“This is...”
It was a very familiar object.
It was the second night after she arrived at Rowen Castle that Claudel asked for the bezel that fell off his clothes button.
The round edge of the button, made of gold and made a rattling sound, was seamless and looked like a thin gold ring.
Because of that, Claudel was accused of being a thief and suffered, and Kaian’s self-reproach for making a few slips of the tongue made their relationship even more awkward. Even after their relationship became quite smooth, Claudel always wore it on her left fourth finger.
It was an ambiguous object that was too pitiful to call a button because it reminded him of how much he had hurt her feelings, and too ambiguous to just think of it as a ring.
‘Are you trying to protest to me?’
‘Nothing like that.’
‘Take that out and try this.’
He tried desperately to get her to take it off her hand, buying her all kinds of rings and offering them, but Claudel would change the subject or pretend not to hear and clench her fists and hide her hands behind her back.
Even the small ring was so thin that it didn’t interfere with the other ring he had given her to fit her finger, so Kaian eventually gave up.
The day he saw Claudel again after the royal family sent her a divorce notice.
‘...It’s gone.’
He looked around to see if she was okay and if her health was deteriorating, and he noticed that the button decoration had disappeared from her finger. The sloppy object that had been a thorn in his eye was finally gone.
Instead of feeling happy, his heart sank.
Maybe it was more like being pushed to the edge of despair than when he had received her telegram that simply said, “I want a divorce.”
In the dim bedroom, lit by the soft light of the oil lamp, the thin gold ornament Kaian had picked up gleamed.
A small piece of light, like a setting waning moon, floated up to him like hope in the darkness where no light could reach.
'Hope?'
Kaian let out a hollow laugh, shaking at his own nature of judging the possibility of even the most absurd situation.
"Ha..."
Claudel's shoulders flinched at that sound.
It took a while for me to come to my senses even after opening my eyes.
I had thought that the baby in my womb resembled him throughout ny pregnancy. I thought that the seed of a man as strong and hot as the sun that rules the sky had been sown and a life exactly like him was growing.
When I lost the sun I was carrying, it felt as if the land where the precious seed had taken root had also died for a moment.
I could hardly carry out a normal daily routine, and my physical condition was not so good. I spent most of my nights suffering from insomnia, but when I did manage to fall asleep, I was so dreary that I couldn't sleep long, and when I woke up, I was so dazed that I couldn't feel anything, as if my consciousness had gone far away.
'Maybe I went to find the baby.'
The soul that had left my body must have fearlessly traveled across the river of death where the baby had left.
That's why I must have felt so tired and my mind must have been dark when I woke up like this.
It was a very familiar object.
It was the second night after she arrived at Rowen Castle that Claudel asked for the bezel that fell off his clothes button.
The round edge of the button, made of gold and made a rattling sound, was seamless and looked like a thin gold ring.
Because of that, Claudel was accused of being a thief and suffered, and Kaian’s self-reproach for making a few slips of the tongue made their relationship even more awkward. Even after their relationship became quite smooth, Claudel always wore it on her left fourth finger.
It was an ambiguous object that was too pitiful to call a button because it reminded him of how much he had hurt her feelings, and too ambiguous to just think of it as a ring.
‘Are you trying to protest to me?’
‘Nothing like that.’
‘Take that out and try this.’
He tried desperately to get her to take it off her hand, buying her all kinds of rings and offering them, but Claudel would change the subject or pretend not to hear and clench her fists and hide her hands behind her back.
Even the small ring was so thin that it didn’t interfere with the other ring he had given her to fit her finger, so Kaian eventually gave up.
The day he saw Claudel again after the royal family sent her a divorce notice.
‘...It’s gone.’
He looked around to see if she was okay and if her health was deteriorating, and he noticed that the button decoration had disappeared from her finger. The sloppy object that had been a thorn in his eye was finally gone.
Instead of feeling happy, his heart sank.
Maybe it was more like being pushed to the edge of despair than when he had received her telegram that simply said, “I want a divorce.”
In the dim bedroom, lit by the soft light of the oil lamp, the thin gold ornament Kaian had picked up gleamed.
A small piece of light, like a setting waning moon, floated up to him like hope in the darkness where no light could reach.
'Hope?'
