(183) Second time in my life
The gloomy underground prison was a place where criminals who had committed serious crimes were confined, and it was filled with a rotting smell because it was not properly maintained.
In the pitch-black darkness with not a single ray of light, the tortured and deprived, starving prisoners could no longer even scream, letting out only occasional groans.
Ariana and Geor were confined in separate solitary cells with a wall separating them. Geor skillfully broke a few bricks, allowing the two to talk through a hole in the wall.
"How many days have passed?!"
After the two were imprisoned, the Emperor did nothing and left them alone. There was no torture or interrogation.
"Well, I feel like three days have passed."
"Are you okay?!"
The purple eyes glimpsed through the fist-sized hole were filled with worry. Ariana smiled faintly.
“I told you, I’m used to it.”
“Unless the mistress of the Bronte household is insane, she wouldn’t have locked her own daughter in a dungeon. A dungeon is different from being locked in a room, Ariana. It is much more grueling and miserable.”
"...Yes."
"Have you experienced this at another time?!"
Ariana closed her mouth and stared blankly into Geor's eyes.
It was not surprising that Geor knew that fact. She had always thought that Geor might have noticed something was off through the series of events.
Ariana thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Yes."
"I knew it. You had come back in time after dying once."
“When did you know?”
“When I heard the story of the old woman with golden eyes.”
“That old woman... Why? What is it?”
Geor spoke slowly about the late King Paganus, who had golden eyes. And Paganus's doctrine concerning time.
"Have you ever met that old woman in the past?"
“Yeah. But I only did a very, really very small act of kindness.”
"But to the late King Paganus, who was living as a fugitive, that kindness might have felt excessive and overdone."
Geor didn't ask any more questions. As Ariana simply looked into his eyes filled with worry, she felt an unbearable sense of guilt.
Russell's agony as he despaired over Geor's death came vividly to mind.
"I killed my brother."
"What?"
“I trapped the East, and my brother died. The East fell because of me.”
"Ah."
Geor opened his eyes wide as if in shock. His gaze, which had been fixed on Ariana, wandered in the air for a moment before fixing on her again.
Ariana clenched her fists tightly and waited for his accusation. She didn't want to make excuses about why she had done it.
Being foolish and thus being used were all her own choices.
“That’s amazing. To think my younger sister could bring down the East.”
However, the voice that flowed in carried no emotion whatsoever. On the contrary, it was a voice that felt somewhat cheerful, as if teasing or playing a prank.
“You brought down the East all by yourself without anyone’s help? If so, that’s truly amazing.”
“Of course not. But...”
“Ariana. Come here.”
Geor put his hand through the small hole and moved his fingers. As Ariana approached, Geor urged her on, saying, "A little more."
As she moved closer, his warm fingers gently brushed against Ariana's cheek.
"You see, God sends a child down into the world like unbaked dough. So that parents and elders may beautifully finish them. Because a child is so small and fragile, depending on what words they hear and how they are treated, they can become a jewel, bread, or a sword. They can become an angel, or a devil."
“But I was an adult. I could have run away as much as I wanted, but being unable to do so, I spent my entire life doing what they wanted. Because I was so foolish and stupid... so pathetic...”
“Ariana, think carefully. Did you have a place to run to?”
There wasn't.
Back then, believing Rachel, she thought her father hated her terribly. Harold, whom she thought was a place to escape to, only brought her another hell.
"Just because someone is a saint doesn't mean they only think the right way. It is human nature to be trapped in the past and swayed back and forth. I was like that too, remember? I couldn't let go of my parents, and at one point, I made you suffer."
“That’s nothing, Geor. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Right, then there is no problem. You haven’t done anything at this time. I’m alive, and the East is fine. It’s no big deal. You don’t need to feel guilty.”
The fact that she had caused Geor's death weighed heavily on her heart the entire time. The more affectionate he was, the more she could not escape that guilt.
However, when the person who had been wronged instead comforted her in a warm voice, her heart swelled with sadness, and she didn't know what to do.
“It is time I do not have, but even that time is yours... The you reflected in my eyes right now is a jewel. Even though the time spent with those devils was shorter than the time spent with us, you shine brightly, Ariana.”
“Don’t say such nice things. I don’t deserve to hear them.”
“You’ve grown up so well, Ariana. You worked so hard to grow up well, Ariana. Shall we offer a prayer of thanks to God for making you grow up this well?”
Tears flowed from her tightly closed eyes. Geor watched Ariana crying silently with a heavy heart.
If only he could, he wanted to completely break down this wall, climb over it, and hug her. He wanted to tell her that it’s okay, that it’s not her fault, and that she is a very good child.
