IHMEB - Chapter 38 > Romantic Feelings >
Do Your Best And Regret
“I think he only likes my body.”
"Yes? What do you mean?”
Hannah burst out laughing as if she were dumbfounded.
"Do not laugh. I’m serious.”
Claudel pouted and puffed her cheeks, but Hannah kept smiling.
“Say something that makes sense. The Lord really cares about you.”
"No. It is not so."
“Why do you think that? You seem to have been feeling a bit low these past few days, so I was wondering if I should call a doctor.”
“There is no pain anywhere.”
If I were to be honest, the place that hurt was my heart.
I often felt a tingling sensation in the middle of my chest these days.
"Lady. Ma’am, you trust me, right?”
"Huh."
“But why do you say that?”
"Just...”
There were things I couldn't say to Hannah, either.
Even if she knows, she will unconditionally take my side and try to cheer me up rather than give me realistically helpful advice.
I got up from my seat.
“I can’t do it. I’m going to go do some sponsorship.”
“Now?”
"Huh. I'll be back for a moment. I think I’ll feel better if I take a walk.”
“I also want to go with you, Madam. My Lord, he's so kind.”
The lakeside, where she collapsed vomiting blood, became my favorite place.
When Kaian found out that I liked the place and went there often, he placed a strict order that no one could enter the place all day long, except for the gardener who went in early in the morning to do the trimming to support me.
The reason was for him to catch me sometimes while I was walking and give me a deep kiss.
Knowing that I was afraid of being seen, he put a ban on people and argued that since no one was coming, he could kiss me as much as he wanted.
'Do we have to kiss that much?'
I couldn't say that Kaian did a good job because of his recklessness, but he didn't do anything bad either.
This is because, in the castle, I did not feel like I was in my own room, even in my own room.
It was nice to be able to be alone in support.
"Oh. A flower I had never seen before has bloomed.”
In the land of Rowen, where flowers are everywhere throughout the year, every time I went to the quiet lakeside, new, colorful flowers appeared, which made me feel good.
I took off the dress I was wearing, folded it, dipped my feet in the lake, and then slowly entered the water.
Lifting my tiptoes and wading through the water, I reached the center of the lake and lay down on the surface, releasing my strength from my body.
With a plop.
My body was submerged for a moment, all the way to my head, and then when my whole body relaxed, I naturally floated.
“Puh-ha.”
I ran my hands over my out-of-water face, wiping away the moisture, then lay down with my arms outstretched, looked up at the sky, and closed my eyes.
After Kaian completely stopped people from coming, I often secretly practiced swimming here.
That day, I decided to learn from Kaian, but it ended up being my first kiss.
What he told me about teaching me how to swim was based on theory and basics, so I thought about it and tried it on my own, and I was able to really swim in the water.
‘You are Temnes. Not Vermont. If you can't even do this, you can't be called Temnes.'
At first, I tried to show the man who said that I, too, could do this much.
I was going to surprise him by saying that I could swim too.
"Ha."
These days, I felt comfortable spending time lying in the water, as if this place itself had become my escape, so I came here almost every day.
I went to the place I first came to with Kaian, and since he was the only one missing, when I came here, I felt a strong sense of missing the person I had shared warmth with last night.
“I thought unrequited love was okay.”
I was having a hard time because of my uncontrollable emotions.
Although his attitude toward me was a bit cold, Kaian was my husband.
It was my misjudgment, as I was clumsy in her romantic feelings, to think that I might fall in love with my husband since I was already married.
“I hope you like me. Isn’t that too much?”
Objectively, my current situation is quite good.
I didn't know that either.
Hannah burst out laughing as if she were dumbfounded.
"Do not laugh. I’m serious.”
Claudel pouted and puffed her cheeks, but Hannah kept smiling.
“Say something that makes sense. The Lord really cares about you.”
"No. It is not so."
“Why do you think that? You seem to have been feeling a bit low these past few days, so I was wondering if I should call a doctor.”
“There is no pain anywhere.”
If I were to be honest, the place that hurt was my heart.
