Episode 146. If You Let It Go, It Won't Leave You Alone
The Marquis frowned.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Walking is good for babies, too. The doctor said so, Marquis."
He reluctantly led her out.
Just as she had said, the lake was beautiful. It was small enough to float a boat, and two ducks floated in the distance.
A small pavilion nearby made it a perfect party venue.
As the two men sat in the pavilion, the Marchioness extended her arm to me and said,
"Madame Kydel, shall we take a walk?"
"Yes. Fine."
We walked slowly along the lake, chatting.
"I'm glad you seem happy, Marchioness. The Marquis is so sweet."
"Hey, he's not always so good. He snores so much at night!"
"Oh my..."
She smiled sheepishly.
"But I thought he was cute, so I let him."
I laughed along with her.
The water was so clear that I could clearly see the fish swimming as I approached the shore. The breeze was cool, making it the perfect place for a walk.
“It’ll be good for the kids to play in the water later.”
“It’s too deep for a child.”
“Really?”
“You cried?”
I asked quietly after making sure we were a good distance away from the pavilion.
“Can you tell?”
“Why?”
“Don’t listen to such petty talk. It’s bad for the baby.”
“Lorisha!”
I crouched down on the shore, dipping one hand in the water and splashing it.
“They say nobles with daughters are competing for Prince Kydel’s remarriage. They don’t even see me.”
I sighed and continued.
“The Prince tells me to ignore him, but is that really possible? I should step aside. Fortunately, we’ve kept our distance all this time... You’ll still see me when I’m divorced, right?”
“Oh my god...”
She shuddered as if I’d just confessed to killing five people.
“T-That much of a surprise... How embarrassing... Ah!”
The Marchioness, or rather the Marquis, approached me and pushed my back hard with his foot. I lost my balance and fell into the lake, rolling forward.
The important point here was not his betrayal, but the fact that I didn’t know how to swim.
I tried to scream, but only lukewarm lake water entered my throat. I could hear sounds here and there.
My screams. And the culprit’s shout, “Prince Locard!”
But I was sinking into the pitch-black water.
“Madam! What are you doing!”
"Madam!"
The Marquis of Rond scolded, but she ignored him and spoke sharply.
"Lorisha, what were you thinking just now? Tell him exactly what was on your mind. What were you thinking in your last moments?"
"Madam!"
The flustered Marquis grabbed the Marchioness's wrist and pulled her away.
Prince Kydel then sprawled out beside me. He stared at the peaceful lake and the bright blue sky, smiling hollowly.
His voice was calm and quiet, unlike someone who had just jumped into the water and rescued someone.
"Should I speak first? I jumped into the water thinking I couldn't live like this if I lost you. If I couldn't save you... Lorisha. I want you. I only want you."
He spoke with a painful strain.
"I want you to know that. I want you to believe me."
My slack heart tightened and began to beat faster.
I opened my mouth, feeling a little out of breath. I had too little energy to process and hide my words.
“I... am scared.”
The fear of saying that made my eyes dizzy. A chill ran through my exhausted, wet body. The tears streaming down my face felt warm.
“I feel like I could die of fear at the thought of living with someone else. I love and rely on you, and if you suddenly leave me... then I...”
I felt his warm hand caressing my wet forehead.
I squeezed my eyes shut and said,
“The moment I fell into the water, I wanted to call out to you, but no sound came out. I wanted to ask you to save me... I hated the idea of not being able to see you if I died. Sob, sob, I wanted to be by your side a little longer.”
I whimpered, trying not to burst into tears. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but I couldn’t.
But he spoke softly, as if trying to comfort me.
“That means you love me, Lorisha.”
“...”
“You already like me. You’re completely in love with me.”
“Ugh. No? I can’t...? Huhu.”
“Haa... Come here. Lorisha.”
Prince Kydel lifted my upper body and held me in his arms. Only then did the world feel warm.
I returned to the mansion in Prince Kydel’s arms.
After bathing and returning to my room, we lay side by side on the bed without saying a word. I was exhausted.
I now knew why the Marchioness had drowned me: to have a real conversation.
