083. You were special, and I was coward
Emilia's eyes fluttered and then closed tightly.
How many days has it been since she started working at 'Latang'?
It hasn't even been ten days yet, how did hr find out already?
No, that's not important right now. Now that he knows everything, she won't be able to do it...
He continued speaking as if he had seen right through her mind.
“Don’t worry, I won’t interfere with your work.”
Her closed eyes opened wide as if she couldn't believe it.
“Promise me.”
Emilia released the force of her teeth that had been chewing her lips. A sigh of relief escaped her. Her stiff head turned towards the moving figure in the carriage.
Grojean was visible. He was on the stable, wrapping a blanket around Uncle Beppy's body. The way he moved slowly, lest he should wake him, brought warmth to her frozen heart.
He got down from the stable and stood straight in front of Emilia.
“Hello, Miss Bern.”
“Hello, Sir Grojean.”
After finishing his greetings, Grojean turned his gaze to his master over her shoulder.
“I will take care of Beppy Dilson. You two can talk comfortably.”
Now it was time to face Hardius Meyer. Emilia moistened her dry lips with her tongue and slowly turned her body.
The man's face, bathed in moonlight, was as cold and calm as ever. The only thing that wasn't cold was his eyes, which were blazing hot.
“I found out you were working here through the security guard. Don’t blame Beppy Dilson.”
Her mouth opened unconsciously. Countless accusations and sarcasm rose to her throat, but not a single word came out. She moved her lips a few times, then looked back at Beppy, avoiding the intense gaze.
The man wearing the blanket was falling into a deep sleep, snoring. The irrational anger that had been filling her chest subsided, and she couldn't help but let out a hollow laugh.
“…I don’t blame him. Even if it was he who did it.”
After answering, she felt a little strange. Emilia hoped that the rustling sound of fallen leaves as she kicked them with her toes would fill the awkward gap.
It was probably because all her attention was focused on the man across from her. Emilia felt Hardius turn his head toward the restaurant, not with his eyes but through his crown.
“Is the work worth doing?”
“...So-so.”
“Are you serving? Or washing dishes or something?”
Perhaps it was because the words, “I won’t bother you,” sounded sincere. Emilia didn’t stop herself from answering questions fluently.
“I wash dishes and prepare ingredients. When I’m busy, I clean... I do all sorts of odd jobs.”
“It’s tiring just to hear it.”
“I’m still not very good at it. I get bullied and cursed at every opportunity. The owner, Angel, asks me every day if I’d rather be a server.”
“It doesn’t sound like a good place.”
“Oh, no. That’s not it. My first impression wasn’t that great either, but it’s getting better. Angel and the chef... They’re definitely not bad people.”
The chicken in her bag pressed heavily on her shoulder as if to make its presence known.
The warm feeling that had crept into her chest when she first received it from the chef was still burning.
Hardius noticed that Emilia's eyes were directed at the overly bulging bag and looked there as well.
“Did you hear anything great?”
“Yes, an award.”
"…award?"
The hand that suddenly reached into the bag took out a piece of meat wrapped in cloth. The lips drew a line without any conscious thought. It wasn’t just the hands and lips that moved without any intention.
Her tongue started moving on its own, and she started explaining in detail how the chicken got into the bag.
“Isn’t it strange? What on earth is this...? I don’t know why I’m so happy and proud.”
Emilia muttered as if talking to herself, and Hardius looked down at her quietly.
In the silence, he felt the smoky fog blocking his path slowly disappear.
The woman who had always been blurry was gradually becoming clearer and shining strangely brightly.
Yeah, why did I forget?
She was originally that kind of person.
A person who lives on her own without relying on anyone... No, a person who must live on her own.
A scene from an engagement ceremony long ago filled his eyes.
A girl was standing in the sunlight in the middle of the palace hall.
Unlike him, who had dozens of attendants along with his mother, the child was completely alone.
The child was obviously very nervous. Her small, white face was frozen with worry and anxiety.
But she was not intimidated. Even in the middle of enemy territory, facing the harsh glares of the King and countless others, she dared to open her mouth and speak her mind.
She earnestly begged for their understanding for being alone. She asked for forgiveness for not being able to come because her younger sister was sick with a fever...
Hardius was in a state of dizzying shock.
Even a small commoner child was living on her own. At only fourteen years old, she was already building her own world.
Hardius felt freedom from her. The perfect freedom that only those who are unfettered and undependent can have.
