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“...If there’s anything difficult or you don’t know, ask.”
The tone was so blunt that Annette would have immediately rebuked him if she had heard it.
At his words, Joseph pointed to the tenth question. It was, of all things, the most difficult. Heiner pondered deeply, revisiting the book he had read to Joseph.
The story ends with William, a wandering rascal, finally discovering the flower of happiness atop a snow-covered mountain. However, unable to bear to pluck the flower, which blooms so beautifully, he returns home.
Heiner imagined William discovering the flower at the highest point of the white, snowy mountain.
The figure of a young man who gazed at the flowers so beautiful that he dared not touch them, and then finally turned around and came down the mountain alone.
“...He must have come to love flowers.”
Heiner muttered quietly. Joseph tilted his head as if to ask what he meant.
"All the while searching for the flower, William was already in love with it. He just didn't know it. And the moment he saw it—he must have realized what love was."
Love is always accompanied by a lack.
“That must be why. That’s why he couldn’t break it, probably...”
William loved flowers to fill a void. And paradoxically, because he loved flowers, he became lacking.
So William would have known the moment he saw the flower.
“...He doesn’t want to hurt the flower he fell in love with.”
That he had truly loved such a beautiful flower. That even if he plucked and kept it, it would not fill this void.
When we try to fill our loneliness and solitude with other beings, we inevitably end up broken. This is a legacy we must carry with us until we die.
Joseph's face still looked as if he didn't understand. The boy showed him something he had written in his notebook.
"If you love someone, you want to be together."
Heiner chuckled as he checked his notebook. Joseph was right.
Indeed, love is like that. Love makes you aware of your own shortcomings, throws you into emptiness and loneliness, and yet, in the end, you can't give up on what you want.
“...But some kinds of love hurt the other person.”
Heiner explained to the child in a low voice.
"There's love that wants to be with the other person no matter what, and there's love that simply lets them be. Just like William didn't pick the flower."
"So Annette isn't with Joseph either?"
“That’s right. You understand quickly.”
"But even if we're together, I don't feel hurt."
It seemed as if Annette wanted to take him with her. Joseph seemed to understand Heiner's meaning, but his expression seemed unsure of exactly why.
Heiner wasn't sure he could explain this to the child accurately. Even he had a very long time to realize it.
However, Heiner could fully understand Annette's choice.
No matter how much time has passed and how the world's perception of her has changed, the past is still there.
Annette's last name was still Rosenberg, some people were still hostile to her, and one day Joseph would learn of the past.
He couldn't know how that past would affect the growing child. Even if the child was okay, the hurt they would inflict on the world was beyond their control.
Annette must have wanted to prevent that future from the beginning.
Just like them now.
He simply reached out and gently stroked Joseph's small head. A low but rather gentle voice flowed from him.
“...When you grow up a little more, there will come a day when you will understand.”
Currently, several adoption sites have been selected for the child. The final decision will be made after Joseph personally meets them.
The child closed his eyes and enjoyed Heiner's touch. His slightly coarse hair slipped through his fingers. He felt the warmth that was characteristic of a child. Heiner smiled faintly without realizing it.
This child will grow up happy and healthy.
In a better world.
As soon as Heiner returned to his office, he saw the news about himself in the newspaper.
With sunken eyes, he read the newspaper his aide had left behind. It seemed his visits to and from the rehabilitation center had finally caught the attention of reporters.
Actually, he knew it was going to happen at some point. It just happened a little sooner than he expected.
He didn't care about the blows it would inflict or what people would say. The only thing that bothered him was, of course, her.
As always.
Heiner lifted his eyes from the newspaper and turned his head. His face was reflected in the mirror on the wall. Outwardly, he looked perfectly fine.
On the surface.
With a small sigh, he folded the newspaper he was holding and tossed it into the left corner of the desk. A dull noise came from his right ear.
Heiner rubbed his face somewhat nervously.
His current condition couldn't be described as even the most favorable. He had almost completely lost hearing in his left ear, and his right ear was also less functional than before.
The doctor said it was unlikely his hearing would ever return. For now, he had no choice but to undergo rehabilitation and have a hearing aid made to prevent further deterioration.
That is to say, his condition was at its best today.
That's why he didn't tell Annette. She said she would wait for him as long as she could, but Heiner couldn't be sure of his future condition.
So, he couldn't say.
Heiner picked up his pen again and turned the pages. But the contents of the document didn't connect in his mind, instead disintegrating into fragments. Above the printed pages, a sentence written in a familiar handwriting emerged.
[Dear Heiner]
These were sentences that he had seen and read countless times, and now he had completely memorized them.