Geor withdrew the hand he had slipped through the hole and smiled like a true older brother. My little sister, Ariana. My lovely jewel. He smiled kindly and selflessly, so that those feelings would be fully conveyed to the wounded young soul.
Goo-woong-!
A heavy sound echoed through the basement.
Ariana wiped away her tears, and Geor blocked the hole with a stone he had set aside. The two sat leaning against the wall as if unable to speak, listening to the sound of two footsteps approaching.
Thump, thump, thump—at the rhythmic sound of footsteps, Ariana's heart grew cold. Her eyes, once drenched in warmth, hardened, and her crumbling expression turned resolute.
Ariana knew Victoria would come.
Ariana quietly gazed at Victoria, who had stopped in front of the bars holding a small lamp.
A beautiful smile, like a flower, formed on Victoria's lips.
"It's nice to see you, sister."
Victoria spoke as if singing.
"As expected, that spot suits you. You seem to shine being in a place like that."
Ariana suddenly wondered.
Why does this kid hate me so much?
It might be because of what she did to her in this life, but in her previous life, Victoria had nothing taken away from her by Ariana.
Back then, Ariana wasn't even a threat to Victoria, yet she couldn't understand why she hated her so much.
“Sister, there is such a thing as one’s place in this world. It is given to you from birth, so no matter how hard you struggle, you cannot escape it. That is why there is a saying to live knowing your place. Don’t make futile efforts.”
Victoria bent over. Her half-tied blonde hair flowed down her shoulders.
Victoria gently tucked her flowing hair behind her ear and spoke.
"Did you think you had everything in the world just because you ran away and were surrounded and protected by handsome men? Did you feel like a real Princess just because people called you 'Princess, Princess'? Sister, no matter how much people pretend to adore you, you can't hide your origins. You should have just done what you were told and lived proving that you were worthy of living. Then you wouldn't have been trapped in a place like this."
"Victoria."
“It’s not Victoria, it must be the Princess. You’re nobody anymore, sister.”
“Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you?”
Victoria scowled intensely at the question, which flowed out calmly as if showing not the slightest fear.
“Do you think you're asking because you don’t know? You framed me! Do you know how much I suffered in prison because of you? And what about my reputation!”
“Not that. You’ve hated me since before. I did everything you told me to do and acted obediently, so why did you hate me?”
"You don't even know that?"
“Yeah, I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
"That..."
Victoria kept her mouth shut.
She saw blue eyes shining vividly even in the darkness. She took in the small, white, and pretty face.
Victoria suddenly wondered.
Why did I hate Ariana so much?
"That..."
Her mother, Rachel, cherished Helena the most. Even though she tried not to show it, there was something she could feel.
There was a time when she felt a sense of kinship with Ariana, who was in the same situation as her. Of course, Rachel treated Victoria incomparably better than Ariana did.
“Abandonment...”
She was afraid.
She was scared because she didn't know when she would be treated like Ariana.
She was afraid that if she didn't make a good impression on her mother, if she didn't become a good daughter, if she wasn't far superior to Helena or Ariana, she would fall out of Rachel's favor and end up living like a maid, just like Ariana.
So, she needed to make Ariana look even more inferior. She thought that she had to make her look like a deficient child, to make her regarded as a useless offspring, to survive.
So whenever Victoria uses Helena to make Ariana look like a fool, and whenever she sees Ariana getting scolded by Rachel for doing something stupid.
She felt relieved. She was glad to feel like she had held her ground.
And at some point, that became a source of joy.
Whe was glad that, even if she didn't know about the others, Ariana was at least playing into her grasp.
Ariana had to be that kind of person. She had to be in a position where she could wield power with her own hands at any time.
Ariana drew her sword, swung it at Victoria and the entire Bronte family, and fled to safety. She didn't know her place. So, it's no wonder people disliked her.
Victoria's stomach churned when she saw Ariana, who remained composed despite being imprisoned.
Ariana must not be like this. Desperate for affection, she must smile like a fool, even if she does not want to. Yet, even when she smiles like that, she will not be loved and must crumble miserably.
That is the Ariana that Victoria knows.
“Beg me, Ariana.”
Ariana raised one eyebrow. Even that look was pretty, so it made her furious.
“Beg me to save you. Cling to me and beg for help like you used to!”
Ariana chuckled.
"So that’s what you liked. Because no one else begs you, but I alone cling to you."
“Don’t make me laugh! I am a Princess. A Princess of the House of Bronte and the granddaughter of the Lord of West. Everyone is begging and clinging to me.”
"But Helena isn't."
Victoria opened her eyes wide.
“You are not Rachel’s prettiest daughter, Victoria. No matter how much you struggle and beg, you will be second for the rest of your life.”
“Ariana!”
Clunk!
Ariana calmly watched Victoria grip the bars with both hands.
