“...I missed you.”
The thought that he had to see Claudel, that he had to see her in person and talk to her ate away at his mind.
He didn’t foolishly hand over the land of Pagos to Valquiterre's trick.
It was because Claudel’s work was urgent and she was precious to him.
“Claudel. I love you so much that I’m ruined.”
The long words he wanted to say were compressed into a very short sentence, “I miss you.”
“Do you know how crazy I’ve been? I’ve actually done many things that would make you think I was crazy.”
The long words that followed were compressed again and shortened.
“I’ve been looking for you so long.”
Then, in an instant, his eyes and the tip of his nose became tingly.
While he was missing and yearning for her, Claudel had sharpened her knife at him.
Clearly, someone who had truly loved him so much couldn’t have changed so suddenly without any signs or reason, but he couldn’t believe or accept the fact that she had picked up a knife and attacked him.
So at that moment, she could stab himself in the heart without hesitation.
Because he really felt like he was going to die.
The fact that she hated him enough to want to kill him had already stabbed his heart.
“Let go. The wound.”
So what? Was it a big deal that he was a little hurt?
She faced him with a knife in her hand and was shaking like this because he was bleeding a little.
‘So she really didn’t want me to die.’
Kaian tried to think hopefully.
However, the confidence he had barely held onto had long since fallen to the floor.
Until just a moment ago, he had thought that if she saw him again and talked properly, things would be different. After all, Claudel liked him, because Claudel loved him.
‘Why did I make that judgment without any basis?’
It was quite funny that he had bathed at five in the morning to see her and dressed up like a nightingale on his first flight.
No, he couldn’t bear it if he didn’t try hard.
Since Claudel only drew the line and pushed him away, there was nothing else he could do to get closer to her.
All he did was carefully choose clothes that she liked and thought would suit her.
'I didn't know I would get stabbed in response.'
What should he say?
The words he had chosen in his head dozens of times and the expected flow of conversation that he had arranged like a fabric woven alternately with the warp and weft had lost their meaning. He barely held onto his consciousness that was fading and becoming confused and instinctively tried not to let go of the pitiful little warmth fluttering in his arms.
"Did you eat properly?"
The woman resisting him was frighteningly weak.
"You seem too thin."
She felt thinner than when she had suffered from Herzol.
Because he had hugged her without permission, the hand that was pushing him away to escape was so weak that it felt like a person would crumble if he had put just a little more strength into the arm holding Claudel.
He had a strong urge to bury his nose in the red hair that reached her chin and kiss her.
“...What’s your business?”
The anger in her faintly small voice dispersed like a wave of bubbles.
“Let me see your face.”
Kaian felt anxious that she might fly away if he let go. He carefully released his arm, revealing the pale face that he had forcibly confined in his arms.
“Yiu need to get treatment quickly...”
Claudel couldn’t take her eyes off his arm with a tired face.
However, he was busy examining her face stained with his own blood.
‘I was short-sighted.’
The news that Claudel was alive had been indirectly conveyed in the divorce notice.
When he saw her again in the palace, why hadn’t he understood how much pain she was in losing her baby?
To the woman who was slowly withering away while blaming herself like this, all he could do was say something nonsensical like ‘You can have another child.’
Kaian felt sad because he understood why Claudel was so disgusted by him.
“Claudel. I want to clear up a misunderstanding.”
Of the things he had been about to say, only one part of them managed to come to mind.
“The rumors that I had an affair with Madam Marcel in the castle were not true.”
“...”
“I didn’t think you would care until Madame Marcel told me.”
But once he had said one thing, the next thing he had to say came to mind.
“That you were pregnant. The doctor told me right away.”
Claudel’s face went blank.
“I pretended not to know because I wanted you to feel better.”
Huh.
Kaian swallowed the sobs that filled his throat without realizing it.
“What you heard. It wasn’t all true.”
“I heard it.”
“I know.”
“Why would you lie like that?”
He didn’t foolishly hand over the land of Pagos to Valquiterre's trick.
It was because Claudel’s work was urgent and she was precious to him.
“Claudel. I love you so much that I’m ruined.”
The long words he wanted to say were compressed into a very short sentence, “I miss you.”
