“Your Highness, please...”
I raised my hand to stop him from talking without listening any further. I laughed so hard that my lungs were pulled. I continued talking, choking.
“Why on earth did you confess this? Did you want me to tell you that it was okay? So that you could feel less guilty?”
“...”
“Or did you want me to treat you like a real brother, and naively trust and follow you like I have done until now?”
I had never once thought of Cesare as my brother, yet I shamelessly said that, because I could clearly see how it would hurt him.
Cesare's expression became even more gloomy at my words.
People often make the mistake of thinking that I was not a good girl. I was the type of person who would fight back when hit and would rather bite than cry and collapse.
The only time I feel weak is when I meet someone weaker than me.
My sharp tongue was a defensive measure to protect me. Olga hated swearing, so I did everything I could to cover it up behind her back.
Anyway, it seemed like I was quite quick to instinctively figure out where my opponent's weaknesses were and attack them.
Finally, Cesare gave in to my persistent attacks on his conscience. He said gloomily.
“If I had thought it would be even a little bit harmful, I wouldn’t have dared do it.”
“Do the math with your smart head. Is there really no chance that I could be wrong?”
“...”
He lowered his head without finishing his words.
“...What do you want me to do? I will do whatever you want.”
“You confess everything to Laskan yourself.”
“I will do that.”
Cesare nodded slowly. I wondered how Laskan would handle this situation after hearing about it.
Should I forgive Cesare? Or should I punish him severely? Either way, I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't be disappointed in him.
Even if he were a man who would kick out his staff member whom he cared about just because of a woman, if he were to forgive him so casually, it would be clear that he doesn't love me that much. I don't know which of the two is worse.
My head felt like it was boiling.
I held my feverish arm. I wanted to look at least a little bit better. I didn't want to show Cesare that I was shaking in shock.
The palace must have made me weak. If someone had stabbed me with a knife in a back alley, I wouldn't have been this shocked.
I said stiffly.
“Even if Laskan forgives you, I want you to pay the price yourself. Maybe volunteer for the front line like Enoch.”
“I will do that.”
“And don’t come near me until the next competition.”
“I will do that too.”
“I hope you don’t come here like this in the future.”
Cesare is so damn smart, he probably understood what I meant. His face turned a little more somber.
Was that acting or was it real? I opened my eyes dimly. After a long silence, he bowed gently to me and said.
“...I will do everything according to Your Highness's will.”
That day, the announcement of the successor race was made slowly in the afternoon.
The result was an overwhelming victory for me. After a fierce battle until the end, I was said to have received the votes of eight out of thirteen families.
It wasn't something I had expected, but the reality hit me very late. I was completely relieved when I received a few comforting greetings from the maid.
I told the maids not to let anyone in. I was tired and wanted to rest. To be honest, it was because I didn't want to see Laskan.
It was funny and pathetic how I had been urging Cesare to go and confess everything to Laskan right away, only to end up avoiding him because I didn't want to disappoint him.
After sending all the maids out of the room, I covered myself with the blanket. It was a long-standing habit of mine to escape into sleep when the situation became too dire to bear.
But I couldn't sleep at all today. After tossing and turning for a while, I suddenly came to my senses and it was dawn.
The room was very quiet. A bluish light was lingering in the room. It was late in the morning, and even the guards guarding the palace were all asleep. It was a good time to take a walk in the garden alone.
I put down the bell that I had half-raised to call the maid. I was only going out to the garden in front of the house, but it was a bit much to wake Lisa, who was fast asleep.
More than anything, I didn't want to see anyone right now.
I wasn't going to be tied down here my whole life anyway. I needed to get used to doing things on my own again.
When I lived in the slums, I could easily walk down a remote alley by myself. It was absurd to be afraid of the palace gardens surrounded by knights.
I opened the door, careful not to wake anyone. It suddenly occurred to me that the hallway was a bit darker than the room.
"Your Highness."
I let out a breath of shock as I saw the man standing in front of the door. It was Laskan. He called out to me softly from the darkness.
My heart raced instinctively, but I didn't want to see him. At least not now. I wasn't ready to hate him or be disappointed.
