I was still a Princess, and Noah was at war.
I forced myself to swallow the days that wouldn't pass. The Queen accepted my request to temporarily take Johanna as my maid. Being a dedicated maid or attendant, always at the royal side, was a position reserved for those born into Medea's powerful family. But Johanna had protected me during the great raid, and I had requested that she not be replaced at this time.
There were also reports that the camp where the Marchioness was held had been completely destroyed by bombing. The Marchioness's body was never found, and her fate was unknown.
“...You will regret it.”
Was she talking about the air raid, or about Noah's danger? Should I have shown leniency to her, even after she killed Ayla? The thought of her young son, sobbing, filled my mind, and I stopped thinking about it.
Eileen was so shocked by the deaths of Ted and Millia that she would cry and become depressed whenever she had the chance.
Maria was originally a quiet person, but she became even more silent and didn't smile faintly like before.
At the joint funeral for the soldiers killed in the air raid, I learned that Maria and Millia's fathers were old friends and that they had been friends since childhood.
I didn't know because they didn't talk about their personal lives. No, indeed, I wasn't interested. It wasn't until I went to their funerals that I learned what kind of lives they had lived and how much they were loved by so many. I offered Maria a vacation, but she shook her head with a stern expression.
“I have to take responsibility for my personal reasons...”
I remember the voice that was trying to give an exemplary answer suddenly breaking up and eventually fading away.
The bombing killed countless people, but my treatment and life remained the same. In fact, they tried to make it better. But I felt more devastated and miserable than ever.
“...It was Tuesday, for sure.”
Only after looking at the calendar did I realize today was the weekend. Even the passage of time felt uncertain. Left alone in my room after everyone else had been let out, I looked out the window. This place, untouched by the bombing, was beautiful. There was a beautiful lake, and the garden was meticulously manicured. Gazing at the tranquil cityscape bathed in the glow of sunset, the air raids felt like a distant dream.
The world is equal and fair to everyone, but it will be perceived differently depending on where you stand. Some people might find the world beautiful. They might view the misfortunes of others, seen in newspapers and articles, as if they were worlds apart from their own, and they might view others' misfortunes as the ultimate solace, observing them from a third-person perspective. I was no different.
"It's hard to reach the top. Most people would rather have someone worse off than themselves. That's why the middle is the most competitive."
This is what he said to me, who wanted to be ordinary and belong in the middle.
“If you change your mind about wanting to be normal, just tell me anytime, my Princess.”
I recalled the humiliating lesson that those who are not selfish are full of weaknesses and that their ends are not good. I shuddered silently as the memory seemed to cruelly consume me.
“You are not weak.”
I can't change this world, but I can. I'm not weak, so I've decided not to fear the karma and consequences that lie ahead. I won't stand by and watch the world crumble. I'm doing this purely selfishly, for myself and my loved ones. I want to protect the moment we live and breathe. This time, I want to save him from the ravages of war.
“Right now is important.”
I muttered, trying to calm my wavering heart.
Death is the end. Death, the uninvited guest, doesn't wait for an armistice. I know how to end the war. In my world, what stopped the world war wasn't peaceful reconciliation, but the fear, submission, and surrender to the unbearable force of the atomic bomb. Something flashed through my mind. I remembered that Noah, with his extraordinary insight, had tried to implement the same method. Moreover, he had even given me control of the Frogen national bonds. Vincent had told me that the Queen had cooperated. The many eyes watching and listening inside the palace might have known everything I was doing. Whether it was the Queen or Noah. I thought of Esmeralda, who had come to my room earlier and was rambling about Noah.
Ultimately, Esmeralda's submission was crucial in dealing with the Marchioness and driving Frogen's military enterprises into bankruptcy. Even if they were a powerful family, could the Harrison family's intelligence be enough to do this? I tried to calmly reflect, setting aside my emotions. Esmeralda's words were largely meaningful. Being the heir wasn't necessarily a reason to follow Noah as a war correspondent. The fact that she even managed to persuade Noah meant they were able to communicate. In her characteristically sharp tone, she repeatedly urged him to be sent to safety, insisting he didn't want to die. After careful reflection, I realized she was trying to convey something to me.
