RAMHM - Chapter 31< Why This Man, Why This Man >

Noevian remained frozen as he watched the government retreating away. 　

'Just because I love you... doesn't mean you can do whatever you want to me.'

“That's funny.”

How dare you say such a thing when you were desperate to be mine? 

Noevian’s thin lips twisted into a clear sneer. 

I dressed her in nice clothes and told her I was sorry and wanted to live with her, but it was clear that she didn’t know what she was doing. 

Slowly, he straightened his posture, smoothed his clothes as if nothing had happened, and left the darkness. Noevian’s eyes, leaning against the railing on the third floor, followed the woman’s back, who had already gone down to the first floor, and flashed darkly.

*** 

I went outside, pushing my way through the crowd of people dancing like crazy with excitement in my heart. I looked around for a moment to calm my pounding heart and turned my steps toward the secluded garden. The palace had not been a place I had fond memories of since the kiss I had with Noevian at the victory ceremony, but I felt like things would be a little different after today. 

Even if it weren’t for that incident, the palace would have been an exciting place for me. No matter how I felt, my steps naturally followed a familiar path and headed toward one place. Leaving the Atilchad Hall, where a grand party was taking place, I walked along the secluded garden path and came across a place where there were villas for guests. 

The villa in the corner of the place was small and old, almost like a ruin, and the small garden attached to it also had more green trees than flowers, so no one visited it except for the gardener who came once a month. I called it the ‘small forest.’ 

When I was young, I would sometimes visit the palace with my father and sneak into this place while waiting for him. There was always 'An' here. Noevian, my once perfect lover and husband. When my thoughts finally turned to Noevian, I bit my lips and stopped in my tracks at the entrance to the 'small forest'. 

The early winter night was very cold, and the entrance to the small forest was entangled with strong green vines that did not budge even in winter, giving off a refreshing scent. It was a nostalgic scent. It was perfect for calming my excited heart, but on the contrary, my heart ached as memories of Noevian came to mind.

'I hate Noevian so much that I want to kill him, but I can't hate the An of that time.'

I have no choice but to admit it. I have loved him for a very long time, and that is why it hurts more. I clenched my fists and trembled without meaning. It is natural to feel pain if I completely cut out Noevian, who created the most brilliant and beautiful memories in my life, from my heart.

'So it's natural that it's so painful and difficult.'

Even if I threw it away, I couldn't throw away my old memories with Noevian. Throwing away those memories was no different from throwing away my happy childhood as Adrienne.

'I'm going to throw away the Noevian Trovica later, very miserably. That won't change.'

I tried hard to pull myself together, but the feeling of emptiness as if the rainbow-colored happy memories had suddenly turned black and white made me feel powerless all over my body. Thinking back to the time when he was my first love and lover, I finally took a step forward, and in the small forest filled with freshness, there was an unexpected person.

“...Your Highness the Second Prince?”

It was Rhodnes, leaning crookedly under the largest tree. His luxurious uniform jacket was unbuttoned, and the shirt underneath was so tattered that anyone who saw him would have thought he had been rolling around in the mud with someone. I looked around casually, remembering that he was a famous prodigal son. Contrary to my guess, there was no woman with a similar outfit.

'The smell of alcohol...'

I think I saw him, who had been talking to the Emperor earlier, grab the bottle of wine that the servant was carrying and drink it all. Did the Emperor say something bad? 

Even when I called him, he just stared at me with his pupils dimmed as if he were in a dream. How did he know about this place? No, it wasn’t a question I should have asked a Prince who had lived in the palace for over 20 years. I felt a little embarrassed, and I was curious about him knowing about this place, so I spoke to him first.

“How could you be in a place like this... Your Highness? You must have had quite a drink.”

“No, no... sit down.”

Yes, he is drunk. Although Rhodnes's behavior was very strange, self-willed, and arrogant, he never treated me poorly even though he was a member of the royal family. I approached him a little and stood in front of him, thinking that even this beautiful Prince with no humanity couldn't help it when he was drunk.

“Today... Thank you so much, Your Grace.”

“...Sit down. Stay next to me.”

In response to my thanks, Rhodnes spoke in a rather pleading tone.

“!”

When I saw his hand tugging at the hem of my dress without hesitation, my gloomy heart from just a moment ago disappeared a little. I couldn't help but chuckle at his humane appearance.

'You're not in your right mind.'

When I saw his face flushed red from alcohol, my barely calmed heart started beating faster. Today is the first day I’ve accomplished something since I was reincarnated, so should I drink a little? 

If it weren’t for his help, it would have been difficult to see Noevian’s expression like that. Maybe thanks to this man, I would have gotten more attention and been offered the position of maid to the Crown Princess. 

