084. Vertigo
Her heart wouldn't calm down. It felt like someone was beating a drum inside her chest endlessly.
Emilia completely lost her appetite and could barely sleep.
Even if she deliberately tortured herself at a restaurant, it was of no use.
Every day, every moment, Hardius dominated her mind.
'We discussed your future plans.'
'I was thinking of giving you a title at the right time.'
'I expected that if you met people with Her Highness the Queen, you would be accepted in society.'
It wasn't a tragedy caused by impulse and desire.
'Duchess Meyer, my wife.'
He had already decided, planned, and put into practice a title that was difficult to even put into words, and that he did not want to put into words. For a very long time.
Shr felt dizzy. Emilia closed her eyes to avoid the collapsing ceiling. As the shaking calmed down, he whispered again.
'Why are you so cruel?'
'I've opened almost all of this, but you haven't looked once. Not once.'
Her throat felt choked. Emilia lowered the hand that had been covering her mouth and took a deep breath to find the oxygen she was lacking.
As the cold dawn air filled her lungs, her consciousness began to clear up a little.
Royal patronage?
To receive a title...
Become a noble...!
These were things she had never even thought of reaching out for.
Just as a swimming fish has no fear of a flying bird, Emilia has completely blocked that world out of her mind.
She had no choice but to endure the accusations that she was a greedy woman.
She had no choice but to do that so as not to be ridiculed as Miss Camellia.
Emilia had to endlessly reject and push away the excitement, the thrill, the hopes she had been harboring.
She fought with all her might. She held on with all her might, blocking out all senses and emotions.
It was like that... but now again...
A sob burst out through her teeth. Like the distant pain that comes after being beaten thoroughly, she felt the sensation of a burning skewer piercing through her entire body.
She couldn't think. She didn't want to. But his voice wouldn't leave her head.
'I would be angry too. If someone tried to make decisions about my life without asking my opinion.'
'I should have asked you first.'
So why? Why?!
Emilia screamed with her heart.
How could such a plan have been made and carried out without a single word?
You could have just said it, you could have just been honest and asked... Why on earth?
Was it because of pride?
But his eyes were too heavy to be attributed to pride. It seemed as if he could not tolerate revealing his true feelings. He even looked as if he had lost everything.
Why did you keep it so hidden?
Numerous questions followed one after another. The answers came surprisingly easily.
'You had to deal with that woman alone. I was left alone.'
The woman, his mother, is Kaitlyn Meyer.
As she recalled the many things symbolized by Duchess Meyer, cold and disgusting things clawed at her stomach once again.
'Keep showing her how much you hate me, how much you want to break off the engagement. Mrs. Meyer is much more persistent than you think.'
'I need a divorce agreement so I can be free.'
'I will be the Duke of Meyer. I must be. You have a family to return to. But the Duke of Meyer has nothing. Nothing that I can truly call my own. So shouldn't I leave behind at least one thing?'
For a moment, her stomach churned. Unable to hold back the feeling of wanting to vomit, Emilia staggered to her feet and lit the candle.
“...Sister?”
Charlotte's voice was heard in the darkness.
"Are you okay?"
“Yeah, I’m a little thirsty.”
Emilia cleared her throat and then approached Charlotte. The child pressed her body against her side as if she had been waiting for her. The unique scent and soft touch seemed to calm her throbbing stomach.
Emilia hugged her little sister tightly and placed her chest against the small of her back.
“...What’s going on?”
“...No. There isn’t any.”
“Lies. I know what’s going on.”
Charlotte gently took hold of her sister's hand that was caressing her shoulder. The little fingers began to warm up and melt many things that had been frozen solid.
“I don’t know what happened, but I want you to remember one thing. You did everything right in the end. You turned a one-eyed monster like me into a human. That alone makes you amazing.”
“Charlotte, please... don’t... say... that... please...”
“I’m proud of myself for saying ‘that kind of thing’. It’s all thanks to you, my sister. You remind me every day that I’m a real person.”
Emilia's eyes were hot. She tried to hold back her tears by taking deep breaths, but she couldn't hold back the sobs that were leaking out through her teeth. A hot lump formed deep in her chest. It was squeezing her navel, and it was rising up her throat and eventually reaching her eyelids.
It flowed silently from the corner of her eye to her cheek, nose, chin, and pillow, but Charlotte noticed it right away.