Yes, it was special from the start.
Emilia Bern became a mark on his heart that could not be erased.
But in the end, he ruined everything. He killed the shining child with his own hands.
Something hot like lava poured out in fits and starts, searing Hardius's heart. A strange impulse rose to the tip of his head along with bitter blood.
“I have been discussing your matter with His Majesty the King for several months now.”
The sudden confession was enough to make Emilia raise her head.
“My... problem? What does that mean?”
“About your whereabouts after the breakup.”
Emilia's face turned pale.
“I wanted you to have the protection and support of the royal family. I thought your life after the breakup would be even more of a mess than it is now. I negotiated with Her Majesty the Queen about this issue a month ago, and I am still negotiating.”
“The royal family’s... protection and... support...”
Emilia, who had been mumbling like a parrot, was unable to continue speaking for a moment.
“I was going to keep it a secret from you, of course. You couldn’t refuse unless it was an order from His Majesty the King, and had nothing to do with me.”
Her ears were ringing as if a bomb had exploded right next to her. At the same time, Emilia felt a fire of anger rising from the depths of her heart. Hardius felt it all, but he couldn’t stop talking.
“I had planned to have you receive royal patronage and be given a title at the right time. I expected that, as you received a royal education and met people along with Her Majesty the Queen, you would naturally be accepted in high society.”
Emilia had to press her chest with trembling hands to calm her raging heart.
“Negotiations are at a standstill for the time being.”
With those words, silence descended. Even the soft moonlight became suffocatingly silent.
Emilia stared into the darkness, trying to calm her wandering thoughts. Many questions floated through her head, but only one word remained on the tip of her tongue.
“You said you were going to keep it a secret... But... why... are you revealing it?”
Hardius had a hard time answering.
Something unidentifiable had been tying him up like a leash since they last met at the Sitmer, and the confession just before had set him free. Whether it was a sense of defeat or emptiness, he felt relieved.
“I just realized that unnecessary lies will eventually lead to distrust.”
Emilia looked at him, still unable to shake off the confused look in her eyes.
“You and I are alike. At least in one way.”
“...”
“I would be angry too. I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. If someone had tried to make decisions about my life without asking for my opinion... I wouldn’t have let that happen.”
The plain confession instantly quelled the flames that had been simmering in Emilia's chest. Emilia took a deep breath and tried not to be swept away by impulses and emotions.
“Yes, in a way, it’s quite natural. I should have asked you first... That came before anything else.”
Waves of shock were washing over Emilia. Her unfocused gaze had long since left Hardius. So Emilia had not noticed at all that Hardius had been glancing somewhere for some time.
His gaze turned to the mailbox whenever he had the chance.
If she hadn't been holding that piece of meat and her eyes hadn't sparkled... If the cat hadn't suddenly appeared in front of him yesterday...
Hardius would have snatched the letter from her as soon as she reached for it in front of the mailbox.
He must have been growling like a wild dog and turning her over in a really mean way.
No, no. He would have used a meaner number.
He would have gone to the post office and smuggled the letter. That would not have been an easy task for the vile Meyer.
But the experiences of the past few months have made Hardius realize that it is useless.
Like his father, some things in this world must not die.
It would have been better to just give up, but the problem is that no matter how much you try to trample on that damn hope, it keeps coming back to life.
Like Moriah, who appeared miraculously, he cannot give up hope and stand before her again.
I'm sick of it now.
This is me, and this is you.
Hardius stared at Emilia, who had turned pale, and then opened his mouth again.
“Negotiations are on hold, and will remain on hold until you make up your mind.”
Emilia couldn't give any answer.
The two people were lost in their own thoughts in an ambiguous boundary that was neither cold nor hot, neither bright nor dark. It was not peaceful. The things boiling inside each of them were just dangerously stopped on the verge of overflowing.
What broke the heavy silence was, oddly enough, Beppy's sneeze, "Etchu!"
He woke up, stared blankly at the blanket, then suddenly sat up. His bewildered eyes lingered on Grojean right next to him, then Emilia and Hardius, and then back to Grojean.
Beppy stretched out and jumped down from the stable. Then he took off his hat and bowed politely to Hardius.
Hardius raised his hand towards Beppy and checked the time. When he turned his head back to Emilia, many things that had been boiling inside him had sunk beneath the expressionless surface.
“It's late.”
Hardius winked at Beppy.
“Take good care of the young lady.”
Before Emilia could even respond, he walked away.