I sat down slightly away from him with that thought. Fortunately, when I sat down quietly next to him, the beautiful Prince’s drunkenness quietened down. And that short silence was strangely ticklish. I suddenly felt my heart beating faster, and I put my hand to my chest and pressed it. Is my heart not good? 

I seriously thought that I should go see a doctor, but suddenly I heard a rustling sound from the nearby bushes, and a huge ball of fur popped out!

"Ah!"

Heck! Heck! Heck! Whin-! Squeak!! 

The identity of the giant furball was a big dog. I opened my mouth in bewilderment and froze, but the big dog ran into my arms as if it was meeting its owner again after not seeing him for years, whining and licking my neck and face. I tried to calm the dog down by holding its torso and making eye contact. And then I had to immediately brush away my startled chest.

'You look a lot like Cowan.'

The puppy that 'An' secretly raised in the palace, a dog that looked very similar to Cowan's golden fur color. How is Cowan? 

I heard that he took Noevian to the Northern Trovica territory because he was worried that I would get on his nerves. I wanted to pamper him as much as I could in place of Cowan, but I felt the blank gaze of Rhodnes and kept my mouth shut. Instead, I hugged the huge dog and petted it diligently.

“The child is beautiful. There is a really cute dog here, Your Highness.”

“...”

“You are so cute!”

I spoke brightly, but there was no response. I petted the huge dog more passionately and quietly as it clung to me, whining in a way that was out of place for its size. But Rhodnes, who was next to me, was strangely quiet. And then suddenly.

“...Adrienne.”

In an instant, a low voice that took my breath away was heard. The refreshing air of the 'small forest' became heavy at a frightening speed. My hand that was stroking the fur became slow as if it had fallen into a deep swamp. My heart pounded as if it was in my ear. This time, it must be drunk. I tried not to look at him while thinking that.

“Adrienne..."

The dark, rough voice penetrated my ears once again without mercy. It was a desperate voice that I could not help but look back at. 

The night I went to my funeral. My name, which I had longed for while waiting for Noevian alone on that cold night, flowed out like a plea, scratching Rhodnes’s throat in the silence of that night and in the silence of now. Now my heart began to beat wildly. I could say with certainty that Blie Acacia definitely had a heart problem. 

I pressed my hands, which were soaking wet with cold sweat, to my chest and slowly turned my head toward the voice.

“...!”

When I turned around, red eyes that were too vivid and clear to be passed off as drunkenness were staring straight at me as if I were a sane person. Between him and me, instead of air, only silence flowed.

“...It’s strange.”

The glint of his eyes under the shade of the trees was enough to instill fear in anyone, but his face looked as dangerous as if he were on a thin frozen lake. I wasn’t the only one who was visibly shaking. The man’s large, solid body, which had been dancing with a clean, crisp touch, and standing numb and crooked among the royal family, was also shaking slightly. The whites of his eyes, which had been originally clear, were not only tired but also had blood vessels sticking up.

“Am I... really crazy?”

And as soon as he finished speaking, thin streams of tears flowed down his eyes again and again. I had already seen this man trembling and crying in front of my tombstone from a distance, but this was the first time I had seen his tears up close.

Under the faint moonlight, the sight of the man with a brighter face and tears streaming down his face was like a fantasy.

“If I’m not crazy...”

I stared blankly at him as if I was crying. I couldn’t see the mirror, but it must have been like that. It felt like someone was grabbing my tear ducts and my face and twisting them. His tears, seen up close, were so heartbreaking and beautiful that they would shake anyone’s heart.

“Why is it in my eyes...”

And his gaze, which was frantically searching my face, tied me up tightly as if it were a rope.

“Why on earth...”

I just stared at him blankly, unable to say anything.

“I... do you look like Adrienne?”

As Rodnes averted his gaze from me, burying his face in his hands as he spoke in agony, my eyes stung mercilessly. It felt as if someone had grabbed my brain, squeezed it, and grabbed my throat. At the same time, a strange sadness that I couldn’t describe in words struck me. 

Ah. Ah. Why this man. Why this man. Who on earth are you? Who are you? 

Those are the words I wanted to hear from my husband, whom I had loved almost my entire life. Something that I had been holding back inside me burst out. Finally, even my cheeks were wet. I was so shaken that I was surprised at myself. Seeing Rhodnes suffering so much because of me, who didn’t even know who I was, naturally reminded me of the times I had shed tears because of Noevian, who didn’t recognize me, and my breathing became more and more rapid. 

Maybe I was drunk from the glass of champagne I had shared with the ladies at the party hall, my head was spinning and my heart was pounding from head to toe. Was that why?

“...What if I’m Adrienne?”

I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks and impulsively blurted out words that I didn't even understand.

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