It was a belated realization from a man who hadn't even apologized for the deception he'd been subjected to since their first meeting. The moment he faced the heart he'd tried to avoid, he felt as if someone was clutching his heart and plucking it. It was a distant memory, understanding this woman's foolishness.
But you mustn't die. You mustn't hurt yourself. The words that couldn't come out of his mouth got stuck in his throat and became thorns in his mouth.
Who was the one who told her to die first? Isn't that disgusting?
Ivan was staring at Amelia with a melancholy, a feeling he couldn't quite control. As if sensing his reflection, Amelia opened her eyes. Only after the sun had completely set, and night had become pitch black, like Ivan's burnt-out insides.
“...”
Amelia smiled faintly the moment she saw Ivan. Her neck was bruised and blue from the force that had crushed her, and her body and mind were devoid of any sign of well-being. It was just a habit.
“Ivan.”
Even though her brow furrowed slightly, as if her throat was sore, she called his name affectionately. As always, it didn't sound like the voice of a woman who hated Ivan.
You were so calm, I didn't realize it. You were so natural, I didn't realize you were thinking that. I should have said something.
“Are you satisfied? Is it going your way?”
While Amelia closed her eyes, he was able to reflect well, but when she opened them and heard her voice calling him, a sudden surge of resentment welled up in him. Damn it, that attitude was so familiar in his relationship with Amelia, without any manners or pretense.
Amelia said nothing. But anyone with a clear eye could tell that it was a positive response.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Amelia whispered softly. The first thing she said upon waking from a near-death experience was that he shouldn't be here. She was so accustomed to hiding her expressions and suppressing her emotions. That truth hit home painfully.
“That’s my heart.”
That was all he could say. To say there would be no discerning eye would be a lie. For now, he was fine with that.
“I miss Ian.”
Then, a woman, panting as if she were about to die, whispered that she longed to see her child. It was a request the man, who had been deeply reflecting on his actions until just before, could not refuse.
Amelia cautiously walked over to Ian's bedside, where he was fast asleep. Her warm gaze lingered endlessly over the boy's face. For fear of waking him, she couldn't even stroke him with her hand. Instead, her busy gaze lingered over his chubby cheek.
“Don’t you have to wake him up?”
Ivan, who was watching the meeting of the mother and son from behind, asked a question.
“Just seeing him sleeping is enough.”
Amelia whispered back. A look of pride lingered on her face as she gazed at her son, now sound asleep, without a hint of a fuss.
“I wasn’t a good mother, so what if he remembers me?”
Instead of replying that he couldn't even remember what happened that time, Ivan, standing at the door like a gatekeeper, observed Amelia's happiness. Her face was filled with nothing but joy, happiness, and affection.
“What if Ian still misses you?”
He wanted to shatter it. He wanted to scream, "Why are you so peaceful alone?"
“What if he knew that Jane Clarke wasn’t his mother and continued to search for his birth mother as he grew up?”
Ivan wanted to remind Ian of his mother's absence, to feel guilty and change his mind, even now.
“It’ll be okay.”
“...”
“If he were like you, he would be strong.”
"He'll easily overcome that," Amelia replied. She truly was a cruel and vicious woman.
“Change your mind, Amelia.”
Ivan opened his mouth. His expression was as impassive as ever.
"I."
“...”
“What should I do?”
But it wasn't quite like usual. There was a note of urgency and earnestness in his voice, especially.
"Can you really die, leaving Ian behind? What do you think it takes to change your mind?"
Of course, Ivan had wanted to change Amelia's decision before. But he hadn't been so eager to persuade her to change her mind so many times.
If that's what you mean, then there's nothing I can do.
That's exactly the extent of his feelings. A simple attitude, throwing away something he'd kept for a while but had no intention of keeping for long. It was also his pride, unwilling to kneel before a woman who could never become anything.
But not anymore.
“I’m breaking off my engagement with Jane Clark.”
And there was still one offer Ivan could make. At the same time, knowing it was everything, Ivan grew desperate.
