After the exhausting tea time, I was allowed to leave the palace and left the Crown Princess Palace. It was my first time socializing this seriously with my new body, so it was mentally very difficult. However, I had definitely achieved some results. I couldn’t say that I had fully gained Doris’ trust, but the fact that I was able to enter the Grand Duke of Trovica’s residence with legitimate authority was no different from getting one step closer to my goal.
“...”
“I apologize for my rudeness.”
I bowed my head with the utmost courtesy toward him. I couldn’t even raise my head fully because I didn’t have the confidence to look up at his face, so I quickly left the place. Tears that I didn’t even know I was holding back flowed down my cheeks. As I entered Blie’s body, I felt terribly lonely as I realized that the person I had been relying on the most was hating me. I had no right to pity him. It wasn’t him who was terribly lonely, it was me.
'I took my anger out on the wrong person.'
He felt a terrible sense of contempt for himself. He was drawn to those green eyes that asked if he was okay, and he almost said he was not okay. The woman standing in front of him, who might have hurt Adrienne, and even the thought of his uncle's mistress flew away.
Rhodnes recalled the feeling of the whole world brightening up at that time, and at the same time poured out a terrible sadness. He buried his distorted face in his now-grown hands. Then, he leaned his head against his mother’s portrait and shed silent tears.
“Wol! Wol! Kkiiing! Kkiiing!”
“Your master’s condition is strange, and you too...! Damn it! Hey!”
I heard the barking of a large dog, and the voice of a man being dragged along, unable to handle the dog's strength. I poked my head out, and soon I saw a familiar face, and tears welled up in my eyes.
“...Sir Neil?”
It was Neil, Rhodnes's adjutant. He seemed to be walking around the villa with a large dog on a long leash.
“That dog from back then...?”
“Wol! Wol wol-!”
As Neil's figure began to fade away, the dog that had been barking loudly began to run wild and ran towards me.
“Huh, huh-? This guy!”
Neil, who had lost his grip on the rope, chased after me with wide eyes. I stared blankly at him and slowly started to back away.
“Wol! Wol wol-!”
Because the dog with fur that resembled a coon was running towards me so brightly, its tongue sticking out and wagging.
“Hey, hey?! Be careful!”
Neil, panicking, ran at full speed, but it was impossible. The four-legged beast ran faster than he could and pounced on me. I fell down with a thud, and I could only stand there dumbfounded, holding on to the dog that was licking my cheeks like crazy and whining.
“Oh my God, you crazy guy! Cowan! Cowan!! Stop!”
Because an unbelievable name came out of Neil's mouth.
“Coutess... Acacia?!”
My heart was beating so fast that the sound of him calling me didn't reach my ears.
“What did you just say this dog’s name?”
“Are you okay? No, Cowan isn’t usually like this... He’s very gentle, but it seems like he got heatstroke in the early winter, so he suddenly dragged me to this villa...”
Neil, who always looked at me with a wary look on his face, quickly picked up Cowan's leash, held it tightly, and spoke nonsense.
“This dog’s name is Cowan?”
“Yes...? Yes, it’s Cowan. Even though it’s this big, it still thinks it’s a baby... Are you hurt anywhere?”
It was ridiculous. Although he had the same golden fur, Cowan was a very skinny, ugly, and limping little puppy...!
I let go of Neil's hand that was supporting me. The golden fur of the dog was very soft on my fingertips. As soon as the fur touched my hand, the dog licked my hand and whimpered. But I felt nothing. It felt as if all the blood that had been circulating quickly throughout my body was drained.
I was thinking about returning to the mansion and sending a letter to Rhodnes, but I excitedly hurried my steps in the direction of the Second Prince’s palace. Since I was pretending to be his new lover, my visit wouldn’t be awkward at all.
As I was taking a shortcut, recalling my childhood memories, I stopped in my tracks when I saw the shiny blond hair.
'Rhodnes!'
At the end of a dark and gloomy open corridor, Rhodnes stood blankly before a huge portrait. And the owner of the portrait was Empress Letina. It was connected to the building of the old Empress’s palace. I stood there silently, staring at his back as if I was possessed.
'Rhodnes!'
