Noah, stripped of his Medea citizenship and officer status, was ordered deported. Johanna was also deported. I instructed Barbara's father, Commander of Air Operations Chelsea, to assign Johanna to the task of transporting a new military aircraft to a forward base. The plan was for Johanna to go to the front lines and then fly to the New World with Noah aboard.
Originally, I was going to pick him up in style. We were going to cross the ocean together, like a journey without a destination, and go far away.
“To a very far away place where there is no one...”
I chuckled as I recalled the vain romance that ended up being just a dream.
I sat in the empty room, dazed and meaningless, and before I knew it, it was a slow afternoon. A knock came, Eileen entered, and she bowed.
“Princess, the costume designer will be bringing you a design for the dress to be worn at the investiture ceremony.”
The investiture ceremony, officially acknowledging the Crown Princess's right to the throne, was just around the corner. I frowned, already feeling bored.
"Is it so?"
I gave a vague answer and leaned listlessly back on the sofa, looking outside. The bare branches of a large willow tree on the lake shore hung long, submerged in the water. The quiet afternoon light cast a shadow over the rippling lake, allowing me to glimpse the swans that grace the lake in autumn and winter, gliding leisurely. Eileen, standing neatly beside me, cast a lattice-patterned shadow on her skirt. Eileen, admiring the white swans beyond the window, opened her mouth.
“Migratory birds travel thousands of kilometers each season. It’s truly amazing.”
I answered in an indifferent voice.
“Yes. That’s amazing.”
"There are a few fewer of them this year, but it's amazing how they come back every year on time. If it were me, I'd probably get lost. Is it because a bird is leading the way?"
"They say they rotate at regular intervals. When the leader bird's stamina drops, the next bird takes the lead, and so on; they become leaders at intervals."
Eileen clapped her hands as if she were amazed by my trivia.
"I didn't know. Of course, it must be tough to always be flying in front. This year, it must have been even harder, dodging fighter jets and shells."
“That’s right.”
Eileen, sitting next to me, tried to look cheerful and smiled faintly.
"I've always lived my life looking at someone else's back. I followed in the footsteps of my mother, the Count of Russell and Captain of the Royal Guard, and my knighted sister. At least I wouldn't lose my way, but I couldn't follow the path I wanted. I was afraid to make a choice, afraid of becoming a lost bird, separated from the flock."
A lonely shadow fell over Eileen's face. She was smoothing her neatly braided hair. Guilt lingered in her hazel eyes, bathed in sunlight. I looked at her with wide eyes and asked her a question.
“So it looks like you lost something precious.”
Eileen lowered her head and clutched the collar of her knight's uniform.
"When my lover was alive, he came to the mansion to see me before he went on a campaign. But the maid I trusted didn't tell me, so I never saw him again. It was my mother's order, who opposed our relationship because he was a commoner from an orphanage. That was the last time I saw him. If that maid had told me the truth, it would have been a salvation, a miracle."
Her lover is a soldier. I felt a sharp pain deep in my chest. Eileen's brown eyes sparkled as she spoke of her profound regret. Tears filled her large eyes and fell, soaking her knees.
"Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. That's why the pain and regrets are etched in my mind. It's like a lesson to realize what's most important to you and not to repeat the same mistakes."
She wept as she watched me send Noah away. She kept crying in my stead. It was almost as if she were mourning her own experience.
A desolate silence fell between her, who kept swallowing her sorrow, and me, who stubbornly kept my lips pressed together. Perhaps it was the tumultuous commotion of our respective hearts and thoughts. Eileen's lips moved as if about to say something, but then closed.
***
The crimson light of today was slowly fading into tomorrow, and the moon rising opposite was farewelling it. I was staring blankly outside when I saw the designer and maids entering, and only then did I remember that the investiture ceremony and banquet were taking place that evening.
The dress the Crown Princess wore for her investiture ceremony was a long-sleeved, pearl-colored silk gown. The deep V-neckline was embellished with lace embroidery and crystals evoked the image of a swan gliding across a sun-dappled lake.