Emilia's eyes fluttered and then closed tightly.
How many days has it been since she started working at 'Latang'?
It hasn't even been ten days yet, how did hr find out already?
No, that's not important right now. Now that he knows everything, she won't be able to do it...
He continued speaking as if he had seen right through her mind.
“Don’t worry, I won’t interfere with your work.”
Her closed eyes opened wide as if she couldn't believe it.
“Promise me.”
Emilia released the force of her teeth that had been chewing her lips. A sigh of relief escaped her. Her stiff head turned towards the moving figure in the carriage.
Grojean was visible. He was on the stable, wrapping a blanket around Uncle Beppy's body. The way he moved slowly, lest he should wake him, brought warmth to her frozen heart.
He got down from the stable and stood straight in front of Emilia.
“Hello, Miss Bern.”
“Hello, Sir Grojean.”
After finishing his greetings, Grojean turned his gaze to his master over her shoulder.
“I will take care of Beppy Dilson. You two can talk comfortably.”
Now it was time to face Hardius Meyer. Emilia moistened her dry lips with her tongue and slowly turned her body.
The man's face, bathed in moonlight, was as cold and calm as ever. The only thing that wasn't cold was his eyes, which were blazing hot.
“I found out you were working here through the security guard. Don’t blame Beppy Dilson.”
Her mouth opened unconsciously. Countless accusations and sarcasm rose to her throat, but not a single word came out. She moved her lips a few times, then looked back at Beppy, avoiding the intense gaze.
The man wearing the blanket was falling into a deep sleep, snoring. The irrational anger that had been filling her chest subsided, and she couldn't help but let out a hollow laugh.
“…I don’t blame him. Even if it was he who did it.”
After answering, she felt a little strange. Emilia hoped that the rustling sound of fallen leaves as she kicked them with her toes would fill the awkward gap.
It was probably because all her attention was focused on the man across from her. Emilia felt Hardius turn his head toward the restaurant, not with his eyes but through his crown.
“Is the work worth doing?”
“...So-so.”
“Are you serving? Or washing dishes or something?”
Perhaps it was because the words, “I won’t bother you,” sounded sincere. Emilia didn’t stop herself from answering questions fluently.
“I wash dishes and prepare ingredients. When I’m busy, I clean... I do all sorts of odd jobs.”
“It’s tiring just to hear it.”
“I’m still not very good at it. I get bullied and cursed at every opportunity. The owner, Angel, asks me every day if I’d rather be a server.”
“It doesn’t sound like a good place.”
“Oh, no. That’s not it. My first impression wasn’t that great either, but it’s getting better. Angel and the chef... They’re definitely not bad people.”
The chicken in her bag pressed heavily on her shoulder as if to make its presence known.
The warm feeling that had crept into her chest when she first received it from the chef was still burning.
Hardius noticed that Emilia's eyes were directed at the overly bulging bag and looked there as well.
“Did you hear anything great?”
“Yes, an award.”
"…award?"
The hand that suddenly reached into the bag took out a piece of meat wrapped in cloth. The lips drew a line without any conscious thought. It wasn’t just the hands and lips that moved without any intention.
Her tongue started moving on its own, and she started explaining in detail how the chicken got into the bag.
“Isn’t it strange? What on earth is this...? I don’t know why I’m so happy and proud.”
Emilia muttered as if talking to herself, and Hardius looked down at her quietly.
In the silence, he felt the smoky fog blocking his path slowly disappear.
The woman who had always been blurry was gradually becoming clearer and shining strangely brightly.
Yeah, why did I forget?
She was originally that kind of person.
A person who lives on her own without relying on anyone... No, a person who must live on her own.
A scene from an engagement ceremony long ago filled his eyes.
A girl was standing in the sunlight in the middle of the palace hall.
Unlike him, who had dozens of attendants along with his mother, the child was completely alone.
The child was obviously very nervous. Her small, white face was frozen with worry and anxiety.
But she was not intimidated. Even in the middle of enemy territory, facing the harsh glares of the King and countless others, she dared to open her mouth and speak her mind.
She earnestly begged for their understanding for being alone. She asked for forgiveness for not being able to come because her younger sister was sick with a fever...
Hardius was in a state of dizzying shock.
Even a small commoner child was living on her own. At only fourteen years old, she was already building her own world.
Hardius felt freedom from her. The perfect freedom that only those who are unfettered and undependent can have.
Yes, it was special from the start.