As I stubbornly stared down at the floor, Laskan came closer to me.
“Aren’t you going to look at me?”
“...”
“Sasha.”
...He was so weak and smart. I looked up as if I was possessed. And I immediately regretted it. I had forgotten that I was weak to Laskan’s face.
I bit my lips and then asked nervously.
“What the hell are you doing here? You must have been up for two nights straight. You’re busy with meetings and all. What if I say I’m going to sleep? I wash my feet too! Why don’t you just go to your quarters and sleep?”
As I was talking, I became angry. Why on earth was Duke Ashkabat, who was second to none in the empire, spending the night in the hallway like this? I wish he would just quietly whisper.
“I did that because I wanted to wait.”
“You could have at least let me know you were coming.”
“...”
“If I was asleep and couldn’t hear you, at least knock on the door.”
“I’m worried that it might never open again.”
“...”
Only then could I read his expression properly. I thought he was just like usual, but there was a hint of melancholy in his deep eyes.
He said, lowering his head slightly.
“I heard it from Cesare.”
Of course not. Otherwise, he would have no reason to wait for me here despite his busy schedule, no matter how crazy he is about me.
Anyway, that topic was too much of a bother right now. I forced a smile and turned my head away.
“Is that so?”
“I kept thinking about it while waiting here.”
“...”
“How can I make you feel better?”
He slowly washed his face with his hands, which were bulging with veins. His hands were shaking. He was usually not afraid to hold my hand.
But now, he took a step back as if he could not even dare to reach me... Yes, this distance was unfamiliar.
“I am so sorry and ashamed.”
“...”
“You don’t have to do anything anymore. You can cancel the succession race.”
I bit my lip. I wanted to hold his hand and pretend I couldn't win, even now. Then everything would fall back into place in an instant.
I would forgive Cesare, he would receive my forgiveness, Laskan would not lose his staff member, and everyone would be happy.
But that would be selling me off for too cheap. I didn't want to do that.
As Cesare said, saying that he would do whatever I said was a cowardly pass-off. I would have to be cruel to make decisions that would determine someone's fate, even if it was justified revenge.
“He will never be able to set foot in the duchy again, let alone in the system where Your Highness resides.”
That's why I was quite surprised when Laskan first spoke about Cesare's whereabouts. Especially since the punishment was so severe.
In any case, his family had been loyal to Laskan for a long time. I wasn't harmed at all. Even if that was just a conclusion.
“Think calmly. He was the staff member you were saving, and you couldn’t lose him just because of a woman.”
“...How could you be ‘just a woman’?”
He seemed rather angry at what I said. I was embarrassed and burst out laughing.
“Do you still believe that I am the real Princess?”
He didn't answer.
“Is that why you’re doing this to look good to me?”
“Sasha.”
Laskan smiled elegantly. His face seemed twisted and dangerous.
He gently grabbed my wrist.
“If you were just a Princess to me, I wouldn’t be here acting like a madman.”
He was a man who always kept his manners and distance. He knew chivalry, was neat, and never made a single mistake.
That was the Laskan I knew, the Duke of Ashkabad I was familiar with, if I had identified him correctly.
But now... I gasped in surprise. It felt like he had fearlessly invaded the boundaries I had clearly set with my bare body.
“I just wanted to comfort you by sending you a letter. It’s a pity, you keep saying things like that.”
“...”
“I didn’t know that moment when your life was in danger. And that’s why I almost lost you forever.”
“...”
The precarious laughter was dangerous.
“That’s unforgivable.”
He looked so hurt that I absentmindedly reached out and placed my hand on Laskan's cheek.
He closed his eyes like a beast obeying its master's hand. His frowning eyebrows and his heavy breathing were slowly returning to normal.
His speech was particularly unfamiliar. He was a man who had only been on the battlefield since he inherited the dukedom when he was young.
Maybe I should have noticed this a long time ago. He was a man with a cold, fiery temper.
The hotter that flame was, the more obsessively he would have suppressed himself. As if he had never felt any emotions from the beginning, as if he was lacking something.