“I don’t want him to die, the one who will set things right in this chaotic era and carry out the cause.”
It meant that he was trying to do something for a cause and was asking for help.
“You were telling Noah my news.”
She likely acted as Noah's assistant. Esmeralda had shamelessly asked me to ensure his safety so that his plan could proceed smoothly. Perhaps she knew he would put himself in danger. This led to the conclusion that Noah was planning to end the war. I don't know what the plan or the cause was, but I decided to trust him. Noah wouldn't kill the Queen or subjugate Medea just because I didn't want him to. Having made up my mind, I slowly stood up and called Maria.
“Please tell Her Majesty the Queen that I have something important to tell you.”
As the dusky night deepened, the Queen's green eyes also darkened. She looked at me, sitting across from her on the sofa, and asked with a blank expression.
“Are you serious?”
I nodded slowly.
"It's true that I chose Your Majesty. This bombing has taught me something. The only person who can protect me is Your Majesty, my mother."
Ironically, she was my shield, protecting me from countless threats. Her delicate fingers twitched on the armrest. Still half-doubting, she questioned me in a questioning tone.
“You don’t intend to let my guard down like this and make a foolish escape, do you?”
“No. Now that I’ve reached a conclusion, I’ve decided not to run away any longer.”
I raised my head and sighed. My gaze, wandering through the air, finally rested on the angel depicted in the ceiling painting. It had dozens of wings and many eyes. Contrary to my expectations of a beautiful figure, with flowing blond hair and dazzling wings, it was a grotesque figure, devoid of any trace of humanity. The closest thing to a human form was the demon depicted on the other side. Beneath the monstrous angel, words written in sophisticated language caught my eye.
Tecum vivere amem, tecum obeam libens.
(I will live with you, and I will die with you.)
Si me amas, serva me.
(If you love me, save me.)
I have asked myself countless questions every time I encountered the angels painted on the ceiling in every corner of this palace.
"Why didn't you save me? Because you didn't love me? Didn't you watch everything?"
Of course, there was no response. And that's still the case.
In fact, aren't those countless angels' eyes human, and are they looking at the world through people's eyes?
Ultimately, both good and evil seem to originate in the human heart. Angels and demons likely descend to human bodies to do their work. Of course, I'm far from an angel. I have no intention of justifying the means with the guise of justice and justification. I will use every means at my disposal to save Noah.
“I just want to do what I can in my position.”
I sat up straight and took a deep breath. It took a moment for the exhalation to come out.
“I know how to end the war.”
“Everyone knows how.”
The Queen's pale face, which had been responding indifferently, slowly tilted. I doggedly followed her diagonally slanted eyes and declared.
“It means you can do it.”
“How can I do that?”
"We know where the mineral deposits containing nuclear raw materials and the oil reserves of approximately 40 billion barrels are located. These are undiscovered resources, the most crucial at this point. We also know the whereabouts of Dr. Rugen's grandson, Benedict Rugen."
Noah, remembering the research materials, the location of the resource, physicist Benedict Rugen, and me, the decision maker.
In fact, it was all in my hands.
Still, I conveyed this truth in a calm tone. The Queen, who had maintained a poker face, gradually grew graver. Was it because I knew such a profound truth, or because it meant it was possible? The Queen, her expression steady, raised the corners of her lips.
“How can I believe that?”
"It doesn't matter if you don't believe it. Time will tell. Whether it's a lie or not. When that happens, another country will rise to the top of the world. Other powers will be hell-bent on developing it first. Medea will be isolated and eliminated."
"So, you're still trying to make a deal with me. Are you saying you'll help end the war?"
"This is not a deal. I also know the truth: our goal isn't to end the war quickly."
I pulled my pistol from my coat pocket. The Queen stared at me unfazed. But the moment she saw the gun pointed at my head, her irises were fully exposed, and her pupils narrowed sharply. Her eyes turned eerie, and she asked.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s a threat.”
