cause of all the misfortune that has befallen me. So please, don't feel guilty or responsible.
Just throw someone like me away. Everyone else does it. Even the person who gave birth to me did it. So why you?
My heart ached, as if it were burning. I felt like I was doing something terribly wrong.
But I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't even know if I wanted to fix it.
"Your Highness, are you feeling well?"
The maid asked me with concern, wondering if my frozen appearance was unusual.
I shook my head weakly, clutching my pounding head.
"It's okay, just..."
I gazed at the maid's face through misty, hazy eyes, then turned my gaze to the window, where rain was splashing. The rain, which had been falling lightly during the day, was now mercilessly beating against the glass.
He must be walking in the rain by now. I thought maybe he hadn't gotten that far.
I got up from bed, unsure of what to do. The maid came over, her face flushed with confusion.
“Why, why are you doing that?”
"Bring my coat."
When I gave instructions in a commanding voice, as if telling her not to even think about disobeying, the maid, who had been shaking her hands as if trying to dissuade me, froze in place.
I pressed in a sharp tone.
"Didn't you hear me telling you to bring my coat?"
The maid, who had been frozen in place with her head down, came carrying a thick coat.
I put it on over my loose linen dress and stepped outside, only to find myself in a dimly lit hallway. As I clattered toward it, a large shadow blocked my path.
"Where are you going?"
A young man, clad in armor, looked down at me with a solemn expression. He was the guard who had been guarding the gate like a guard since the day I had sneaked out of the castle.
I glared at him with a sharp glare and spoke in a sarcastic tone.
"Did His Highness the Grand Duke give instructions to confine me to my bedroom?"
"His Highness has ordered that I never take my eyes off the Grand Duchess and that I protect her thoroughly."
My face clouded for a moment, but then I shot back arrogantly.
"Then you should just escort me as instructed, instead of blocking my way so presumptuously."
Then, as I was about to head for the stairs, the man blocked my way again.
"What I do depends on where Your Highness plans to go."
The man gave me a stubborn look.
"You may freely move about within the castle, but if you wish to go outside, you must obtain permission from His Highness the Grand Duke.
I glared at him with a furious expression. But the young soldier didn't budge.
"Let me ask you again: Where do you plan to go?"
"I..."
I was about to say I was going to where Barcas was, but then I closed my mouth. I was the one who pushed him away.
What right do you have to chase him on such a topic? Are you going to beg him to stay by your side now?
I let out a gasp, feeling all my motivation drain away in an instant.
"...I want to climb the wall."
The soldier, who had been frowning suspiciously, stepped aside slightly. He had declared with his own mouth that he could go anywhere in the castle, so there seemed to be no justification for stopping me.
I went straight down the stairs. I sensed the maids and soldiers quietly following me, but I didn't even glance at them as I left the main castle.
As I walked across the wide courtyard, anxious eyes stared in, wondering if the Archduchess would run away.
Ignoring it, I climbed the stone steps splashed with rainwater and saw a gray meadow covered in a curtain of rain.
It must have been a long time since they set off, as the procession of soldiers was nowhere to be found.
I stood before the castle gate, gazing helplessly at the wind and rain swirling through the grass. I must have been silently there for a long time, until the maid, who had been calling me silently, cautiously offered me a word.
"Your Highness, you'll get caught in a trap like this. It'd be best if you just go inside."
After staring at the pale face of the maid who had been caught in the rain because of me, I turned feebly toward the stairs. Then, a sad sob was heard from somewhere.
At first, I thought it was a hallucination. It wasn't until I saw the maid's bewildered face that I realized it was real.
"What the hell is this?"
"It looks like the hunters have caught some young animals somewhere."
The soldier looked towards the courtyard and replied calmly.
"Don't worry about it and just go."
I pretended not to hear the soldier's urging and turned towards the sound.
As we walked along the passage on the wall for a while, the shrill, frightened cries gradually became clearer.
For some reason, I felt anxious. I practically ran down the stairs leading to the courtyard.
A moment later, she spotted five or six armed soldiers gathered in the castle's backyard, overgrown with bushes and trees. They were throwing something into a small pit, but they stopped when they saw me.
"Why is Your Highness the Grand Duchess in a place like this?
One of the soldiers quickly bowed his head.
I walked past him and approached the pit. Three or four dark, stray dogs lay limp in the mud.
I looked down at it comfortably and then asked the soldier a sharp question.
One of the soldiers quickly bowed his head.
I walked past him and approached the pit. Three or four dark, stray dogs lay dead in the mud.
I looked down at it clearly and asked a sharp question to the soldier.
"You guys are the ones who are doing it, right?"
"I was disposing of the dire wolf pups."
The bearded soldier replied in a gruff tone.
"They're the bastards who killed a dozen of the Grand Duke's horses last winter. They must have finally succeeded in breeding. I saw plump, fat young ones crawling through the forest. I was about to kill them, but I caught them, hoping to find some magic stones..."
The man sighed heavily and lifted the wolf's corpse lying limp on the floor, and threw it into the pit.
"I guess it's because it's still too young, but even if I cut open its stomach, nothing comes out. So I was just asking it some general questions."
With a crashing sound, the young beast's corpse sank into the muddy water.
As I was taking steps backwards without realizing it, the crying that had died down for a moment was heard again.
I turned my head and opened my eyes wide as she saw a soldier taking out a bunch of gray fur from a large sack.
The soldier pressed his knife into the beast's neck. Seeing this, I, without a moment to think, swung my body.
The event, which was held so suddenly, was met with much screaming and did not give much space.
The soldier, who was suddenly pushed on the shoulder, let out a short scream and collapsed.
I passed the soldier who was looking up at me with startled eyes and lifted the gray beast from the ground. Then, as if by magic, the wails of agony died down.
I studied the ashen wolf, drenched in rain.
Beneath his lashes, which shone white and fluffy, I saw pale blue eyes. Finding shards of silver within them, I held my breath.
"Why on earth are you doing that?"
The guard who followed asked in an annoyed tone.
I answered him without even looking at him.
"I want to raise this child."
There was a stir all around. Everyone seemed to think the Grand Duchess had lost her mind. Perhaps that was true.
I spread my arms outward and embraced the small beast.
The wolf couldn't take his eyes off me for even a moment. I sensed a desperate longing in its tear-soaked, transparent pupils, let a wistful smile play on my lips.
"From now on, your name is Khan."
His small ears, covered in fluff, perked up adorably.
Looking down at the sight with eyes full of joy, I buried my face in the damp fur and muttered.
"Let's stay together forever."
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