At the end of a dark and gloomy open corridor, Rhodnes stood blankly before a huge portrait. And the owner of the portrait was Empress Letina. It was connected to the building of the old Empress’s palace. I stood there silently, staring at his back as if I was possessed.
Although he was a strong man, he looked lonely for some reason. He didn’t even know that I was approaching him. If it were normal, he would have noticed my presence right away. I don’t know why I approached him. Isn’t it obvious why he was in front of his mother’s portrait?
And suddenly, I realized that Rhodnes always missed ‘dead people.’ After seeing him miss Adrienne, I felt an indescribable pity for him when I saw him miss his dead mother. I wondered if there was anyone in this world as unfortunate as I was, but I couldn’t help but think that way when I saw Rhodnes’s shining and sad back.
I felt an urge to go over and comfort him.
"...Your Highness?"
His back, which had been in the darkness, stopped and his face half came into the light.
“!”
I held my breath for a moment. His inhumanly perfect face was distorted. If I had looked at him directly, his face was so stiff that I would have quietly avoided him. But since he had already spoken to me, I couldn’t just ignore him.
“Are you...okay?”
“...”
He stared at me, trying to erase his distorted expression. I felt an urge to bring him, hidden in the dark shadows, into the sunlight where I was.
“If you don’t mind...”
“Go on your way.”
But he spoke coldly as if he knew what I was going to say.
“What’s wrong?”
I couldn't leave him easily. I didn't know why. Was it just that I saw myself in his suffering? Was it because I saw the image of Grand Duchess Adrienne from my childhood, who I hoped would be pulled out by someone?
"...Your Highness?"
His back, which had been in the darkness, stopped and his face half came into the light.
“!”
I held my breath for a moment. His inhumanly perfect face was distorted. If I had looked at him directly, his face was so stiff that I would have quietly avoided him. But since he had already spoken to me, I couldn’t just ignore him.
“Are you...okay?”
“...”
He stared at me, trying to erase his distorted expression. I felt an urge to bring him, hidden in the dark shadows, into the sunlight where I was.
“If you don’t mind...”
“Go on your way.”
But he spoke coldly as if he knew what I was going to say.
“What’s wrong?”
I couldn't leave him easily. I didn't know why. Was it just that I saw myself in his suffering? Was it because I saw the image of Grand Duchess Adrienne from my childhood, who I hoped would be pulled out by someone?
My mind was dominated by the thought that I just wanted to make him feel a little better. The eyes staring at me were like a cold wind, but on the contrary, his eyes were red and feverish. They were eyes that were crying without tears.
“If you need my help...”
“What can you give me?”
“...!”
I was momentarily speechless at the sight of the unfamiliar Rhodnes and looked up at him. His cold gaze touched my heart like a very, very cold ice crystal.
It was cold and painful. As he said, I can't give him anything right now. If I think about it, I've only been helped by him so far, and I've never been of any help to him.
'Just like I couldn't do anything for Noevian when I was Adrienne.'
The fact that I had such a healthy body and could not give anything to the person I was grateful for suddenly hit me hard. Rhodnes and my eyes became entangled.
“If you need my help...”
“What can you give me?”
“...!”
I was momentarily speechless at the sight of the unfamiliar Rhodnes and looked up at him. His cold gaze touched my heart like a very, very cold ice crystal.
It was cold and painful. As he said, I can't give him anything right now. If I think about it, I've only been helped by him so far, and I've never been of any help to him.
'Just like I couldn't do anything for Noevian when I was Adrienne.'
The fact that I had such a healthy body and could not give anything to the person I was grateful for suddenly hit me hard. Rhodnes and my eyes became entangled.
Adrienne, whom he had loved so much. And what would he be thinking as he looked at her love interest, Blie?
Contempt. Disgust. Anger. Rejection.
I felt like all the shields that had surrounded me with the truth that only I knew was disappearing.
Yes, I am just Blie’s Acacia to him. It would already be insufficient to make him forget Adrienne. It was funny that I felt such pitiful pity for him, wanting to help him.
“I apologize, Your Highness.”
I said enough words that could have been said between him and me. His bloodshot eyes were still staring at me.
“I just... wanted to help because you didn’t look okay.”
“I apologize, Your Highness.”
I said enough words that could have been said between him and me. His bloodshot eyes were still staring at me.