[Heiner, since we parted ways, I've thought a lot. About the past we've walked, and the future we're walking.]
Which brought him from death to life.
[But Heiner, after much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that we can't move forward together.]
They wouldn't go forward together. It was her decision, but it was also his.
[There are so many reasons why we can't be together. Our past and future, political and social issues, and even the fundamental problems that lie between you and me.]
They will no longer get close to each other and will simply live their own lives in their own places.
[Nevertheless, Heiner.
If I had one last greed I was allowed to have.
Nevertheless, if there is one last greed that I am allowed to have.
I’ll wait.
Forever.]
The tone was so blunt that Annette would have immediately rebuked him if she had heard it.
At his words, Joseph pointed to the tenth question. It was, of all things, the most difficult. Heiner pondered deeply, revisiting the book he had read to Joseph.
The story ends with William, a wandering rascal, finally discovering the flower of happiness atop a snow-covered mountain. However, unable to bear to pluck the flower, which blooms so beautifully, he returns home.
Heiner imagined William discovering the flower at the highest point of the white, snowy mountain.
The figure of a young man who gazed at the flowers so beautiful that he dared not touch them, and then finally turned around and came down the mountain alone.
“...He must have come to love flowers.”
Heiner muttered quietly. Joseph tilted his head as if to ask what he meant.
"All the while searching for the flower, William was already in love with it. He just didn't know it. And the moment he saw it—he must have realized what love was."
Love is always accompanied by a lack.
“That must be why. That’s why he couldn’t break it, probably...”
William loved flowers to fill a void. And paradoxically, because he loved flowers, he became lacking.
So William would have known the moment he saw the flower.
“...He doesn’t want to hurt the flower he fell in love with.”
That he had truly loved such a beautiful flower. That even if he plucked and kept it, it would not fill this void.
When we try to fill our loneliness and solitude with other beings, we inevitably end up broken. This is a legacy we must carry with us until we die.
Joseph's face still looked as if he didn't understand. The boy showed him something he had written in his notebook.
"If you love someone, you want to be together."
Heiner chuckled as he checked his notebook. Joseph was right.
Indeed, love is like that. Love makes you aware of your own shortcomings, throws you into emptiness and loneliness, and yet, in the end, you can't give up on what you want.
“...But some kinds of love hurt the other person.”
Heiner explained to the child in a low voice.
"There's love that wants to be with the other person no matter what, and there's love that simply lets them be. Just like William didn't pick the flower."
"So Annette isn't with Joseph either?"
“That’s right. You understand quickly.”
"But even if we're together, I don't feel hurt."
It seemed as if Annette wanted to take him with her. Joseph seemed to understand Heiner's meaning, but his expression seemed unsure of exactly why.
Heiner wasn't sure he could explain this to the child accurately. Even he had a very long time to realize it.
However, Heiner could fully understand Annette's choice.
No matter how much time has passed and how the world's perception of her has changed, the past is still there.
Annette's last name was still Rosenberg, some people were still hostile to her, and one day Joseph would learn of the past.
He couldn't know how that past would affect the growing child. Even if the child was okay, the hurt they would inflict on the world was beyond their control.
Annette must have wanted to prevent that future from the beginning.
Just like them now.
He simply reached out and gently stroked Joseph's small head. A low but rather gentle voice flowed from him.
“...When you grow up a little more, there will come a day when you will understand.”
Currently, several adoption sites have been selected for the child. The final decision will be made after Joseph personally meets them.
The child closed his eyes and enjoyed Heiner's touch. His slightly coarse hair slipped through his fingers. He felt the warmth that was characteristic of a child. Heiner smiled faintly without realizing it.
This child will grow up happy and healthy.
In a better world.
***
As soon as Heiner returned to his office, he saw the news about himself in the newspaper.
With sunken eyes, he read the newspaper his aide had left behind. It seemed his visits to and from the rehabilitation center had finally caught the attention of reporters.
Actually, he knew it was going to happen at some point. It just happened a little sooner than he expected.
He didn't care about the blows it would inflict or what people would say. The only thing that bothered him was, of course, her.
As always.
Heiner lifted his eyes from the newspaper and turned his head. His face was reflected in the mirror on the wall. Outwardly, he looked perfectly fine.
On the surface.
With a small sigh, he folded the newspaper he was holding and tossed it into the left corner of the desk. A dull noise came from his right ear.
Heiner rubbed his face somewhat nervously.
His current condition couldn't be described as even the most favorable. He had almost completely lost hearing in his left ear, and his right ear was also less functional than before.
The doctor said it was unlikely his hearing would ever return. For now, he had no choice but to undergo rehabilitation and have a hearing aid made to prevent further deterioration.
