As winter gradually deepened, the stomach swelled noticeably.
The change, which seemed to be just a surprise and a sense of pride, soon turned into a disaster. As the baby grows, the burden on the body increases.
I, who was groaning in pain that felt like my back was about to break, carefully changed my position. However, no matter what angle I lay down, there was no way to avoid the pain.
"Would you like to lie down here? I'll knead your waist."
Marisen, who looked at me moaning sadly, cautiously suggested.
I nodded immediately. I hated it when someone else touched me, but it wasn't the time to cover my back.
"Can you lift your legs a little? If you put a cushion on it, it will make you feel a little more comfortable."
"Is this...?"
I lifted my knees slightly, and the woman pushed the pillow between them.
I let out a long breath. The back pain itself didn't help much, but at least the tingling sensation running down my legs seemed to ease a little.
"Please tell me if you are hurt."
The woman bent over the bed and began to press my waist with exquisite intensity.
I moaned and stretched my stiff legs long.
The woman lowered her hand over it and carefully asked the question, carefully examining my atrophied muscles.
"How is the pain in your legs?"
"What are you asking? Of course, it hurts terribly."
"If you're really tired, can I burn some sleeping candles?"
I wrinkle my eyes and stare at the woman's face. Her calm face was full of worry for me.
"That... Isn't it harmful to the baby?"
"Now that we've entered a stable phase, it won't be a big problem."
I looked down at my stomach with conflicted eyes.
I was desperate to get rid of the pain for a moment, but I was afraid that it might adversely affect my child.
While I was in the middle of my contemplation, Tiuran, who was rummaging through the firewood in front of the fireplace, suddenly interrupted the conversation.
"It's best not to use medicine as much as possible. It is not yet clear exactly how sleep deprivation affects the fetus."
Marisen glared at her displeasedly.
"How could I give a prescription that would be harmful to Your Highness? I've prescribed painkillers to mothers before, but I've never had a problem."
"But it's always an exceptional situation..."
"Yes."
I cut off their verbal struggle with a single knife. I wasn't in the mood to put up with the two women's subtle war of nerves.
"I've tried medicine, but when I wake up anyway, I'll get sick again, but I'll just put up with it."
"But you can't sleep properly because of the pain. If you are exhausted like this..."
"Oh dear! If you're going to nag, go away."
I pushed my hand away somewhat roughly and covered my head with the blanket. I had no energy left to engage in a useless scuffle.
The swollen uterus pressed on the nerves in the twisted pelvis, causing terrible numbness in the otherwise painful legs and cramps in the calves more often.
The pain in my back also got worse day by day. The fact that I had to endure this pain until the summer was overwhelming.
I gently pressed my bulging belly with both hands.
I felt a slight movement under my tight skin. My resentment melted away in an instant.
Still, I was going to complain when this child was born.
I was really sick because of you. But I put up with it all. So you have to listen to me, and you have to be the best in the world.
I thought about it in a daze, and at some point I fell asleep.
I lifted my eyelids at the touch of my forehead and noticed the shadowy face of Barcas looking down at me, and raised my upper body to my feet.
"When did you come?"
"I just returned from official duties. Lie down."
"I don't like it. I kept lying down, and my back hurt."
I pushed away the hand that was trying to put me back down, sat down on the back of the bed, and glanced at him in uniform.
Wearing a maroon doublet with colorful embroidery typical of the East and black leather boots, he looked like an elegant aristocrat.
"Was there any event?"
I, who was carefully glancing at the more formal outfit than usual, asked in a suspicious tone.
Barcas pulled down the button of the doublet and calmly replied.
"I only attended the meeting of the League of Nobles."
"Are you having a lot of meetings these days? Is there any problem?"
"There is no problem. Rather, why did you move your room?"
Barcas suddenly showed signs of dissatisfaction and changed the topic.
I wrapped my hands around my knees and lowered my eyes awkwardly.
"You can't sleep because of me. I think it would be better to have a separate room until I give birth..."
"Get rid of such useless considerations."
Barcas spat out a bit harshly and leaned over the bed.
I noticed that he was trying to pick me up and pulled me out to the corner of the bed.
"It's because I'm not comfortable with that."
His eyes narrowed.
Barcas, who had been staring down at my face, straddled the edge of the bed and retorted in a cold voice.
"When do you feel uncomfortable if I don't listen to you?"
"It was like that back then... It's different now.
"What's the difference?"
I looked at the strong and beautiful outline of Barcas with his back to the light, and then lowered my gaze to my body, surrounded by thin pajamas. I saw breasts that were as big as cows and bellies that were bulging like toads.
My thin body was unsightly, but my swollen body was even more unsightly. Apart from being happy to have a baby, I gradually felt miserable that I was not as elegant as Ayla, nor as sensual as Senevere.
I pulled the blanket over my shoulders and spat out somewhat annoyedly.
"I didn't feel this sick back then."
"That's why I have to take care of you more."
Barcas, who had been wrinkling his brows, stretched out his arm towards me again.
I turned to the side in surprise. However, there was no time to escape, and his long arms wrapped around my back.
In an instant, I was pulled up onto his lap and hurriedly pulled the hem of my skirt to my toes.
But Barcas's attention seemed to be focused solely on my waist.
Barcas, who was gently rubbing the muscles near my spine with his firm palms, frowned when he saw my crying face.
"Does it hurt that much?"
I glared at him with tearful eyes.
This man doesn't understand my feelings of not wanting to show my broken body.
I knew that it was a foolish feeling. But since I was nine years old, I wanted to look the prettiest in the world. It's so desperate that it can't be done.
"Yes, it hurts to death."
Instead of confessing it frankly, I lost my temper openly.
"I'm going to die of resentment. Why should I be the only one who hurts so much? I wish you were only half as sick as I am."
"...Then, why do you want to use a separate room when you have to bully me next to you?"
Barcas rubbed my back and whispered softly.
The soft voice was about to relieve my mind for a moment, but when his hand landed on my swollen stomach, I quickly knelt up and curled up.
"I don't like it. Don't touch it."
"Why don't you like it?"
The face of the man who patiently took care of me the whole time was slightly sharpened. It seemed that his patience had finally run out.
Barcas, who took a long breath, asked in a more hoarse voice.
"It's my child. Why can't I even touch it these days?"
"It's not your child."
His face froze as he vomited out the words.
My heart was tingling for a moment, but I continued calmly.
"Until it goes out into the world, it's completely my own child. I'm enduring such pain and embracing it, but it's fair if I have the exclusive right."
With words that were no different from force, Barcas's eyebrows furrowed deeper.
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