Episode 109. I Wanted to Fly Once
Suddenly, I saw Madame Olga again and felt a great sense of dissatisfaction and resentment toward her.
Perhaps the marriage she was talking about was mine, but why was she accepting this situation so calmly when I couldn’t understand it at all? I even felt like I was being made fun of.
Furthermore, the fact that she was the head maid of the Kydel family, who must have been so proud, was hiding her contempt for me and not revealing it, felt sinister.
“If there’s anything you lack, please call me anytime.”
“Yes.”
She hesitated slightly as she turned around to leave.
“It’s been several years since the Duchess passed away, so we are happy to have a new mistress in our household. My Lady.”
Look at this.
I was starting to dislike Madame Olga more and more. She's not making fun of anyone right now, but if she were the head maid of the Duke’s family, she would know all the gossip in society.
She must have heard all the gossip about me!
I said bashfully.
“Doesn’t Madam know who I am?”
“Of course I do. You're the third messenger of His Majesty, the daughter of the House of Loire.”
I felt like I would go crazy if I were to say it first, but I couldn’t bear it.
“You know why I suddenly appeared here, right? The recent rumors.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t need to know that, my lady.”
I flinched. I had never imagined such a reaction.
“Then do you know that I am the illegitimate child of Count Loire?”
“Yes. I know.”
“...”
Now I was speechless.
Perhaps because she was a servant working in a household that raised knights, she seemed to speak concisely and think without much thought.
In the awkward silence, this time she spoke first.
“I know that the sudden change in environment may be uncomfortable. However, I will do my best to serve you, so don’t worry too much, my lady.”
I began to realize why she was so uncomfortable. She was calling me ‘my lady’ without hesitation, even though we were meeting for the first time.
I couldn’t trust Madame Olga at all, but I awkwardly replied, wanting to escape from this situation.
“Thank you.”
After Madame Olga left, I was left in the room with the eleven dresses and simple belongings that had followed me from the palace.
In the quiet room, if I concentrated, I could faintly hear the shouts of the martial arts master.
How unfamiliar this place was to me. I realized like a flame that this was a place I shouldn’t be.
“Little Madame? Madame Kydel?...What kind of person is this who has plotted this? I’ll take them down if I catch him!”
Suddenly, I saw Madame Olga again and felt a great sense of dissatisfaction and resentment toward her.
Perhaps the marriage she was talking about was mine, but why was she accepting this situation so calmly when I couldn’t understand it at all? I even felt like I was being made fun of.
Furthermore, the fact that she was the head maid of the Kydel family, who must have been so proud, was hiding her contempt for me and not revealing it, felt sinister.
“If there’s anything you lack, please call me anytime.”
“Yes.”
She hesitated slightly as she turned around to leave.
“It’s been several years since the Duchess passed away, so we are happy to have a new mistress in our household. My Lady.”
Look at this.
I was starting to dislike Madame Olga more and more. She's not making fun of anyone right now, but if she were the head maid of the Duke’s family, she would know all the gossip in society.
She must have heard all the gossip about me!
I said bashfully.
“Doesn’t Madam know who I am?”
“Of course I do. You're the third messenger of His Majesty, the daughter of the House of Loire.”
I felt like I would go crazy if I were to say it first, but I couldn’t bear it.
“You know why I suddenly appeared here, right? The recent rumors.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t need to know that, my lady.”
I flinched. I had never imagined such a reaction.
“Then do you know that I am the illegitimate child of Count Loire?”
“Yes. I know.”
“...”
Now I was speechless.
Perhaps because she was a servant working in a household that raised knights, she seemed to speak concisely and think without much thought.
In the awkward silence, this time she spoke first.
“I know that the sudden change in environment may be uncomfortable. However, I will do my best to serve you, so don’t worry too much, my lady.”
I began to realize why she was so uncomfortable. She was calling me ‘my lady’ without hesitation, even though we were meeting for the first time.
I couldn’t trust Madame Olga at all, but I awkwardly replied, wanting to escape from this situation.
“Thank you.”
After Madame Olga left, I was left in the room with the eleven dresses and simple belongings that had followed me from the palace.
In the quiet room, if I concentrated, I could faintly hear the shouts of the martial arts master.
How unfamiliar this place was to me. I realized like a flame that this was a place I shouldn’t be.
“Little Madame? Madame Kydel?...What kind of person is this who has plotted this? I’ll take them down if I catch him!”
I ground my teeth to myself, and then it occurred to me that this was Prince Kydel’s room.
I secretly went into his room, feeling anxious that I had to check it out.
But it was unexpected.
Prince Kydel’s room was about half the size of the one I had just been in and had no special features.
The walls were filled with various signs and frames containing insignia, and the closet was filled with tactical books. Except for the old armor displayed in the corner, it was too simple for the room of the successor of the Kydel family.
I remembered the contents of a book I had read some time ago.
It is said that a famous general from two generations ago received the best treatment from the Emperor, but lived in a shabby and frugal home.
He said that if he were to go to war at any time, he would be careful if he indulged in the luxuries and conveniences of everyday life.
I thought that Prince Kydel had followed that example.
My insides were boiling.