Looking at myself in the mirror, wearing the highest royal decorations, a royal blue sash, and a tiara on my head, I felt a sense of unfamiliarity and alienation. The only thing familiar was the rose diamond necklace Noah had given me.
“You’re beautiful. You seem to have matured a lot these days.”
“That’s right, your facial features have become more defined, and your face has become slimmer.”
The costume maid and the costume designer chuckled among themselves, seemingly satisfied. I'd just lost weight. I remained indifferent and said nothing. The high heels they gave me were a bit uncomfortable. As I watched the costume maid tie a stylish bow tie for Boaz, Henry arrived, dressed in a sharp suit. He looked down at me and smiled.
“Even if the Princess wears high heels, she is small.”
I rolled my eyes and glanced up at Henry.
“It doesn’t seem much different from my personal assistant.”
“Me? Hey, if you take off your shoes, they’ll only reach Captain Rotsilt’s chest... Ouch!”
I saw Maria, standing behind me, secretly pinching Henry's arm. He grimaced, as if it had hurt quite a bit, but quickly corrected himself.
“That’s a compliment. It’s like saying you’re like a fairy.”
“What fairy?”
When I asked with a blank face, Henry looked briefly worried.
“That... house elf. Small and cute, and longing for freedom.”
"Secretary Marx. Stop it and escort the Princess."
Maria finally spoke. Eileen simply stood there with a smile on her face. Henry blinked his purple eyes, a look of resentment on his face, then bent down and extended his hand to me.
"Medea's star, Princess Diana. I will escort you to the banquet hall."
This was originally Ted's job, the former attendant. Before that, it was Noah's. I sighed in emptiness and placed my hand on his.
Henry, who was about to give me a kiss of respect, hesitated and shook his head.
“I don’t want to kiss Captain Rotsilt indirectly.”
"Secretary, watch your words and actions. If you do that again, I'll report you to your superiors."
Maria was quite embarrassed and tried to stop him, but I didn't really care.
"Maria, let him. It was a little funny. By the way, Eileen, you cut your hair. It suits you well."
Eileen smiled bashfully at my compliment, stroking her hair, which was about the same length as mine. Henry looked back and forth between me and Eileen, who was dressed in a white dress.
“You two look similar today. Is it because you’re similar in height?”
“It’s nice because it looks like a twin look.”
I answered nonchalantly and left the room.
As soon as I entered the spacious banquet hall, countless eyes turned in my direction. With each step I took, squeezing through a crack in the ornate wall, people removed their hats or clutched the hems of their dresses, bowing their heads in a show of respect and reverence.
"I bow to Princess Diana. I believe you will one day become a great monarch who will lead a glorious and prosperous kingdom."
A high-ranking official, holding a glass of champagne, praised me in a loud voice. I was caught in the midst of the applause, and I found myself receiving unwanted attention from a large crowd.
Once a curiosity about the mixed-bloods who had fled Belford, once a distasteful gaze directed at the illegitimate child born of a dirty affair.
The position changes the person, and so does the gaze directed at them. Countless gazes crossed my mind, leaving me breathless. Cold sweat began to form on my forehead.
"I hear you have a keen sense for investment, Princess. If I get the chance, I'd love to learn a thing or two from you."
"I don't know how your skin can be so white and smooth. Even though I apply white lead every day, it never becomes as white as Her Majesty the Queen or the Princess."
"The shepherd next to the Princess is said to have been a military dog on the verge of being slaughtered. Her Majesty also took in a stray dog named Max. You resemble Her Majesty in your sincerity and kindness."
At formal events, it's customary not to speak to someone of higher status before speaking to them. It was a ridiculous act, pretending to be just chatting amongst themselves, loudly praising me, and hoping I'd speak to them. It was hard to tell who was speaking. I felt helplessly surrounded by the people surrounding me, and a surge of dizziness surged through me.