Only at the moment of death, after drinking poison, had she finally admitted her feelings for Lord Rond. She thought a stubborn person like me needed the same treatment.
I muttered to myself,
“That’s bad! Tagar is bad at everything. You’ve had a hard time, too, Prince.”
Prince Kydel laughed breathlessly, turned to me, and rested his arm on my shoulder.
“If it hadn’t been for that much pressure, I wouldn’t have been able to make you open your mouth. I believe your confession was worth it.”
“A-a confession? Me?”
“You said you liked me. That you were completely captivated by me.”
“When did I say that? Prince...”
I automatically shut my mouth at the warm, gentle sensation of his palm resting on my cheek.
The hand holding the sword couldn’t be gentle, but it felt like a cat groping my face.
And his lips were secretly brushing mine, as if he were about to break me.
As he moved, he whispered,
“I know you tried to smuggle yourself into Smilean for me. That you willingly risked your life for me, without a moment’s hesitation.”
“That...”
“You love me. Just like I do.”
At some point, he brushed his lips against mine and whispered,
“Lorisha. We had it too. It’s what every couple should have. It’s just that it’s bigger and deeper than others, making it harder to discover. So just stay here, by my side.”
“But...”
“From now on, I won’t let anyone say ‘that word’ in front of you. Until you forget it.”
“Ahhh... Your hand there... Your...”
The last thing I heard was a whisper of his voice. His breathing was ragged and scary.
“Stay still, Lorisha.”
“Ah, no, ahhh..!”
“Ugh.”
I tried to squirm, but Prince Kydel was asleep, his limbs wrapped around me like he was cradling an egg.
He didn’t seem embarrassed by his nakedness.
His warm skin enveloped mine, tickling me like I was falling into a sugar bath. I struggled to open my eyes.
As I slowly controlled my breathing, I could feel his scent mixing with the scent of flowers coming from outside.
Amidst my drowsiness, I felt a faint sense of bewilderment.
“Can’t I run away now? Is this... what it feels like to be married?”
Prince Kydel, perhaps awake, began to rub his cheek against mine. It was a whining gesture.
“Lorisha. Yes?”
Looking closely, I realized that this man had a habit of speaking informally to me sometimes.
Anyway, that wasn't the important point right now.
"Again? Prince, Prince. Calm down. This is someone else's house, ah...!"
I'd always thought I was shameless. Not as brazen as Prince Kydel, but at least I was pretty good.
But even so, I couldn't bear to look at the Marquis and his wife, so I couldn't even say goodbye and boarded the carriage back to the capital alone.
Spending your first night in someone else's house? This wasn't just rude; it was a crime.
Still, the Marchioness's sharp voice pierced my ears. She was shouting for me to hear.
"So, how wonderful it would be if we could be honest with each other, open about everything, wouldn't it? Isn't it, Lorisha?"
I clutched my head tightly in the carriage.
"Prince Locard, tell me more good news. Hohoho!"
"Of course. Stay healthy, you two. And the baby too."
As soon as Prince Kydel got into the carriage, I banged my fist on the wall and shouted,
"Coachman! Let's go!"
Prince Kydel looked at me with a teasing smile, then chuckled when my face flushed bright red.
He held my hand tightly and said,
"I won't let go, Lorisha."
I turned my head away, my face flushed bright red, and stammered a reply.
"Let go, or I won't let go, Prince."
The Marquis frowned.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
"Walking is good for babies, too. The doctor said so, Marquis."
He reluctantly led her out.
Just as she had said, the lake was beautiful. It was small enough to float a boat, and two ducks floated in the distance.
A small pavilion nearby made it a perfect party venue.
As the two men sat in the pavilion, the Marchioness extended her arm to me and said,
"Madame Kydel, shall we take a walk?"
"Yes. Fine."
We walked slowly along the lake, chatting.
"I'm glad you seem happy, Marchioness. The Marquis is so sweet."
"Hey, he's not always so good. He snores so much at night!"
"Oh my..."
She smiled sheepishly.
"But I thought he was cute, so I let him."
I laughed along with her.