Her sister is crying. She's so sad that she can't even make a sound.
She probably met Master Meyer recently. It happened often during the past five years when she met Master Meyer.
Does His Excellency know?
He doesn't know. No one knows. Even her sister doesn't seem to realize that she cried a lot.
Charlotte waited until the occasional sobs had completely died down, then opened her mouth.
“Sister, do you know how I came to accept the one-eyed monster?”
Although there was no answer, Charlotte knew that her sister was waiting for her to say something more.
“Because I forgave myself. And then sometimes peace comes.”
“There is no doubt that the Leichnen side will demand a stake in the Mondio mine. I think that should be used as a bargaining chip.”
“That’s nonsense. We absolutely cannot give up Mondio. The iron ore there is the best on the continent. It’s like a gold mine, and you’re telling us to just give it to them?!”
“But in exchange for giving up Mondio, wouldn’t you be able to own 30 percent of Meyer & Leichnen Steel?”
In the conference room of Meyer Steel, the debate was still heated today. The negotiating team had been drifting for almost a month without reaching a unified opinion.
In particular, since Meyer had already formed his negotiating team a step late, there was always a sense of impatience and some frustration in the conference room.
“Prince Meyer has arrived.”
When Hardius reappeared after a month, people weren't particularly nervous.
Some scoffed at the idea of the new leader taking a vacation during such a critical time, while others were deeply disappointed.
There were some who found it strange.
Wasn't he the ambitious successor who jumped into the battlefield and acquired the mine without shedding a drop of blood?
It was truly strange that such a person showed no interest in negotiation.
Whatever his true intentions, the idea that the successor to Meyer would be nothing more or less than Kaitlyn's puppet was becoming more and more solid.
The meeting continued.
“Will Grand Duke Leichnen be so easygoing? He will surely demand not only a share of the mine but also the development rights.”
“The development rights must never be handed over. That would not be a merger, it would be like saying we should just go under Leichnen.”
“But what can we do? Don’t forget that Meyer Steel’s performance has been worsening in recent years. In fact, I wish a war would break out somewhere.”
Meyer Steel has been through wars and ups and downs. In fact, it was no different from a military supplier. As a result, as civil wars and riots in various countries have subsided, it has been facing a crisis.
“I agree. If we are to survive again, we will either have to have a civil war like Trunia or merge to start a new business. That is why Mrs. Meyer is also keen on a marriage alliance.”
The sound of curtains being drawn was heard. Everyone's eyes turned to the window. Young Meyer was looking out the window with a very leisurely look. There was a small stir at his attitude, which seemed to show no interest in the meeting.
“Come on, let’s be quiet. This is not something we can decide among ourselves right now. It’s a condition of marriage.”
“Yes, in the end, the will and negotiating power of the parties to the marriage are inevitably important.”
People's eyes were drawn to Hardius again. He was still absorbed in looking outside.
Someone who couldn't stand the frustration took up arms.
“Your Excellency, I believe that your ability as a representative is crucial in this matter. When on earth will you meet Lady Leichnen?”
Only then did the young Meyer release his crossed arms and turn to face them. His soft, yet gentle eyes looked around the people.
“I’m planning on meeting her in person within this week anyway.”
That's a relief.
A sense of relief appeared in people's eyes.
An old nobleman who had been quietly watching from behind slowly walked towards Hardius, leaning on his cane. It was Duke Arthuscher, one of Kaitlyn's followers.
“May I give you some advice, sir?”
“Please speak.”
“Even if the Mondio mine belongs to Meyer, all the mining technology belongs to Leichnen Mining. This means that Leichnen is bound to have the upper hand. In this situation, rather than forming a negotiating team and holding a meeting to discuss countermeasures, it may be better to approach things in a completely different way.”
“What if there was another way?”
“It’s Bianca Leichnen.”
A faint wrinkle appeared at the corner of the Duke's eyes.
“No matter how much of a Princess she is, a woman is still a woman.”
The room suddenly became quiet. A few people smiled vaguely.
“Women are easily fooled by sweet words and fancy packaging. I believe you will do well in that field, as you are known as a ‘negotiation genius.’”
Hahaha, laughter could be heard here and there.
The young leader also put his hands in his pockets and smiled faintly. No one knew that the soft lines were filled with anger and contempt.
