(70) I wanted to live. (6)
When no one raised a sign, the host seemed anxious.
“If you really care, you can buy them and sell their eyeballs. As you all know, golden eyeballs are sold for a really high price.”
The host’s horrifying words made Ariana sick, but the people were intrigued. As the host had said, golden eyeballs were sold for an exorbitant price.
The host tapped the bars.
“Hey, lift your head.”
At the host’s words, the girl inside the bars slowly raised her head.
“Oh.”
People who saw the vividly shining golden eyes let out exclamations.
“Gross...”
“Weird.”
Some even whispered.
Ariana stared at the girl without moving. As if sensing her persistent gaze, the girl also turned her gaze towards Ariana.
Their eyes met.
Ariana grabbed her skirt.
“That girl...”
Ariana was in those golden eyes.
'Just like me.'
Ariana Bronte was born merely a child, despised and thoroughly exploited.
'Just like me back then.'
Ariana Bronte, forced to wade through the flames of hell, is unable to find a way out.
Ariana thought the girl trapped in the cage was just like herself.
But that was all. Ariana was overwhelmed with her own problems, unable to help the girl. What Ariana needed was a strong, intelligent slave, not a girl with striking golden eyes.
"Let's go."
She didn't want to watch the girl being sold.
It was hard to continue seeing a child who looked like her old self.
So Ariana stood up, but the girl grabbed the cage with a jerk.
"Please... Please..."
The girl couldn't speak properly.
"I... am... look... It's blue..."
Her words stuttered, her pronunciation slurred so no one could understand them, but they pierced Ariana's ears like a wedge.
Please save me. I want to see good weather.
Lanster grabbed Ariana's staggering arm.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I need to get out of here right now."
She felt like vomiting.
Bam!
"Is this girl crazy? Stay still!"
The announcer's shout seemed directed at her.
The girl's voice was no longer audible, but it wrapped around Ariana's ankle like a vine.
Please save me. I want to see good weather.
Ariana squeezed her eyes shut and, relying on Lanster's hand, escaped the slave market.
Only after exiting the dark alley was Ariana able to breathe properly. Lanster silently stayed by Ariana's side as she stopped walking and caught her breath. He didn't even ask her why she went to the slave market.
After a while, Lanster spoke calmly.
"I feel sorry for the child, but it's not something the princess should be concerned about. Children with golden eyes are born destined to die."
"Yeah..."
“I’ve heard rumors about that child. The first owner died in a fire, the second owner fell from a horse, and the third owner’s entire family died in a carriage accident...”
“Lanster, stop.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ariana knew why Lanster was saying this. He must have worried that perhaps Ariana might take pity on the girl and help her.
Ariana had no intention of helping her.
The child was of no use. Ariana couldn’t afford to care for herself. She couldn’t care for that child.
But the girl and her past kept coming back to her.
Ariana, trapped in the narrow cage of the Bronte family, with no help, was forced to live as they wished. Ariana, struggling for life, flapping her wings pitifully, and ultimately dying.
“Enough! Let’s go back.”
The girl’s voice tugged at her ankle, but Ariana didn’t turn around. As always, she stood straight and walked without hesitation.
“I’m sorry. But this life is my last chance. I can’t help you.”
Ariana couldn't sleep, even though she was so tired she felt like she was going to collapse.
The girl's desperate voice was rumbling, giving her a headache. Furthermore, she couldn't quite recall seeing those golden eyes at some point in the past.
'When on earth did I see those eyes? Why is that the only thing I remember so vaguely?'
No matter how hard she tried to remember, nothing came to mind, so she eventually gave up. If it didn't stick, it probably wasn't that important.
Before she knew it, morning sunlight was streaming in through the curtains.
Ariana gave up on sleep, got out of bed, and pulled back the curtains.
'Good weather...'
The deep blue sky was dotted with white clouds. The clear blue stung her eyes.
'Could it be that she was trapped there, never able to come out?'
The thought crossed her mind.
Ariana buried her face in her hands.
'What would the Northern Duke do?'
Without even knowing why the Northern Duke was coming to mind in this situation, Ariana thought.
'The Northern Duke... would have saved her. He never hesitates to do what he wants.'
Even if there were other problems, if there was something he wanted to do right now, he would have done it.