The water was so clear that I could clearly see the fish swimming as I approached the shore. The breeze was cool, making it the perfect place for a walk.
“It’ll be good for the kids to play in the water later.”
“It’s too deep for a child.”
“Really?”
“You cried?”
I asked quietly after making sure we were a good distance away from the pavilion.
“Can you tell?”
“Why?”
“Don’t listen to such petty talk. It’s bad for the baby.”
“Lorisha!”
I crouched down on the shore, dipping one hand in the water and splashing it.
“They say nobles with daughters are competing for Prince Kydel’s remarriage. They don’t even see me.”
I sighed and continued.
“The Prince tells me to ignore him, but is that really possible? I should step aside. Fortunately, we’ve kept our distance all this time... You’ll still see me when I’m divorced, right?”
“Oh my god...”
She shuddered as if I’d just confessed to killing five people.
“T-That much of a surprise... How embarrassing... Ah!”
The Marchioness, or rather the Marquis, approached me and pushed my back hard with his foot. I lost my balance and fell into the lake, rolling forward.
The important point here was not his betrayal, but the fact that I didn’t know how to swim.
I tried to scream, but only lukewarm lake water entered my throat. I could hear sounds here and there.
My screams. And the culprit’s shout, “Prince Locard!”
But I was sinking into the pitch-black water.
***
“Madam! What are you doing!”
The Marquis of Rond shouted louder than ever, and the Marchioness covered her earholes with two fingers.
But he couldn’t help but see her puppy-dog expression, and with a bewildered face, he looked over Prince Kydel’s back at me.
At that time, I was lying on the grass, my eyes wide open, looking up at the sky without even realizing it.
“Cough! Cough!”
Soon after I vomited the water I'd swallowed, I could finally breathe easily. My mind had also returned.
Prince Kydel was looking down at me, water dripping from the tips of his hair.
"Lorisha, are you alright?"
His voice was tense and dangerous, his face cold and wet. If I said I wasn't alright, he'd burst into flames.
The Marhioness's voice came over me.
"Did it take Prince Locard this long to get from the pavilion to here? I didn't even see you running properly."
But he couldn’t help but see her puppy-dog expression, and with a bewildered face, he looked over Prince Kydel’s back at me.
At that time, I was lying on the grass, my eyes wide open, looking up at the sky without even realizing it.
“Cough! Cough!”
Soon after I vomited the water I'd swallowed, I could finally breathe easily. My mind had also returned.
Prince Kydel was looking down at me, water dripping from the tips of his hair.
"Lorisha, are you alright?"
His voice was tense and dangerous, his face cold and wet. If I said I wasn't alright, he'd burst into flames.
The Marhioness's voice came over me.
"Did it take Prince Locard this long to get from the pavilion to here? I didn't even see you running properly."
"Madam!"
The Marquis of Rond scolded, but she ignored him and spoke sharply.
"Lorisha, what were you thinking just now? Tell him exactly what was on your mind. What were you thinking in your last moments?"
"Madam!"
The flustered Marquis grabbed the Marchioness's wrist and pulled her away.
Prince Kydel then sprawled out beside me. He stared at the peaceful lake and the bright blue sky, smiling hollowly.
His voice was calm and quiet, unlike someone who had just jumped into the water and rescued someone.
"Should I speak first? I jumped into the water thinking I couldn't live like this if I lost you. If I couldn't save you... Lorisha. I want you. I only want you."
He spoke with a painful strain.
"I want you to know that. I want you to believe me."
My slack heart tightened and began to beat faster.
I opened my mouth, feeling a little out of breath. I had too little energy to process and hide my words.
“I... am scared.”
The fear of saying that made my eyes dizzy. A chill ran through my exhausted, wet body. The tears streaming down my face felt warm.
“I feel like I could die of fear at the thought of living with someone else. I love and rely on you, and if you suddenly leave me... then I...”
I felt his warm hand caressing my wet forehead.
I squeezed my eyes shut and said,
“The moment I fell into the water, I wanted to call out to you, but no sound came out. I wanted to ask you to save me... I hated the idea of not being able to see you if I died. Sob, sob, I wanted to be by your side a little longer.”