Ironically, this moment was also the moment when Hardius achieved his intended goal.
The reason he has let the negotiating team fall apart over the past month is to clearly distinguish between those who laugh and those who don't, enemies and friends, like Arthuscher.
Hardius could never tolerate those who had lost their drive for change and were relying solely on bloodlines and connections.
They probably have no idea what is happening in Kunt, the abandoned land owned by Meyer.
There, inventors and scientists, including Bermer, are secretly developing new furnaces for making steel. Soon, Meyer Steel will be the first on the continent to successfully mass-produce steel.
There will be no need to rely on those mines and Leichnen and the like.
The Meyer that his mother raised will crumble little by little from the corners and eventually collapse completely.
And he will raise it up again.
Hardius clenched his empty fists.
Yes, I should have waited a little longer. Instead of being driven by impatience and petty jealousy and forcing myself to have you, I should have approached you slowly and patiently as I am now.
Wouldn't things have been different if that had happened?
His fingernails dug painfully into his palms.
“...Hey, hey! Elaine!”
It took Emilia a while to realize that the chef was calling her. She turned her head and saw him frowning and sticking out his lips.
“Where does it hurt?”
“Huh? Oh, no. It’s okay.”
Emilia curled the corners of her lips with great effort. The chef looked at her intently, as if observing her.
With sunken eyes and a puffy face, he was worried that she might have caught some kind of illness in the past few days. At that moment, he made a decision that even he could not believe.
“... Stop for today and go home and rest.”
Emilia thanked the chef and went out, but soon stopped walking.
The streetscape under the bright afternoon sunlight is very unfamiliar. It couldn't be helped, since she always arrived in the morning and returned home at dawn.
As expected of a new town populated by wealthy commoners, the streets were clean and full of cute shops.
Beppy approached her as she quietly stared at the lively street.
“Sir, I’m leaving work early today.”
Beppy laughed.
“...The weather is nice, should we take a walk?”
The two walked in silence. When the atmosphere felt a little hot, Emilia stopped walking again.
"Sir."
Beppy, who had been walking alongside me, stops a couple of steps ahead and looks back as if she finds it strange.
“Take me to Basilion House. I need to meet that person.”
Her heart wouldn't calm down. It felt like someone was beating a drum inside her chest endlessly.
Emilia completely lost her appetite and could barely sleep.
Even if she deliberately tortured herself at a restaurant, it was of no use.
Every day, every moment, Hardius dominated her mind.
'We discussed your future plans.'
'I was thinking of giving you a title at the right time.'
'I expected that if you met people with Her Highness the Queen, you would be accepted in society.'
It wasn't a tragedy caused by impulse and desire.
'Duchess Meyer, my wife.'
He had already decided, planned, and put into practice a title that was difficult to even put into words, and that he did not want to put into words. For a very long time.
Shr felt dizzy. Emilia closed her eyes to avoid the collapsing ceiling. As the shaking calmed down, he whispered again.
'Why are you so cruel?'
'I've opened almost all of this, but you haven't looked once. Not once.'
Her throat felt choked. Emilia lowered the hand that had been covering her mouth and took a deep breath to find the oxygen she was lacking.
As the cold dawn air filled her lungs, her consciousness began to clear up a little.
Royal patronage?
To receive a title...
Become a noble...!
These were things she had never even thought of reaching out for.
Just as a swimming fish has no fear of a flying bird, Emilia has completely blocked that world out of her mind.
She had no choice but to endure the accusations that she was a greedy woman.
She had no choice but to do that so as not to be ridiculed as Miss Camellia.
Emilia had to endlessly reject and push away the excitement, the thrill, the hopes she had been harboring.
She fought with all her might. She held on with all her might, blocking out all senses and emotions.
It was like that... but now again...
A sob burst out through her teeth. Like the distant pain that comes after being beaten thoroughly, she felt the sensation of a burning skewer piercing through her entire body.
She couldn't think. She didn't want to. But his voice wouldn't leave her head.
'I would be angry too. If someone tried to make decisions about my life without asking my opinion.'
'I should have asked you first.'
So why? Why?!
Emilia screamed with her heart.
How could such a plan have been made and carried out without a single word?
You could have just said it, you could have just been honest and asked... Why on earth?
Was it because of pride?
But his eyes were too heavy to be attributed to pride. It seemed as if he could not tolerate revealing his true feelings. He even looked as if he had lost everything.