I often felt a tingling sensation in the middle of my chest these days.
"Lady. Ma’am, you trust me, right?”
"Huh."
“But why do you say that?”
"Just...”
There were things I couldn't say to Hannah, either.
Even if she knows, she will unconditionally take my side and try to cheer me up rather than give me realistically helpful advice.
I got up from my seat.
“I can’t do it. I’m going to go do some sponsorship.”
“Now?”
"Huh. I'll be back for a moment. I think I’ll feel better if I take a walk.”
“I also want to go with you, Madam. My Lord, he's so kind.”
The lakeside, where she collapsed vomiting blood, became my favorite place.
When Kaian found out that I liked the place and went there often, he placed a strict order that no one could enter the place all day long, except for the gardener who went in early in the morning to do the trimming to support me.
The reason was for him to catch me sometimes while I was walking and give me a deep kiss.
Knowing that I was afraid of being seen, he put a ban on people and argued that since no one was coming, he could kiss me as much as he wanted.
'Do we have to kiss that much?'
I couldn't say that Kaian did a good job because of his recklessness, but he didn't do anything bad either.
This is because, in the castle, I did not feel like I was in my own room, even in my own room.
It was nice to be able to be alone in support.
"Oh. A flower I had never seen before has bloomed.”
In the land of Rowen, where flowers are everywhere throughout the year, every time I went to the quiet lakeside, new, colorful flowers appeared, which made me feel good.
I took off the dress I was wearing, folded it, dipped my feet in the lake, and then slowly entered the water.
Lifting my tiptoes and wading through the water, I reached the center of the lake and lay down on the surface, releasing my strength from my body.
With a plop.
My body was submerged for a moment, all the way to my head, and then when my whole body relaxed, I naturally floated.
“Puh-ha.”
I ran my hands over my out-of-water face, wiping away the moisture, then lay down with my arms outstretched, looked up at the sky, and closed my eyes.
After Kaian completely stopped people from coming, I often secretly practiced swimming here.
That day, I decided to learn from Kaian, but it ended up being my first kiss.
What he told me about teaching me how to swim was based on theory and basics, so I thought about it and tried it on my own, and I was able to really swim in the water.
‘You are Temnes. Not Vermont. If you can't even do this, you can't be called Temnes.'
At first, I tried to show the man who said that I, too, could do this much.
I was going to surprise him by saying that I could swim too.
"Ha."
These days, I felt comfortable spending time lying in the water, as if this place itself had become my escape, so I came here almost every day.
I went to the place I first came to with Kaian, and since he was the only one missing, when I came here, I felt a strong sense of missing the person I had shared warmth with last night.
“I thought unrequited love was okay.”
I was having a hard time because of my uncontrollable emotions.
Although his attitude toward me was a bit cold, Kaian was my husband.
It was my misjudgment, as I was clumsy in her romantic feelings, to think that I might fall in love with my husband since I was already married.
“I hope you like me. Isn’t that too much?”
Objectively, my current situation is quite good.
I didn't know that either.
I came to Rowen Castle, expecting to die from Herzol, but I had been abused by the people of Temnes before, so I knew I could be in the wrong.
The Lord had absolute power, like a King, only in his own territory.
Due to his eccentric and terrible nature, it was easy for him to find a maiden to take my place when his wife died one after another.
The first night I arrived at the castle, she felt like I was walking into a quagmire.
Kaian was careful when holding my thin, thin wrist that looked like it would break even if he bent it with just one hand.
Even when he held my arm or other places, he was considerate, as if he was worried that I might get hurt by being pressed by his strong body.
I had made up my mind that I had no choice but to spend the night as if I were being forced to, but despite his coldness and not hiding his disdain for Vermont, I slowly began to relax as the man treated me with care. I was able to entrust myself to him.
In fact, even before he got Herzol's medicine.
Maybe I liked him even from that day?
So it occurred to me that I might have saved him when the crocodile was about to attack him.
"Ha... Sad."
Kaian was my husband.
We ate together once a day and coveted secretly together at night.