'But that's only if you're useful to him. No matter how much I think about it, she's useless to me. If she'd been trapped for so long, she wouldn't be able to move properly, speak properly, and of course, read or write. Even the Northern Duke wouldn't have saved her.'
She wanted to become a beast.
She wanted to live as an emotionless beast, watching her prey and sinking her teeth into it. She wanted to live solely for her goal, neither giving nor receiving love.
She thought this was her second life.
But her father and family showed her unexpected affection, and that affection dulled Ariana's heart.
-"You will never become a beast."
Cyrus had once told Ariana she would never become a beast.
It was probably when she went to find Louis, who might have been injured.
Cyrus was right.
'Yes, I cannot become a beast.'
No matter how fiercely she tried to convince herself, she couldn't bring herself to exploit good people. It was difficult to ignore a child in a similar situation. She was simply born with that personality. Even a brutal death and resurrection didn't completely erase her innate personality.
'I will definitely regret it.'
She was certain that if she ignored the girl, her voice and gaze would follow her for the rest of her life.
'Whether I save her or not, I'll regret it. If I'm going to regret it anyway... wouldn't it be better to change at least one girl's life?'
“If you really care, you can buy them and sell their eyeballs. As you all know, golden eyeballs are sold for a really high price.”
The host’s horrifying words made Ariana sick, but the people were intrigued. As the host had said, golden eyeballs were sold for an exorbitant price.
The host tapped the bars.
“Hey, lift your head.”
At the host’s words, the girl inside the bars slowly raised her head.
“Oh.”
People who saw the vividly shining golden eyes let out exclamations.
“Gross...”
“Weird.”
Some even whispered.
Ariana stared at the girl without moving. As if sensing her persistent gaze, the girl also turned her gaze towards Ariana.
Their eyes met.
Ariana grabbed her skirt.
“That girl...”
Ariana was in those golden eyes.
'Just like me.'
Ariana Bronte was born merely a child, despised and thoroughly exploited.
'Just like me back then.'
Ariana Bronte, forced to wade through the flames of hell, is unable to find a way out.
Ariana thought the girl trapped in the cage was just like herself.
But that was all. Ariana was overwhelmed with her own problems, unable to help the girl. What Ariana needed was a strong, intelligent slave, not a girl with striking golden eyes.
"Let's go."
She didn't want to watch the girl being sold.
It was hard to continue seeing a child who looked like her old self.
So Ariana stood up, but the girl grabbed the cage with a jerk.
"Please... Please..."
The girl couldn't speak properly.
"I... am... look... It's blue..."
Her words stuttered, her pronunciation slurred so no one could understand them, but they pierced Ariana's ears like a wedge.
Please save me. I want to see good weather.
Lanster grabbed Ariana's staggering arm.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I need to get out of here right now."
She felt like vomiting.
Bam!
"Is this girl crazy? Stay still!"
The announcer's shout seemed directed at her.
The girl's voice was no longer audible, but it wrapped around Ariana's ankle like a vine.
Please save me. I want to see good weather.
Ariana squeezed her eyes shut and, relying on Lanster's hand, escaped the slave market.
***
Only after exiting the dark alley was Ariana able to breathe properly. Lanster silently stayed by Ariana's side as she stopped walking and caught her breath. He didn't even ask her why she went to the slave market.
After a while, Lanster spoke calmly.
"I feel sorry for the child, but it's not something the princess should be concerned about. Children with golden eyes are born destined to die."
"Yeah..."
“I’ve heard rumors about that child. The first owner died in a fire, the second owner fell from a horse, and the third owner’s entire family died in a carriage accident...”
“Lanster, stop.”
“I’m sorry.”
Ariana knew why Lanster was saying this. He must have worried that perhaps Ariana might take pity on the girl and help her.
Ariana had no intention of helping her.
The child was of no use. Ariana couldn’t afford to care for herself. She couldn’t care for that child.
But the girl and her past kept coming back to her.
Ariana, trapped in the narrow cage of the Bronte family, with no help, was forced to live as they wished. Ariana, struggling for life, flapping her wings pitifully, and ultimately dying.
“Enough! Let’s go back.”
The girl’s voice tugged at her ankle, but Ariana didn’t turn around. As always, she stood straight and walked without hesitation.
“I’m sorry. But this life is my last chance. I can’t help you.”
***
Ariana couldn't sleep, even though she was so tired she felt like she was going to collapse.
