That's what war was like. It made even sane people go crazy... A place where hundreds of people died from one wrong decision.
Moreover, he was a man who had been moving around as a commander-in-chief in such a place for over ten years. He would not have been able to endure it with his sensitive emotions. Even if he had, he would have had to be cut down and thrown away.
Maybe that's why the emotions that were suppressed and suppressed until they finally burst out in one gulp were so intense.
Laskan covered the back of my hand with his bulging veins. He buried his head a little deeper and kept his eyes closed for a long time.
Only when I was fidgeting a little with my hands in frustration did his eyes waver. Soon, his golden pupils appeared as if they were being vomited out of the darkness.
I called him cautiously.
“Laskan.”
“...”
“Have you come to your senses now?”
I realized how poorly that question had been asked. The moment our eyes met again, I knew that he had never had any intention of calming down from the start.
He carefully ran his fingertips through my hair. He spoke in a very low voice.
“It was at this moment that I realized that no matter what I did, Sasha, you were going to leave me.”
“...”
“Now it doesn’t matter whether you believe it or not. You can give up the competition or the position of Princess.”
It was almost like he was talking to himself. He didn't even expect me to understand.
“No, I think I would rather do that.”
“...”
“I dare to dream of forcing myself upon you.”
He leaned down as if burying his head on my shoulder. I could feel his hot body heat, but I couldn't feel it touching my skin.
A tiny gap, perhaps as big as a sheet of paper. Leaving that tiny gap between us that seemed close to touching, his breath inhaled and exhaled scattered across my skin.
I could only tremble. Not because I was afraid. Because I believed that even in this situation, he would not force me to take it.
But if it were before, he would have been extremely careful with his words in deciding my future, for fear of making me feel uneasy.
So, it was right to see that it was so desperate and sincere that I couldn't even think about it now.
“...Are you trying to stop me?”
“...”
“You promised me. When my usefulness is over, just let me go.”
He didn't answer right away. He just looked at me with slightly more sunken eyes. After a while, he opened his mouth in a subdued voice.
“...That thought hasn’t changed even now.”
I was barely relieved. It was like I had regained my sanity.
Moreover, he was a man who had been moving around as a commander-in-chief in such a place for over ten years. He would not have been able to endure it with his sensitive emotions. Even if he had, he would have had to be cut down and thrown away.
Maybe that's why the emotions that were suppressed and suppressed until they finally burst out in one gulp were so intense.
Laskan covered the back of my hand with his bulging veins. He buried his head a little deeper and kept his eyes closed for a long time.
Only when I was fidgeting a little with my hands in frustration did his eyes waver. Soon, his golden pupils appeared as if they were being vomited out of the darkness.
I called him cautiously.
“Laskan.”
“...”
“Have you come to your senses now?”
I realized how poorly that question had been asked. The moment our eyes met again, I knew that he had never had any intention of calming down from the start.
He carefully ran his fingertips through my hair. He spoke in a very low voice.
“It was at this moment that I realized that no matter what I did, Sasha, you were going to leave me.”
“...”
“Now it doesn’t matter whether you believe it or not. You can give up the competition or the position of Princess.”
It was almost like he was talking to himself. He didn't even expect me to understand.
“No, I think I would rather do that.”
“...”
“I dare to dream of forcing myself upon you.”
He leaned down as if burying his head on my shoulder. I could feel his hot body heat, but I couldn't feel it touching my skin.
A tiny gap, perhaps as big as a sheet of paper. Leaving that tiny gap between us that seemed close to touching, his breath inhaled and exhaled scattered across my skin.
I could only tremble. Not because I was afraid. Because I believed that even in this situation, he would not force me to take it.
But if it were before, he would have been extremely careful with his words in deciding my future, for fear of making me feel uneasy.
So, it was right to see that it was so desperate and sincere that I couldn't even think about it now.
“...Are you trying to stop me?”
“...”
“You promised me. When my usefulness is over, just let me go.”
He didn't answer right away. He just looked at me with slightly more sunken eyes. After a while, he opened his mouth in a subdued voice.
“...That thought hasn’t changed even now.”
I was barely relieved. It was like I had regained my sanity.
I must have smiled without realizing it. He touched the corner of my mouth and smiled softly.
“But if you want to leave when you want, I think it would be better to amend the memorandum a little.”
“That’s why...”
“The very premise that it is useless is wrong.”
His attitude was as polite as ever, but how should I explain that obsessive gaze?
My shoulders shook slightly.
“Of my own free will, I have no desire to send you away even if it means dying.”
“...”
“So, from now on, wherever you go, my knights will protect you.”
I burst out laughing because I was so shocked. If he starts forcing me with force, I have no choice but to follow him, whether I like it or not.
No lady knows better than I how men become meaner and more vulgar in war, for George is a region where more than half the year is spent in war against barbarians.
The soldiers sent from the capital were all worthless trash. The commanders who commanded them might have been no different.
I barely admitted that I had no idea what Laskan was.
