The cave reflected in Vidar's blue eyes still looked the same. It remained unchanged, not in the slightest, from thousands of years ago to today.
"..."
He wondered when he first set foot here.
As always, the deepest part of the cave. The very end. Sitting on a cold, silent rock where no sound or warmth could be felt, Vidar began to retrace his old memories for the first time in a very long while.
"First..."
The first thing Vidar thought of was the oldest memory he could recall.
His first memory.
All monsters of Ateloia are born from a monster umbilical cord located north of the Forbidden Forest. Whether winged monsters, four-legged monsters, or legless monsters.
However, Vidar was an exception.
Vidar's first memory was from this cave.
A strange being born alone without parents or family; there was no such thing as a childhood.
Vidar emerged from the cave without even realizing why he was born or what his existence was.
In those days, not even monsters existed. The only living monster in this world was Vidar.
It meant the same thing as saying that he was terribly alone.
However, Vidar had no way of knowing such feelings.
Vidar did nothing. Without eating or drinking anything, he simply watched everything in silence: the noisy chirping birds, the animals running about preying on and being preyed upon, and sometimes the humans who had set foot in the forest.
And he thought about it.
Why am I alone?
Unlike them.
Does this empty and hollow feeling have a name? If so, what is it?
He didn't do anything particularly special, but sometimes he would sit high up in a tree, staring blankly at the sky, without even a purpose.
That strange behavior probably started sometime when a faint full moon rose in the pitch-black night sky.
The faint light of the hazy moon illuminated the dark, fog-filled forest, and the chilly wind swept eerily across his body... on that particular day, it felt as though they were pushing him into an unfamiliar emotion he had never felt before.
Nothing had changed about the fact that there was no one by his side. However, strangely enough, when the moon rose and he looked at it, he didn't feel lonely, at least a little.
He had a hazy feeling that someone might come looking for him at any moment.
So, whenever the full moon rose, Vidar would quietly gaze only at the sky, as if he were someone waiting endlessly for someone.
It felt as if this boiling inner turmoil might subside if that unknown person appeared.
Because it felt like he could finally escape forever from emotions whose names he doesn't even know, but which keep rearing their heads and only consuming him.
...Who do I want to see?
He couldn't find the answer.
However, he had an intuition whose underlying basis he couldn't quite grasp.
That until someone appears, he will forever repeat this waiting and remain empty.
Countless years passed. It was a period so long that it was impossible to tell whether it was decades or centuries. Vidar was still in that forest, and he continued to wait for someone. But that someone did not appear.
And it was one day.
[Um, could you help me...?]
Meeting a lost child was.
The child, who was sitting in the middle of the forest, sobbed softly, saying that he had come to gather herbs with other friends, but they had left him behind.
[If you just take me to the entrance of the forest, I think I can find my way on my own. From there, my body remembers the way, so it shouldn't be a problem.]
They said the child could not see, whether from birth or due to an injury.
Why should I help that child?
It wasn't that he didn't have such thoughts.
However, the weather was exceptionally good that day. The blowing wind and the sunlight shining down on his whole body were warm. It was the end of the rainy season that had dragged on for such a long time.
Maybe that was the reason. That he ended up doing something he would never have done under normal circumstances.
Until they reached the entrance of the forest, the child was very talkative. He chattered incessantly without getting tired. He did so even though Vidar did not answer.
[Does brother live in this forest?]
Then, if I come here again, can we meet?
Vidar turned around, leaving the child haphazardly at the entrance of the forest without showing any reaction in the end.
[See you again, brother.]
Ignoring even the voice coming from behind him.
However, the encounters with the child did not end on that day. The child came to the forest with friends every time, and would always be left alone to sit down or wander cautiously here and there. Then, whenever Vidar finally appeared before him, the child would grin.
[Why do they keep coming?]
It was the day he was dropping off the child, just like always. That was when Vidar asked a question for the first time.
He was just curious. Anyone could see that the child was being bullied, and the herb basket he brought every time contained nothing but a few stalks of useless trash weeds.
[At first, even though they said they would leave me in the forest, I came because I was happy that my friends would play with me...]
And the child answered.
[Come now, since I can see you, brother.]
Smiling very brightly.
[I felt lonely being alone all the time.]
[...]
[But you're always alone too, brother.]
Lonely?
...What is the feeling of loneliness? No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't figure it out, so Vidar didn't give any answer.
In this way, the child constantly came to play in the forest, and Vidar also constantly took the child there and listened to his stories.
Vidar was not unaware of the fact that the person he had been waiting for all those years was not a child.
However, the child's body, warm like a small bird, moving sluggishly and small, was cute. The small front teeth that would occasionally catch a glimpse whenever the child spoke to him were amusing. The child's stories, which he couldn't even properly understand, were fascinating.
It was around the time a few months had passed that the child, while waiting for Vidar, lost his footing and fell into the lake.
If I leave him like this, will he die?
Vidar just stared silently at the child who was about to pass away.
What does it mean to die? Where do we go when we die? Will the child, too, become motionless, rot, and turn into white bones, like the carcasses of animals that prey on and are preyed upon by one another? And then, someday, will they crumble like sand, flutter in the wind, and completely vanish?
Then, will I no longer be able to hear their voices? Will they stop coming to find me?
Am I going to be left alone again?
Vidar rescued the child who had fallen into the ice-cold lake.
Not long after, the sound of a group of peers approaching, who had left the child alone to play amongst themselves, was heard, and Vidar hid himself. He then watched as the group took the child away amidst a great commotion.
Since that day, the child did not come. A day passed, two days passed, and a week passed, but he was not to be seen. Vidar would just stare blankly at the empty herb basket the child had dropped, floating on the lake.
I saved him, so why isn't he coming?
Just like that person hs have been waiting for endlessly.
Vidar returned to his original self for the first time in a long while. He became completely alone, with no one looking for him.
He didn't like this.
And not long after, he realized.
The name of the emotion he had felt for so many years was precisely the loneliness the child spoke of.
That loneliness, which was not a new feeling, had grown in size while he was away. It became so massive that it kept mercilessly devouring Vidar.
[I heard it really happens today or tomorrow.]
The reason he found out about the child's current situation was because of the group that had been subtly ostracizing the child.
[What if he dies like that? What if the fallout gets to us for no reason?]
[It’s not our fault. And when did we ever ask him to go to this forest together? He just followed us of his own accord.]
[Yeah, I told you to just wait patiently because it was dangerous since he can't see. He chased after us on his own, wandered around, fell into the lake, and ended up in this state, so what do I care?]
Dying?
Why?
You saved my life.
So does that mean I'll never see you again?
"I wonder what on earth I was thinking."
Vidar, who had been lost in thought, smirked as if mocking someone.
"You're dumbfounded."
No matter how many times he looked back, it was an endlessly foolish thing to have done. Going to find that child.
He wanted to see it again at least once.
The child's eyes, so innocent they were almost foolish. The small front teeth that were visible whenever a word was spoken, and the child's footsteps, short and slow.
Vidar followed the child's scent. He found it. The old house where the child lived.
And there, they met.
The child's parents.
[M-Monster...]
Before a word could be said, they rushed at Vidar, holding farm tools that didn't look very sturdy. The child's parents, the child's neighbors—everyone—was there.
He thought he was flustered, and he thought he was angry.
When he came to his senses, there wasn't a single living thing around the child's house.
There were only rows of corpses that had died with their heads severed or their intestines spilling out.
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