'Good! This is admirable. But...'
"What do you want me to do?"
But I heard his answer from behind me.
"There is nothing you can do. It seems that we already have nothing to do."
"Ugh!"
At that moment, I was as frightened as a beast.
As soon as I saw Prince Kydel, I ran to him and grabbed him by the collar and shook him.
Even in the moment of losing my senses, I thought that he was truly a great and admirable person, but I could not possibly think of him as my admirable 'husband'!
I shook him by the collar and shouted, half sobbing.
But I was the one who was being pitifully shaken by my power. Prince Kydel stood firm like a stone statue and did not budge at all against my power.
“Your Excellency? What should I do, Your Excellency? Did you come up with some kind of solution while you were here? Tell me so! Say something. Yes?”
“...”
He was looking down at me with his forehead furrowed. I panicked even more at his stone-like firmness and his silence.
I stepped back from him and muttered fearfully.
“Are you going to stay like this? There must be a way out. Marriage... this is marriage!”
“...”
He still didn’t answer, and I was afraid. His silence, his hard gaze, and the situation we were in.
I stepped back and stumbled over the table, sitting down with a thud.
Only then did Prince Kydel speak. His voice was quiet and all the more frightening.
“His Majesty wanted to remove us both from our positions. Our fathers covered it up with this marriage. In exchange for me staying by His Highness Grayon.”
“...”
Only then did I realize. We weren’t in danger because of marriage, but rather we had escaped from the crisis through a dead-end exit called marriage.
If Prince Kydel didn’t stay by His Highness Grayon, His Highness Orl, who had tried to kill me, would become the Crown Prince. Then the damage that the Kydel family would suffer goes without saying.
I slowly regained my senses. Now was not the time to panic, but to think about the next solution.
Only then did I begin to feel ashamed, as if I wanted to die for having lost my senses in front of Prince Kydel.
I was breaking down.
'No, no! Come to your senses, Lorisha!'
I shook my head sharply, then wiped my tears with my sleeve and came to my senses.
"This is a decision His Majesty has mediated, so there's no way we can reverse it. We can't even cover it up, right?"
My eyes gradually widened. Then I said, almost screaming.
"Even our divorce requires His Majesty's permission! Right?"
High-ranking nobles need the Emperor's permission for divorce. The Kydel family goes without saying. Prince Kydel's face distorted.
"Divorce?"
Prince Kydel had never imagined that his life would turn out this way, but whatever happened, happened.
If Misha were in Prince Kydel's shoes, the Countess would have poisoned her son-in-law and remarried him without going through the complicated process of divorce.
Duke Kydel may have given his permission in the current situation, but there was no way he would accept me as his daughter-in-law in his right mind.
I don’t know Duke Kydel well, but anyway, nothing good could happen to me in this mansion.
‘How did it end up like this?’
I looked at Prince Kydel, who was standing there with a face as cold as the armor decorated with ornaments, in despair.
Then I got up and approached him. My voice trembled.
“What does Duke Kydel think of me?”
“My father is not a man who regrets his past decisions.”
My heart sank at those words.
“To him, the future is something he can change whenever he wants. Isn’t it?”
“Lady Lorisha.”
I shook my head forcefully.
“I don’t want to live a simple life in exile in a country villa. In fact, I would somehow survive even if I were kicked out of the Kydel family, but if I were to be in that situation, the Count would be heartbroken.”
“What are you talking about?”
I held Prince Kydel’s two arms and said earnestly.
“Let me help you, too. I will help you, His Highness Grayon, to ascend to the throne.”
His eyebrows furrowed in suspicion.
“Lorisha?”
“If His Highness Orl ascends to the throne, he will never allow our divorce to suppress the Kydel family. But His Highness Grayon will gladly allow it. For the sake of Your Excellency!”
“...”
He shut his mouth tightly, as if he were angry.
I spoke quickly and earnestly.
“I want to leave this mansion alive, Your Excellency!”
“Who dares to harm you...!”
Prince Kydel raised his voice, but I was the first to shout. I couldn’t even hear him.
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as a family that no one ever wanted! I want to stop living as an uninvited guest!”
Damn it.
To say something like that in front of him.
Prince Kydel shut his mouth tightly in shock. I didn’t want to see that, so I clenched my fists and turned my head away.
But my mouth was speaking out of breath, against my will.
“For once, I want to live without anyone pointing fingers at me, without worrying about what others think, and without having to fight with anyone.”
I secretly went into his room, feeling anxious that I had to check it out.
But it was unexpected.
Prince Kydel’s room was about half the size of the one I had just been in and had no special features.
The walls were filled with various signs and frames containing insignia, and the closet was filled with tactical books. Except for the old armor displayed in the corner, it was too simple for the room of the successor of the Kydel family.
I remembered the contents of a book I had read some time ago.
It is said that a famous general from two generations ago received the best treatment from the Emperor, but lived in a shabby and frugal home.
He said that if he were to go to war at any time, he would be careful if he indulged in the luxuries and conveniences of everyday life.
I thought that Prince Kydel had followed that example.
My insides were boiling.
'Good! This is admirable. But...'
"What do you want me to do?"