Emilia Bern became a mark on his heart that could not be erased.
But in the end, he ruined everything. He killed the shining child with his own hands.
Something hot like lava poured out in fits and starts, searing Hardius's heart. A strange impulse rose to the tip of his head along with bitter blood.
“I have been discussing your matter with His Majesty the King for several months now.”
The sudden confession was enough to make Emilia raise her head.
“My... problem? What does that mean?”
“About your whereabouts after the breakup.”
Emilia's face turned pale.
“I wanted you to have the protection and support of the royal family. I thought your life after the breakup would be even more of a mess than it is now. I negotiated with Her Majesty the Queen about this issue a month ago, and I am still negotiating.”
“The royal family’s... protection and... support...”
Emilia, who had been mumbling like a parrot, was unable to continue speaking for a moment.
“I was going to keep it a secret from you, of course. You couldn’t refuse unless it was an order from His Majesty the King, and had nothing to do with me.”
Her ears were ringing as if a bomb had exploded right next to her. At the same time, Emilia felt a fire of anger rising from the depths of her heart. Hardius felt it all, but he couldn’t stop talking.
“I had planned to have you receive royal patronage and be given a title at the right time. I expected that, as you received a royal education and met people along with Her Majesty the Queen, you would naturally be accepted in high society.”
Emilia had to press her chest with trembling hands to calm her raging heart.
“Negotiations are at a standstill for the time being.”
With those words, silence descended. Even the soft moonlight became suffocatingly silent.
Emilia stared into the darkness, trying to calm her wandering thoughts. Many questions floated through her head, but only one word remained on the tip of her tongue.
“You said you were going to keep it a secret... But... why... are you revealing it?”
Hardius had a hard time answering.
Something unidentifiable had been tying him up like a leash since they last met at the Sitmer, and the confession just before had set him free. Whether it was a sense of defeat or emptiness, he felt relieved.
“I just realized that unnecessary lies will eventually lead to distrust.”
Emilia looked at him, still unable to shake off the confused look in her eyes.
“You and I are alike. At least in one way.”
“...”
“I would be angry too. I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. If someone had tried to make decisions about my life without asking for my opinion... I wouldn’t have let that happen.”
The plain confession instantly quelled the flames that had been simmering in Emilia's chest. Emilia took a deep breath and tried not to be swept away by impulses and emotions.
“Yes, in a way, it’s quite natural. I should have asked you first... That came before anything else.”
Waves of shock were washing over Emilia. Her unfocused gaze had long since left Hardius. So Emilia had not noticed at all that Hardius had been glancing somewhere for some time.
His gaze turned to the mailbox whenever he had the chance.
If she hadn't been holding that piece of meat and her eyes hadn't sparkled... If the cat hadn't suddenly appeared in front of him yesterday...
Hardius would have snatched the letter from her as soon as she reached for it in front of the mailbox.
He must have been growling like a wild dog and turning her over in a really mean way.
No, no. He would have used a meaner number.
He would have gone to the post office and smuggled the letter. That would not have been an easy task for the vile Meyer.
But the experiences of the past few months have made Hardius realize that it is useless.
Like his father, some things in this world must not die.
It would have been better to just give up, but the problem is that no matter how much you try to trample on that damn hope, it keeps coming back to life.
Like Moriah, who appeared miraculously, he cannot give up hope and stand before her again.
I'm sick of it now.
This is me, and this is you.
Hardius stared at Emilia, who had turned pale, and then opened his mouth again.
“Negotiations are on hold, and will remain on hold until you make up your mind.”
Emilia couldn't give any answer.
The two people were lost in their own thoughts in an ambiguous boundary that was neither cold nor hot, neither bright nor dark. It was not peaceful. The things boiling inside each of them were just dangerously stopped on the verge of overflowing.
What broke the heavy silence was, oddly enough, Beppy's sneeze, "Etchu!"
He woke up, stared blankly at the blanket, then suddenly sat up. His bewildered eyes lingered on Grojean right next to him, then Emilia and Hardius, and then back to Grojean.
Beppy stretched out and jumped down from the stable. Then he took off his hat and bowed politely to Hardius.
Hardius raised his hand towards Beppy and checked the time. When he turned his head back to Emilia, many things that had been boiling inside him had sunk beneath the expressionless surface.
“It's late.”
Hardius winked at Beppy.
“Take good care of the young lady.”
Before Emilia could even respond, he walked away.
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