“Do you know how crazy I’ve been? I’ve actually done many things that would make you think I was crazy.”
The long words that followed were compressed again and shortened.
“I’ve been looking for you so long.”
Then, in an instant, his eyes and the tip of his nose became tingly.
While he was missing and yearning for her, Claudel had sharpened her knife at him.
Clearly, someone who had truly loved him so much couldn’t have changed so suddenly without any signs or reason, but he couldn’t believe or accept the fact that she had picked up a knife and attacked him.
So at that moment, she could stab himself in the heart without hesitation.
Because he really felt like he was going to die.
The fact that she hated him enough to want to kill him had already stabbed his heart.
“Let go. The wound.”
So what? Was it a big deal that he was a little hurt?
She faced him with a knife in her hand and was shaking like this because he was bleeding a little.
‘So she really didn’t want me to die.’
Kaian tried to think hopefully.
However, the confidence he had barely held onto had long since fallen to the floor.
Until just a moment ago, he had thought that if she saw him again and talked properly, things would be different. After all, Claudel liked him, because Claudel loved him.
‘Why did I make that judgment without any basis?’
It was quite funny that he had bathed at five in the morning to see her and dressed up like a nightingale on his first flight.
No, he couldn’t bear it if he didn’t try hard.
Since Claudel only drew the line and pushed him away, there was nothing else he could do to get closer to her.
All he did was carefully choose clothes that she liked and thought would suit her.
'I didn't know I would get stabbed in response.'
What should he say?
The words he had chosen in his head dozens of times and the expected flow of conversation that he had arranged like a fabric woven alternately with the warp and weft had lost their meaning. He barely held onto his consciousness that was fading and becoming confused and instinctively tried not to let go of the pitiful little warmth fluttering in his arms.
"Did you eat properly?"
The woman resisting him was frighteningly weak.
"You seem too thin."
She felt thinner than when she had suffered from Herzol.
Because he had hugged her without permission, the hand that was pushing him away to escape was so weak that it felt like a person would crumble if he had put just a little more strength into the arm holding Claudel.
He had a strong urge to bury his nose in the red hair that reached her chin and kiss her.
“...What’s your business?”
The anger in her faintly small voice dispersed like a wave of bubbles.
“Let me see your face.”
Kaian felt anxious that she might fly away if he let go. He carefully released his arm, revealing the pale face that he had forcibly confined in his arms.
“Yiu need to get treatment quickly...”
Claudel couldn’t take her eyes off his arm with a tired face.
However, he was busy examining her face stained with his own blood.
‘I was short-sighted.’
The news that Claudel was alive had been indirectly conveyed in the divorce notice.
When he saw her again in the palace, why hadn’t he understood how much pain she was in losing her baby?
To the woman who was slowly withering away while blaming herself like this, all he could do was say something nonsensical like ‘You can have another child.’
Kaian felt sad because he understood why Claudel was so disgusted by him.
“Claudel. I want to clear up a misunderstanding.”
Of the things he had been about to say, only one part of them managed to come to mind.
“The rumors that I had an affair with Madam Marcel in the castle were not true.”
“...”
“I didn’t think you would care until Madame Marcel told me.”
But once he had said one thing, the next thing he had to say came to mind.
“That you were pregnant. The doctor told me right away.”
Claudel’s face went blank.
“I pretended not to know because I wanted you to feel better.”
Huh.
Kaian swallowed the sobs that filled his throat without realizing it.
“What you heard. It wasn’t all true.”
“I heard it.”
“I know.”
“Why would you lie like that?”
He had nothing to say.
When it came to Valquiterre, he still wanted to pretend to believe, even if he didn’t believe it.
No one else would know that his blood cousin was suspicious.
It was not right to bring up his corruption after ascending the throne to rule the kingdom.
Especially if the reason was something that no one else knew or could sympathize with, something that Kaian had been feeling since childhood, something suspicious and suspicious.
“I’m sorry.”
So his words were cut short again, and that made Claudel even angrier.
“You didn’t say sorry back then, did you?”
He had pressed her as if he had done nothing wrong and that her behavior was wrong.
It was so easy to hear the words sorry.