I whimpered, trying not to burst into tears. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but I couldn’t.
But he spoke softly, as if trying to comfort me.
“That means you love me, Lorisha.”
“...”
“You already like me. You’re completely in love with me.”
“Ugh. No? I can’t...? Huhu.”
“Haa... Come here. Lorisha.”
Prince Kydel lifted my upper body and held me in his arms. Only then did the world feel warm.
***
I returned to the mansion in Prince Kydel’s arms.
After bathing and returning to my room, we lay side by side on the bed without saying a word. I was exhausted.
I now knew why the Marchioness had drowned me: to have a real conversation.
Only at the moment of death, after drinking poison, had she finally admitted her feelings for Lord Rond. She thought a stubborn person like me needed the same treatment.
I muttered to myself,
“That’s bad! Tagar is bad at everything. You’ve had a hard time, too, Prince.”
Prince Kydel laughed breathlessly, turned to me, and rested his arm on my shoulder.
“If it hadn’t been for that much pressure, I wouldn’t have been able to make you open your mouth. I believe your confession was worth it.”
“A-a confession? Me?”
“You said you liked me. That you were completely captivated by me.”
“When did I say that? Prince...”
I automatically shut my mouth at the warm, gentle sensation of his palm resting on my cheek.
The hand holding the sword couldn’t be gentle, but it felt like a cat groping my face.
And his lips were secretly brushing mine, as if he were about to break me.
As he moved, he whispered,
“I know you tried to smuggle yourself into Smilean for me. That you willingly risked your life for me, without a moment’s hesitation.”
“That...”
“You love me. Just like I do.”
At some point, he brushed his lips against mine and whispered,
“Lorisha. We had it too. It’s what every couple should have. It’s just that it’s bigger and deeper than others, making it harder to discover. So just stay here, by my side.”
“But...”
“From now on, I won’t let anyone say ‘that word’ in front of you. Until you forget it.”
“Ahhh... Your hand there... Your...”
The last thing I heard was a whisper of his voice. His breathing was ragged and scary.
“Stay still, Lorisha.”
“Ah, no, ahhh..!”
***
“Ugh.”
I tried to squirm, but Prince Kydel was asleep, his limbs wrapped around me like he was cradling an egg.
He didn’t seem embarrassed by his nakedness.
His warm skin enveloped mine, tickling me like I was falling into a sugar bath. I struggled to open my eyes.
As I slowly controlled my breathing, I could feel his scent mixing with the scent of flowers coming from outside.
Amidst my drowsiness, I felt a faint sense of bewilderment.
“Can’t I run away now? Is this... what it feels like to be married?”
Prince Kydel, perhaps awake, began to rub his cheek against mine. It was a whining gesture.
“Lorisha. Yes?”
Looking closely, I realized that this man had a habit of speaking informally to me sometimes.
Anyway, that wasn't the important point right now.
"Again? Prince, Prince. Calm down. This is someone else's house, ah...!"
***
I'd always thought I was shameless. Not as brazen as Prince Kydel, but at least I was pretty good.
But even so, I couldn't bear to look at the Marquis and his wife, so I couldn't even say goodbye and boarded the carriage back to the capital alone.
Spending your first night in someone else's house? This wasn't just rude; it was a crime.
Still, the Marchioness's sharp voice pierced my ears. She was shouting for me to hear.
"So, how wonderful it would be if we could be honest with each other, open about everything, wouldn't it? Isn't it, Lorisha?"
I clutched my head tightly in the carriage.
"Prince Locard, tell me more good news. Hohoho!"
"Of course. Stay healthy, you two. And the baby too."
As soon as Prince Kydel got into the carriage, I banged my fist on the wall and shouted,
"Coachman! Let's go!"
Prince Kydel looked at me with a teasing smile, then chuckled when my face flushed bright red.
He held my hand tightly and said,
"I won't let go, Lorisha."
I turned my head away, my face flushed bright red, and stammered a reply.
"Let go, or I won't let go, Prince."
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