"Are you threatening me with your life? Or are you still testing me because you don't trust me?"
"My life alone might not be worth much. That's why I told you in advance. If I die, neither Medea nor the allied nations will be left with nuclear weapons. This could force an end to the war, contrary to Your Majesty's wishes. This would disrupt the contradictory long-term war plans of the allied nations, who came together to promote peace."
She must have agreed to target Noah and must have intended to dispose of him eventually.
The Queen's nose crinkled fiercely, and her lips twisted. She resembled a beast snarling, fangs bared. She appeared furious, but her voice remained calm.
“Do you know what you are saying?”
"I know. If another country develops it first, even if I didn't actually cooperate, I'll be accused of treason. I also know that I'll have grounds for execution."
“You really are so quick to say you’d die by my hand. What on earth do you hope for?”
"This is a guarantee of Noah Rotsilt's safety and life. If he dies, I will die too. This is a threat I make. I have little attachment to this world. I can abandon it at any time."
My strong voice brought sadness and disappointment to the Queen's face.
"You yourself know it's foolish. You possess such immense information, yet you waste it on unnecessary emotions and the means and methods of blackmailing me. It's disappointing."
"Yes. I can't explain it logically enough to convince you. Human emotions are uncertain and unpredictable. It's difficult to understand others and to be understood. However, I believe you understand, even if only a little."
The Queen closed her mouth, waiting for the next words. Her long eyelashes trembled slightly.
“Isn’t it the same reason Your Majesty, who always strives to be rational, didn’t eliminate Admiral Claire, who was the cause of trouble, sooner?”
The Queen's lips, which had been frozen without moving, moved left and right and formed an artificial smile.
"Noah Rotsilt is also a source of trouble. He broke a long-held promise, hid your existence, and deviated from the plan. I have a justification for eliminating him. Not just for me, but for others."
"I know, Mother. And that you didn't do that because you valued me. That's why I want to stay by your side."
The Queen's hand on the table flinched at the unfamiliar word "mother." It was a subtle reaction, requiring careful observation, but I could tell she was quite agitated.
Queen Grace II isn't ruthless. She simply sits in a cool, rational position, conscious of the public's gaze. She's empathetic, able to sense others' vulnerable emotions and hold them hostage. I decided to borrow some of that approach.
"As long as I'm here, he will never cooperate with any foreign power to harm this country. This includes developing an atomic bomb. Please strip him of his officer status and citizenship and order his deportation. This means I'm giving up on him and letting him go. Now, I have no one but Your Majesty."
“What does that mean?”
I don't know if it's an obsession with her only remaining successor or a sense of loss trying to replace the lost Erita. Either way, I'm someone she needs.
“I’m asking you to become my real mother...”
Lukewarm tears welled up in both my eyes. Queen Grace's eyes, seeing the tears streaming down my pale cheeks, flashed with surprise, then instantly turned to pity and sorrow. My tears were true, and they were a sign of loss. The Queen took my hand as if making a firm oath.
"You chose well. I am your only family, and I will never betray you. My daughter, I wish you hadn't trusted the emotional exchange between men and women."
Her tone was gentle and kind. A strong sense of weariness crept over me, and I was getting a little queasy. The emotional exchange was between the Queen and me. She smiled kindly.
"Daniel bragged about receiving a portrait. Would you like me to paint one for you next time?"
I returned straight to my room and told Johanna about my choices and decisions. Her blue eyes, facing me, were clouded with sadness.
“Princess, do you plan on never seeing me again?”
“I can’t help it.”
The whole situation was pushing me in one direction. Johanna looked confused. She wiped her face as if washing it dry.
"But..."
Watching Johanna sobbing, I felt like crying out loud, but I didn't. In fact, I was broken.
The aftereffects of that day were gradually gnawing at my consciousness. It felt like the accumulated, stagnant emotions were clogging my entrance. I pulled at my stuffy collar with one hand and spoke.
“Johanna, I would like you to leave for the United States of Eugene with Noah.”
