“Confess to My Lord that you like him.”
“Confession?”
"Yes. That's my wish. Before returning from the capital to Rowen.”
"Hannah."
Claudel was embarrassed.
“I have to make a wish for you. That's a bit...”
“Why do you think this isn’t a wish for me?”
Hannah erased her playfulness and spoke seriously.
"Lady. He is your husband. At first, I expected that it would be difficult to get along well. You guys are getting along so well now.”
"But...”
I was not confident.
It was only about half of the four months since I came to Rowen that he was able to live comfortably like this.
Even though he treats me kindly and says we get along well, he was the one who hurt me in the past.
An extremely cold-hearted person has become dull and cruel.
Then, if there is a reason and opportunity, won't things change as scary as before?
"I want to say it, but....”
I was exhausted and weak.
It wasn't long before I was free from my suffering I believed only death would free me.
Kaian was the first man I had ever cared about.
How can it not be precious to spend the night breathing and touching a man like that?
I didn't wonder what kind of feelings he had when he came to see me.
Because it was true that I liked him.
The person I admired needed to give me an embrace, lying side by side under the blanket, to offer a hand of salvation in the hell of sleeplessness.
“That’s not important to this marriage.”
"Yes. That's my wish. Before returning from the capital to Rowen.”
"Hannah."
Claudel was embarrassed.
“I have to make a wish for you. That's a bit...”
“Why do you think this isn’t a wish for me?”
Hannah erased her playfulness and spoke seriously.
"Lady. He is your husband. At first, I expected that it would be difficult to get along well. You guys are getting along so well now.”
"But...”
I was not confident.
It was only about half of the four months since I came to Rowen that he was able to live comfortably like this.
Even though he treats me kindly and says we get along well, he was the one who hurt me in the past.
An extremely cold-hearted person has become dull and cruel.
Then, if there is a reason and opportunity, won't things change as scary as before?
"I want to say it, but....”
I was exhausted and weak.
It wasn't long before I was free from my suffering I believed only death would free me.
Kaian was the first man I had ever cared about.
How can it not be precious to spend the night breathing and touching a man like that?
I didn't wonder what kind of feelings he had when he came to see me.
Because it was true that I liked him.
The person I admired needed to give me an embrace, lying side by side under the blanket, to offer a hand of salvation in the hell of sleeplessness.
“That’s not important to this marriage.”
I tried to think that I was okay as is.
Sometimes I imagined what that man's face would look like if he told me he meant it.
Of course, I wanted to know his inner thoughts.
I even wished he would grant me his heart.
It was all my desire.
Our marriage was only by order of King Oberon and was intended to reconcile Vermont and Temnes, who had been bitter enemies for a long time.
It was different from an ordinary marriage where people share their hearts.
So I was afraid of the repercussions it would cause if I rashly revealed my true feelings to him.
On the contrary, my seemingly peaceful daily life might be broken.
When I think about what Hannah said, the biggest variable was myself.
If only I hadn't minded him.
So, if I hadn't had the desire to stay like this in Rowen, I would have scolded the Duke of Vermont and sent a telegram asking him not to send Irena away like this again.
If Kaian had not improved so much, even if the Duke of Vermont had asked me to return to Valmonde, I might have regarded the call as a lifeline.
“It’s not important. The only thing that matters is that I followed the King’s orders.”
Hannah stamped her foot in frustration.
“What’s important is your happiness.”
Madame Marcel, who was watching next to her, joined in.
"Lady. What are you so afraid of? You don’t know how much the Duke thinks of you.”
“There are no things left around me that I care about.”
I laughed bitterly.
“I guess that’s why I’m so scared. I feel like my greed to feel relieved and my curiosity to know what’s inside him will ruin everything.”
Hannah's face stiffened as I spoke.
Hannah would know what I was talking about.
She was the only friend who could understand it most fully.
The faint smile on my face was so sad that Madame Marcel felt like crying without even realizing it.
'Love does not give joy to everyone.'
Madame Marcel was heartbroken to see such a young woman, who was still in the prime of her life, showing such deep and arduous sorrow.
“Nothing in this world is permanent.”
Madame Marcel gently stroked my hair.
“We welcome the rain that soaks the earth, putting an end to the burning drought. Valmonde’s cold, which wipes out all life on earth, also welcomes spring.”
I listened to her and closed my eyes.
“Don’t be afraid to change. Even if there are painful moments, something better will definitely come after that.”
Madame Marcel comforted me and eventually shed tears.
“Don’t cry.”
I was embarrassed and looked at Hannah.
However, even Hannah, who was always strong, kept quiet when she saw Madame Marcel's tears rubbing with the back of her hand.
'What is my happiness?'
Is everyone shedding tears like this and expressing their sorrow?
I felt sorry for myself for making them cry.
"Yes. I’ll try.”
"Really?"