However, unlike my body, which he married without thinking, my fresh and delicate heart lingered around him, longing for a piece of Kaian's affection.
“I thought, why not like him, since he's my husband anyway? I feel stupid.”
Once I admit it to myself, it is only natural that I will eventually want his heart like this.
I want to know more about Kaian. What he likes and is interested in. How did he grow up when he was young? His hobbies, what he does in his free time, etc.
All I knew about him was his favorite foods, his sleeping habits, and the fact that he was obsessed with my body.
He wanted me every day, and I obediently complied with his demands.
Since I was not the biological daughter of the Duke of Vermont, I had no reliable family or support.
The reason I lived like this was because the man had shown his kindness by saving my medicine, and I should have been grateful to him for just treating me like his Duchess.
Our relationship was very shallow, and the more Kaian liked me, the more uneasy I felt about it.
The Lord had absolute power, like a King, only in his own territory.
Due to his eccentric and terrible nature, it was easy for him to find a maiden to take my place when his wife died one after another.
The first night I arrived at the castle, she felt like I was walking into a quagmire.
Kaian was careful when holding my thin, thin wrist that looked like it would break even if he bent it with just one hand.
Even when he held my arm or other places, he was considerate, as if he was worried that I might get hurt by being pressed by his strong body.
I had made up my mind that I had no choice but to spend the night as if I were being forced to, but despite his coldness and not hiding his disdain for Vermont, I slowly began to relax as the man treated me with care. I was able to entrust myself to him.
In fact, even before he got Herzol's medicine.
Maybe I liked him even from that day?
So it occurred to me that I might have saved him when the crocodile was about to attack him.
"Ha... Sad."
Kaian was my husband.
We ate together once a day and coveted secretly together at night.
However, unlike my body, which he married without thinking, my fresh and delicate heart lingered around him, longing for a piece of Kaian's affection.
“I thought, why not like him, since he's my husband anyway? I feel stupid.”
Once I admit it to myself, it is only natural that I will eventually want his heart like this.
I want to know more about Kaian. What he likes and is interested in. How did he grow up when he was young? His hobbies, what he does in his free time, etc.
All I knew about him was his favorite foods, his sleeping habits, and the fact that he was obsessed with my body.
He wanted me every day, and I obediently complied with his demands.
Since I was not the biological daughter of the Duke of Vermont, I had no reliable family or support.
The reason I lived like this was because the man had shown his kindness by saving my medicine, and I should have been grateful to him for just treating me like his Duchess.
Our relationship was very shallow, and the more Kaian liked me, the more uneasy I felt about it.
When he held me close at night and let me fall asleep, I was filled with hope that maybe this person liked me too.
As the morning sun rose, I came to my senses thinking that no way would happen if Kaian left the bedroom.
Then, during lunch, when he fed me my favorite food or cut my meat into small pieces by hand, I felt something tightening in my heart and wondered why he didn't know that I liked him.
After that, after he goes to the office, the sun sets and the night gets deep until he comes to the bedroom, and thoughts about Kaian run through my mind. He's busy with work and won't think about me, but I'm the only one who has this hard time.
Thinking about that, I felt distressed. It would be nice if the night was long.
It will take a long time to feel the brief happiness and warmth in his arms.
It was disappointing that the nights in the land of Rowen, which is warm and sunny all year round, were not as long as those in Vermont.
If this were Valmonde, Kaian would have stayed in my bedroom for two or three hours longer.
“Why did we meet like this?”
The fact that I was in Vermont meant that, when compared to my male and female counterparts, I had already had points deducted before I even started.
Usually, you have to build up goodwill, but the starting point is a lot of unfavorableness.
I got out of the water with my blues, dried my hair, and wiped my body with the towel she had brought.
When I wiped my thin underwear with a towel, the moisture was quickly removed.
I put my dress back on and headed to the castle.
It had been a long time since these little things had comforted me.
In front of the Lord's office, several servants carrying large boxes the size of a human body were lined up.
Kaian, sitting in his chair, looked sharply at the young woman in front of him.