Kaian let out a hollow laugh, shaking at his own nature of judging the possibility of even the most absurd situation.
"Ha..."
Claudel's shoulders flinched at that sound.
***
It took a while for me to come to my senses even after opening my eyes.
I had thought that the baby in my womb resembled him throughout ny pregnancy. I thought that the seed of a man as strong and hot as the sun that rules the sky had been sown and a life exactly like him was growing.
When I lost the sun I was carrying, it felt as if the land where the precious seed had taken root had also died for a moment.
I could hardly carry out a normal daily routine, and my physical condition was not so good. I spent most of my nights suffering from insomnia, but when I did manage to fall asleep, I was so dreary that I couldn't sleep long, and when I woke up, I was so dazed that I couldn't feel anything, as if my consciousness had gone far away.
'Maybe I went to find the baby.'
The soul that had left my body must have fearlessly traveled across the river of death where the baby had left.
That's why I must have felt so tired and my mind must have been dark when I woke up like this.
I slowly blinked my eyes, and as my arms and legs, which I had no feeling at all, moved, it finally felt real that they were my own body, but it took me a long time to understand why I was not lying down but lying down.
"Ah!"
I suddenly sat up, and my eyes suddenly felt dizzy.
"Ugh."
I put my hand on my forehead and frowned, and I heard Kaian's voice nearby.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
For a moment, I felt dumbfounded, and my mind, which had been blank as if the blood had stopped flowing, began to work.
"Don't you think that's not the right time to say something like that?"
Kaian getting stabbed.
My hair stood on end as I recalled the moment when Kaian raised his arm high into the air with all his strength and the knife fell toward him.
“Shouldn’t you say thank you first?”
“How are your wounds?”
After wiping away the blood and sweat he had shed with a wet towel, I eventually had to call back the maid and servant I had kicked out.
I didn’t have the skills to dress him on my own. The man looked fine on the outside, but he was bleeding profusely and had stitches all over his wounds. When I put a shirt on him, I couldn’t check if the bandages were soaked with blood, so my eyes wandered to his shoulders.
“I thought you would just tidy it up.”
However, instead of saying it was okay or that it hurt, the man kept talking nonsense, and I got angry.
“Who asked you to help me?”
“Why on earth were you standing there like that?”
“Who...”
“Antjone. You didn’t notice the commotion while that woman snatched the knife from the cook’s hand and headed toward you?”
...I didn’t know.
‘There was a commotion?’
I was so distracted that I didn’t notice anything unusual. The man whose head had been sticking out far beyond the crowd suddenly disappeared, so I was busy looking for him without realizing it.
“I was at the entrance when I found Antjone and went to catch her. I couldn’t stop her, though.”
When I realized that I had been distracted by Kaian, I felt embarrassed and my voice grew louder.
“Why did you take that? You were the best warrior in the kingdom, and you got stabbed by a meat cleaver wielded by a woman. Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“That’s unbelievable.”
Kaian squinted.
“I thought you were far from the venomous Vermont who could kill people with a three-inch tongue. So you’re also of that bloodline.”
“What? You’re the one...”
It occurred to me belatedly that something was wrong.
It wasn’t something to be angry about, but I should have been thankful and sorry, why was I so angry that my body was shaking?
When I was confused, Kaian got up from the bed where he had been leaning against.
Just that alone made me feel threatened in an unknown way.
“The reason I got stabbed is because you and Antjone were too close.”
Kaian cut me off and said abruptly.
“I was afraid that you would get hurt if I tried to subdue Antjone.”
I opened my mouth slightly without realizing it.
“It’s better for me to get hurt than for you to get hurt.”
Kaian reached out to me, who was staring blankly at him.
A flash.
The ring he had kept hidden in my clothes the whole time was at his fingertips.
“I told you honestly. So tell me too.”
Kaian’s red eyes looked at me as if they were going to pierce through me.
“Why did you keep this?”
I jumped up from my seat and snatched the ring from my necklace chain as if snatching it from his hand.
'I have to run away.'
I ran out of the room, avoiding Kaian, because I had only one thought.
"Claudel."
However, when I felt him get up and chase me, I panicked and hurriedly fled to the hanging garden.
"Haa. Haa."
I hadn't moved much, but my breathing was fast.