Hannah, who was sobbing, raised her head.
“I’ll try. Although I am not sure whether I will be able to tell before we go to Rowen.”
Is there any chance for me to say that?
Just thinking about it in my imagination made my heart pound.
Then, the thoughts that had been spinning around in circles for a while came to realization.
'I couldn't hide these feelings forever.'
Unless I couldn't go without seeing him, it would probably come out at some point.
“Thank you for being there for me, Hannah."
I reached out my hand and took Hannah's hand.
“But next time I get a chance, you have to make a wish for yourself. Understand?"
“This is really my wish. As long as you is happy, I don’t need any wishes.”
"Still..."
Sometimes I imagined what that man's face would look like if he told me he meant it.
Of course, I wanted to know his inner thoughts.
I even wished he would grant me his heart.
It was all my desire.
Our marriage was only by order of King Oberon and was intended to reconcile Vermont and Temnes, who had been bitter enemies for a long time.
It was different from an ordinary marriage where people share their hearts.
So I was afraid of the repercussions it would cause if I rashly revealed my true feelings to him.
On the contrary, my seemingly peaceful daily life might be broken.
When I think about what Hannah said, the biggest variable was myself.
If only I hadn't minded him.
So, if I hadn't had the desire to stay like this in Rowen, I would have scolded the Duke of Vermont and sent a telegram asking him not to send Irena away like this again.
If Kaian had not improved so much, even if the Duke of Vermont had asked me to return to Valmonde, I might have regarded the call as a lifeline.
“It’s not important. The only thing that matters is that I followed the King’s orders.”
Hannah stamped her foot in frustration.
“What’s important is your happiness.”
Madame Marcel, who was watching next to her, joined in.
"Lady. What are you so afraid of? You don’t know how much the Duke thinks of you.”
“There are no things left around me that I care about.”
I laughed bitterly.
“I guess that’s why I’m so scared. I feel like my greed to feel relieved and my curiosity to know what’s inside him will ruin everything.”
Hannah's face stiffened as I spoke.
Hannah would know what I was talking about.
She was the only friend who could understand it most fully.
The faint smile on my face was so sad that Madame Marcel felt like crying without even realizing it.
'Love does not give joy to everyone.'
Madame Marcel was heartbroken to see such a young woman, who was still in the prime of her life, showing such deep and arduous sorrow.
“Nothing in this world is permanent.”
Madame Marcel gently stroked my hair.
“We welcome the rain that soaks the earth, putting an end to the burning drought. Valmonde’s cold, which wipes out all life on earth, also welcomes spring.”
I listened to her and closed my eyes.
“Don’t be afraid to change. Even if there are painful moments, something better will definitely come after that.”
Madame Marcel comforted me and eventually shed tears.
“Don’t cry.”
I was embarrassed and looked at Hannah.
However, even Hannah, who was always strong, kept quiet when she saw Madame Marcel's tears rubbing with the back of her hand.
'What is my happiness?'
Is everyone shedding tears like this and expressing their sorrow?
I felt sorry for myself for making them cry.
"Yes. I’ll try.”
"Really?"
Hannah, who was sobbing, raised her head.
“I’ll try. Although I am not sure whether I will be able to tell before we go to Rowen.”
Is there any chance for me to say that?
Just thinking about it in my imagination made my heart pound.
Then, the thoughts that had been spinning around in circles for a while came to realization.
'I couldn't hide these feelings forever.'
Unless I couldn't go without seeing him, it would probably come out at some point.
“Thank you for being there for me, Hannah."
I reached out my hand and took Hannah's hand.
“But next time I get a chance, you have to make a wish for yourself. Understand?"
“This is really my wish. As long as you is happy, I don’t need any wishes.”
"Still..."
Holding Hannah's hand with one hand and Madame Marcel's with the other, I held onto my heart.
If there were people by my side who pushed my back like this, I would be able to gather up the courage the size of my fingernails and tell him at least once.
***
It rained on the day I arrived in the capital.
When I slightly opened the cover covering the carriage window, rainwater splashed inside without stopping.
I, who was curious about what was outside, gave up my expectations and quickly closed the road cover. I had already repeated the same thing several times, but the rain was so heavy that the view outside the window was a sight to behold.
“Phew.”
Kaian asked as I sighed.
“Are you bored?”
"Little bit."
“That’s rude. Didn’t you learn to say no to your husband even if you're bored?”
“That’s how I learned it, but I don’t want to lie to you.”
It is said that if Kaian rode his horse alone, he could reach the royal castle in five days.
When I went from Valmonde to Rowen, ten days and two more days passed as I slowly looked around and stayed on the way, which took a week by carriage.
“The trip was really fun. I guess that’s why it’s so frustrating.”
When I went from Valmonde to Rowen, I didn't feel bored or stuffy, even though I kept the windows closed in a leaky carriage for three days.