Why did you keep it so hidden?
Numerous questions followed one after another. The answers came surprisingly easily.
'You had to deal with that woman alone. I was left alone.'
The woman, his mother, is Kaitlyn Meyer.
As she recalled the many things symbolized by Duchess Meyer, cold and disgusting things clawed at her stomach once again.
'Keep showing her how much you hate me, how much you want to break off the engagement. Mrs. Meyer is much more persistent than you think.'
'I need a divorce agreement so I can be free.'
'I will be the Duke of Meyer. I must be. You have a family to return to. But the Duke of Meyer has nothing. Nothing that I can truly call my own. So shouldn't I leave behind at least one thing?'
For a moment, her stomach churned. Unable to hold back the feeling of wanting to vomit, Emilia staggered to her feet and lit the candle.
“...Sister?”
Charlotte's voice was heard in the darkness.
"Are you okay?"
“Yeah, I’m a little thirsty.”
Emilia cleared her throat and then approached Charlotte. The child pressed her body against her side as if she had been waiting for her. The unique scent and soft touch seemed to calm her throbbing stomach.
Emilia hugged her little sister tightly and placed her chest against the small of her back.
“...What’s going on?”
“...No. There isn’t any.”
“Lies. I know what’s going on.”
Charlotte gently took hold of her sister's hand that was caressing her shoulder. The little fingers began to warm up and melt many things that had been frozen solid.
“I don’t know what happened, but I want you to remember one thing. You did everything right in the end. You turned a one-eyed monster like me into a human. That alone makes you amazing.”
“Charlotte, please... don’t... say... that... please...”
“I’m proud of myself for saying ‘that kind of thing’. It’s all thanks to you, my sister. You remind me every day that I’m a real person.”
Emilia's eyes were hot. She tried to hold back her tears by taking deep breaths, but she couldn't hold back the sobs that were leaking out through her teeth. A hot lump formed deep in her chest. It was squeezing her navel, and it was rising up her throat and eventually reaching her eyelids.
It flowed silently from the corner of her eye to her cheek, nose, chin, and pillow, but Charlotte noticed it right away.
Her sister is crying. She's so sad that she can't even make a sound.
She probably met Master Meyer recently. It happened often during the past five years when she met Master Meyer.
Does His Excellency know?
He doesn't know. No one knows. Even her sister doesn't seem to realize that she cried a lot.
Charlotte waited until the occasional sobs had completely died down, then opened her mouth.
“Sister, do you know how I came to accept the one-eyed monster?”
Although there was no answer, Charlotte knew that her sister was waiting for her to say something more.
“Because I forgave myself. And then sometimes peace comes.”
***
“There is no doubt that the Leichnen side will demand a stake in the Mondio mine. I think that should be used as a bargaining chip.”
“That’s nonsense. We absolutely cannot give up Mondio. The iron ore there is the best on the continent. It’s like a gold mine, and you’re telling us to just give it to them?!”
“But in exchange for giving up Mondio, wouldn’t you be able to own 30 percent of Meyer & Leichnen Steel?”
In the conference room of Meyer Steel, the debate was still heated today. The negotiating team had been drifting for almost a month without reaching a unified opinion.
In particular, since Meyer had already formed his negotiating team a step late, there was always a sense of impatience and some frustration in the conference room.
“Prince Meyer has arrived.”
When Hardius reappeared after a month, people weren't particularly nervous.
Some scoffed at the idea of the new leader taking a vacation during such a critical time, while others were deeply disappointed.
There were some who found it strange.
Wasn't he the ambitious successor who jumped into the battlefield and acquired the mine without shedding a drop of blood?
It was truly strange that such a person showed no interest in negotiation.
Whatever his true intentions, the idea that the successor to Meyer would be nothing more or less than Kaitlyn's puppet was becoming more and more solid.
The meeting continued.
“Will Grand Duke Leichnen be so easygoing? He will surely demand not only a share of the mine but also the development rights.”
“The development rights must never be handed over. That would not be a merger, it would be like saying we should just go under Leichnen.”
“But what can we do? Don’t forget that Meyer Steel’s performance has been worsening in recent years. In fact, I wish a war would break out somewhere.”
