His eyes, glistening with anticipation, clung to my chest and slowly went down. He stared at the outline of the thin hem for a long time, and then crawled back up and stared into my eyes.
I felt the muscles in my body stiffen. I knew I had to flee right away, but my legs wouldn't budge.
The man moistened his lower lip and approached me smugly.
"If Your Highness will allow me..."
His calloused hands touched my hair hanging down over my shoulders. I looked in horror as my hair was wrapped around his fingers like a piece of wood.
I couldn't breathe properly. I should have screamed at him for daring to put his hand on it, but no sound came out of my open mouth.
Perhaps I consented to stay still, the man, who had been caressing my golden hair one by one, reached out to my face this time.
His palm, rough like sandpaper, rubbed against my delicate skin. I clenched my neck in panic as a large gauntlet-wrapped hand popped out from the darkness and grabbed the man's wrist.
I slumped back, as if I had woken up from hypnosis. When I looked up, I saw the shining silver-blue eyes.
Suddenly, my heart sank.
I instinctively stuck myself against the wall. Barcas, who had been looking down at me with an expressionless face, slowly turned his gaze towards the monk
Seeing what he saw in his eyes, the monk, who was as hard as a stone, began to tremble as if he were facing a ghost.
"I'm just...Her Highness..."
"Quiet."
The heavy bass cut off the company's excuses. The monk's face, which was flushed white, was distorted with pain. At first glance, it looked like he was holding it lightly, but in fact, he seemed to be straining his grip as if he was going to break a bone.
Barcas slowly spat out a cold sweat into the man's face.
"You don't want to make a big deal out of each other. Go back to your seat quietly."
The monk, who was groaning in pain, nodded fiercely.
Barcas let go of his arm and added.
"Until we leave, you'd better stay out of sight."
"I will keep that in mind."
The man clutched his swollen wrist and cried.
Barcas gestured as if to tell him to shut down. The man hurriedly fled without delay. After staring at his ugly back for a moment, Barkas turned his head again.
I lowered my eyes without realizing it. Even though I didn't do anything wrong, my mouth was dry and my throat was hot. As I fidgeted and looked at him, his voice echoed in a chilling tone.
"Follow me. I will escort you to your accommodation."
I, who was tensing my body stiffly, felt a strange weakness and hung my arms down. At that moment, a strange feeling of sadness came over me.
I'm about to be horribly killed. I was scared to death. But why are you so detached?
I bit ny lip in anger and swept past him. Even if I died, I didn't want to show weakness to him.
I raised my head proudly and strode across the garden, and I saw a dormitory for female believers over the long corridor.
I exclaimed bluntly, my eyes straight ahead.
"We're all here, so don't follow me now!"
Knights were guarding the building. I will not suffer the same Incident as before.
I hurried my steps as if to escape. However, I couldn't take a few steps and was trapped between him and the outer wall of the building.
I looked up at him with wide-eyed eyes.
"What...Suddenly..."
"If you play with fire and burn it once..."
His voice sounded like he was scratching the back of his throat. He paused for a moment, wondering if I felt it too. Soon, a calmer voice was heard.
"Isn't it time to be careful?"
I felt blood drain from my face. Barcas, who had been looking at my face with sharp eyes as if to dissect it, twisted his lips.
"Or... do you really want to roll over randomly?"
I threw my hand away without thinking. But this time, he grabbed my wrist before I could even touch his face. Barcas added slowly.
"If that's the case, please take care of yourself for the time being. Until the end of this journey, I don't want to let any troubles arise."
I pursed my trembling lips tightly. He let go of my arm and slowly turned around.
"I'm sure you understand."
At that moment, if I had a knife in my hand, I would have plunged it into his back without hesitation
I glared at his back like a fish swimming in the water, silently moving away. Then, I felt my vision blur and hurriedly turned my head.
Even though I knew he wouldn't look back, I was afraid that I might burst into tears. I rubbed my eyes roughly with my sleeve and ran into the dormitory as if to escape.
***
The next morning, the ceremony proceeded as if nothing had happened.
I sat by the window of my assigned bedroom and looked down at the twins as they headed for the altar and Barcas, who followed them as if to escort them.
Originally, I had to be in there, too. However, I withdrew with the excuse that I was not feeling well. I refused the ceremony, which was mandatory for the royal family, with ridiculous excuses.
Originally, the ceremony should have been postponed, but the ceremony went ahead as scheduled according to the Crown Prince's strong wishes. Perhaps the monastery is pleased with this situation. They would not have been willing to bestow God's blessing on an illegitimate child.
'...I just wanted to participate.'
I, who was giggling, wiped the smile from my face when I saw Ayla and Barcas standing side by side in front of the altar.
I didn't know what I would do if I were in that position. I might even rush to kill one of them.
'Which of the two is more hateful... I don't know anymore.'
I, who habitually put my fingers to my lips, lowered my arms again, not wanting to ruin my barely grown nails.
I couldn't stand by any longer. I drew the curtains and threw myself on the bed.
As I curled up in the dim darkness, memories of last night came back to my mind. The lustful gaze, the hand that came towards me, and the cold look in Barcas's eyes...
"If you played with fire and burned it once... Isn't it time to be careful?"
I pulled the blanket and threw it over the top of my head.
Barcas believed that I had seduced the man. Maybe it won't be any different. I always put myself in a corner with my foolish actions... And it was his role to save me from the crisis.
Now that I had finally gotten out of that tiresome job, it was natural to feel disgusted that something similar had happened again. He must be really sick of me now.
I buried my face in the pillow and giggled.
I remembered the moment I walked away from his life. Maybe it's because something similar happened just yesterday.
I stared at the beam of light that seeped through the curtain and closed my eyes. The memories I had buried unfolded in my mind.
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