- Episode 9
After Anton left, Adelheid stayed cooped up in her room for several days.
She trembled in fear the entire time in the dark room. Nothing has changed much from her previous life. If things continue like this, Anton will lose interest and kill her.
Dominic... He hasn’t changed either.
He'll just stand there and watch her death.
Adelheid loosely hugged her legs and rested her cheek on her knees.
Why does Dominic hate me? Why does he despise and feel disgusted by me?
In truth, Adelheid felt like she might have a vague idea, but she didn't know what to do. How do you treat someone who isn't Anton? How do you treat people again?
Eat the meal, think, and write things that don't have meaning, sleeping, ruminating on past lives, thinking about death, eating, thinking, writing, writing, thinking...
She couldn't breathe. When she looked out the pitch-black window, Dominic wasn't there.
'Where is he usually after work?'
'It's probably... in the study. I don't really know.'
Adelheid, as if possessed, stood up and left the room. Her steps led her to the study.
She hated Dominic. She detested him. She could not forget that insignificant face that watched her death.
Even Anton, who was holding the sword himself, didn't make such a face.
However, that was the only person she could meet right now.
Adelheid wanted to talk to the extent that she felt Anton was being considerate by continuously assigning her useless escorts. Anything was fine.
“...Captain?”
Regardless of whether the other person likes, dislikes, or hates her.
Dominic looked flustered. Displeasure followed. Adelheid smiled, crinkling her eyes, unconcerned.
"Long time no see."
"..."
“Did I disturb you?”
Dominic looked at her with an indifferent expression, then closed the book and stood up from his seat.
Even kicking me out would be better than this. Adelheid urgently stopped him.
"Why are you leaving? Just stay."
"...I was originally planning to go in now."
"Were you reading that?"
It was *On Dorfman's Loss*. It was one of the few books Adelheid had picked up again in this life. It was also her favorite book.
Dominic nodded with a slight pause.
Adelheid only laughed silently with joy. She was laughing because she really wanted to.
“Does it fit well?”
"...yes."
“You don’t really look like it... In what way is it bad?”
"It portrays humans... in a humiliating way."
"Humans are all inherently humiliated. It is just that the situation does not require it."
"..."
"Captain, have you never experienced a situation like that?"
" There are many. But I did not choose humiliation."
"Then that is the Captain's world. But my world isn't like the Captain's."
"There is no situation that must be humiliating unless it is for the sake of greater morality and values."
"Well, how can you be sure of that?"
"They want to walk a more comfortable and better path and choose humiliation.
"Even in a life-or-death situation?"
"There are many in the world who possess values more precious than life itself. For the thinking human being described in this book willingly walks the difficult path."
No. My world isn't like yours.
Dominic was saying that Adelheid chooses humiliation for an easier and better path.
Adelheid was saying that she chooses humiliation because she does not think.
The world he sees might be like that.
To suffer hardship instead of humiliation, to endure pain instead of humiliation, to uphold morality instead of humiliation, to face death instead of humiliation...
A world where there are always other options. A world where the worst option is usually death.
“I always think.”
What he said was wrong.
" But it is humiliating."
At times, Adelheid wanted to suffer hardship rather than humiliation, wanted to endure pain rather than humiliation, and wanted morality rather than humiliation. And she wanted to face death rather than humiliation.
At first, it was like that occasionally, and now it is like that every moment. She yearned for it every moment.
However, all these options were ruled out for Adelheid.
Will was diminished, and conviction became strange.
"Just because you don't know about something doesn't mean it doesn't exist in the world. My humiliation stemmed from what you did not know."
The World of Adelheid is an unknown world for Dominic.
That day, Adelheid and Dominic talked until late at night. They talked about many things.
Adelheid heard from Anton about things outside the palace that she had not known until now.
However, that information was extremely unfriendly and selective. Anton said he absolutely detested women who were too big for their heads.
That was also why Adelheid was imprisoned in this deep palace.
So she smiled brightly, looking only at him, without knowing anything.
That doesn't mean Adelheid was completely ignorant of the world.
She was originally of royal lineage from Henburg and received a high-quality education. However, she could not remember it properly.
All memories of her time as royalty were focused only on the period after her brother's head was severed.
The memory from the very moment she opened her eyes, opened them, opened them, and opened them.
Memories as royalty are only reached through endless regression, and her value as royalty succumbed to the fear of death that does not die, and her dignity as royalty was ruined under abuse.
So, Adelheid was ignorant of the world. She realized the world she had forgotten, or did not know, through Dominic.
She dug up what she had heard and combined the faint memories buried deep down.
She understood how what she had read and thought about applied to reality, how it was being applied, and what needed to be applied; even if it was not perfect, that was enough.
Then, suddenly, Dominic asked.
"...Do you have no intention of returning to Henburg?"
She thought she knew what Dominic was thinking.
To think that a member of a nation's royal family is living as the consort of the one who destroyed her country.
How humiliating it must seem to him.
However, Adelheid had no choice but to smile, as always.
"If I say this, I think the Captain will really hate me, though."
"..."
"I don't lie here."
At least in this place, Adelheid existed as Adelheid.
Throughout the endless years, this study was practically her life. It was her only confidant. It was a friend. It was a mentor.
It was also the only place where Anton did not come.
"I have no goals for Henburg whatsoever. I have even forgotten what my homeland means to me.'
It was such a long time ago. Now, everything was a memory that had crumbled away.
"My life is more important to me than my country. In my life, there is something more important, something I cannot escape... There is something like that. Captain, you might not understand, but that is how I am. That is my world. Perhaps in the past, the country might have been more important. But not anymore."
"..."
“Not anymore.”
In her world, things like attachment, loyalty, love, or friendship hold no meaning whatsoever.
In her world, there are no things in his life.
In her world, there are things that are not in his life. That is how her world is.
Adelheid closed the book.
"I will come tomorrow too. I am always here."
"..."
“Can you come again? I know what you are worried about. But the King has never once visited the study. So it will be fine.”
So, when someone came into her world.
This place is so lonely and desolate. This was the miracle Adelheid had always hoped for.
" If you come here tomorrow as well, I won't visit you during the Captain's shift anymore. I promise."
She hoped someone would come to this world of nothing but print.
Adelheid went to the study every evening. Then Dominic was there.
No one asked first, but they acted as if they had promised.
They read in the same space, and spoke whenever they had something to say. And they listened to it. They shared opinions.
She liked that.
Because she liked it so much, so much that it brought tears to her eyes, pure optimism filled her heart.
He was cold, but always serious in conversation. He listened carefully to Adelheid's words and answered cautiously.
He rarely compromised her opinion, but he respected Adelheid's.
It wasn't humiliating for that time.
No one killed her, no one trampled on her, no one mocked her, and no one made her submit.
It was just Adelheid's time. It was a part of life.
But when this life ends, Dominic will forget everything.
They will be things that didn't happen. Only to herself will there be memories of things that didn't happen.
Life is always a big oyster with very small changes, and a single short word led to a series of ups and downs.
So, it was an opportunity that might not exist in the next life. It was possible that it might never come again.
Putting into words the thoughts of the heart that have been harbored for a long time, and having someone listen, raise a hand to question, discuss, and refute—such a story. Something that is nothing...
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