I raised my hand to stop him from talking without listening any further. I laughed so hard that my lungs were pulled. I continued talking, choking.
“Why on earth did you confess this? Did you want me to tell you that it was okay? So that you could feel less guilty?”
“...”
“Or did you want me to treat you like a real brother, and naively trust and follow you like I have done until now?”
I had never once thought of Cesare as my brother, yet I shamelessly said that, because I could clearly see how it would hurt him.
Cesare's expression became even more gloomy at my words.
People often make the mistake of thinking that I was not a good girl. I was the type of person who would fight back when hit and would rather bite than cry and collapse.
The only time I feel weak is when I meet someone weaker than me.
My sharp tongue was a defensive measure to protect me. Olga hated swearing, so I did everything I could to cover it up behind her back.
Anyway, it seemed like I was quite quick to instinctively figure out where my opponent's weaknesses were and attack them.
Finally, Cesare gave in to my persistent attacks on his conscience. He said gloomily.
“If I had thought it would be even a little bit harmful, I wouldn’t have dared do it.”
“Do the math with your smart head. Is there really no chance that I could be wrong?”
“...”
He lowered his head without finishing his words.
“...What do you want me to do? I will do whatever you want.”
“You confess everything to Laskan yourself.”
“I will do that.”
Cesare nodded slowly. I wondered how Laskan would handle this situation after hearing about it.
Should I forgive Cesare? Or should I punish him severely? Either way, I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't be disappointed in him.
Even if he were a man who would kick out his staff member whom he cared about just because of a woman, if he were to forgive him so casually, it would be clear that he doesn't love me that much. I don't know which of the two is worse.
My head felt like it was boiling.
I held my feverish arm. I wanted to look at least a little bit better. I didn't want to show Cesare that I was shaking in shock.
The palace must have made me weak. If someone had stabbed me with a knife in a back alley, I wouldn't have been this shocked.
I said stiffly.
“Even if Laskan forgives you, I want you to pay the price yourself. Maybe volunteer for the front line like Enoch.”
“I will do that.”
“And don’t come near me until the next competition.”
“I will do that too.”
“I hope you don’t come here like this in the future.”
Cesare is so damn smart, he probably understood what I meant. His face turned a little more somber.
Was that acting or was it real? I opened my eyes dimly. After a long silence, he bowed gently to me and said.
“...I will do everything according to Your Highness's will.”
***
That day, the announcement of the successor race was made slowly in the afternoon.
The result was an overwhelming victory for me. After a fierce battle until the end, I was said to have received the votes of eight out of thirteen families.
It wasn't something I had expected, but the reality hit me very late. I was completely relieved when I received a few comforting greetings from the maid.
I told the maids not to let anyone in. I was tired and wanted to rest. To be honest, it was because I didn't want to see Laskan.
It was funny and pathetic how I had been urging Cesare to go and confess everything to Laskan right away, only to end up avoiding him because I didn't want to disappoint him.
After sending all the maids out of the room, I covered myself with the blanket. It was a long-standing habit of mine to escape into sleep when the situation became too dire to bear.
But I couldn't sleep at all today. After tossing and turning for a while, I suddenly came to my senses and it was dawn.
The room was very quiet. A bluish light was lingering in the room. It was late in the morning, and even the guards guarding the palace were all asleep. It was a good time to take a walk in the garden alone.
I put down the bell that I had half-raised to call the maid. I was only going out to the garden in front of the house, but it was a bit much to wake Lisa, who was fast asleep.
More than anything, I didn't want to see anyone right now.
I wasn't going to be tied down here my whole life anyway. I needed to get used to doing things on my own again.
When I lived in the slums, I could easily walk down a remote alley by myself. It was absurd to be afraid of the palace gardens surrounded by knights.
I opened the door, careful not to wake anyone. It suddenly occurred to me that the hallway was a bit darker than the room.
"Your Highness."
I let out a breath of shock as I saw the man standing in front of the door. It was Laskan. He called out to me softly from the darkness.
My heart raced instinctively, but I didn't want to see him. At least not now. I wasn't ready to hate him or be disappointed.