"Why are you running away?"
"You can't come in here without permission."
"Claudel."
Kaian's voice called me, sticking to my ear.
"Why did you keep this? Are you asking because you don't know?"
I shuddered and grabbed the necklace string, ripping it off and holding out the dangling ring in front of me.
"So that I wouldn't forget what I went through because of you!"
My insides were boiling and burning as if I had been stabbed with a hot iron.
"The persecution and sorrow I suffered from my enemy. I will never forgive you and will remember!"
I had never forgotten for a moment.
I had just tried to dismiss it as something that had passed.
"Do you think I liked it so much that I kept this all this time?"
I threw it into the bushes and grass.
The ring, flying with a thin necklace string, drew a golden parabola.
I returned to the castle, avoiding Kaian who had become silent.
"Lady Claudel."
The maids who were stamping their feet outside the hanging garden called me with tired faces.
"Show me the room where I will stay separately."
"Yes. Yes. Come this way."
The maids wrapped a shawl around my shoulders and guided me to the hallway opposite the room where Kaian had been staying for treatment.
"I wonder who would have kept such a thing."
I forced myself to lie down on the bed, but I couldn't sleep.
I searched frantically through the bushes.
"Ha. It was definitely around this time."
When I opened the door after about an hour, the two maids who had been busy dressing me up since early in the morning and had to finish decorating Kaian's new bedroom in a hurry were sitting on chairs, leaning against each other, dozing off.
I headed quietly toward the hanging garden.
My eyes kept stinging and my chest was filled with tears, and I felt something rumbling inside me every time I took a quick step.
“Why isn’t it there?”
It should be there.
I lay down in the grass and spent a long time pushing the grass away and examining the branches of the short trees.
There are only two keys to open the entrance to the Hanging Gardens.
Valquiterre had one, and while I was avoiding Kaian's eyes, I readily gave it to him, saying that I could take a walk without feeling stuffy.
Looking back, it was all because Valquiterre had another ulterior motive.
Originally, the key that King Oberon and Queen each had was taken too easily in the name of favor.
Anyway, there was no way anyone could have come in during that time, but I was anxious because I couldn't find what I was looking for.
"...Ugh."
In the end, I sat down, exhausted, and began to cry.
"Sob. Ugh...Ugh."
I hated Kaian so much.
He was the kind of person who could have made me extremely happy, but he didn't, and I resented him.
'If a baby with Vermont's blood mixed in was so horrible, then he didn't have to come every night.'
"Ah!"
I suddenly sat up, and my eyes suddenly felt dizzy.
"Ugh."
I put my hand on my forehead and frowned, and I heard Kaian's voice nearby.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?"
For a moment, I felt dumbfounded, and my mind, which had been blank as if the blood had stopped flowing, began to work.
"Don't you think that's not the right time to say something like that?"
Kaian getting stabbed.
My hair stood on end as I recalled the moment when Kaian raised his arm high into the air with all his strength and the knife fell toward him.
“Shouldn’t you say thank you first?”
“How are your wounds?”
After wiping away the blood and sweat he had shed with a wet towel, I eventually had to call back the maid and servant I had kicked out.
I didn’t have the skills to dress him on my own. The man looked fine on the outside, but he was bleeding profusely and had stitches all over his wounds. When I put a shirt on him, I couldn’t check if the bandages were soaked with blood, so my eyes wandered to his shoulders.
“I thought you would just tidy it up.”
However, instead of saying it was okay or that it hurt, the man kept talking nonsense, and I got angry.
“Who asked you to help me?”
“Why on earth were you standing there like that?”
“Who...”
“Antjone. You didn’t notice the commotion while that woman snatched the knife from the cook’s hand and headed toward you?”
...I didn’t know.
‘There was a commotion?’
I was so distracted that I didn’t notice anything unusual. The man whose head had been sticking out far beyond the crowd suddenly disappeared, so I was busy looking for him without realizing it.
“I was at the entrance when I found Antjone and went to catch her. I couldn’t stop her, though.”
When I realized that I had been distracted by Kaian, I felt embarrassed and my voice grew louder.
“Why did you take that? You were the best warrior in the kingdom, and you got stabbed by a meat cleaver wielded by a woman. Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“That’s unbelievable.”
Kaian squinted.