Meyer Steel has been through wars and ups and downs. In fact, it was no different from a military supplier. As a result, as civil wars and riots in various countries have subsided, it has been facing a crisis.
“I agree. If we are to survive again, we will either have to have a civil war like Trunia or merge to start a new business. That is why Mrs. Meyer is also keen on a marriage alliance.”
The sound of curtains being drawn was heard. Everyone's eyes turned to the window. Young Meyer was looking out the window with a very leisurely look. There was a small stir at his attitude, which seemed to show no interest in the meeting.
“Come on, let’s be quiet. This is not something we can decide among ourselves right now. It’s a condition of marriage.”
“Yes, in the end, the will and negotiating power of the parties to the marriage are inevitably important.”
People's eyes were drawn to Hardius again. He was still absorbed in looking outside.
Someone who couldn't stand the frustration took up arms.
“Your Excellency, I believe that your ability as a representative is crucial in this matter. When on earth will you meet Lady Leichnen?”
Only then did the young Meyer release his crossed arms and turn to face them. His soft, yet gentle eyes looked around the people.
“I’m planning on meeting her in person within this week anyway.”
That's a relief.
A sense of relief appeared in people's eyes.
An old nobleman who had been quietly watching from behind slowly walked towards Hardius, leaning on his cane. It was Duke Arthuscher, one of Kaitlyn's followers.
“May I give you some advice, sir?”
“Please speak.”
“Even if the Mondio mine belongs to Meyer, all the mining technology belongs to Leichnen Mining. This means that Leichnen is bound to have the upper hand. In this situation, rather than forming a negotiating team and holding a meeting to discuss countermeasures, it may be better to approach things in a completely different way.”
“What if there was another way?”
“It’s Bianca Leichnen.”
A faint wrinkle appeared at the corner of the Duke's eyes.
“No matter how much of a Princess she is, a woman is still a woman.”
The room suddenly became quiet. A few people smiled vaguely.
“Women are easily fooled by sweet words and fancy packaging. I believe you will do well in that field, as you are known as a ‘negotiation genius.’”
Hahaha, laughter could be heard here and there.
The young leader also put his hands in his pockets and smiled faintly. No one knew that the soft lines were filled with anger and contempt.
Ironically, this moment was also the moment when Hardius achieved his intended goal.
The reason he has let the negotiating team fall apart over the past month is to clearly distinguish between those who laugh and those who don't, enemies and friends, like Arthuscher.
Hardius could never tolerate those who had lost their drive for change and were relying solely on bloodlines and connections.
They probably have no idea what is happening in Kunt, the abandoned land owned by Meyer.
There, inventors and scientists, including Bermer, are secretly developing new furnaces for making steel. Soon, Meyer Steel will be the first on the continent to successfully mass-produce steel.
There will be no need to rely on those mines and Leichnen and the like.
The Meyer that his mother raised will crumble little by little from the corners and eventually collapse completely.
And he will raise it up again.
Hardius clenched his empty fists.
Yes, I should have waited a little longer. Instead of being driven by impatience and petty jealousy and forcing myself to have you, I should have approached you slowly and patiently as I am now.
Wouldn't things have been different if that had happened?
His fingernails dug painfully into his palms.
***
“...Hey, hey! Elaine!”
It took Emilia a while to realize that the chef was calling her. She turned her head and saw him frowning and sticking out his lips.
“Where does it hurt?”
“Huh? Oh, no. It’s okay.”
Emilia curled the corners of her lips with great effort. The chef looked at her intently, as if observing her.
With sunken eyes and a puffy face, he was worried that she might have caught some kind of illness in the past few days. At that moment, he made a decision that even he could not believe.
“... Stop for today and go home and rest.”
Emilia thanked the chef and went out, but soon stopped walking.
The streetscape under the bright afternoon sunlight is very unfamiliar. It couldn't be helped, since she always arrived in the morning and returned home at dawn.
As expected of a new town populated by wealthy commoners, the streets were clean and full of cute shops.
Beppy approached her as she quietly stared at the lively street.
“Sir, I’m leaving work early today.”
Beppy laughed.
“...The weather is nice, should we take a walk?”
The two walked in silence. When the atmosphere felt a little hot, Emilia stopped walking again.
"Sir."
Beppy, who had been walking alongside me, stops a couple of steps ahead and looks back as if she finds it strange.
“Take me to Basilion House. I need to meet that person.”
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