“I wanted to be recognized by you.”
Kaian’s eyebrows rose to the sky at the sudden words.
“I was a Vermonter, so it would have been difficult for me to become the Duchess of Temnes.”
If I hadn’t been forced to go on my back by royal command, would I have thought of crossing the continent from the northern tip to the far south even if I had been caught in Herzol?
“You said that you were tricked into a marriage that was forced upon you.”
He sighed deeply at my words.
“That was something I said when I didn’t know you.”
Kaian carefully placed the baby in my arms. When his hands were free, he lovingly cupped and caressed her tiny cheek.
“I sincerely apologize.”
“You don’t have to. There’s nothing wrong with what you said.”
I miraculously recovered from a dead end where I thought there was no way out.
I felt like I had been given a second chance at life because Kaian had saved my life.
When he treated me like an enemy, I was just grateful that he saved me. It was strange that I felt affection when someone who could have let me die said, “Don’t you know how to let me die?”
“I wanted to do better. I didn’t prepare in advance, but I wanted to work hard one by one to be properly recognized as a Duchess and a lord’s wife.”
“Claudel.”
“Every word you said to me felt like an evaluation.”
Kaian’s words greatly affected my mood and daily life.
When he cared for me and treated me well, I would take a step closer to happiness, but when Kaian disapproved of me or coldly said something with a cold look in his eyes, everything would fall apart in an instant.
“Irena wouldn’t have done this.”
With the Duke of Vermont as her backing, she thought everything was right.
But she wasn’t herself.
Even before I could do anything, a breeze blew in and shook me noisily and wildly.
It was hard for a child without a foundation, without support, and without parents.
However, Kaian and I had a child.
The woman named Claudel could have had a life that was a bit erratic, but she didn’t want her baby’s life to be erratic along with her.
“That’s why I trusted His Majesty Valquiterre.”
Kaian frowned, but I said calmly.
“Because he ordered our marriage. And because you said he was the only person in the world that you trusted.”
In fact, I envied Valquiterre.
Just the fact that a man who was not easy on me or Vermonter mentioned Valquiterre as special, the only person he considered like family, and trusted him was already close to my ideal.
‘Will Kaian ever say that to me?’
Maybe it won’t come until the day I die.
However, Kaian was also someone who could treat someone with such special treatment and a relaxed attitude. Even a man like that who decided whether or not to take countless lives, whether or not to fight a war, and sometimes went to the battlefield himself, swung his sword, and decided the winner himself and returned, had a place to put his heart.
It was even more heartbreaking because it was certain that I wasn’t just some random stone from an enemy family, but because I felt it so much, I thought that even I could trust Valquiterre.
“I was a Vermonter, so it would have been difficult for me to become the Duchess of Temnes.”
If I hadn’t been forced to go on my back by royal command, would I have thought of crossing the continent from the northern tip to the far south even if I had been caught in Herzol?
“You said that you were tricked into a marriage that was forced upon you.”
He sighed deeply at my words.
“That was something I said when I didn’t know you.”
Kaian carefully placed the baby in my arms. When his hands were free, he lovingly cupped and caressed her tiny cheek.
“I sincerely apologize.”
“You don’t have to. There’s nothing wrong with what you said.”
I miraculously recovered from a dead end where I thought there was no way out.
I felt like I had been given a second chance at life because Kaian had saved my life.
When he treated me like an enemy, I was just grateful that he saved me. It was strange that I felt affection when someone who could have let me die said, “Don’t you know how to let me die?”
“I wanted to do better. I didn’t prepare in advance, but I wanted to work hard one by one to be properly recognized as a Duchess and a lord’s wife.”
“Claudel.”
“Every word you said to me felt like an evaluation.”
Kaian’s words greatly affected my mood and daily life.
When he cared for me and treated me well, I would take a step closer to happiness, but when Kaian disapproved of me or coldly said something with a cold look in his eyes, everything would fall apart in an instant.
“Irena wouldn’t have done this.”
With the Duke of Vermont as her backing, she thought everything was right.
But she wasn’t herself.
Even before I could do anything, a breeze blew in and shook me noisily and wildly.