The girl's desperate voice was rumbling, giving her a headache. Furthermore, she couldn't quite recall seeing those golden eyes at some point in the past.
'When on earth did I see those eyes? Why is that the only thing I remember so vaguely?'
No matter how hard she tried to remember, nothing came to mind, so she eventually gave up. If it didn't stick, it probably wasn't that important.
Before she knew it, morning sunlight was streaming in through the curtains.
Ariana gave up on sleep, got out of bed, and pulled back the curtains.
'Good weather...'
The deep blue sky was dotted with white clouds. The clear blue stung her eyes.
'Could it be that she was trapped there, never able to come out?'
The thought crossed her mind.
Ariana buried her face in her hands.
'What would the Northern Duke do?'
Without even knowing why the Northern Duke was coming to mind in this situation, Ariana thought.
'The Northern Duke... would have saved her. He never hesitates to do what he wants.'
Even if there were other problems, if there was something he wanted to do right now, he would have done it.
'But that's only if you're useful to him. No matter how much I think about it, she's useless to me. If she'd been trapped for so long, she wouldn't be able to move properly, speak properly, and of course, read or write. Even the Northern Duke wouldn't have saved her.'
She wanted to become a beast.
She wanted to live as an emotionless beast, watching her prey and sinking her teeth into it. She wanted to live solely for her goal, neither giving nor receiving love.
She thought this was her second life.
But her father and family showed her unexpected affection, and that affection dulled Ariana's heart.
-"You will never become a beast."
Cyrus had once told Ariana she would never become a beast.
It was probably when she went to find Louis, who might have been injured.
Cyrus was right.
'Yes, I cannot become a beast.'
No matter how fiercely she tried to convince herself, she couldn't bring herself to exploit good people. It was difficult to ignore a child in a similar situation. She was simply born with that personality. Even a brutal death and resurrection didn't completely erase her innate personality.
'I will definitely regret it.'
She was certain that if she ignored the girl, her voice and gaze would follow her for the rest of her life.
'Whether I save her or not, I'll regret it. If I'm going to regret it anyway... wouldn't it be better to change at least one girl's life?'
"She wanted to see weather like this."
The clear weather most people take for granted.
"I did too. I just wanted to be loved by my family like any other child."
The parental affection most children take for granted.
If someone had reached out then, Ariana's life would have been different.
"It's different. Because someone reached out, I got a second chance. Then it's only natural that I reach out to someone else, too."
She can't save everyone, but let's save at least one person she cares about. Since she been given a second chance, let's give someone else a chance to live, too.
Ariana made up her mind.
She still felt more comfortable with Grandma Carradine than with her father, Russell. She naturally walked towards the old couple's room, but changed her mind and headed towards Russell's.
Lanster, who had been guarding the hallway, watched Ariana with eyes filled with concern. As if he knew why Ariana was visiting the Duke's chambers.
- "It is a great honor for me to serve the Princess."
She remembered what Lanster had said to Cyrus the other day. She worried that Lanster might regret escorting her, but quickly dismissed the thought.
'So what if I get a little hate? That's how I've always lived. I'm going to live my life doing what I want. That's what I've decided to do this time.'
Russell seemed quite surprised when Ariana arrived early in the morning, but he greeted her warmly.
"You're up early."
"Yes, Father. Am I too early to see you?"
The clear weather most people take for granted.
"I did too. I just wanted to be loved by my family like any other child."
The parental affection most children take for granted.
If someone had reached out then, Ariana's life would have been different.
"It's different. Because someone reached out, I got a second chance. Then it's only natural that I reach out to someone else, too."
She can't save everyone, but let's save at least one person she cares about. Since she been given a second chance, let's give someone else a chance to live, too.
Ariana made up her mind.
***
She still felt more comfortable with Grandma Carradine than with her father, Russell. She naturally walked towards the old couple's room, but changed her mind and headed towards Russell's.
Lanster, who had been guarding the hallway, watched Ariana with eyes filled with concern. As if he knew why Ariana was visiting the Duke's chambers.
- "It is a great honor for me to serve the Princess."
She remembered what Lanster had said to Cyrus the other day. She worried that Lanster might regret escorting her, but quickly dismissed the thought.
'So what if I get a little hate? That's how I've always lived. I'm going to live my life doing what I want. That's what I've decided to do this time.'
