Act 5. Middle Name
I looked up at the sky. It was blue, without a single cloud. The clear, spotless sky was so dazzling that I closed my eyes. Four years have already passed since the Marchioness died. In three months, it will be the fifth anniversary of her death.
'Was my sixteenth birthday just that much away?'
Just like back then, my engagement ceremony took place at the Crown Prince's coming-of-age ceremony. The Emperor intended to proceed with the wedding ceremony along with the engagement, but the First Prince's side strongly objected. Ostensibly, the reason was my young age, but everyone who knew the situation understood that it was a ploy to buy time. From their perspective, given the limited time remaining, they likely harbored a desire, to some extent, for my engagement with the Crown Prince to be broken off.
The Emperor took a step back. He decided to wait until I became an adult. At that time, as soon as my coming-of-age ceremony took place, the Emperor proceeded with the marriage between me and the Crown Prince as if he had been waiting for it. If things proceed just like they did back then, I will become the Crown Princess on my 16th birthday, simultaneously with my coming-of-age ceremony.
"... Bjornne."
Someone grabbed my shoulder tightly. I opened my eyes in surprise. A shimmering silver ball of yarn, as if woven from light, filled my vision.
“What’s going on?”
His golden eyes were filled with worry. With a stern face, he slowly examined my complexion.
"Is something wrong?"
If it were the me back then, I would have been overjoyed to see him worrying about me. But now, my heart only felt a slight tingling sensation and didn't feel anything at all.
'Don't mistake his kindness for something else.'
He treats me, his fiancée, with the ingrained kindness he was trained to possess as the Crown Prince. I know the look in his eyes toward her, which was like a clear sky. I remember his warm smile, sweet as honey.
'I must not be mistaken. His love is not me.'
I endlessly ruminated on the facts I already knew. The tingling in my heart slowly stopped.
"It seems this won't work. I will call a royal physician."
He tried to sit up. I quickly grabbed his arm.
"It's okay."
He turned to look at me. I spoke again with emphasis.
"There is no need to summon a court physician, Your Highness."
"You look unwell."
He tried to get up again to call the court physician. I tightened my grip on his arm.
"It's fine. I was just a little dizzy."
The Crown Prince looked back and forth between my face and my hand gripping his arm. He soon let out a small sigh.
"Are you really okay?"
"Yes, it is alright. I apologize for causing you concern, Your Highness."
I let go of his arm. He remained silent for a long time. I felt burdened by being alone with him.
I had to meet the Crown Prince two or three times a week under the pretext of tea time. It was an order from the Emperor, given to me, who had been staying secluded within the mansion. At that time, I went in and out of the palace almost every day to visit him. The Emperor did not need to go out of his way to order me to meet him.
At that time, he found me very annoying. He treated me with politeness, but he was half-hearted. His attitude was obvious, but I didn't realize it because I was already blinded by love.
He was a little different now than he was back then. He was more polite and affectionate than before.
'Is it because I've changed?'
That might be true. The me of today did not frequent the Imperial Palace as if it were my own home just to see him one more time, nor did I harass the women who showed interest in him.
To think that I could receive his worried attention just from that, I felt pathetic for who I was back then.
"It has already been two years since we got engaged."
Since the engagement ceremony was held at his coming-of-age ceremony, it has been well over two and a half years. He smiled with a bitter expression.
"Did I make a mistake?"
He did nothing wrong to me. As my fiancé, he treated me with respect and was always affectionate.
If that was the problem, then so be it. If only he had treated me indifferently like before, it would have been much easier to cut off this lingering attachment.
It must have been easy. His gentle gaze and tone kept stirring my heart.
"Please tell me. Have I done anything wrong to you?"
"You are speaking absurdly. Your Highness has done nothing wrong."
I answered while avoiding his gaze. My head is cold, but my heart is hot. It would be much more comfortable if I didn't have to see him, but reality was harsh.
"Then is it just that the time spent out is inconvenient?"
I looked up at his sudden question. Before I knew it, he was right up close to me. There was no emotion on his face. The affectionate expression he had had just moments ago was nowhere to be seen.
"Answer me. Bjornne, am I making you uncomfortable?"
He seemed angry, yet not quite. Just looking at his face, I couldn't tell at all what he was thinking. Only his golden eyes were fixed on me. My reflection was perfectly visible in those piercingly shining eyes.
'Exactly, the pitiful figure of a woman trembling with anxiety...'
I suddenly came to my senses as if I had gulped down cold water.
Habits can be frightening. The memory of watching his every move for so long made me timid.