The gloomy underground prison was a place where criminals who had committed serious crimes were confined, and it was filled with a rotting smell because it was not properly maintained.
In the pitch-black darkness with not a single ray of light, the tortured and deprived, starving prisoners could no longer even scream, letting out only occasional groans.
Ariana and Geor were confined in separate solitary cells with a wall separating them. Geor skillfully broke a few bricks, allowing the two to talk through a hole in the wall.
"How many days have passed?!"
After the two were imprisoned, the Emperor did nothing and left them alone. There was no torture or interrogation.
"Well, I feel like three days have passed."
"Are you okay?!"
The purple eyes glimpsed through the fist-sized hole were filled with worry. Ariana smiled faintly.
“I told you, I’m used to it.”
“Unless the mistress of the Bronte household is insane, she wouldn’t have locked her own daughter in a dungeon. A dungeon is different from being locked in a room, Ariana. It is much more grueling and miserable.”
"...Yes."
"Have you experienced this at another time?!"
Ariana closed her mouth and stared blankly into Geor's eyes.
It was not surprising that Geor knew that fact. She had always thought that Geor might have noticed something was off through the series of events.
Ariana thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Yes."
"I knew it. You had come back in time after dying once."
“When did you know?”
“When I heard the story of the old woman with golden eyes.”
“That old woman... Why? What is it?”
Geor spoke slowly about the late King Paganus, who had golden eyes. And Paganus's doctrine concerning time.
"Have you ever met that old woman in the past?"
“Yeah. But I only did a very, really very small act of kindness.”
"But to the late King Paganus, who was living as a fugitive, that kindness might have felt excessive and overdone."
Geor didn't ask any more questions. As Ariana simply looked into his eyes filled with worry, she felt an unbearable sense of guilt.
Russell's agony as he despaired over Geor's death came vividly to mind.
"I killed my brother."
"What?"
“I trapped the East, and my brother died. The East fell because of me.”
"Ah."
Geor opened his eyes wide as if in shock. His gaze, which had been fixed on Ariana, wandered in the air for a moment before fixing on her again.
Ariana clenched her fists tightly and waited for his accusation. She didn't want to make excuses about why she had done it.
Being foolish and thus being used were all her own choices.
“That’s amazing. To think my younger sister could bring down the East.”
However, the voice that flowed in carried no emotion whatsoever. On the contrary, it was a voice that felt somewhat cheerful, as if teasing or playing a prank.
“You brought down the East all by yourself without anyone’s help? If so, that’s truly amazing.”
“Of course not. But...”
“Ariana. Come here.”
Geor put his hand through the small hole and moved his fingers. As Ariana approached, Geor urged her on, saying, "A little more."
As she moved closer, his warm fingers gently brushed against Ariana's cheek.
"You see, God sends a child down into the world like unbaked dough. So that parents and elders may beautifully finish them. Because a child is so small and fragile, depending on what words they hear and how they are treated, they can become a jewel, bread, or a sword. They can become an angel, or a devil."
“But I was an adult. I could have run away as much as I wanted, but being unable to do so, I spent my entire life doing what they wanted. Because I was so foolish and stupid... so pathetic...”
“Ariana, think carefully. Did you have a place to run to?”
There wasn't.
Back then, believing Rachel, she thought her father hated her terribly. Harold, whom she thought was a place to escape to, only brought her another hell.
"Just because someone is a saint doesn't mean they only think the right way. It is human nature to be trapped in the past and swayed back and forth. I was like that too, remember? I couldn't let go of my parents, and at one point, I made you suffer."
“That’s nothing, Geor. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Right, then there is no problem. You haven’t done anything at this time. I’m alive, and the East is fine. It’s no big deal. You don’t need to feel guilty.”
The fact that she had caused Geor's death weighed heavily on her heart the entire time. The more affectionate he was, the more she could not escape that guilt.
However, when the person who had been wronged instead comforted her in a warm voice, her heart swelled with sadness, and she didn't know what to do.
“It is time I do not have, but even that time is yours... The you reflected in my eyes right now is a jewel. Even though the time spent with those devils was shorter than the time spent with us, you shine brightly, Ariana.”
“Don’t say such nice things. I don’t deserve to hear them.”
“You’ve grown up so well, Ariana. You worked so hard to grow up well, Ariana. Shall we offer a prayer of thanks to God for making you grow up this well?”
Tears flowed from her tightly closed eyes. Geor watched Ariana crying silently with a heavy heart.
If only he could, he wanted to completely break down this wall, climb over it, and hug her. He wanted to tell her that it’s okay, that it’s not her fault, and that she is a very good child.
Geor withdrew the hand he had slipped through the hole and smiled like a true older brother. My little sister, Ariana. My lovely jewel. He smiled kindly and selflessly, so that those feelings would be fully conveyed to the wounded young soul.