I forced myself to swallow the days that wouldn't pass. The Queen accepted my request to temporarily take Johanna as my maid. Being a dedicated maid or attendant, always at the royal side, was a position reserved for those born into Medea's powerful family. But Johanna had protected me during the great raid, and I had requested that she not be replaced at this time.
There were also reports that the camp where the Marchioness was held had been completely destroyed by bombing. The Marchioness's body was never found, and her fate was unknown.
“...You will regret it.”
Was she talking about the air raid, or about Noah's danger? Should I have shown leniency to her, even after she killed Ayla? The thought of her young son, sobbing, filled my mind, and I stopped thinking about it.
Eileen was so shocked by the deaths of Ted and Millia that she would cry and become depressed whenever she had the chance.
Maria was originally a quiet person, but she became even more silent and didn't smile faintly like before.
At the joint funeral for the soldiers killed in the air raid, I learned that Maria and Millia's fathers were old friends and that they had been friends since childhood.
I didn't know because they didn't talk about their personal lives. No, indeed, I wasn't interested. It wasn't until I went to their funerals that I learned what kind of lives they had lived and how much they were loved by so many. I offered Maria a vacation, but she shook her head with a stern expression.
“I have to take responsibility for my personal reasons...”
I remember the voice that was trying to give an exemplary answer suddenly breaking up and eventually fading away.
The bombing killed countless people, but my treatment and life remained the same. In fact, they tried to make it better. But I felt more devastated and miserable than ever.
“...It was Tuesday, for sure.”
Only after looking at the calendar did I realize today was the weekend. Even the passage of time felt uncertain. Left alone in my room after everyone else had been let out, I looked out the window. This place, untouched by the bombing, was beautiful. There was a beautiful lake, and the garden was meticulously manicured. Gazing at the tranquil cityscape bathed in the glow of sunset, the air raids felt like a distant dream.
The world is equal and fair to everyone, but it will be perceived differently depending on where you stand. Some people might find the world beautiful. They might view the misfortunes of others, seen in newspapers and articles, as if they were worlds apart from their own, and they might view others' misfortunes as the ultimate solace, observing them from a third-person perspective. I was no different.
"It's hard to reach the top. Most people would rather have someone worse off than themselves. That's why the middle is the most competitive."
This is what he said to me, who wanted to be ordinary and belong in the middle.
“If you change your mind about wanting to be normal, just tell me anytime, my Princess.”
I recalled the humiliating lesson that those who are not selfish are full of weaknesses and that their ends are not good. I shuddered silently as the memory seemed to cruelly consume me.
“You are not weak.”
I can't change this world, but I can. I'm not weak, so I've decided not to fear the karma and consequences that lie ahead. I won't stand by and watch the world crumble. I'm doing this purely selfishly, for myself and my loved ones. I want to protect the moment we live and breathe. This time, I want to save him from the ravages of war.
“Right now is important.”
I muttered, trying to calm my wavering heart.
Death is the end. Death, the uninvited guest, doesn't wait for an armistice. I know how to end the war. In my world, what stopped the world war wasn't peaceful reconciliation, but the fear, submission, and surrender to the unbearable force of the atomic bomb. Something flashed through my mind. I remembered that Noah, with his extraordinary insight, had tried to implement the same method. Moreover, he had even given me control of the Frogen national bonds. Vincent had told me that the Queen had cooperated. The many eyes watching and listening inside the palace might have known everything I was doing. Whether it was the Queen or Noah. I thought of Esmeralda, who had come to my room earlier and was rambling about Noah.
Ultimately, Esmeralda's submission was crucial in dealing with the Marchioness and driving Frogen's military enterprises into bankruptcy. Even if they were a powerful family, could the Harrison family's intelligence be enough to do this? I tried to calmly reflect, setting aside my emotions. Esmeralda's words were largely meaningful. Being the heir wasn't necessarily a reason to follow Noah as a war correspondent. The fact that she even managed to persuade Noah meant they were able to communicate. In her characteristically sharp tone, she repeatedly urged him to be sent to safety, insisting he didn't want to die. After careful reflection, I realized she was trying to convey something to me.