“...Broken engagement?”
After a moment of silence, Amelia muttered quietly. Only after her small voice had completely dissipated into the air did she turn to Ivan.
"Yes."
Ivan wasn't particularly enthusiastic about marrying Jane Clarke, but he didn't make the decision lightly. Furthermore, she knew that Jane Clarke's broken engagement to the Emperor would be a major problem.
"I won't marry Jane Clarke. I'll reveal that Ian is also our child."
But he was willing to fight, regardless of whether those opposed him, those clamoring for a proper reorganization of the opposition, or those insisting on abiding by the ruling. Even if he were simply labeled a womanizing tyrant, he planned to ignore all of them and take Amelia as his partner.
Of course, Amelia once said she wouldn't mind if he offered Jane Clark the position of Empress, but that was because she truly believed he wouldn't allow her to sit next to him. So, if he offered to welcome Amelia as his Queen, she might change her mind.
Ivan clung to that thought. He didn't know why he was so desperate, but he was driven by a single desire: he couldn't let Amelia die.
“Don’t do that, Ivan.”
But Amelia's answer was not what Ivan expected.
"I'm a thief who served the temple, deceived everyone, and tried to kill the Emperor. Everyone in Escliff knows this. How could they accept me as Empress? Even the government would find it difficult to acknowledge me."
Everyone in Escliff was outraged, demanding the death of the fraudsters who had dared to deceive the nation. Their betrayal was as profound as their love and trust. In the midst of all this, Amelia, without even a thought of winning their sympathy, admitted that she had attempted to kill the Emperor.
The people were even more outraged by this impudence. It was a hatred so fierce that even the Emperor would not dare to resist.
"You are the one who forgives the crime of murder, but it is the duty of the people of the empire to forgive the crime of deceiving the nation. Realistically, that is impossible."
“You just have to change your mind. I’ll figure it out.”
Amelia was right. It might have been different if she had been saved from the start, but after the verdict was handed down, he seemed to be being unreasonable.
"You must show the people of the Empire the image of the great nobles and the temples falling. Everyone must bow their heads before you in fear. Don't ruin what you've wanted to do your whole life."
There was a time when he didn't want to allow even a single stain on his life as Emperor, but now he couldn't even remember that. He felt like he could handle anything.
"Before, yes. There were times when I thought it would be nice if the seat next to you were mine. Actually, if you had told me a little sooner, I might have gotten greedy and changed my mind."
But no matter what Ivan's feelings were, a gentle yet firm voice clearly conveyed a rejection. No matter how much he tried to think positively, it was difficult to appreciate the absence of even a hint of joy on her smiling face.
"But even hearing your story now, I'm not happy at all. What would change if I became Empress by your grace? That's what I'm thinking about."
“...”
"I, who have sinned, will be afraid even of the wind that blows. What if someone throws a stone at me? What if they advise him to drive out the filthy witch who blinded you with her lover's charms? What if you, tired of me, fall in love with another woman? When will you, who has become so stingy with even your meager sympathy, take away what you have given me?"
“...”
“I will remain the most miserable wife by the noble Emperor’s side.”
Just as she feared that her life would be taken away from her in the temple, she felt fear for everything beneath the walls of the palace.
“I, I somehow...”
The words Amelia had swallowed were clear. So Ivan opened his mouth in a panic, trying to come up with a plan that didn't seem like much of a solution.
"Even if you protect me, as long as I live, people will never forget the name Amelia Escliffe. They will condemn me endlessly. I will live by that name forever, holding you and Ian back."
Then, as if sensing what Ivan was about to say, Amelia cut him off.
"Ivan, I've already lived a life worse than death. Now, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling imprisoned because of a name that doesn't even belong to me."
She said it wasn't something she could risk damaging Ivan and Ian's reputation. Amelia's assessment of her life's value was minimal. It was so insignificant.
It was Duke Russell and Aaron who made Amelia feel that way.
"Even if the truth comes to light, you can't be my wife. Even if it wasn't your intention, you're a traitor who deceived the royal family and served the temple. The best I can do is keep you alive."