As I stubbornly stared down at the floor, Laskan came closer to me.
“Aren’t you going to look at me?”
“...”
“Sasha.”
...He was so weak and smart. I looked up as if I was possessed. And I immediately regretted it. I had forgotten that I was weak to Laskan’s face.
I bit my lips and then asked nervously.
“What the hell are you doing here? You must have been up for two nights straight. You’re busy with meetings and all. What if I say I’m going to sleep? I wash my feet too! Why don’t you just go to your quarters and sleep?”
As I was talking, I became angry. Why on earth was Duke Ashkabat, who was second to none in the empire, spending the night in the hallway like this? I wish he would just quietly whisper.
“I did that because I wanted to wait.”
“You could have at least let me know you were coming.”
“...”
“If I was asleep and couldn’t hear you, at least knock on the door.”
“I’m worried that it might never open again.”
“...”
Only then could I read his expression properly. I thought he was just like usual, but there was a hint of melancholy in his deep eyes.
He said, lowering his head slightly.
“I heard it from Cesare.”
Of course not. Otherwise, he would have no reason to wait for me here despite his busy schedule, no matter how crazy he is about me.
Anyway, that topic was too much of a bother right now. I forced a smile and turned my head away.
“Is that so?”
“I kept thinking about it while waiting here.”
“...”
“How can I make you feel better?”
He slowly washed his face with his hands, which were bulging with veins. His hands were shaking. He was usually not afraid to hold my hand.
But now, he took a step back as if he could not even dare to reach me... Yes, this distance was unfamiliar.
“I am so sorry and ashamed.”
“...”
“You don’t have to do anything anymore. You can cancel the succession race.”
I bit my lip. I wanted to hold his hand and pretend I couldn't win, even now. Then everything would fall back into place in an instant.
I would forgive Cesare, he would receive my forgiveness, Laskan would not lose his staff member, and everyone would be happy.
But that would be selling me off for too cheap. I didn't want to do that.
As Cesare said, saying that he would do whatever I said was a cowardly pass-off. I would have to be cruel to make decisions that would determine someone's fate, even if it was justified revenge.
“He will never be able to set foot in the duchy again, let alone in the system where Your Highness resides.”
That's why I was quite surprised when Laskan first spoke about Cesare's whereabouts. Especially since the punishment was so severe.
In any case, his family had been loyal to Laskan for a long time. I wasn't harmed at all. Even if that was just a conclusion.
“Think calmly. He was the staff member you were saving, and you couldn’t lose him just because of a woman.”
“...How could you be ‘just a woman’?”
He seemed rather angry at what I said. I was embarrassed and burst out laughing.
“Do you still believe that I am the real Princess?”
He didn't answer.
“Is that why you’re doing this to look good to me?”
“Sasha.”
Laskan smiled elegantly. His face seemed twisted and dangerous.
He gently grabbed my wrist.
“If you were just a Princess to me, I wouldn’t be here acting like a madman.”
He was a man who always kept his manners and distance. He knew chivalry, was neat, and never made a single mistake.
That was the Laskan I knew, the Duke of Ashkabad I was familiar with, if I had identified him correctly.
But now... I gasped in surprise. It felt like he had fearlessly invaded the boundaries I had clearly set with my bare body.
“I just wanted to comfort you by sending you a letter. It’s a pity, you keep saying things like that.”
“...”
“I didn’t know that moment when your life was in danger. And that’s why I almost lost you forever.”
“...”
The precarious laughter was dangerous.
“That’s unforgivable.”
He looked so hurt that I absentmindedly reached out and placed my hand on Laskan's cheek.
He closed his eyes like a beast obeying its master's hand. His frowning eyebrows and his heavy breathing were slowly returning to normal.
His speech was particularly unfamiliar. He was a man who had only been on the battlefield since he inherited the dukedom when he was young.
Maybe I should have noticed this a long time ago. He was a man with a cold, fiery temper.
The hotter that flame was, the more obsessively he would have suppressed himself. As if he had never felt any emotions from the beginning, as if he was lacking something.
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