People's words buzz and ring in my ears.
“Oh my! Isn’t that ‘Freya’s Blessing’? The rose diamond necklace.”
A noblewoman's words drew everyone's attention to my necklace. After Noah left, all I had was glamour. This wasn't what I'd hoped for from him. It was all glitter, nothing meaningful. What good was it?
“I heard that a long time ago, a foreign Duke paid a large sum of money to win the bid for his pregnant wife...”
Someone's voice dropped sharply, but it was clearly audible, as if whispering in my ear.
"The Princess has it. Oh, is that him? The Frogen nobleman, the Princess married."
Be quiet. Don't pay attention to me. Don't look at me.
I can't stand the feeling of being a statue displayed in the middle of nowhere.
The moment I was overcome with anger and nervously took off the necklace and threw it on the floor, silence fell as if all sounds had died down.
“I don’t need this kind of thing.”
Among the people who had been looking at each other for a while at my soft muttering, a middle-aged nobleman seemed to realize something and clapped his hands and shouted.
“I want to criticize and warn those who indulge in extravagance and waste.”
“Well, how can ordinary people like us possibly fathom the Princess’s vast wisdom?”
A few people nodded in agreement. One woman even followed suit, tossing her peridot necklace to the floor. I'm sick of people interpreting everything positively in front of me. They don't even mean it. I can't stand it.
“Princess, are you alright?”
Maria looked at my pale complexion and asked with concern. Reaching my limit, I rubbed my chest and answered.
“It’s strangely difficult because there are so many people.”
“How about going out for a bit to get some fresh air?”
“Let’s do that.”
I left the banquet hall with Eileen and Maria.
The chilly winter night air diluted the scent of people's perfume that permeated every nook and cranny of my body, cooling the cold sweat on my forehead. I sat on the whitewashed wooden bench, my shoulders slumped.
Boaz, who had been groaning and watching me, barked a couple of times as if something came to mind and ran towards the banquet hall.
“Boaz, where are you going!”
Eileen shouted urgently, but he pretended not to hear. I waved my hand, telling her to leave him alone.
“It’s okay, Henry is in the banquet hall.”
“Do you have a headache? Should I bring some painkillers?”
“No. I just want to be quiet for a moment. Sit next to me.”
We sat in silence for a long time. The sounds of the orchestra playing in the banquet hall came closer. It was an aria on the G string, played exclusively on the G string, the lowest of the four strings on a violin. It must have a different title here.
Thinking of a song played with just one string, I felt a bit lonely. Maria asked me in a cautious voice as I quietly enjoyed the music.
"How about receiving treatment in secret? Even soldiers with strong mental fortitude often suffer from the aftereffects of war. Having endured the bombings, I imagine it must be very difficult for you."
"It's okay."
I answered monotonously, looking up at the night sky. Maria leaned toward me, her face filled with concern.
“You don’t look okay at all, Princess.”
“It’s okay, I’m still alive.”
The voice was emotionless. Maria flinched, then lowered her head and let out a sigh of regret. Eileen, sitting to my left, sat up, trying to lighten the mood.
"Princess, let's talk about something fun instead of sad. Like what you want to do after the war is over."
“What does Eileen want to do?”
Eileen twisted her hair embarrassedly at my question.
"I'd like to take a cruise across the Atlantic. I want to see another world. What about you, Princess?"
"I am..."
I raised my head and gazed somewhere into the deep night. Then I spotted a streak of light, etched across the vast sky, obscured by thick clouds, devoid of stars or moon. It felt like a rift created by the wind of the day, tossing and turning in the night sky, or perhaps a wish-granting shooting star.
Just as the melody flowing from the banquet hall like a gentle river seemed to draw nearer, the air-raid warning signaling the start of the bombing swept through the city like a wave. The lights in buildings and gardens went out one by one. A pitch-black darkness engulfed the surroundings, rapidly approaching me. I made a silent wish.
I want to go back.
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