At the same time, it was Ivan. He made it so.
But you mustn't die. You mustn't hurt yourself. The words that couldn't come out of his mouth got stuck in his throat and became thorns in his mouth.
Who was the one who told her to die first? Isn't that disgusting?
Ivan was staring at Amelia with a melancholy, a feeling he couldn't quite control. As if sensing his reflection, Amelia opened her eyes. Only after the sun had completely set, and night had become pitch black, like Ivan's burnt-out insides.
“...”
Amelia smiled faintly the moment she saw Ivan. Her neck was bruised and blue from the force that had crushed her, and her body and mind were devoid of any sign of well-being. It was just a habit.
“Ivan.”
Even though her brow furrowed slightly, as if her throat was sore, she called his name affectionately. As always, it didn't sound like the voice of a woman who hated Ivan.
You were so calm, I didn't realize it. You were so natural, I didn't realize you were thinking that. I should have said something.
“Are you satisfied? Is it going your way?”
While Amelia closed her eyes, he was able to reflect well, but when she opened them and heard her voice calling him, a sudden surge of resentment welled up in him. Damn it, that attitude was so familiar in his relationship with Amelia, without any manners or pretense.
Amelia said nothing. But anyone with a clear eye could tell that it was a positive response.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Amelia whispered softly. The first thing she said upon waking from a near-death experience was that he shouldn't be here. She was so accustomed to hiding her expressions and suppressing her emotions. That truth hit home painfully.
“That’s my heart.”
That was all he could say. To say there would be no discerning eye would be a lie. For now, he was fine with that.
“I miss Ian.”
Then, a woman, panting as if she were about to die, whispered that she longed to see her child. It was a request the man, who had been deeply reflecting on his actions until just before, could not refuse.
***
Amelia cautiously walked over to Ian's bedside, where he was fast asleep. Her warm gaze lingered endlessly over the boy's face. For fear of waking him, she couldn't even stroke him with her hand. Instead, her busy gaze lingered over his chubby cheek.
“Don’t you have to wake him up?”
Ivan, who was watching the meeting of the mother and son from behind, asked a question.
“Just seeing him sleeping is enough.”
Amelia whispered back. A look of pride lingered on her face as she gazed at her son, now sound asleep, without a hint of a fuss.
“I wasn’t a good mother, so what if he remembers me?”
Instead of replying that he couldn't even remember what happened that time, Ivan, standing at the door like a gatekeeper, observed Amelia's happiness. Her face was filled with nothing but joy, happiness, and affection.
“What if Ian still misses you?”
He wanted to shatter it. He wanted to scream, "Why are you so peaceful alone?"
“What if he knew that Jane Clarke wasn’t his mother and continued to search for his birth mother as he grew up?”
Ivan wanted to remind Ian of his mother's absence, to feel guilty and change his mind, even now.
“It’ll be okay.”
“...”
“If he were like you, he would be strong.”
"He'll easily overcome that," Amelia replied. She truly was a cruel and vicious woman.
“Change your mind, Amelia.”
Ivan opened his mouth. His expression was as impassive as ever.
"I."
“...”
“What should I do?”
But it wasn't quite like usual. There was a note of urgency and earnestness in his voice, especially.
"Can you really die, leaving Ian behind? What do you think it takes to change your mind?"
Of course, Ivan had wanted to change Amelia's decision before. But he hadn't been so eager to persuade her to change her mind so many times.
If that's what you mean, then there's nothing I can do.
That's exactly the extent of his feelings. A simple attitude, throwing away something he'd kept for a while but had no intention of keeping for long. It was also his pride, unwilling to kneel before a woman who could never become anything.
But not anymore.
“I’m breaking off my engagement with Jane Clark.”
And there was still one offer Ivan could make. At the same time, knowing it was everything, Ivan grew desperate.
“...Broken engagement?”
After a moment of silence, Amelia muttered quietly. Only after her small voice had completely dissipated into the air did she turn to Ivan.