I am not the girl who used to be fidgeting to please him like I was back then. I did not want to be by his side, nor did I desire his love. There was nothing for me to fear about him. I stared straight into his eyes.
"If I say it is uncomfortable, does that mean we don't have to continue this meeting?"
"Ha!"
He laughed. His expression clearly showed his dumbfoundedness. He stopped laughing and stared directly at me. His golden eyes darkened. A silent pressure emanated from his body. I clutched my skirt tightly so as not to be defeated by that pressure.
"I am your fiancée. Do you know that?"
"An engagement can be broken, Your Highness."
He just stared at me silently for a while. No emotion appeared on his face. His white skin, visible in the bright sunlight, reminded me of a wax doll.
Amidst the continuing heavy silence, he finally moved. With slow movements, he leaned his upper body back against the backrest of the chair. One of his long legs naturally rested on top of the other. His aura changed dramatically just by shifting his sitting posture.
"Do you even know what you mean by saying that?"
He smiled. It was a beautifully elegant smile, as if drawn. Judging by his posture alone, he looked relaxed and at ease. However, facing him, I was so nervous that I broke out in a cold sweat.
He was clearly smiling, but it felt as if someone were holding a knife to my throat. My mouth was parched, and my throat was burning. I saw the half-finished tea right in front of me, but I couldn't bring myself to touch it. I barely managed to open my mouth.
“I know very well.”
He stared at me without saying a word. His golden eyes scanned me as if observing me. I felt ashamed, as if I had become a frog in a laboratory. I clenched my fist tightly.
"Does that mean you want to break off the engagement with me?"
"Yes, Your Highness."
“Why?”
"It is because I do not love Your Highness."
"Hahaha."
He laughed out loud. The sound was clear enough to be refreshing.
"I never knew you were such a funny person. You have a knack for teasing people"
“It’s no joke.”
He stopped laughing. One side of his red lips slowly curved upward. It was an obvious sneer.
"I don't know if you are being naive because it is love, or if you are just pretending to be."
It was extremely rare for members of the royal family or nobility to marry the person they loved. Marriage was not merely a matter for the couple themselves, but a union of families and a means to solidify their mutual interests.
I, too, was born a noble lady and lived enjoying those privileges, so it was right for me to marry the Crown Prince for the sake of my family. However, I already knew that it would end in tragedy. I did not want to just go along with things as they were.
After holding the engagement ceremony with the Crown Prince, I thought about it several times, but no matter how much I agonized over it, I could not find a way to avoid marrying him. If I couldn't avoid it, I even considered waiting for heroin to appear and fall in love with him, then asking him to depose me. Among the various alternatives, it seemed to be the method with the highest probability of success.
But ultimately, the best thing would have been not to marry him at all. Life is short. I didn't want to waste my time.
"My dream is to meet the person I love and live happily ever after."
I absolutely wanted to have the happiness that Lee Ji-ah knows—a dream that could be considered ordinary: meeting someone you love, being loved and cherished, and living happily together for a long time—a happiness that Bjornne, at the time, did not.
"The person to be by Your Highness's side doesn't necessarily have to be me, does it?"
A smile still lingered on his lips. He looked amused, as if watching a playful pet. I continued speaking without stopping.
"Isn't this engagement based on conditions? If there is a young lady with better qualifications, wouldn't that be better for Your Highness as well?"
I possessed the perfect conditions for the Crown Prince to become Emperor. A distinguished family, wealth, and power—I lacked nothing. However, I was not the only one with such qualifications. The woman he loved also had similar circumstances. The only difference was when we met. That was our tragedy.
"Why don't you try looking again? There might be a woman out there with similar backgrounds to mine and a good personality as well."
"There are no better conditions than you, Bjornne."
His voice was low and sweet, as if whispering love. His eyes curved like crescent moons. His face was still smiling, but his pupils were piercingly cold.
"Can you really guarantee that there isn't one?"
I intended to do my best to prevent the marriage to him. I didn't care about the opinions or judgments of others.
I didn't care about him in the first place, and I no longer needed to impress him.
Because the person I am now is not the person I was back then.
'If you wish, I could find the perfect lady for you, though.'
"Hmph... Fine. Let's concede, for the sake of argument, that there is someone with better prospects than you, just as you say. Is that why?"
'So what? You should go to someone better!'
He raised his hand to stop me just as I was about to open my mouth. I kept my mouth to keep it closed.
"We have already held an engagement ceremony. You are already my fiancée."
"But..."
His long, white fingers approached my face. Startled, I froze, forgetting even the words I was about to say. He slowly cupped my face in his hands.
"Isn't there an easier and simpler way?"
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