“I just... wanted to help because you didn’t look okay.”
“...”
“I apologize for my rudeness.”
I bowed my head with the utmost courtesy toward him. I couldn’t even raise my head fully because I didn’t have the confidence to look up at his face, so I quickly left the place. Tears that I didn’t even know I was holding back flowed down my cheeks. As I entered Blie’s body, I felt terribly lonely as I realized that the person I had been relying on the most was hating me. I had no right to pity him. It wasn’t him who was terribly lonely, it was me.
As he had said, Blie Acacia was a woman who had a healthy body but couldn’t do anything for the person she was grateful for. And that fact felt like it was tearing my heart apart.
***
Blie Acacia left. Rhodnes stood there, unable to take back his outstretched hand. After standing there for a while, he finally took his hand away and buried his face in it.
'I took my anger out on the wrong person.'
He felt a terrible sense of contempt for himself. He was drawn to those green eyes that asked if he was okay, and he almost said he was not okay. The woman standing in front of him, who might have hurt Adrienne, and even the thought of his uncle's mistress flew away.
He almost grabbed the person who was trying to give him unexpected comfort in an unexpected meeting and told her he was not okay.
'That's ridiculous.'
Even before the realization that she was 'someone like Adrienne' came to mind, Rhodnes' heart was moved.
“That’s ridiculous.”
The voice that was spoken out loud dispersed before it even reached his ears.
'Hey, are you okay?'
'Is the ballroom over there?'
'What's going on?'
The annual New Year's masquerade ball. Not long after his mother's funeral, he had no desire to attend, so he sat here alone and cried that day.
'Can I help you?'
'That's ridiculous.'
Even before the realization that she was 'someone like Adrienne' came to mind, Rhodnes' heart was moved.
“That’s ridiculous.”
The voice that was spoken out loud dispersed before it even reached his ears.
'Hey, are you okay?'
'Is the ballroom over there?'
'What's going on?'
The annual New Year's masquerade ball. Not long after his mother's funeral, he had no desire to attend, so he sat here alone and cried that day.
'Can I help you?'
The girl reached out to him as she passed by another boy with green eyes and a displeased look. The same girl he had seen at the Academy. The girl didn't recognize him under the mask, but he recognized the girl under the mask at once. The mask covered her eyes with a cheap colored film, but the girl was definitely Adrienne.
'Can I help you?'
'Can I help you?'
Rhodnes recalled the feeling of the whole world brightening up at that time, and at the same time poured out a terrible sadness. He buried his distorted face in his now-grown hands. Then, he leaned his head against his mother’s portrait and shed silent tears.
The self that day when he had run away in shame as if hiding when he saw Adrienne reaching out her hand. And the self that had felt his heart pounding as soon as he saw Blie’s eyes reaching out her hand in the same place. He could not forgive either of them.
'Help me...'
Because just one word is so hard. Because just extending a hand is so hard.
'Hey, are you okay?'
'Are you... okay?'
It's not okay. Something is seriously wrong. Rhodes was not okay at all right now.
'Help me...'
Because just one word is so hard. Because just extending a hand is so hard.
'Hey, are you okay?'
'Are you... okay?'
It's not okay. Something is seriously wrong. Rhodes was not okay at all right now.
***
After walking aimlessly through the vast palace, I arrived at the most familiar 'small forest' in the palace. I had a mountain of things to do after taking the carriage back to the mansion, but I couldn't stop my steps from heading here. No place could comfort me more than here.
As I was about to enter the entrance to the small forest, I heard a noise from the annex where no one should be, so I hid myself in the vines.
“You punk! You should go back your way! The Prince isn’t here today!”
“Wol-! Wol-!”
“Don’t talk back! I walk you and feed you more often than your master, and yet you are so ungrateful...”
“You punk! You should go back your way! The Prince isn’t here today!”
“Wol-! Wol-!”
“Don’t talk back! I walk you and feed you more often than your master, and yet you are so ungrateful...”
“Wol! Wol! Kkiiing! Kkiiing!”
“Your master’s condition is strange, and you too...! Damn it! Hey!”
I heard the barking of a large dog, and the voice of a man being dragged along, unable to handle the dog's strength. I poked my head out, and soon I saw a familiar face, and tears welled up in my eyes.
