- Episode 14
Dominic did not leave the study. He placed the book on his lap and looked out at the garden through the window, mulling over Adelheid's words.
He reflected on every appearance, action, and word from the first time he saw her until now. He thought and thought again.
'Don't come here starting tomorrow. You're banned.'
He couldn't tell what kind of emotion it was. Because of that inexplicable feeling, Dominic couldn't leave the study until late at night.
There was a lingering attachment he couldn't let go of. After a while, he struggled to get up.
He walked straight to the study door, stood there, grabbed the doorknob, bowed his head, hesitated, and then turned around.
He headed toward the bookshelf. Dominic examined each book meticulously, as if trying to memorize their titles.
He took out the book that Adelheid seemed to like and opened it. After doing so for quite a while, dawn was approaching.
Dominic bent down and picked up a book from the bottom corner. It was a book he had never seen before, and it was covered in dust, as if even Adelheid had forgotten about it.
When he opened the lint-covered old cover, there was a single sheet of paper tucked inside. It fluttered and fell to his feet.
He picked it up and saw that the paper was filled with writing. Although it did not appear to have been written with much care, the handwriting was elegant and refined.
It was obvious who had written this. Dominic felt like he was stealing it and read the letter in hushed silence.
[Recipient: Caroline]
Hi. I'm back here again. I don't know how many times this has happened. I'm a bit out of it right now, so please bear with me if I'm rambling. Anyone who saw me diligently writing letters I'll never get a reply to throughout my life would laugh. But this is my own way of trying not to go crazy. There might be an easy life if you go mad, but that's not me. He would have killed me if I went crazy anyway.]
A letter that can't even be replied to?
Dominic checked the book cover at a sudden thought. Caroline Herschel. It was an unsent letter written to the author of the book.
[There’s nobody here again. There are a few guys who’ve been here and there, but they’re all idiots. One of them touched my leg here. I kicked him out right away. I can’t tolerate that in my study. But you know... ]
Her handwriting was a little shaky.
[The next day, I smiled at that guy again. I'm disgusted with myself. Do you feel the same? But I don't know what else to do besides smile.
He hates me crying and getting angry, you know. I'm trying to decide what the miracle of this life should be. I want to choose shouting in anger, but I can't because it would make me sad if it didn't happen.
Even if I could do that to the ladies-in-waiting, it would surely reach his ears. I am thinking of something else that is more feasible.]
'I always set a goal. They are like small miracles that might actually come true. There is one miracle I set for myself in the past: to exchange at least five words with a handmaiden.'
[I'm sorry I should have mentioned your book, too. But I'm so tired I don't even remember what I read.
I've been suffering from severe insomnia lately. I'm so tired, but even when I close my eyes, I can't fall asleep.
I think it's because the anxiety that I'll go back to that time if I open my eyes has become extremely severe. A maid got me some sleeping herbs, so I plan to try using them today.
It used to be the opposite; I would just sleep all day, but I don't know why it's like this lately. What is it about sleep that makes it so unpredictable? You don't have any, right? I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again.]
[I wish you would at least reply. I know it won't work.]
The letter ended there.
There were things he couldn't understand, and things he could understand. However, in the end, he couldn't understand anything.
He merely 'read' and vaguely 'knew' it. This was not a realm of understanding.
Dominic slowly folded the paper and put it in as is.
The book also returned to its original place. Walking to the center and looking out the window, he saw that the faint light of dawn was already turning. He plopped down on the chair by the window.
The currents of air swirling before his eyes looked like an illusion. Through the gaps, a faint light was drifting down, mingling and breaking.
Ah. He let out a sound without realizing it. However, it sounded unsightly, and he ended up closing his mouth immediately.
There is a trace. There is a trace like snow that melted as soon as it hit the ground.
Seeing how, despite having despised her, a part of his heart crumbles and his thoughts become heavy at these traces, he realizes just how illogical and contradictory human beings are.
There is a woman he thought was terrible.
Here is his pathetic self.
Fingertips clapped against the table one after another, making a rattling sound.