As I distorted my impression, Laskan meekly backed away from me.
For a subject who just a moment ago spoke of forcing me into the Templar order, he now shows such thorough deference that not even my shadow will tread upon him.
“...Is this really going to happen?”
“If you didn’t want me to do this, Your Highness should have at least told me about it yourself. Instead of hearing it from someone else.”
“...”
“And after all that, you never said a word to me.”
“...”
“It’s just miserable that I couldn’t even build up that level of trust.”
On the other hand, if Laskan had hidden from me the fact that someone was threatening his life, there was no guarantee that I wouldn't do the same. Who would welcome the death of someone they love? I understand.
But in the end, it was in the past, and now it was just adding to the needless worry. He was already a busy man.
“If I kick Cesare out here now, your plan to find the true heir to the throne while I’m still here will be ruined.”
“Anyway, I haven’t been able to find her for over ten years.”
“...”
“So, you can go up to the communist base like this.”
He curled his lips lazily.
“If there are not enough positions for the guerrillas, then you can just push them out, either in the South or the West.”
I understood then. He was angry with me. With that cool, calm-looking face. He was just spewing out his anger because he had no way to let it out.
It was a radical statement, but it was even scarier because it didn't feel like a meaningless threat. If he made up his mind, all those statements would not just end up scaring me, but would come true.
After a brief but tense standoff, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.
"Sorry."
His expression was strangely distorted. It seemed as if he was embarrassed by my sudden apology, and also as if he couldn't understand why my words had made him so angry.
But he didn't shake off my hand or pull it away. He just held it quietly, slightly bending his head to listen to my mumbling voice.
“I knew it before we started, I’m sorry for not stopping the competition and doing something dangerous.”
“...”
“I’m also sorry for burying the fact that Duke Kairak tried to kill me.”
“...”
“I’m sorry I closed the door for fear that you would be disappointed.”
His eyes sank into a complicated state.
I coughed. I felt embarrassed because I had just been stabbed in the back and blew it all out.
“Uh... Well, it’s enough to just discipline Cesare. I appreciate you getting angry.”
“...”
“It's hard to come this far in the succession race and say I'm going to quit, and Cesare Malone said we've made significant progress in the search for Crown Princess Anastasia, so I want to continue as we are.”
He swallowed the words that it would be difficult to sell the jewels and raise funds to escape right away.
Dmitry had warned me that Laskan wouldn't let me go easily. So this was the best deal I could make.
“I’ll make it more certain in the future, so I hope you reconsider attaching the Knights.”
He just looked down at the hand I was holding with unreadable eyes. After a while, he opened his mouth as if groaning.
“...How can I do this?”
“...”
“How can I get you to trust me...”
Those were the eyes of a man who knew everything and yet was still trying to deceive me. I felt truly sorry for him.
***
Veronica and I's plan to keep everything a secret went awry because of Alexana's death.
Well, from the moment I came in riding alongside the Princess, they had their suspicions.
The assassin sent by Duke Kairak knew this, so he left the dead Alexana in the same place. When the knights discovered it, there was a huge uproar.
In the end, I had no choice but to honestly tell the truth about being attacked by a wolf. I desperately tried to hide the fact that the scented bag and the Duke of Kairak were involved.
As a result, the Emperor became extremely angry, and I was dragged out of the place as if I was grabbed by the back of the neck and had to listen to a scolding for two whole hours.
No, I was the one who almost died, so why did I have to get scolded... It was unfair, but every time I tried to protest, I was met with harsh stares, so I could only quietly lower my head.
Eventually, this incident did lead to the addition of more members to the Knights. Previously, there had only been Enoch, but now there were more than five knights appointed directly by the Emperor.
It was driving me crazy because whenever I tried to go anywhere even a little bit dangerous, six of them would follow me in a row.
I haven't seen Laskan since that day. It seems the atmosphere was cold enough for the maids - especially Thalia - to ask if we had fought.
I shook my head. Strictly speaking, we weren't fighting. We were just trying to keep our distance.
Apart from that minor relationship change, everything creaked back into place.
The last day of the fifth week of spring. I returned to the palace. The days that followed were unremarkable.
The grueling school schedules haven't relaxed one bit, and homework still piles up like a mountain.
Cesare's absence was felt at such times. When I was alone, racking my brain to supplement my weak arguments, or searching through the library like a stray tooth, not knowing what book to refer to. And like this,
"Your Highness."
“...”
“I said that.”
When there is no one to severely punish the dissolute Thalia.
At Thalia's persistent calling, I looked up from my desk. She asked, resting her chin on her cute chin rest.
“It’s such a nice day today, are you going to stay here the whole time?”
She had a rather boring face. Except for going to school these past few days, I had never been out in the garden or socializing...
It was obvious that the sociable and lively Thalia would be bored. I put down my homework and answered kindly.
“If you’re bored, let’s go out.”
“Really?”
Thalia asked with a smile. Her eyes, which had been like dead fish, suddenly brightened.
Support Novellate!
Comments
Post a Comment