Russell seemed quite surprised when Ariana arrived early in the morning, but he greeted her warmly.
"You're up early."
"Yes, Father. Am I too early to see you?"
"It doesn't matter what time it is; it's a daughter visiting her father. It seems you have something to tell me."
Ariana stared at Russell's face.
Russell, who rarely showed his expression, smiled only in front of Ariana. She had once misunderstood his awkward smile, as if he didn't know how to smile, as if he was displeased. Now she knew otherwise.
"Father, I went to the slave market last night."
Russell's expression hardened.
"With Lanster. But Lanster isn't guilty. I forced him to do it, and he must have been embarrassed. So please don't punish him."
"Yes. So?"
“I saw a child. She had golden eyes. There was a rumor that she had cursed her masters to death several times, so everyone seemed to avoid her. Then the host said that golden eyes were highly prized.”
Ariana paused, studying Russell’s expression.
Russell stared down at Ariana in silence, his expression unreadable. After a long moment, he spoke.
“You want to help her?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve heard the story about the slave with golden eyes once. A nobleman from the countryside bought the child, but about a year later, he was killed by robbers, causing quite a stir.”
What even the Eastern Duke knew, Ariana didn’t.
In her entire life, Ariana had never heard of a slave girl with golden eyes. That meant she would die soon.
Until she married Viscount Alfreich, Ariana had been unaware of the rumors outside.
“Even if you free her, sooner or later, someone else will capture her and sell her back into slavery. Or trade her eyes.”
“I want her by my side.”
Russell’s brow furrowed deeply. Ariana, without breaking eye contact, spoke again.
“I want to look after her.”
“If she had only golden eyes, I would have allowed it. Even if there had been a rumor that she had cursed her master to death, I would have allowed it. I don’t believe in superstitions. But Ariana, she is a Paganus.”
A Paganus.
She had suspected it ever since she saw the girl’s brown skin, but she never thought she would actually be a Paganus.
Learning she was a Paganus didn’t make her afraid; rather, she felt even more pity. Ariana, too, had been hated by everyone in the Bronte household simply because she bore the blood of a peerage.
“She was simply born.”
When Ariana refused to budge even after hearing the word "Paganus," Russell let out a small sigh. Seeing that, he was reminded of Rachel, who would sigh whenever she saw Ariana, and his heart sank.
Ariana stared at Russell's face.
Russell, who rarely showed his expression, smiled only in front of Ariana. She had once misunderstood his awkward smile, as if he didn't know how to smile, as if he was displeased. Now she knew otherwise.
"Father, I went to the slave market last night."
Russell's expression hardened.
"With Lanster. But Lanster isn't guilty. I forced him to do it, and he must have been embarrassed. So please don't punish him."
"Yes. So?"
“I saw a child. She had golden eyes. There was a rumor that she had cursed her masters to death several times, so everyone seemed to avoid her. Then the host said that golden eyes were highly prized.”
Ariana paused, studying Russell’s expression.
Russell stared down at Ariana in silence, his expression unreadable. After a long moment, he spoke.
“You want to help her?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve heard the story about the slave with golden eyes once. A nobleman from the countryside bought the child, but about a year later, he was killed by robbers, causing quite a stir.”
What even the Eastern Duke knew, Ariana didn’t.
In her entire life, Ariana had never heard of a slave girl with golden eyes. That meant she would die soon.
Until she married Viscount Alfreich, Ariana had been unaware of the rumors outside.
“Even if you free her, sooner or later, someone else will capture her and sell her back into slavery. Or trade her eyes.”
“I want her by my side.”
Russell’s brow furrowed deeply. Ariana, without breaking eye contact, spoke again.
“I want to look after her.”
“If she had only golden eyes, I would have allowed it. Even if there had been a rumor that she had cursed her master to death, I would have allowed it. I don’t believe in superstitions. But Ariana, she is a Paganus.”
A Paganus.
She had suspected it ever since she saw the girl’s brown skin, but she never thought she would actually be a Paganus.
Learning she was a Paganus didn’t make her afraid; rather, she felt even more pity. Ariana, too, had been hated by everyone in the Bronte household simply because she bore the blood of a peerage.
“She was simply born.”
When Ariana refused to budge even after hearing the word "Paganus," Russell let out a small sigh. Seeing that, he was reminded of Rachel, who would sigh whenever she saw Ariana, and his heart sank.
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