“I don’t want him to die, the one who will set things right in this chaotic era and carry out the cause.”
It meant that he was trying to do something for a cause and was asking for help.
“You were telling Noah my news.”
She likely acted as Noah's assistant. Esmeralda had shamelessly asked me to ensure his safety so that his plan could proceed smoothly. Perhaps she knew he would put himself in danger. This led to the conclusion that Noah was planning to end the war. I don't know what the plan or the cause was, but I decided to trust him. Noah wouldn't kill the Queen or subjugate Medea just because I didn't want him to. Having made up my mind, I slowly stood up and called Maria.
“Please tell Her Majesty the Queen that I have something important to tell you.”
***
As the dusky night deepened, the Queen's green eyes also darkened. She looked at me, sitting across from her on the sofa, and asked with a blank expression.
“Are you serious?”
I nodded slowly.
"It's true that I chose Your Majesty. This bombing has taught me something. The only person who can protect me is Your Majesty, my mother."
Ironically, she was my shield, protecting me from countless threats. Her delicate fingers twitched on the armrest. Still half-doubting, she questioned me in a questioning tone.
“You don’t intend to let my guard down like this and make a foolish escape, do you?”
“No. Now that I’ve reached a conclusion, I’ve decided not to run away any longer.”
I raised my head and sighed. My gaze, wandering through the air, finally rested on the angel depicted in the ceiling painting. It had dozens of wings and many eyes. Contrary to my expectations of a beautiful figure, with flowing blond hair and dazzling wings, it was a grotesque figure, devoid of any trace of humanity. The closest thing to a human form was the demon depicted on the other side. Beneath the monstrous angel, words written in sophisticated language caught my eye.
Tecum vivere amem, tecum obeam libens.
(I will live with you, and I will die with you.)
Si me amas, serva me.
(If you love me, save me.)
I have asked myself countless questions every time I encountered the angels painted on the ceiling in every corner of this palace.
"Why didn't you save me? Because you didn't love me? Didn't you watch everything?"
Of course, there was no response. And that's still the case.
In fact, aren't those countless angels' eyes human, and are they looking at the world through people's eyes?
Ultimately, both good and evil seem to originate in the human heart. Angels and demons likely descend to human bodies to do their work. Of course, I'm far from an angel. I have no intention of justifying the means with the guise of justice and justification. I will use every means at my disposal to save Noah.
“I just want to do what I can in my position.”
I sat up straight and took a deep breath. It took a moment for the exhalation to come out.
“I know how to end the war.”
“Everyone knows how.”
The Queen's pale face, which had been responding indifferently, slowly tilted. I doggedly followed her diagonally slanted eyes and declared.
“It means you can do it.”
“How can I do that?”
"We know where the mineral deposits containing nuclear raw materials and the oil reserves of approximately 40 billion barrels are located. These are undiscovered resources, the most crucial at this point. We also know the whereabouts of Dr. Rugen's grandson, Benedict Rugen."
Noah, remembering the research materials, the location of the resource, physicist Benedict Rugen, and me, the decision maker.
In fact, it was all in my hands.
Still, I conveyed this truth in a calm tone. The Queen, who had maintained a poker face, gradually grew graver. Was it because I knew such a profound truth, or because it meant it was possible? The Queen, her expression steady, raised the corners of her lips.
“How can I believe that?”
"It doesn't matter if you don't believe it. Time will tell. Whether it's a lie or not. When that happens, another country will rise to the top of the world. Other powers will be hell-bent on developing it first. Medea will be isolated and eliminated."
"So, you're still trying to make a deal with me. Are you saying you'll help end the war?"
"This is not a deal. I also know the truth: our goal isn't to end the war quickly."
I pulled my pistol from my coat pocket. The Queen stared at me unfazed. But the moment she saw the gun pointed at my head, her irises were fully exposed, and her pupils narrowed sharply. Her eyes turned eerie, and she asked.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s a threat.”
