"Do I really need to know?"
"As expected, you never disappoint."
He raised his hand and stroked my hair. Between his long, white fingers, my golden-brown hair wrapped around him like a ball of yarn.
"My indifferent and heartless fiancée."
He smiled. Unlike his blazing eyes, it was a smile that looked bitter yet somehow desperate.
"You always draw lines and put up thorns like that. Do you know what it feels like for the person you reject? You're not even interested.”
He lowered his eyes and lifted his fingers, keeping my hair still wrapped around him. Illuminated by the sunset, his golden-brown hair turned red.
"It has already been five years since you and I were engaged. And yet, I am still a stranger to you."
He brought my hair to his lips. His face, shaded by the sunset, even looked reverent, as if he were worshipping God.
"What must I do to get inside the barrier you have built?"
He lifted his lowered eyes and looked directly at me. The moment I met his gaze, my heart pounded. It was different from the pain I had felt every time I saw him until now. I got goosebumps at that feeling, which was both unfamiliar and familiar.
I trusted his chest with both hands. Following my intention, he obediently let go of my hair and took a step back. Judging solely by his actions, the ferocity from just moments ago seemed to have vanished, yet the intensity in his eyes directed at me remained burning.
I couldn't understand his intentions. Why is he saying this to me?
Then and now, even if he hid the truth, he never lied to me. So, what he is saying now is the truth. The part I cannot understand is why he cares about me.
“Why?”
Back then, he didn't care what I did or said. He merely observed the proper courtesy and etiquette expected of a spouse. Why on earth is he behaving so differently now?
"Why are you saying such things to me? Regardless of how I feel about Your Highness, isn't my background what matters to you?"
"Yes, I covet your background. Your lineage, family, and wealth—everything about you is attractive."
It was a straightforward and direct answer. He didn't seem to have any intention of beating around the bush.
"At first, I thought it would be enough if you didn't get in my way."
He approached me again. The distance between him and me was exactly about half a step. Instead of coming closer, he stretched out both hands toward me.
"But why did it turn out this way?"
His large hands cupped my cheeks. I felt a hot warmth travel through his hands to my cheeks.
"Didn't they say that you don't realize your clothes are getting wet in a drizzle? Since when have I been counting down the days until I meet you?"
He pressed his forehead against mine. His voice was filled with desperation.
"Being with you makes me smile. I wish for your gaze to always linger on me. The moment I saw you in that man's arms, I wanted nothing but to tear him to shreds and kill him. Just the thought of you giving birth to another man's child drives me insane. If this is what love is, then I love you."
My heart pounded wildly. It was his confession that I had desperately wanted to receive back then. But unlike my burning heart, my reason spoke coldly to me.
Do I trust him?
What if he's mistaken?
Even if his confession now is true love, what guarantee is there that his heart won't change the moment he meets her?
“That can’t be possible.”
I pushed him away. Unlike before, he did not back away obediently. Our foreheads had separated, but I was still about half a step away from him.
"How can you be so sure?"
He did not love me back then. The place where his honey-sweet eyes and lips whispering love were directed was not me.
"You say what Your Highness is feeling right now is love? No. It absolutely cannot be love."
"You say I'm not human? What do you actually know to be so certain? How could you possibly know what's in my heart?"
I wanted to shout at him that I already knew the woman he would love. If only I could, I wanted to bring her in front of him right now. I wondered if he would be able to say he loved me in front of her as well.
"Your Highness, I cannot trust you."
“You can’t believe me?”
"Isn't there any trust whatsoever between me and Your Highness?"
"Did I do something unbelievable to you?"
He hardened his face and growled. He appeared to have immense pride.
"Is that your answer to my confession?"
"What answer were you expecting from me?"
As the Crown Prince of the Empire, he was a man educated to reign over others from birth until now. There was no way such a person would have ever made such an earnest confession. It might have required quite a bit of courage even for him. Having such a confession outright denied, it was a natural reaction for him now, knowing nothing about what had happened back then.
However, that did not mean I had any obligation to accept his confession.
"Did you hope that I would shed tears at Your Highness's sincerity and confess that I loved you too?"
“Bee!”
"Do not be mistaken. Your Highness and I have been bound by a contract out of necessity from the very beginning. There is no heart within it."
"Right, I forgot about that damn contract."
He gritted his teeth and spat it out as if chewing.
"Just like father and daughter, you and your father are exactly alike. Damn it!"
He muttered a low curse at the Marquis. I couldn't understand the Crown Prince bringing up the Marquis out of the blue.
...Why is the Marquis suddenly appearing in this situation?
Wasn't it a contract in which the Elliot family would become his strength by marrying the Crown Prince, and gain legitimacy and power as a maternal relative of the royal family?
For some reason, the contract I knew seemed different from the one the Crown Prince was talking about. Was there a contract between the Crown Prince and the Marquis that I didn't know about? Before I could even express my doubts, he opened his mouth.
"I don't care about damn contracts anymore. I want you."
My heart pounded like crazy every time I saw him. My heart reacted to every single word and action of his. It was an instinct like that of a baby bird searching for its mother.
"Please, Bee, don't reject me."
My heart still raced at his earnest gaze and sweet confession. But my reason still rejected him.
"Are you throwing a childish tantrum, saying, 'I love you, so you must love me too'?"
"Can I win your heart by throwing a tantrum?"
He looked as if he would throw a tantrum if only he could. Was he always this kind of person?
I looked at him anew. The Crown Prince I knew seemed like a different person from the one I had known until now. He acted as if he were a completely separate individual from the one he was back then.
Why did he change? No, is it even true that he has changed? Even as I deny it, I am... back then...
Could it be that he was clinging to me?
Until now, I was afraid of the very act of loving him. I cowered in fear of things that hadn't even happened yet. Why was I thinking such stupid thoughts? I felt pathetic.
What I truly fear is not loving him itself. It is the image of myself losing myself and collapsing as a result of falling in love with him.
If I fall in love with him, will I crumble again like I did back then?
I couldn't know. I might collapse, or I might not. If so, would I spend the rest of my life avoiding him because of that possibility?
No, I didn't want to. Why should I run away?
“Try it.”
My heart raced every time I saw him, but I couldn't tell if he was human or not. In that case, I had no choice but to check.
"Whether you throw a tantrum like a child or try to seduce me, please change my mind."
So, if I were to fall in love with him, it was a matter I could reconsider when the time came.
"Please do your utmost to make my heart turn toward Your Highness."
I looked up at him and smiled.
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