"Yes."
Ivan wasn't particularly enthusiastic about marrying Jane Clarke, but he didn't make the decision lightly. Furthermore, she knew that Jane Clarke's broken engagement to the Emperor would be a major problem.
"I won't marry Jane Clarke. I'll reveal that Ian is also our child."
But he was willing to fight, regardless of whether those opposed him, those clamoring for a proper reorganization of the opposition, or those insisting on abiding by the ruling. Even if he were simply labeled a womanizing tyrant, he planned to ignore all of them and take Amelia as his partner.
Of course, Amelia once said she wouldn't mind if he offered Jane Clark the position of Empress, but that was because she truly believed he wouldn't allow her to sit next to him. So, if he offered to welcome Amelia as his Queen, she might change her mind.
Ivan clung to that thought. He didn't know why he was so desperate, but he was driven by a single desire: he couldn't let Amelia die.
“Don’t do that, Ivan.”
But Amelia's answer was not what Ivan expected.
"I'm a thief who served the temple, deceived everyone, and tried to kill the Emperor. Everyone in Escliff knows this. How could they accept me as Empress? Even the government would find it difficult to acknowledge me."
Everyone in Escliff was outraged, demanding the death of the fraudsters who had dared to deceive the nation. Their betrayal was as profound as their love and trust. In the midst of all this, Amelia, without even a thought of winning their sympathy, admitted that she had attempted to kill the Emperor.
The people were even more outraged by this impudence. It was a hatred so fierce that even the Emperor would not dare to resist.
"You are the one who forgives the crime of murder, but it is the duty of the people of the empire to forgive the crime of deceiving the nation. Realistically, that is impossible."
“You just have to change your mind. I’ll figure it out.”
Amelia was right. It might have been different if she had been saved from the start, but after the verdict was handed down, he seemed to be being unreasonable.
"You must show the people of the Empire the image of the great nobles and the temples falling. Everyone must bow their heads before you in fear. Don't ruin what you've wanted to do your whole life."
There was a time when he didn't want to allow even a single stain on his life as Emperor, but now he couldn't even remember that. He felt like he could handle anything.
"Before, yes. There were times when I thought it would be nice if the seat next to you were mine. Actually, if you had told me a little sooner, I might have gotten greedy and changed my mind."
But no matter what Ivan's feelings were, a gentle yet firm voice clearly conveyed a rejection. No matter how much he tried to think positively, it was difficult to appreciate the absence of even a hint of joy on her smiling face.
"But even hearing your story now, I'm not happy at all. What would change if I became Empress by your grace? That's what I'm thinking about."
“...”
"I, who have sinned, will be afraid even of the wind that blows. What if someone throws a stone at me? What if they advise him to drive out the filthy witch who blinded you with her lover's charms? What if you, tired of me, fall in love with another woman? When will you, who has become so stingy with even your meager sympathy, take away what you have given me?"
“...”
“I will remain the most miserable wife by the noble Emperor’s side.”
Just as she feared that her life would be taken away from her in the temple, she felt fear for everything beneath the walls of the palace.
“I, I somehow...”
The words Amelia had swallowed were clear. So Ivan opened his mouth in a panic, trying to come up with a plan that didn't seem like much of a solution.
"Even if you protect me, as long as I live, people will never forget the name Amelia Escliffe. They will condemn me endlessly. I will live by that name forever, holding you and Ian back."
Then, as if sensing what Ivan was about to say, Amelia cut him off.
"Ivan, I've already lived a life worse than death. Now, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling imprisoned because of a name that doesn't even belong to me."
She said it wasn't something she could risk damaging Ivan and Ian's reputation. Amelia's assessment of her life's value was minimal. It was so insignificant.
It was Duke Russell and Aaron who made Amelia feel that way.
"Even if the truth comes to light, you can't be my wife. Even if it wasn't your intention, you're a traitor who deceived the royal family and served the temple. The best I can do is keep you alive."
At the same time, it was Ivan. He made it so.
Comments
Post a Comment