The head, having enjoyed the good sights, jumped out of the carriage and cried out for some rain.
“Do you want to do something fun?”
“What is it?”
When I was interested, Kaian lowered his head and placed his mouth next to my ear and whispered lowly.
“Something dirty.”
I immediately felt a tickling sensation in my lower back.
Since my departure from Rowan, Kaian had only slept holding me at night.
Because I was busy reading my travel book until one or two in the morning.
'Aren't you tired?'
‘Not at all. I'll pass by here tomorrow.'
At first, I was tired and unfamiliar with carriage travel, and I was busy reading books because I was afraid of missing something famous in the city I would arrive in the next day.
'Shall we turn off the light?'
'I also have something to send to the estate, so let's see more.'
I was happy when I realized that Kaian was caring for me because he was worried that I might be tired.
There was a time when I was upset that he only seemed to like spending the night with me, and there was also a time when I felt sad because I thought that even though we were like husband and wife, I didn't really know what he liked or what he was thinking.
It was my first time spending time alone with Kaian.
As I had a man who was always busy as the Lord of a huge estate, I had many conversations with him about various things.
Hannah's stories or my memories of my hometown village where I grew up.
Things about Castle Valmonde.
What Kaian saw, heard, and felt on the battlefield and the situation in Rowen's territory when he became a Lord.
While talking about it, Kaian suddenly looked a little sorry for me.
'I guess this kind of story is boring.'
But I shook my head.
'It can't be. Please tell me more.'
I wanted to know more and hear more about whatever he had to say.
However, my heart pounded as I suddenly heard the words 'raunchy' coming from the mouth of a man who had been clean-cut for twelve days, except for the occasional kiss.
“What kind of dirty stuff is it?”
I asked.
“Heh. Phew. Ha ha ha ha ha."
However, Kaian just laughed when he spoke up for me first.
“Why are you smiling?”
Too bad.
His smiling face is better when seen in a bright place.
You're throwing away a precious opportunity in a dingy carriage.
I was truly sorry.
“You really never back down.”
“I will do whatever you want.”
"Yes. That is desirable.”
At that time, I felt the carriage slow down and stop.
“Are they all there?”
As Kaian muttered, he knocked on the carriage door, and the coachman, wearing a raincoat soaked with rainwater, opened the door and bowed his head.
“My Lord. We have arrived at the Capital Mansion.”
"Good work."
“Your Excellency, I am informing you that a messenger has come from the royal castle.”
"What? In the royal castle?”
I blinked as I looked at Kaian, who immediately frowned.
“Duke of Temnes. I send greetings to the Duchess.”
The messenger, who was drenched in rain even though he was using an umbrella, was wearing a yellow cape on an off-white background. He was wearing a uniform modeled after the royal castle of Oberon, which was built with white walls and a gold leaf roof.
“What’s going on?”
“His Majesty the King has asked you to stay at the royal castle during this visit.”
“Tell him I refuse.”
When he ignored the King's call without even thinking about it, the messenger, not knowing what to do, secretly took a letter out of his pocket and offered it to him.
“If you refuse, he told me to deliver this letter.”
Kaian glared at the letter with a cold expression and scolded.
“I’m going to the royal castle.”
"Yes. I will take you there.”
The coachman closed the door and immediately the carriage started moving again.
“What did His Majesty the King say?”
When I was curious, Kaian held out an envelope.
I quickly took out what was inside and found that the letter contained only four words: ‘This is the King’s order.’
"Ah. Haha."
I smiled awkwardly and quickly put the letter back in the envelope.
“That bastard... His Majesty the King abuses his commands everywhere.”
I had heard that Kaian and Valquiterre had grown up like brothers, so I thought it was cute when Kaian grumbled.
To the point where even His Majesty the King, whom I had never met, seemed friendly, as he overused the royal commands.
'The Duke of Vermont said that His Majesty the King is keeping Kaian in check.'
He said that their marriage would help them attack Temnes.
However, the young King of Oberon seen through Kaian was completely different from what the Duke of Vermont had said.
'I didn't think that was possible.'
There was no way the King would take the Duke of Vermont's side if he was a cousin who had his biological aunt as Kaian mother.
A brief thought passed through my mind.
When we arrived at the royal castle, we got off the carriage and were quickly guided into the castle.
“Welcome to Oberon’s royal castle.”
The servant who came out to greet us bowed his head.
“I’ll show you to the room you’ll be staying in. The Duke follows me. The Duchess may go with the maids.”
"For a moment. Why are you showing me separate rooms to stay in?”
When Kaian asked, the maid looked back and forth between him and me with a confused look on her face.
“I don’t think the Duke of Temnes and the Duchess of Vermont will be able to rest comfortably in the same room, so I decided to separate them..."
“There seems to be a mistake. One room is enough.”
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