From the start, even staying by her side like this was more than he deserved. He could not protect her. He could not even protect their child. As of now, he was in a position where he could not even exact the revenge he deserved.
Then what exactly is the meaning of being here?
He looked at her with eyes filled with anxiety.
He had already lost this woman once. He could not go through that again. In this life, he would absolutely never lose her. He repeated the vow he had made thousands of times, but the anxiety coiling inside him would not easily subside.
In his previous life as well, Marisen lost her life to a beast attack. What happened in his previous life was happening exactly the same way. That was not the only thing repeating itself.
Since Thalia had been going out less recently, he could not closely monitor the situation outside, but even the occasional stories he heard were enough to tell that the atmosphere outside the castle was ominous. Rumors had begun to spread that the person caring for the Grand Duchess had been found brutally mauled by a beast.
And the priests took this incident as an excuse to start spreading negative rumors about Thalia. They had been waiting for this moment because of the commotion caused by Thalia during the Spring Festival.
He gritted his teeth. Far from changing the future, a sense of misery washed over him at the fact that he had put her in a predicament with his own hands. However, even if he were to go back in time, he was not confident that he could hold back from tearing that despicable woman apart.
The moment the image of her writhing in pain in his arms, her voice pleading to hold the stillborn child, and the pale face of the tiny blood clot wrapped in swaddling clothes flashed before his eyes, it felt as if the blood in his body was rushing backward.
It felt as if he had been struck by an evil spirit. At that moment, he could feel nothing but the impulse to tear the enemy in front of him to shreds and kill him.
By the time he came to his senses, he had already thrown himself. It felt as though even his mind was being consumed by beast instincts. The fact that it was becoming increasingly difficult to control himself made him endlessly anxious.
Is it okay to keep staying by her side like this?
He felt suffocated by the mere thought that she might be harmed because of him. The thought that perhaps leaving Raedgo Castle might be the best course of action crossed his mind. However, when it came time to actually turn away and leave her behind, he could not bring himself to take his feet.
"Stay by my side forever. You must never leave me."
The voice that had hugged him and whispered pitifully echoed vividly in his ears.
She was a woman who was terribly single-minded and deeply lonely. He couldn't let her feel abandoned again.
Above all, what he feared most was that she might commit an irreversible act while he was away.
[If Khan hadn't been by my side keeping watch, I would surely have done something foolish again.]
The sentence left in her diary once again weighed heavily on his heart.
Her diary contained almost no records of specific events or the circumstances before or after them. There were many pages with even the dates blank, and most of it was closer to rambling thoughts written down without any context.
At first, she used to briefly record the events of daily life, even if only formally, but at some point, it stopped at merely pouring out the thoughts swirling in her head incoherently.
Even the order of the diary was not consistent. He had seen her several times open to any page and scribble a few lines haphazardly whenever an idea came to her.
Therefore, it was impossible to determine exactly when and what phrase she had written. However, it was clear that the phrase was written after she had ingested poison and collapsed.
He swallowed saliva into his throat, which felt as if it were burning.
If the events of the previous life were repeating exactly as they happened, there was a high possibility that the poisoning incident would also occur again.
If she is framed and tries to harm him after he leaves the castle, it will only hasten a tragic future.
He paced back and forth by the window, feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place. Just then, he heard cautious footsteps from outside the door.
"Your Highness, I have prepared a meal."
“Come in.”
Thalia, who had been leaning back against the chair, replied in a languid voice. Soon after, Tiuran entered the room holding a tray of food.
"I prepared a red soup to be easy on the stomach. I simmered it thoroughly for a long time until the vegetables were tender, so it should be easy to eat."
She said as she set the food on the table.
Thalia, who had been sitting slumped over with a sullen face, slowly picked up a spoon. Fortunately, her expression looked relaxed as she ate.
After finishing the soup bowl completely, Thalia returned to bed and rested for a while.
It was around the time the sun was high in the sky that she opened her eyes again. With a much refreshed look on her face, Thalia got out of bed, opened the wardrobe, and began spreading colorful dresses out on the bed.
He watched her, worried that she might once again lose the ability to distinguish between reality and hallucination and behave strangely. However, her gaze, as she meticulously examined the ornaments on the silk dress, was more piercing than ever.
"Which outfit do you think is the prettiest?"
Thalia, who was holding the dark purple dress up to her body, turned to him and asked. He just blinked blankly.
Thalia, who seemed not to have expected any reaction from him in the first place, put down the dress she was holding, picked up another dress, and brought the collar to her neck. Then, she stood in front of the mirror and examined herself from various angles with a serious expression.
Seeing her lively appearance, he was momentarily transported back to the days when he was a knight in the Royal Guard. Back then, she would often try on dozens of dresses and accessories, asking him for his opinion.
"How about this outfit? Do you think it looks pretty in Barcas' eyes?"
Thalia, biting her lip with an anxious expression, turned around and asked.
He slowly scanned the small woman wearing nightgowns so thin they were see-through.
Although she had lost a little weight due to the severe side effects of the medication over the past few days, she looked brighter and more radiant than usual. It seemed to be because her complexion had improved significantly.
With her golden hair cast like a halo around her flushed face, she looked like a finely crafted, top-quality pearl.
He simply could not figure out where on earth there was anything to criticize about her appearance. However, his wife seemed to think differently; looking into the mirror with a displeased expression, she rang the bell to summon the maids.
"Bring me the newly made clothes, and also retrieve the accessories from my collection."
The maids who were instructed immediately brought a box containing several new clothes and jewelry.
After spending a long time choosing, Thalia dressed in a light cream-colored dress and sat down at the dressing table. Then, with the help of the maids, she carefully applied something to her lips and around her eyes and began to comb her hair until it slicked her face.
"Are you planning to go out today by any chance?"
The maid, who had been staring at her face almost blankly, cautiously asked a question.
Thalia ran her hand through her hair and answered in a nonchalant tone.
"I've just been cooped up in my room for a while, so I feel stifled and thought I'd go for a walk."
He did not miss the look of relief that flickered across the maids' faces. It seemed they were worried that the negative rumors about her might be blown out of proportion even further.
"Then I will not attach a separate hair ornament."
The maid spoke as she skillfully braided her neatly combed hair.
Thalia looked somewhat displeased, but she did not refute the remark. It seemed she had realized that wearing a jumble of fancy jewelry for a casual stroll was certainly unnatural.
“It’s done.”
As soon as she finished her light dressing, another waiting maid quickly brought a simple robe. It was the garment she often wore when going out with the books she had bought.
Thalia, who had been staring at it intently, let out a sigh and loosely draped her coat over her shoulders. Then, lightly adjusting her clothes, she asked in passing.
"Come to think of it, I heard Barcas is scheduled to return. Did you hear anything about exactly when he will arrive?"
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