“I thought you were far from the venomous Vermont who could kill people with a three-inch tongue. So you’re also of that bloodline.”
“What? You’re the one...”
It occurred to me belatedly that something was wrong.
It wasn’t something to be angry about, but I should have been thankful and sorry, why was I so angry that my body was shaking?
When I was confused, Kaian got up from the bed where he had been leaning against.
Just that alone made me feel threatened in an unknown way.
“The reason I got stabbed is because you and Antjone were too close.”
Kaian cut me off and said abruptly.
“I was afraid that you would get hurt if I tried to subdue Antjone.”
I opened my mouth slightly without realizing it.
“It’s better for me to get hurt than for you to get hurt.”
Kaian reached out to me, who was staring blankly at him.
A flash.
The ring he had kept hidden in my clothes the whole time was at his fingertips.
“I told you honestly. So tell me too.”
Kaian’s red eyes looked at me as if they were going to pierce through me.
“Why did you keep this?”
I jumped up from my seat and snatched the ring from my necklace chain as if snatching it from his hand.
'I have to run away.'
I ran out of the room, avoiding Kaian, because I had only one thought.
"Claudel."
However, when I felt him get up and chase me, I panicked and hurriedly fled to the hanging garden.
"Haa. Haa."
I hadn't moved much, but my breathing was fast.
"Why are you running away?"
"You can't come in here without permission."
"Claudel."
Kaian's voice called me, sticking to my ear.
"Why did you keep this? Are you asking because you don't know?"
I shuddered and grabbed the necklace string, ripping it off and holding out the dangling ring in front of me.
"So that I wouldn't forget what I went through because of you!"
My insides were boiling and burning as if I had been stabbed with a hot iron.
"The persecution and sorrow I suffered from my enemy. I will never forgive you and will remember!"
I had never forgotten for a moment.
I had just tried to dismiss it as something that had passed.
"Do you think I liked it so much that I kept this all this time?"
I threw it into the bushes and grass.
The ring, flying with a thin necklace string, drew a golden parabola.
I returned to the castle, avoiding Kaian who had become silent.
"Lady Claudel."
The maids who were stamping their feet outside the hanging garden called me with tired faces.
"Show me the room where I will stay separately."
"Yes. Yes. Come this way."
The maids wrapped a shawl around my shoulders and guided me to the hallway opposite the room where Kaian had been staying for treatment.
"I wonder who would have kept such a thing."
I forced myself to lie down on the bed, but I couldn't sleep.
***
I searched frantically through the bushes.
"Ha. It was definitely around this time."
When I opened the door after about an hour, the two maids who had been busy dressing me up since early in the morning and had to finish decorating Kaian's new bedroom in a hurry were sitting on chairs, leaning against each other, dozing off.
I headed quietly toward the hanging garden.
My eyes kept stinging and my chest was filled with tears, and I felt something rumbling inside me every time I took a quick step.
“Why isn’t it there?”
It should be there.
I lay down in the grass and spent a long time pushing the grass away and examining the branches of the short trees.
There are only two keys to open the entrance to the Hanging Gardens.
Valquiterre had one, and while I was avoiding Kaian's eyes, I readily gave it to him, saying that I could take a walk without feeling stuffy.
Looking back, it was all because Valquiterre had another ulterior motive.
Originally, the key that King Oberon and Queen each had was taken too easily in the name of favor.
Anyway, there was no way anyone could have come in during that time, but I was anxious because I couldn't find what I was looking for.
"...Ugh."
In the end, I sat down, exhausted, and began to cry.
"Sob. Ugh...Ugh."
I hated Kaian so much.
He was the kind of person who could have made me extremely happy, but he didn't, and I resented him.
'If a baby with Vermont's blood mixed in was so horrible, then he didn't have to come every night.'
I was disappointed in the man who enjoyed my body to the fullest and was indifferent to the fact that I would conceive a baby that would not be blessed. But I couldn't throw away that little ring because it was so big. It was a gift that he had given me as a gift for the night.
"Sob..."
In her tear-blurred vision, a ring on a thin gold necklace dangled dimly.
“Are you looking for this?”
"Sob..."
In her tear-blurred vision, a ring on a thin gold necklace dangled dimly.
“Are you looking for this?”
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