The woman with dark chestnut hair, her white, taut skin, meticulous makeup applied to her eyes and cheeks, and a plumed hat on her head with thick curls, was perfectly dressed for the fashion of the capital.
It will take a long time to feel the brief happiness and warmth in his arms.
It was disappointing that the nights in the land of Rowen, which is warm and sunny all year round, were not as long as those in Vermont.
If this were Valmonde, Kaian would have stayed in my bedroom for two or three hours longer.
“Why did we meet like this?”
The fact that I was in Vermont meant that, when compared to my male and female counterparts, I had already had points deducted before I even started.
Usually, you have to build up goodwill, but the starting point is a lot of unfavorableness.
I got out of the water with my blues, dried my hair, and wiped my body with the towel she had brought.
When I wiped my thin underwear with a towel, the moisture was quickly removed.
I put my dress back on and headed to the castle.
It had been a long time since these little things had comforted me.
***
In front of the Lord's office, several servants carrying large boxes the size of a human body were lined up.
Kaian, sitting in his chair, looked sharply at the young woman in front of him.
The woman with dark chestnut hair, her white, taut skin, meticulous makeup applied to her eyes and cheeks, and a plumed hat on her head with thick curls, was perfectly dressed for the fashion of the capital.
Madame Marcel, whom he was interviewing, had just applied to become a seamstress at Rowen Castle.
“I think you’re a lot younger than I thought.”
"Thank you for the compliment, Duke.”
A beautiful woman with a smiling face had shining green eyes.
“I'm not young, you look young. Women have many ways to lie about their age.”
“It’s definitely a capital style. Can a Rowen-style dress be made as sophisticated as that?”
“First of all, I have completed what you ordered, so please take a look at it for yourself.”
Kaian was carefully choosing the new seamstress.
She came to the interview with a dress tailored to Claudel's size that had been delivered to him in advance by several seamstresses, but he was not satisfied with it, so he sent it back after paying for the dress.
When Madame Marcel called the servants outside, they diligently took out a torso from the box on which to hang the dress, and immediately a Southern-style dress made of flowing chiffon lace was hung on it.
“How is it?”
The dress she made was delicately made. It didn't wear multiple layers of lace, but a single layer of white chiffon that she dyed a deep red color towards the end, and it looked like Claudel would look very pretty in it.
“It’s pretty good. It’s the best I’ve ever seen.”
By Kaian's standards of praise, it was a very good review.
“Are you married?”
“I got divorced.”
“What about your children?”
“Unfortunately, there isn’t one.”
“Then I guess you can reside in the castle.”
“Then I am grateful.”
Kaian sat down and rubbed his chin.
“From now on, you will be the new tailor of Rowen Castle.”
"It is an honor, My lord.”
Madame Marcel did not hide her happy expression.
“My wife doesn’t know anyone in the South. She stays only with her maid who came with her from Valmonde. Let’s do our best to please the Duchess from now on.”
“Would it be possible?”
Madame Marcel was a sweet girl and he liked her.
All of the people who came for the interview in the past were young men and had fair faces, so they were all eliminated.
The thought of the man he had hired enjoying himself while he was working hard by touching Claudel's body, which was too thin to even look at alone, with thin silk or lace, made Kaian blood boil, and he couldn't hire them.
Madame Marcel is a woman who came with a letter of recommendation from Madame Cronac from a salon in the capital, so her skills must be certain.
Kaian was itching to see Claudel's dress standing in his office after Madame Marcel had retired, and he couldn't wait to see what Claudel was wearing.
“Take this and follow me.”
After giving an order to the servant standing in the hallway of his office, he hurriedly headed toward Claudel's room.
These days, he always took slow steps when going to her.
“Claudel.”
He was so anxious that he opened the door himself without knocking.
“Kaian. What’s going on?”
“It’s a gift.”
As he had ordered, the torso with the dress was placed in the room and the servant quickly left and closed the door.
"How is it? Do you like it?”
However, contrary to Kaian's expectations, Claudel became sullen and slumped her shoulders.
“Is it another gift?”
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