'Ha. What was I really thinking...'
Even if he were to be sincere, nothing in reality would change.
What can be done just because hearts connect?
'Are you planning to take Shioana and leave this place?'
Etienne did not want Shioana to become unhappy, nor could he just stand by and watch her life fall apart further.
"...?"
Just then, a familiar face peeked out from behind a tree and gestured to him. It was Shioana.
'...Of all times, why now?'
Etienne's face hardened as he confirmed that the person watching him from behind was still there.
'You must not meet Shioana now.'
Etienne, who was pushing the cart, moved forward with his head held high. His eyes met Shioana's, but he did not even acknowledge her. The bewilderment that hung over her face soon turned into disappointment.
'Yeah, it would be strange.'
To think that a mere slave would be cared for by a nobleman, kiss her, and then pretend not to know her. Anyone would be dumbfounded. If Shioana were to get angry and avoid him instead, she could live comfortably without any trouble, just as Martha said.
'Right, it was because I had a fever that night.'
Actually, if you look closely, it might all be his dream.
The sight of Shioana watching him from behind that tree must also be a fantasy Etienne desires. As he pushed the cart while trying hard to turn a blind eye to her, the veins on the back of Etienne's hand bulged.
***
Shioana, who had been wandering in search of Etienne, stopped and wiped the sweat from her face. Spring had long since arrived, yet her heart remained in the middle of winter. He was nowhere to be seen—not in the backyard, not by the lake, not in the barn, not in the garden.
"Where on earth did he go?"
She met Etienne pushing a cart the other day, but she couldn't exchange a single word with him. She was sure their eyes met, but Etienne tightly averted his head.
"...Why?"
The look in his eyes as he gazed at Shioana was not a lie.
But why is he doing this now?
She hadn't confessed, but she never doubted that he felt the same way. However, as she was rejected like this more than once, a strange sense of unease overwhelmed her.
Etienne might have changed his mind in the meantime. After all, she knew all too well that human emotions cannot be held onto by force.
On a night when spring rain gently tapped the dry earth, new sprouts that had returned to the cracked fields of Regbell swayed as if welcoming the rain.
"I have to meet him and talk."
Although she couldn't force someone's heart, it was something that needed to be addressed.
She wanted to know exactly whether it was all a joke or if it was Shioana's delusion. The wistful emotion that had even made her lose her appetite turned into anger.
“How dare you avoid me?”
Her face was flushed red beneath her cloak. The barn, reeking of rain-soaked earth, was quite different from when she had visited during the day.
The livestock showed little reaction to having seen her a few times. As she went inside, making a rustling sound, she could see him lying, leaning against a straw pile.
"...There is."
As Etienne kept avoiding her, she eventually thought that perhaps his existence was just an illusion created by loneliness.
She came in angry, but when I actually saw him, she couldn't bring herself to speak.
"E, Etienne."
She called out to him in a very low voice. However, Etienne did not answer, perhaps having fallen asleep. Shioana, who had been calling out to him several more times, strode closer.
And she tossed the hat covering Etienne's face and threw it onto the floor, just as she had done once before.
Shioana shouted loudly while stomping her feet on the floor.
"You damn bastard!"
It was a phrase Martha sometimes used when she was angry, but it was the first time she had ever said it out loud.
However, there was no noble way to express these feelings. She felt miserable at the thought that she was in unrequited love with a man who wouldn't even look at her.
"...Hmm."
Only when the hat covering his eyes disappeared did Etienne sit up. Seeing his face for the first time in a long while, Shioana's heart pounded.
'What is this beautiful thing?'
The deep, profound red eyes instantly shook her mind. Overwhelmed by the dizzying sensation, Shioana ran her hand across her face.
"You really might be a hell bird, just like Martha said."
Shioana had always denied Martha's words, but perhaps she was right. Maybe she should have kept her promise not to look into those eyes, or to come here.
"Can't you see me? Can't you hear me? How can a mere slave ignore me like this?"
She approached and lightly kicked Etienne's leg. Even though she continued kicking him with hurt feelings and anger, he still did not move.