If he had just said that it was a misunderstanding and that he was sorry when he desperately wanted to hear something from her, she wouldn’t have been so tormented.
Claudel’s mind was in shambles because Kaian suddenly grabbed her hand and stabbed her.
“I don’t understand.”
The things she had wanted to ask him when she finally met him came to mind.
“You didn’t want to marry me.”
The sadness that had been growing and growing in her heart shook in the cold wind.
“You didn’t really want to maintain our marriage.”
It was horrible to think about what Burbrook had done, but there was one thing she was thankful for.
“You thought about kicking me out.”
That she had come to face the truth that he wouldn’t tell her.
“Please, Claudel.”
However, Kaian didn’t answer her questions properly after saying that he wanted to clear up the misunderstanding first.
“It’s still hard to explain. Not yet. There are things that I haven’t sorted out myself to tell you.”
“Still?”
Claudel was shocked.
Still.
She realized that nothing had changed, had changed, or reflected on anything.
It felt like he was just trying to stall for time and make excuses when there were obvious things he should be sorry for.
“Your time and mine are really different.”
Claudel picked up the small knife that had fallen on the floor. It didn’t have Kaian’s blood on it, perhaps because it had just passed by on its sharp edge.
Claudel threw it out the window.
Ting.
The blade bounced somewhere and disappeared.
“What’s gone never comes back.”
Claudel was determined to bury both her parents and her baby in her heart.
“Claudel.”
She hated hearing the voice calling her desperately.
“That’s why I can’t turn it back.”
She hadn’t received his life in exchange, but that wasn’t a reason to forgive him.
“It was the one time I promised.”
Valquiterre had said that if she met him just once and talked things through, he would withdraw his royal command.
Unlike Kaian, she kept her promises, so Claudel was sure that Valquiterre would help her erase Temnes from her name.
‘You should have given me this kind of trust.’
The relationship lacking trust had snowballed into this mess.
“I hope we never meet again.”
He couldn’t hold her back.
I thought that after meeting Kaian, the divorce would definitely be finalized.
However, facing him was much harder than I had expected.
On the day Kaian came to visit, I returned to my bedroom and couldn’t stop crying for a long time.
“Why won’t my tears stop?”
I didn’t even know why I was crying.
I gave up comforting and consoling myself. I kept crying, getting angry, and feeling sad.
“It’s painful.”
I was locked in the dark bedroom alone, thinking about what he had said. Then, my heart ached at one point.
“Why are you saying sorry so easily?”
In the end, I realized that I was in so much pain because Kaian had said sorry to .e.
“You shouldn’t have apologized.”
Those words, which would have been good if they had been the right time, were now sparks of anger.
“Ha.”
I headed to the bookshelf.
There wasn’t a book I particularly wanted to read.
Finding joy in the library was cut off at the same time as losing the baby.
However, the reason I came out of the bedroom was because I couldn’t calm down and was swimming in a sea of tears, so I wanted to think about something else.
My body, which had not been properly cared for after giving birth to a baby, was so damaged that it wouldn’t have been strange if I had caught some kind of disease.
I couldn’t eat or sleep properly.
But I couldn’t die.
I didn’t think I would be able to close my eyes comfortably until I removed the word “Temnes” from the end of my name, and completely destroyed the place where I had laid down next to the tomb with his name engraved on it.
I picked out a few books from the library without even looking at the titles and went to sit on the wide bench under the window. I opened the unreadable text and soon began to nod off.
However, I didn’t fall into deep sleep.
My insomnia, which had been unresolved since I was young, became so severe that I lost the value of sleep. There were countless days when I fell asleep and couldn’t sleep, except when I was half-asleep when it was too hard to bear.
The reason was that I could not hold the baby who had been so affectionate and warm inside my body.
Suddenly, my head dropped weakly and I was about to wake up when a gentle hand touched me.
I was completely absorbed in the sensation.
“...Haa.”
When it came to Valquiterre, he still wanted to pretend to believe, even if he didn’t believe it.
No one else would know that his blood cousin was suspicious.
It was not right to bring up his corruption after ascending the throne to rule the kingdom.
Especially if the reason was something that no one else knew or could sympathize with, something that Kaian had been feeling since childhood, something suspicious and suspicious.