The cool dawn air felt as if it had penetrated deep into his chest.
Dominic clasped his hands together, then unclasped them with a sigh. The act of opening and closing the book cover was repeated meaninglessly.
He thought there was nothing more pathetic than doing nothing. But he didn't know what he should do.
***
True to her word, Adelheid did not return to the study. She never sought him out, not even alone.
Dominic occasionally gazed at the drawn curtains of her room window, muttering as if repeating it.
Now, all that remains is to return safely. He repeated it to himself. He repeated it with great effort.
And a few days later, Anton visited the palace.
He smiled as if in a good mood and told Dominic to pack by tomorrow. It was sooner than expected.
Adelheid stood still beside Anton and did not even give Dominic a glance.
"Oh dear, it looks like my concubine is sad that the Captain is leaving."
"Your Majesty, you are taking too much medicine. Please go inside. I have something I would like to give you."
"Did you have anything?"
"Your Majesty has given me so much."
Adelheid smiled brightly and pulled Anton's arm.
Dominic stared persistently at Adelheid's retreating figure, but she did not turn around.
She didn't look back until her figure completely disappeared into the building.
Dominic exhaled the breath he had been holding and stood with his back against the wall.
For a moment, he felt dizzy and closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do.
Dominic Legenon is the King's Knight. Dominic Legenon is a loyal knight.
Dominic Legenon is a knight with much responsibility to bear. Dominic Legenon is a knight with much to accomplish. Dominic Legenon is...
He was human.
A thinking human being, contemplating on their own. A person who makes decisions on their own and acts on their own.
However, right and wrong are excessively ambiguous. He didn't even know what he was supposed to do in the first place.
Adelheid had never asked Dominic for help. She had never even mentioned anything similar to asking for help because the King was mistreating her.
Just talking, talking, talking...
That's all.
Dominic suddenly realized anew. That was all.
It felt like his stomach sank.
Why, why did I hate Adelheid? Why did I feel uncomfortable? All she did was smile and talk to me, and that was it.
There were only rumors that the previous guards had taken a liking to her.
A vast and deep palace. A quiet and lonely palace.
The only people she speaks to are the King and his guards who visit irregularly. The King often abuses her.
Why did he think this place was a palace filled with the King's love?
There is no love anywhere in the palace. He was a blind man. He was foolish. He couldn't even tell himself whether he really didn't know or if he had pretended not to know even though he did.
Seized by the compulsion that he always had to return, he stood there with only one foot loosely dangling. With half-closed eyes and dulled senses.
'I always contemplate.'
As Adelheid once said, Dominic continued to think. He took the time to retrace the past.
Her words, actions, and expressions that he had ignored and overlooked... A final farewell. A dagger. His own dagger.
Dominic suddenly looked out the window of the building. The room where Anton and Adelheid would be.
The curtains were tightly closed. For some reason, he felt a chill down his spine. It was a premonition. It was an intuition.
Something that is highly unlikely but cannot be ignored.
Before he knew it, the surroundings had grown dark. Dominic stepped up from his seat.
When the King comes, the ladies-in-waiting do not all come out of their respective quarters.
It was a kind of rule. Because of this, there wasn't a single sign of life inside the building. Dominic picked up the candlestick hanging on the first-floor wall and climbed the stairs.
A sickeningly familiar scent faintly caught the tip of his nose. His heart is pounding terrifyingly.
His pace quickened. His mind was racing furiously. Adelheid. Adelheid.
Since the King had arrived, all the lights on the second floor, which should have been bright, were turned off.
Dominic held his breath and scanned his surroundings, relying on the small candlelight. His gaze traced the floor.
A slender figure stood at the end of the dark hallway.
He smelled blood.
His hand gave way, and he almost dropped the candlestick. However, he became strangely calm.
Dominic blew out the candle, bent down, and put the candlestick down beside him.
Adelheid stood by the door and quietly watched Dominic's movements. She opened her mouth.
“Why did you come?”
“...I will look inside the room.”
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