"Who do you think you are...! Do you even realize that I am your master?"
She kicked for a long time, but he didn't spare Shioana.
"Etienne, are you planning never to see me again like this?"
"Wouldn't it be better to do it that way?"
A low voice flowed out, cutting through the sound of rain loudly pounding against the roof.
“You really like me...!"
Shioana parted her lips with tears welling up in her eyes.
She swallowed the words, asking if he intended not to watch.
She was afraid he might actually say that.
Even if that were true, she didn't want to hear it right now.
"What do you mean by that, young lady?"
He whispered while looking down at his pants, which were soiled by Shioana's kick, but he couldn't think of a proper reply.
"Why do you avoid eye contact when someone is talking?"
"It would be better not to hear the reason."
Etienne still stared at the floor, and Shioana, who resembled the child, slumped down on the spot. Shioana, who had been glaring at Etienne's face as he struggled not to look at her, spoke.
"I really need to listen to it."
"It would be better if you didn't do that..."
"Why! What on earth is the reason!"
"It would have been better if you hadn't come looking for me."
Shioana placed her cheek against his knee, who kept muttering to himself.
"Please, Etienne."
"I have no fever right now and am perfectly fine."
"...?"
Shioana, who had lifted her head at the sound of his voice becoming increasingly secretive, widened her eyes. Etienne's gaze, filled with undeniable desire, passed past Shioana's eyes and landed on her chin and the nape of her neck in turn.
"Would you still like to listen?"
“Yeah, yeah.”
She swallowed hard at Etienne's question. For some reason, her throat felt dry, and her body itched. As he slowly lowered himself, she found herself trapped between Etienne's legs.
Feeling awkward, she stepped back while sitting down, and her back touched a pile of straw.
"...Ugh."
She stifled a groan from the stinging sensation, but Etienne grabbed Shioana's ankle.
“Why are you running away?”
"Who said I ran away! I'm the one who came here! You were the one who ran away."
"I didn't run away. I gave you flowers, and also..."
As he traced his fingers over her lips, Shioana's heart sank. Naturally, the passionate night came to mind.
She meant the night Etienne had been groaning with a high fever. Only then did Shioana realize that she had been longing for this feeling. Moments like this, where her heart raced with excitement, and she could gaze into his eyes for a long time—but because it was a feeling she couldn't let him discover, Shioana feigned ignorance and asked.
"You gave me something else too, but you don't remember a single thing."
"It doesn't matter. I can just give you another one."
Etienne's large hand grabbed her chin.
At Etienne's touch, her heart pounded violently, throbbing as if to wake up all the beasts. Fearing he might discover her in this state, Shioana pressed her hand down against her chest.
"Will you remember now?"
Holding her chin with one hand, Etienne gently stroked Shioana's lips with his thumb.
"W-what are you doing? Let me go right now."
"Is it true that you don't remember, Miss?"
His face, pressing hard against her lower lip, was excessively close. She felt his hot breath close to her cheek, and she didn't know what to do with herself under Etienne's gaze.
"When I look at you, young lady, I want to hold your hand like this and kiss you. Is that alright?"
“...You rude!”
Shioana forcefully shook off his hand and sprang to her feet. Although she was trembling because she couldn't put any strength into her legs...
He stood up following her, lightly lifted Shioana's waist, and slightly offered his cheek.
"Kick the rude slave on the cheek. And now, leave the barn. Such a squalid place does not suit a young lady."
Shioana became uncontrollably angry at the somehow melancholic tone in his voice. Ultimately, what Etienne was trying to say was to push her away.
"Who thinks I can't do it?"
As Shioana raised her hand to slap his cheek, Etienne bent over and offered one side of his face so she could hit him well. Frozen in place, Shioana stared blankly at his profile.
'I'm not someone like Eli.'
She couldn't believe she had tried to hit Etienne.
"I, I don't want to do that."
Thick tears welled up in Shioana's eyes as she dropped her hands low. What she wanted was Etienne's attention, not something like this. As a cold drop of water fell to the floor, he straightened his head.
"If you don't hit me now, I will kiss you."
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