But I heard his answer from behind me.
"There is nothing you can do. It seems that we already have nothing to do."
"Ugh!"
At that moment, I was as frightened as a beast.
As soon as I saw Prince Kydel, I ran to him and grabbed him by the collar and shook him.
Even in the moment of losing my senses, I thought that he was truly a great and admirable person, but I could not possibly think of him as my admirable 'husband'!
I shook him by the collar and shouted, half sobbing.
But I was the one who was being pitifully shaken by my power. Prince Kydel stood firm like a stone statue and did not budge at all against my power.
“Your Excellency? What should I do, Your Excellency? Did you come up with some kind of solution while you were here? Tell me so! Say something. Yes?”
“...”
He was looking down at me with his forehead furrowed. I panicked even more at his stone-like firmness and his silence.
I stepped back from him and muttered fearfully.
“Are you going to stay like this? There must be a way out. Marriage... this is marriage!”
“...”
He still didn’t answer, and I was afraid. His silence, his hard gaze, and the situation we were in.
I stepped back and stumbled over the table, sitting down with a thud.
Only then did Prince Kydel speak. His voice was quiet and all the more frightening.
“His Majesty wanted to remove us both from our positions. Our fathers covered it up with this marriage. In exchange for me staying by His Highness Grayon.”
“...”
Only then did I realize. We weren’t in danger because of marriage, but rather we had escaped from the crisis through a dead-end exit called marriage.
If Prince Kydel didn’t stay by His Highness Grayon, His Highness Orl, who had tried to kill me, would become the Crown Prince. Then the damage that the Kydel family would suffer goes without saying.
I slowly regained my senses. Now was not the time to panic, but to think about the next solution.
Only then did I begin to feel ashamed, as if I wanted to die for having lost my senses in front of Prince Kydel.
I was breaking down.
'No, no! Come to your senses, Lorisha!'
I shook my head sharply, then wiped my tears with my sleeve and came to my senses.
"This is a decision His Majesty has mediated, so there's no way we can reverse it. We can't even cover it up, right?"
My eyes gradually widened. Then I said, almost screaming.
"Even our divorce requires His Majesty's permission! Right?"
High-ranking nobles need the Emperor's permission for divorce. The Kydel family goes without saying. Prince Kydel's face distorted.
"Divorce?"
Prince Kydel had never imagined that his life would turn out this way, but whatever happened, happened.
If Misha were in Prince Kydel's shoes, the Countess would have poisoned her son-in-law and remarried him without going through the complicated process of divorce.
Duke Kydel may have given his permission in the current situation, but there was no way he would accept me as his daughter-in-law in his right mind.
I don’t know Duke Kydel well, but anyway, nothing good could happen to me in this mansion.
‘How did it end up like this?’
I looked at Prince Kydel, who was standing there with a face as cold as the armor decorated with ornaments, in despair.
Then I got up and approached him. My voice trembled.
“What does Duke Kydel think of me?”
“My father is not a man who regrets his past decisions.”
My heart sank at those words.
“To him, the future is something he can change whenever he wants. Isn’t it?”
“Lady Lorisha.”
I shook my head forcefully.
“I don’t want to live a simple life in exile in a country villa. In fact, I would somehow survive even if I were kicked out of the Kydel family, but if I were to be in that situation, the Count would be heartbroken.”
“What are you talking about?”
I held Prince Kydel’s two arms and said earnestly.
“Let me help you, too. I will help you, His Highness Grayon, to ascend to the throne.”
His eyebrows furrowed in suspicion.
“Lorisha?”
“If His Highness Orl ascends to the throne, he will never allow our divorce to suppress the Kydel family. But His Highness Grayon will gladly allow it. For the sake of Your Excellency!”
“...”
He shut his mouth tightly, as if he were angry.
I spoke quickly and earnestly.
“I want to leave this mansion alive, Your Excellency!”
“Who dares to harm you...!”
Prince Kydel raised his voice, but I was the first to shout. I couldn’t even hear him.
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as a family that no one ever wanted! I want to stop living as an uninvited guest!”
Damn it.
To say something like that in front of him.
Prince Kydel shut his mouth tightly in shock. I didn’t want to see that, so I clenched my fists and turned my head away.
But my mouth was speaking out of breath, against my will.
“For once, I want to live without anyone pointing fingers at me, without worrying about what others think, and without having to fight with anyone.”
I bit my lips hard and felt hot tears flowing down my cheeks.
“I wanted to grow wings and fly. Just once in my life... But I can’t do that here. Sigh...”
“..”
Prince Kydel's jaw seemed to tighten as if he was gritting his teeth, and he turned around and left.
With the sound of the door he had left closing, I collapsed on the spot. It was no use wiping away my tears.
It was only after everything had gone dark that I realized that it wasn't even my room.
“I wanted to grow wings and fly. Just once in my life... But I can’t do that here. Sigh...”
“..”
Prince Kydel's jaw seemed to tighten as if he was gritting his teeth, and he turned around and left.
With the sound of the door he had left closing, I collapsed on the spot. It was no use wiping away my tears.
It was only after everything had gone dark that I realized that it wasn't even my room.
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