Goo-woong-!
A heavy sound echoed through the basement.
Ariana wiped away her tears, and Geor blocked the hole with a stone he had set aside. The two sat leaning against the wall as if unable to speak, listening to the sound of two footsteps approaching.
Thump, thump, thump—at the rhythmic sound of footsteps, Ariana's heart grew cold. Her eyes, once drenched in warmth, hardened, and her crumbling expression turned resolute.
Ariana knew Victoria would come.
Ariana quietly gazed at Victoria, who had stopped in front of the bars holding a small lamp.
A beautiful smile, like a flower, formed on Victoria's lips.
"It's nice to see you, sister."
Victoria spoke as if singing.
"As expected, that spot suits you. You seem to shine being in a place like that."
Ariana suddenly wondered.
Why does this kid hate me so much?
It might be because of what she did to her in this life, but in her previous life, Victoria had nothing taken away from her by Ariana.
Back then, Ariana wasn't even a threat to Victoria, yet she couldn't understand why she hated her so much.
“Sister, there is such a thing as one’s place in this world. It is given to you from birth, so no matter how hard you struggle, you cannot escape it. That is why there is a saying to live knowing your place. Don’t make futile efforts.”
Victoria bent over. Her half-tied blonde hair flowed down her shoulders.
Victoria gently tucked her flowing hair behind her ear and spoke.
"Did you think you had everything in the world just because you ran away and were surrounded and protected by handsome men? Did you feel like a real Princess just because people called you 'Princess, Princess'? Sister, no matter how much people pretend to adore you, you can't hide your origins. You should have just done what you were told and lived proving that you were worthy of living. Then you wouldn't have been trapped in a place like this."
"Victoria."
“It’s not Victoria, it must be the Princess. You’re nobody anymore, sister.”
“Why do you hate me so much? What did I do to you?”
Victoria scowled intensely at the question, which flowed out calmly as if showing not the slightest fear.
“Do you think you're asking because you don’t know? You framed me! Do you know how much I suffered in prison because of you? And what about my reputation!”
“Not that. You’ve hated me since before. I did everything you told me to do and acted obediently, so why did you hate me?”
"You don't even know that?"
“Yeah, I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
"That..."
Victoria kept her mouth shut.
She saw blue eyes shining vividly even in the darkness. She took in the small, white, and pretty face.
Victoria suddenly wondered.
Why did I hate Ariana so much?
"That..."
Her mother, Rachel, cherished Helena the most. Even though she tried not to show it, there was something she could feel.
There was a time when she felt a sense of kinship with Ariana, who was in the same situation as her. Of course, Rachel treated Victoria incomparably better than Ariana did.
“Abandonment...”
She was afraid.
She was scared because she didn't know when she would be treated like Ariana.
She was afraid that if she didn't make a good impression on her mother, if she didn't become a good daughter, if she wasn't far superior to Helena or Ariana, she would fall out of Rachel's favor and end up living like a maid, just like Ariana.
So, she needed to make Ariana look even more inferior. She thought that she had to make her look like a deficient child, to make her regarded as a useless offspring, to survive.
So whenever Victoria uses Helena to make Ariana look like a fool, and whenever she sees Ariana getting scolded by Rachel for doing something stupid.
She felt relieved. She was glad to feel like she had held her ground.
And at some point, that became a source of joy.
Whe was glad that, even if she didn't know about the others, Ariana was at least playing into her grasp.
Ariana had to be that kind of person. She had to be in a position where she could wield power with her own hands at any time.
Ariana drew her sword, swung it at Victoria and the entire Bronte family, and fled to safety. She didn't know her place. So, it's no wonder people disliked her.
Victoria's stomach churned when she saw Ariana, who remained composed despite being imprisoned.
Ariana must not be like this. Desperate for affection, she must smile like a fool, even if she does not want to. Yet, even when she smiles like that, she will not be loved and must crumble miserably.
That is the Ariana that Victoria knows.
“Beg me, Ariana.”
Ariana raised one eyebrow. Even that look was pretty, so it made her furious.
“Beg me to save you. Cling to me and beg for help like you used to!”
Ariana chuckled.
"So that’s what you liked. Because no one else begs you, but I alone cling to you."
“Don’t make me laugh! I am a Princess. A Princess of the House of Bronte and the granddaughter of the Lord of West. Everyone is begging and clinging to me.”
"But Helena isn't."
Victoria opened her eyes wide.
“You are not Rachel’s prettiest daughter, Victoria. No matter how much you struggle and beg, you will be second for the rest of your life.”
“Ariana!”
Clunk!
Ariana calmly watched Victoria grip the bars with both hands.
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