"Are you threatening me with your life? Or are you still testing me because you don't trust me?"
"My life alone might not be worth much. That's why I told you in advance. If I die, neither Medea nor the allied nations will be left with nuclear weapons. This could force an end to the war, contrary to Your Majesty's wishes. This would disrupt the contradictory long-term war plans of the allied nations, who came together to promote peace."
She must have agreed to target Noah and must have intended to dispose of him eventually.
The Queen's nose crinkled fiercely, and her lips twisted. She resembled a beast snarling, fangs bared. She appeared furious, but her voice remained calm.
“Do you know what you are saying?”
"I know. If another country develops it first, even if I didn't actually cooperate, I'll be accused of treason. I also know that I'll have grounds for execution."
“You really are so quick to say you’d die by my hand. What on earth do you hope for?”
"This is a guarantee of Noah Rotsilt's safety and life. If he dies, I will die too. This is a threat I make. I have little attachment to this world. I can abandon it at any time."
My strong voice brought sadness and disappointment to the Queen's face.
"You yourself know it's foolish. You possess such immense information, yet you waste it on unnecessary emotions and the means and methods of blackmailing me. It's disappointing."
"Yes. I can't explain it logically enough to convince you. Human emotions are uncertain and unpredictable. It's difficult to understand others and to be understood. However, I believe you understand, even if only a little."
The Queen closed her mouth, waiting for the next words. Her long eyelashes trembled slightly.
“Isn’t it the same reason Your Majesty, who always strives to be rational, didn’t eliminate Admiral Claire, who was the cause of trouble, sooner?”
The Queen's lips, which had been frozen without moving, moved left and right and formed an artificial smile.
"Noah Rotsilt is also a source of trouble. He broke a long-held promise, hid your existence, and deviated from the plan. I have a justification for eliminating him. Not just for me, but for others."
"I know, Mother. And that you didn't do that because you valued me. That's why I want to stay by your side."
The Queen's hand on the table flinched at the unfamiliar word "mother." It was a subtle reaction, requiring careful observation, but I could tell she was quite agitated.
Queen Grace II isn't ruthless. She simply sits in a cool, rational position, conscious of the public's gaze. She's empathetic, able to sense others' vulnerable emotions and hold them hostage. I decided to borrow some of that approach.
"As long as I'm here, he will never cooperate with any foreign power to harm this country. This includes developing an atomic bomb. Please strip him of his officer status and citizenship and order his deportation. This means I'm giving up on him and letting him go. Now, I have no one but Your Majesty."
“What does that mean?”
I don't know if it's an obsession with her only remaining successor or a sense of loss trying to replace the lost Erita. Either way, I'm someone she needs.
“I’m asking you to become my real mother...”
Lukewarm tears welled up in both my eyes. Queen Grace's eyes, seeing the tears streaming down my pale cheeks, flashed with surprise, then instantly turned to pity and sorrow. My tears were true, and they were a sign of loss. The Queen took my hand as if making a firm oath.
"You chose well. I am your only family, and I will never betray you. My daughter, I wish you hadn't trusted the emotional exchange between men and women."
Her tone was gentle and kind. A strong sense of weariness crept over me, and I was getting a little queasy. The emotional exchange was between the Queen and me. She smiled kindly.
"Daniel bragged about receiving a portrait. Would you like me to paint one for you next time?"
***
I returned straight to my room and told Johanna about my choices and decisions. Her blue eyes, facing me, were clouded with sadness.
“Princess, do you plan on never seeing me again?”
“I can’t help it.”
The whole situation was pushing me in one direction. Johanna looked confused. She wiped her face as if washing it dry.
"But..."
Watching Johanna sobbing, I felt like crying out loud, but I didn't. In fact, I was broken.
The aftereffects of that day were gradually gnawing at my consciousness. It felt like the accumulated, stagnant emotions were clogging my entrance. I pulled at my stuffy collar with one hand and spoke.
“Johanna, I would like you to leave for the United States of Eugene with Noah.”
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