That is to say, his condition was at its best today.
That's why he didn't tell Annette. She said she would wait for him as long as she could, but Heiner couldn't be sure of his future condition.
So, he couldn't say.
Heiner picked up his pen again and turned the pages. But the contents of the document didn't connect in his mind, instead disintegrating into fragments. Above the printed pages, a sentence written in a familiar handwriting emerged.
[Dear Heiner]
These were sentences that he had seen and read countless times, and now he had completely memorized them.
[Heiner, since we parted ways, I've thought a lot. About the past we've walked, and the future we're walking.]
Which brought him from death to life.
[But Heiner, after much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that we can't move forward together.]
They wouldn't go forward together. It was her decision, but it was also his.
[There are so many reasons why we can't be together. Our past and future, political and social issues, and even the fundamental problems that lie between you and me.]
They will no longer get close to each other and will simply live their own lives in their own places.
[Nevertheless, Heiner.
If I had one last greed I was allowed to have.
Nevertheless, if there is one last greed that I am allowed to have.
I’ll wait.
Forever.]
He simply wanted to spend today, tomorrow, and the minimal future they promised each other with her, even if it meant taking different places.
Heiner didn't know the distant future. Whether his condition would improve, whether her promise to wait would hold true after a long time, whether they could completely move on from the past... he couldn't be certain of anything.
He was just trying to live in the present as best he could.
Hoping she'll be there in his tomorrow.
His loosely held hand regained strength. The angle of the pen was restored. His eyes were dark and dark, as if exiled in time.
Soon, the sound of a pen nib clicking filled the quiet room. The sun was setting, slowly pushing away the shadows in the room. He wondered how far that light had traveled to reach here.
As the world descended into darkness, a brief shower fell. Droplets pattered against the window. The rain soon stopped.
It was that night that he received another call from Annette.
The rain stopped, and the night deepened.
Annette sat for a long time, her chin resting on her phone. She'd eaten dinner, checked her sheet music, watched the rain fall outside the window, and gathered her thoughts. Before she knew it, it was this time.
It had been quite some time since her divorce. But they still hadn't found a perfect ending. They may need more time.
So what should be the conclusion?
There's no turning back. You can only make a way forward.
Before building a road, they had to decide what kind of road to build. And before deciding which road to build, they had to share their thoughts and feelings with each other.
But there were still many things Heiner hadn't told her. Past, present, and future.
Despite his cold exterior, he was evasive and defensive when it came to building relationships. Annette was only now realizing this.
So she didn't want to get angry at him for not telling her about his disability. This wasn't a problem that could be solved immediately.
He had been alone in the cold, lonely world for too long.
They may need at least that much time.
Her mind became a little clearer.
Annette reached out and picked up the receiver. She turned the dial with a familiar finger. The line connected, and a ringtone followed. Before long, a low, dry voice came through.
[This is Heiner Valdemar.]
Heiner didn't know the distant future. Whether his condition would improve, whether her promise to wait would hold true after a long time, whether they could completely move on from the past... he couldn't be certain of anything.
He was just trying to live in the present as best he could.
Hoping she'll be there in his tomorrow.
His loosely held hand regained strength. The angle of the pen was restored. His eyes were dark and dark, as if exiled in time.
Soon, the sound of a pen nib clicking filled the quiet room. The sun was setting, slowly pushing away the shadows in the room. He wondered how far that light had traveled to reach here.
As the world descended into darkness, a brief shower fell. Droplets pattered against the window. The rain soon stopped.
It was that night that he received another call from Annette.
***
The rain stopped, and the night deepened.
Annette sat for a long time, her chin resting on her phone. She'd eaten dinner, checked her sheet music, watched the rain fall outside the window, and gathered her thoughts. Before she knew it, it was this time.
It had been quite some time since her divorce. But they still hadn't found a perfect ending. They may need more time.
So what should be the conclusion?
There's no turning back. You can only make a way forward.
Before building a road, they had to decide what kind of road to build. And before deciding which road to build, they had to share their thoughts and feelings with each other.
But there were still many things Heiner hadn't told her. Past, present, and future.
Despite his cold exterior, he was evasive and defensive when it came to building relationships. Annette was only now realizing this.
So she didn't want to get angry at him for not telling her about his disability. This wasn't a problem that could be solved immediately.
He had been alone in the cold, lonely world for too long.
They may need at least that much time.
Her mind became a little clearer.
Annette reached out and picked up the receiver. She turned the dial with a familiar finger. The line connected, and a ringtone followed. Before long, a low, dry voice came through.
[This is Heiner Valdemar.]
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