It was hard for a child without a foundation, without support, and without parents.
However, Kaian and I had a child.
The woman named Claudel could have had a life that was a bit erratic, but she didn’t want her baby’s life to be erratic along with her.
“That’s why I trusted His Majesty Valquiterre.”
Kaian frowned, but I said calmly.
“Because he ordered our marriage. And because you said he was the only person in the world that you trusted.”
In fact, I envied Valquiterre.
Just the fact that a man who was not easy on me or Vermonter mentioned Valquiterre as special, the only person he considered like family, and trusted him was already close to my ideal.
‘Will Kaian ever say that to me?’
Maybe it won’t come until the day I die.
However, Kaian was also someone who could treat someone with such special treatment and a relaxed attitude. Even a man like that who decided whether or not to take countless lives, whether or not to fight a war, and sometimes went to the battlefield himself, swung his sword, and decided the winner himself and returned, had a place to put his heart.
It was even more heartbreaking because it was certain that I wasn’t just some random stone from an enemy family, but because I felt it so much, I thought that even I could trust Valquiterre.
Because Kaian said so.
“If it’s hard to get your approval, I thought I should at least get his help.”
Since Kaian considered him special, I thought Valquiterre would treat him with the same feelings.
From my perspective, Kaian was such a difficult and great husband that it was hard to imagine that someone would betray his trust.
As a result, I got to experience Valquiterre firsthand.
I almost lost my child because I went and saw things that I shouldn’t have known while keeping a distance from Rowen and the imperial palace my entire life.
“I don’t know if the day will come when you’ll trust me, but he said he will.”
The existence of the baby that Kaian abandoned was a product of Valquiterre's royal order.
So I was relieved that he had enough cause to help me.
“It’s all my fault.”
Kaian slowly knelt down beside the bed.
He had learned not to bow down and surrender even when the enemy's sword reached his neck.
But he could not open his mouth without standing up straight to ask for forgiveness from Claudel and the baby who still had no name.
He put his elbows on the bed, took one of Claudel's hands, and pressed it to his forehead with both of his hands.
Only when his pain and confusion were hidden from her eyes could he finally utter the words that had been tangled in his throat.
"...I don't know how I became like this either."
Where should he begin to tell the story of Valquiterre?
How should I say it? Could I tell her something that was taboo even in the royal family and the Temnes family?
Although he had learned that what he saw and judged was always right, Kaian had a hard time choosing the right answer.
“Some families in Oberon have a tradition to protect their bloodlines.”
“Tradition?”
“Yes. To easily rule as rulers and be admired by the common people.”
Kaian raised his head and looked at her.
“The red-haired golden eyes of Vermont, the black-haired red eyes of Temnes.”
He confessed the ugly choices of his ancestors and shrank before her golden eyes.
“There’s no way only those kinds of children are born.”
“That...”
Kaian smiled bitterly as Claudel unconsciously pulled the baby to the other side of her body, her complexion worsening.
“That wouldn’t be the case. The selection of the heir was more cruel to boys.”
Even if a girl who could directly give birth to a baby was taken away, her life would not be in danger.
After all that hard work to produce a symbol of bloodline, when two boys were born at the same time, it was obvious that they were the heirs of Temnes, so one of them was discarded.
“Valquiterre indeed provoked them, but there was indeed something like that in the family.”
“Then our baby...”
“Don’t worry about our Princess.”
Kaian tried to reassure Claudel as gently as possible.
“She looks just like you, so pretty. How could I treat this baby carelessly?”
She looked at him with a questioning expression.
“Your facial muscles are weird.”
“I’m trying my best, but you don’t recognize it.”
He knew why the story was going around in circles.
It was because his mind hadn’t yet completely reached a conclusion.
Kaian looked at the baby she was holding with a heavy heart.
“I tried to make sure that wouldn’t happen in my generation.”
“Really?”
“But Valquiterre seems to have an aversion to that.”
When Claudel’s eyes widened, Kaian quickly added.
“I’m not sure why... Anyway, you heard about the succession issue.”
Kaian felt something stuck in his throat.