“...Sir Neil?”
It was Neil, Rhodnes's adjutant. He seemed to be walking around the villa with a large dog on a long leash.
“That dog from back then...?”
“Wol! Wol wol-!”
As Neil's figure began to fade away, the dog that had been barking loudly began to run wild and ran towards me.
“Huh, huh-? This guy!”
Neil, who had lost his grip on the rope, chased after me with wide eyes. I stared blankly at him and slowly started to back away.
“Wol! Wol wol-!”
Because the dog with fur that resembled a coon was running towards me so brightly, its tongue sticking out and wagging.
“Hey, hey?! Be careful!”
Neil, panicking, ran at full speed, but it was impossible. The four-legged beast ran faster than he could and pounced on me. I fell down with a thud, and I could only stand there dumbfounded, holding on to the dog that was licking my cheeks like crazy and whining.
“Oh my God, you crazy guy! Cowan! Cowan!! Stop!”
Because an unbelievable name came out of Neil's mouth.
“Coutess... Acacia?!”
My heart was beating so fast that the sound of him calling me didn't reach my ears.
“What did you just say this dog’s name?”
“Are you okay? No, Cowan isn’t usually like this... He’s very gentle, but it seems like he got heatstroke in the early winter, so he suddenly dragged me to this villa...”
Neil, who always looked at me with a wary look on his face, quickly picked up Cowan's leash, held it tightly, and spoke nonsense.
“This dog’s name is Cowan?”
“Yes...? Yes, it’s Cowan. Even though it’s this big, it still thinks it’s a baby... Are you hurt anywhere?”
It was ridiculous. Although he had the same golden fur, Cowan was a very skinny, ugly, and limping little puppy...!
Noevian said he had sent Cowan to the Trovica estate!
Only then did I meet Cowan’s eyes, who was whining and trying to come to me. I even had the illusion that his pitch-black eyes were filled with tears.
“Co...Wan...?”
“Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!”
The dog sat up, raised its front paws, and barked as if it was happy that I recognized it. It was Cowan. It was definitely Cowan. Its hair had grown quite long, and its dull hair had become golden and shiny. Its jet-black eyes were sparkling, and it was eating well and recovering its health, becoming a full-fledged adult dog.
“Isn’t this the dog that was in the Trovica estate? Did the Grand Duke of Trovica bring it?”
“Yes? What are you talking about?”
Neil, who had been holding out his hand to me as I sat down as if telling me to grab hold and get up, tilted his head. In the meantime, taking advantage of the slack in the rope, Cowan managed to get up and was whining, rubbing his cheek against the hem of my skirt.
“Cowan has always been our dog... no, his Highness Lord Rhodnes’ dog. Since Your Highness took him in, I believe he has never left the palace grounds. Are you mistaken?”
“Co...Wan...?”
“Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!”
The dog sat up, raised its front paws, and barked as if it was happy that I recognized it. It was Cowan. It was definitely Cowan. Its hair had grown quite long, and its dull hair had become golden and shiny. Its jet-black eyes were sparkling, and it was eating well and recovering its health, becoming a full-fledged adult dog.
“Isn’t this the dog that was in the Trovica estate? Did the Grand Duke of Trovica bring it?”
“Yes? What are you talking about?”
Neil, who had been holding out his hand to me as I sat down as if telling me to grab hold and get up, tilted his head. In the meantime, taking advantage of the slack in the rope, Cowan managed to get up and was whining, rubbing his cheek against the hem of my skirt.
“Cowan has always been our dog... no, his Highness Lord Rhodnes’ dog. Since Your Highness took him in, I believe he has never left the palace grounds. Are you mistaken?”
I let go of Neil's hand that was supporting me. The golden fur of the dog was very soft on my fingertips. As soon as the fur touched my hand, the dog licked my hand and whimpered. But I felt nothing. It felt as if all the blood that had been circulating quickly throughout my body was drained.
Soon, my body began to tremble. I clenched my fists to stop the trembling even a little. An indescribable tingling sensation ran from head to toe.
Inside the small forest. Cowan, the dog that Anne had raised. Cowan's master, Rhodnes. Because the truth that was nothing but confusion ran through my body like lightning.
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