“I’m sorry.”
So his words were cut short again, and that made Claudel even angrier.
“You didn’t say sorry back then, did you?”
He had pressed her as if he had done nothing wrong and that her behavior was wrong.
It was so easy to hear the words sorry.
If he had just said that it was a misunderstanding and that he was sorry when he desperately wanted to hear something from her, she wouldn’t have been so tormented.
Claudel’s mind was in shambles because Kaian suddenly grabbed her hand and stabbed her.
“I don’t understand.”
The things she had wanted to ask him when she finally met him came to mind.
“You didn’t want to marry me.”
The sadness that had been growing and growing in her heart shook in the cold wind.
“You didn’t really want to maintain our marriage.”
It was horrible to think about what Burbrook had done, but there was one thing she was thankful for.
“You thought about kicking me out.”
That she had come to face the truth that he wouldn’t tell her.
“Please, Claudel.”
However, Kaian didn’t answer her questions properly after saying that he wanted to clear up the misunderstanding first.
“It’s still hard to explain. Not yet. There are things that I haven’t sorted out myself to tell you.”
“Still?”
Claudel was shocked.
Still.
She realized that nothing had changed, had changed, or reflected on anything.
It felt like he was just trying to stall for time and make excuses when there were obvious things he should be sorry for.
“Your time and mine are really different.”
Claudel picked up the small knife that had fallen on the floor. It didn’t have Kaian’s blood on it, perhaps because it had just passed by on its sharp edge.
Claudel threw it out the window.
Ting.
The blade bounced somewhere and disappeared.
“What’s gone never comes back.”
Claudel was determined to bury both her parents and her baby in her heart.
“Claudel.”
She hated hearing the voice calling her desperately.
“That’s why I can’t turn it back.”
She hadn’t received his life in exchange, but that wasn’t a reason to forgive him.
“It was the one time I promised.”
Valquiterre had said that if she met him just once and talked things through, he would withdraw his royal command.
Unlike Kaian, she kept her promises, so Claudel was sure that Valquiterre would help her erase Temnes from her name.
‘You should have given me this kind of trust.’
The relationship lacking trust had snowballed into this mess.
“I hope we never meet again.”
He couldn’t hold her back.
***
I thought that after meeting Kaian, the divorce would definitely be finalized.
However, facing him was much harder than I had expected.
On the day Kaian came to visit, I returned to my bedroom and couldn’t stop crying for a long time.
“Why won’t my tears stop?”
I didn’t even know why I was crying.
I gave up comforting and consoling myself. I kept crying, getting angry, and feeling sad.
“It’s painful.”
I was locked in the dark bedroom alone, thinking about what he had said. Then, my heart ached at one point.
“Why are you saying sorry so easily?”
In the end, I realized that I was in so much pain because Kaian had said sorry to .e.
“You shouldn’t have apologized.”
Those words, which would have been good if they had been the right time, were now sparks of anger.
“Ha.”
I headed to the bookshelf.
There wasn’t a book I particularly wanted to read.
Finding joy in the library was cut off at the same time as losing the baby.
However, the reason I came out of the bedroom was because I couldn’t calm down and was swimming in a sea of tears, so I wanted to think about something else.
My body, which had not been properly cared for after giving birth to a baby, was so damaged that it wouldn’t have been strange if I had caught some kind of disease.
I couldn’t eat or sleep properly.
But I couldn’t die.
I didn’t think I would be able to close my eyes comfortably until I removed the word “Temnes” from the end of my name, and completely destroyed the place where I had laid down next to the tomb with his name engraved on it.
I picked out a few books from the library without even looking at the titles and went to sit on the wide bench under the window. I opened the unreadable text and soon began to nod off.
However, I didn’t fall into deep sleep.
My insomnia, which had been unresolved since I was young, became so severe that I lost the value of sleep. There were countless days when I fell asleep and couldn’t sleep, except when I was half-asleep when it was too hard to bear.
The reason was that I could not hold the baby who had been so affectionate and warm inside my body.
Suddenly, my head dropped weakly and I was about to wake up when a gentle hand touched me.
I was completely absorbed in the sensation.
“...Haa.”
Support Novellate!
Comments
Post a Comment