“It wasn’t my intention.”
The tense, bloodshot eyes that had been focused on taking Claudel and the baby to Rowen were suddenly cut off.
Kaian felt the sadness he had built up in his chest crumble defenselessly.
“You weren’t just leaving me. I thought you would suffer so much that you wanted to die.”
The regrets that had been gnawing at his heart over and over again poured out.
“I... I thought you would endure it.”
“What?”
Claudel raised her voice at the unexpected words, and the baby flinched and let out a small whimper.
“That’s right. You’re good. Baby.”
Claudel whispered gently and comforted her, and the baby soon closed her eyes again.
“...What on earth do you mean?”
“Because you’re strong.”
Kaian hoped that she wouldn’t be terrified if she didn’t understand what he was saying.
“Because you’re willing to die for others. How much more precious would you be to the child you’re holding?”
He calculated.
Compared to the trouble caused by Valquiterre and the various incidents that occurred, if Claudel could just endure it for a while, everything would go smoothly after a while.
“It may sound like sophistry, but I trusted you so much. I didn’t know you were having such a hard time.”
When he said that, Claudel was silent for a moment.
They each vividly reminisced about the pain they had experienced in the past.
Kaian in his own way, and Claudel in her own way.
Each and every choice that they had thought could not be undone pierced their hearts like a knife.
“You have your own circumstances. I understand.”
Claudel broke the silence.
“What’s the point of arguing about that? It’s already in the past, and we have a baby.”
When the word “we” came out of Claudel’s mouth, Kaian felt as if the dark cabin had suddenly become brighter.
“You have to raise the baby well. Old stories won’t be of much help.”
Claudel smoothed Kaian’s disheveled hair.
“But when you’ve made up your mind, please tell me.”
“I will.”
Claudel looked at the baby sleeping soundly.
If it was for the baby, if it was to give the child a bright future, then there was no need to vent her grudge.
“So, when are you going to name the baby?”
At her words, Kaian's eyes widened and soon his face brightened and he laughed out loud.
The next day, a ship arrived in Rowen. It was a breathtaking journey of four days since leaving the palace.
I almost burst into tears as I entered the Duchess' room that I had originally used.
I realized that there was a locked, unused door in the room, which was connected to the nursery next to it.
While I was busy organizing the baby's room, I heard news that Madame Cronach had arrived at the port.
"Claudel!"
Madame Cronach frantically hugged me and rubbed my cheek.
"Mom. I was really worried. Why were you so late?"
I hugged her and complained, and the woman answered,
"Something happened on the way. But I got here pretty early."
Madame Cronach smiled.
"I came on the Vermont ship."
“If it’s hard to get your approval, I thought I should at least get his help.”
Since Kaian considered him special, I thought Valquiterre would treat him with the same feelings.
From my perspective, Kaian was such a difficult and great husband that it was hard to imagine that someone would betray his trust.
As a result, I got to experience Valquiterre firsthand.
I almost lost my child because I went and saw things that I shouldn’t have known while keeping a distance from Rowen and the imperial palace my entire life.
“I don’t know if the day will come when you’ll trust me, but he said he will.”
The existence of the baby that Kaian abandoned was a product of Valquiterre's royal order.
So I was relieved that he had enough cause to help me.
“It’s all my fault.”
Kaian slowly knelt down beside the bed.
He had learned not to bow down and surrender even when the enemy's sword reached his neck.
But he could not open his mouth without standing up straight to ask for forgiveness from Claudel and the baby who still had no name.
He put his elbows on the bed, took one of Claudel's hands, and pressed it to his forehead with both of his hands.
Only when his pain and confusion were hidden from her eyes could he finally utter the words that had been tangled in his throat.
"...I don't know how I became like this either."
Where should he begin to tell the story of Valquiterre?
How should I say it? Could I tell her something that was taboo even in the royal family and the Temnes family?
Although he had learned that what he saw and judged was always right, Kaian had a hard time choosing the right answer.
“Some families in Oberon have a tradition to protect their bloodlines.”
“Tradition?”
“Yes. To easily rule as rulers and be admired by the common people.”
Kaian raised his head and looked at her.
“The red-haired golden eyes of Vermont, the black-haired red eyes of Temnes.”
He confessed the ugly choices of his ancestors and shrank before her golden eyes.
“There’s no way only those kinds of children are born.”
“That...”
Kaian smiled bitterly as Claudel unconsciously pulled the baby to the other side of her body, her complexion worsening.
“That wouldn’t be the case. The selection of the heir was more cruel to boys.”
Even if a girl who could directly give birth to a baby was taken away, her life would not be in danger.
After all that hard work to produce a symbol of bloodline, when two boys were born at the same time, it was obvious that they were the heirs of Temnes, so one of them was discarded.
“Valquiterre indeed provoked them, but there was indeed something like that in the family.”
“Then our baby...”
“Don’t worry about our Princess.”
Kaian tried to reassure Claudel as gently as possible.
“She looks just like you, so pretty. How could I treat this baby carelessly?”
She looked at him with a questioning expression.
“Your facial muscles are weird.”
“I’m trying my best, but you don’t recognize it.”
He knew why the story was going around in circles.
It was because his mind hadn’t yet completely reached a conclusion.
Kaian looked at the baby she was holding with a heavy heart.
“I tried to make sure that wouldn’t happen in my generation.”
“Really?”
“But Valquiterre seems to have an aversion to that.”
When Claudel’s eyes widened, Kaian quickly added.
“I’m not sure why... Anyway, you heard about the succession issue.”
Kaian felt something stuck in his throat.
“It wasn’t my intention.”
The tense, bloodshot eyes that had been focused on taking Claudel and the baby to Rowen were suddenly cut off.
Kaian felt the sadness he had built up in his chest crumble defenselessly.
“You weren’t just leaving me. I thought you would suffer so much that you wanted to die.”
The regrets that had been gnawing at his heart over and over again poured out.
“I... I thought you would endure it.”
“What?”
Claudel raised her voice at the unexpected words, and the baby flinched and let out a small whimper.
“That’s right. You’re good. Baby.”
Claudel whispered gently and comforted her, and the baby soon closed her eyes again.
“...What on earth do you mean?”
“Because you’re strong.”
Kaian hoped that she wouldn’t be terrified if she didn’t understand what he was saying.
“Because you’re willing to die for others. How much more precious would you be to the child you’re holding?”
He calculated.
Compared to the trouble caused by Valquiterre and the various incidents that occurred, if Claudel could just endure it for a while, everything would go smoothly after a while.
“It may sound like sophistry, but I trusted you so much. I didn’t know you were having such a hard time.”
When he said that, Claudel was silent for a moment.
They each vividly reminisced about the pain they had experienced in the past.
Kaian in his own way, and Claudel in her own way.
Each and every choice that they had thought could not be undone pierced their hearts like a knife.
“You have your own circumstances. I understand.”
Claudel broke the silence.
“What’s the point of arguing about that? It’s already in the past, and we have a baby.”
When the word “we” came out of Claudel’s mouth, Kaian felt as if the dark cabin had suddenly become brighter.
“You have to raise the baby well. Old stories won’t be of much help.”
Claudel smoothed Kaian’s disheveled hair.
“But when you’ve made up your mind, please tell me.”
“I will.”
Claudel looked at the baby sleeping soundly.
If it was for the baby, if it was to give the child a bright future, then there was no need to vent her grudge.
“So, when are you going to name the baby?”
At her words, Kaian's eyes widened and soon his face brightened and he laughed out loud.
The next day, a ship arrived in Rowen. It was a breathtaking journey of four days since leaving the palace.
I almost burst into tears as I entered the Duchess' room that I had originally used.
I realized that there was a locked, unused door in the room, which was connected to the nursery next to it.
While I was busy organizing the baby's room, I heard news that Madame Cronach had arrived at the port.
"Claudel!"
Madame Cronach frantically hugged me and rubbed my cheek.
"Mom. I was really worried. Why were you so late?"
I hugged her and complained, and the woman answered,
"Something happened on the way. But I got here pretty early."
Madame Cronach smiled.
"I came on the Vermont ship."
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